by Laura Landon
Suspended within the circle created between her arms and his, she discovered a woman she was meant to be.
When Hugh’s breathing calmed, he gathered her to him and held her, her body molding seamlessly with his. Neither of them spoke. There was nothing either of them could say. He had shown his satisfaction every time he rolled away then came back to touch her yet again. How could Nellie find the words to tell him that what he’d shown her tonight had put a chasm in her resolve that could never be repaired? That he’d destroyed the barricade she’d so expertly erected to protect her heart, and he had breached the barrier?
She knew now that all the words she’d told herself had been lies. Especially the fallacy that after he left, she would never give him another thought.
How could she have been such a fool as to think that would happen? How could she think that after what they’d just shared, she could return to the life she’d envisioned for herself and never think of him again?
How could she, when she knew that from this moment on he would never be far from her thoughts?
Forever.
Chapter 10
The following two weeks flew by faster than any previous weeks Nellie had ever lived through. Each day held a special event. They toured the land one day, complete with a picnic by one of the streams that ran through Red Oaks Estate. They visited a nearby village, and Hugh bought her a small porcelain inlaid box to hold her jewels. She bought him a sapphire cravat pin.
On the days when it rained, they spent the time indoors, playing cards and games of chess. Nellie was surprised at how expert Hugh was at the game. His quick mind mounted stunning strategies, and his ability to concentrate was fascinating to watch. She was used to winning when she played, but it was an effort for her to make the game challenging when she was pitted against Hugh. It was obvious he enjoyed showing his superior skill.
At night they made love. Often more than once. Nellie didn’t want to think how lonely it would be when he left. She didn’t want to think about how much she would miss having him hold her. How much she’d miss having his fingers tangled in her hair. She didn’t want to admit how much she’d grown to care for him. He’d become too important to her, and she knew a part of her would crumble when he went away.
By the end of the fourth week she guessed she might be with child, and she debated whether or not she should tell him. She chose not to. She didn’t want him to feel guilty about leaving. Nor did she want him to feel as if her pregnancy forced him to remain with her. That wasn’t part of their bargain.
There were times when he seemed content to be in the country with her, but those times were rare. It was obvious by the number of times he nervously paced whatever room they were in that he was anxious to return to London, and she had no choice but to put on a brave front and allow him to decide when he could take being with her no longer.
On the one month anniversary of their wedding, Nellie arranged to celebrate with Hugh’s favorite dessert—peach cobbler. When dinner was over, they took a long walk through the garden, then retired early. Nellie knew without his telling her that he would be leaving soon.
She clung to him when he made love to her as if her tight hold could keep him with her another day or two. Or week or two. Or lifetime or two. Yet all the while knowing it was impossible. The conditions of the bargain were clear. She couldn’t go back on her word. She couldn’t allow him to feel guilty about leaving, although she didn’t think he would. It was obvious he was pining for London.
“You know, don’t you?” he said after they’d made love for the final time that night.
“That you’ll be leaving soon?” she asked. “Yes, I suspected,” she answered. “Will it be tomorrow?”
“Yes. In the morning.”
Nellie tried not to react. She tried not to allow her arms to hold him tighter. She tried not to bury her head closer against his chest. She tried not to let any tears fall. The only one of the three she managed were the tears. She kept them at bay, although she wasn’t sure how she’d accomplished something so painful.
“I want you to send for me if you need anything, Nellie.”
“That won’t be necessary, Hugh. I won’t need anything.”
“I know you probably won’t, but—”
“Being responsible for me wasn’t included in the bargain we made.”
“Will you at least let me know if you’re with child?”
“When I know for certain,” she lied. Being a father wasn’t something he wanted to be. And she was sure that in nine months’ time he would have forgotten all about her.
And if she wasn’t with child, she couldn’t survive him returning to her as he’d suggested he would until she conceived. It would hurt too much to share the emotions she felt each time they made love.
He held her until the sun rose in the sky, then released her. “Will you come down to see me off?” he asked when it was impossible to stay abed any longer.
“No,” Nellie answered past the lump in her throat. “I’ve neglected the ledgers too long and must start on them first thing. But I need your promise on something.”
“Of course.”
“I need your word that when you leave, you will not return.”
“Surely you don’t mean that,” he said, lifting his head to look at her.
“I do. It’s how it must be.”
“Even if you’re not with child?”
“Even if I’m not with child.”
“You mean to sever all ties with me, don’t you?”
“That is what we agreed to,” she reminded him, even though it killed her to say the words.
“Very well,” he answered. “If that’s the way you want it to be.”
“That’s the way it must be.”
He didn’t say more. When the hour grew late, they rose, dressed, and went down to start their day.
A day that Nellie wasn’t certain she would survive.
Hugh dismounted in front of his London townhouse and stopped to look at the familiar building. He was finally where he wanted to be. A hint of guilt nagged at him, but he knew that would fade in time. As soon as he forgot the woman he’d married. He didn’t love her, after all. And he should be happy that he could provide her with the life she wanted.
He made his way up the walk and entered when Bentley opened the door for him.
“Welcome home, my lord,” Bentley said. “Are you alone?”
“Yes, Bentley. Her ladyship didn’t come with me. She enjoys the country more than being in the City.”
“I can’t say as I blame her,” Bentley said with a smile. “Do you plan to stay in this evening, my lord? Or will you be going out?”
“I’ll be going out, Bentley. Tell Caruthers to lay out a change of clothes.”
“Very well, my lord.”
Bentley went to inform Hugh’s valet, and Hugh turned to go to his study. He needed a drink. He needed to take up where he’d left off, and the first thing he wanted to do was meet up with the other two members of the Traitor’s Club who were not yet leg-shackled like he and Ford were. He would most likely find them at Garrick’s.
Hugh poured himself a short brandy and sat behind his desk. He took his first satisfying sip, then sat back in his chair and looked around the room. His gaze rested on the two chairs before the fireplace. He could still see her there, poised but nervous as a schoolgirl when she first proposed the plan that had given both of them exactly what they wanted.
It had seemed a perfect solution to both their needs. So why didn’t he feel happier about it?
He took another sip of brandy. It would simply take him time to forget the turn his life had taken. And there wasn’t a better way to forget than to meet up with Caleb and Jeb. They were the perfect answer to his melancholy.
Hugh rose and took the stairs two at a time. The sooner he met up with his friends, the sooner he’d forget Nellie and how close he’d come to being chained to life in the country.
Except he couldn’t say the country was quite so dull
with her to keep him company. In fact, he had to admit that he enjoyed the days they’d spent by the stream. And the picnic lunches they’d shared. And making love out of doors.
Hugh pushed such thoughts from his mind. He didn’t want to entertain the idea that Nellie had somehow wormed her way into his heart. That she’d found a place inside him where she would be a constant reminder of a completely different life that was available to him. A life that included a home and a wife and a family.
Hugh dressed as quickly as he could. He needed to find Caleb and Jeb. It had been too long since he’d enjoyed a good night of drinking and gaming and . . .
He shoved that final thought from his mind. He was going to say womanizing, but he couldn’t think of bedding anyone else. Not when he was married to Nellie. Being unfaithful to her was something he couldn’t do. Especially since they’d been married barely a month.
He left his townhouse and went to Garrick’s where he thought his friends would be, but they weren’t there. Nor were they at the next most frequently visited establishment. He found them at the third.
“I don’t believe it,” Jeb Danvers said when he spied Hugh. “He’s given up on wedded bliss already.”
Hugh ordered a drink, then moved with Jeb and Caleb to a private room where they wouldn’t be overheard. After they’d closed the door, they sat around a table at the back of the room. “I haven’t given up on anything. I simply needed to return to my roots for a while.”
“How long is a while?” Caleb asked.
Hugh took a sip of his liquor. He needed to tell his friends the truth surrounding his marriage. He wanted them to know why he wouldn’t be returning to Red Oaks any time soon. He set his glass on the table and turned it in slow circles. “Nellie and I had an agreement before we married.”
“What kind of agreement?” Caleb asked.
“You know I was desperate to marry, right?”
“Yes,” Jeb answered. “We remember how foxed you were the night you fell from the terrace because you’d been turned down for a second time.”
Hugh wanted to smile. He remembered how frantic he’d been to marry anyone with a huge dowry, huge enough to support him so he could remain in London.
“My reasons for marrying someone with a massive dowry were simple. My father had taken away my quarterly allowance.”
“I thought it must be something like that,” Jeb said.
“What did he expect you to do to earn a living?” Caleb asked.
“Move to the country and manage Red Oaks Estate.”
“You?” Jeb said in a surprised voice. “You don’t know anything about managing an estate, do you?”
“No. That’s what I told him.”
“To which he answered?” Caleb asked.
“That I needed to learn.”
His friends quietly sipped their drinks as they contemplated what he’d said. Finally, Jeb spoke. “That doesn’t explain why you proposed to Lady Annalise. She wasn’t rumored to come with a large dowry. She’s the last of the Earl of Lyman’s six daughters to marry, and Lyman isn’t rumored to have that much wealth at his disposal.”
“He doesn’t.”
“Then why did you marry Lady Annalise?” Jeb asked.
“Unless you were head over ears in love with the lady,” Caleb finished.
Hugh hesitated. He wasn’t sure how to answer his friends. He wanted to keep his feelings for Nellie private. To share what he felt for her would be like a betrayal.
“We get along tolerably well,” he said. “But that wasn’t the only reason we married. My wife has many talents,” he explained. “The most important one to me is that from the time her mother died, she’s been in charge of running her father’s estate.”
There, he’d said it.
“You left her in charge of Red Oaks?” Caleb’s jaw dropped, and Jeb’s eyes opened wide.
“Yes, that was her choice. As you both know, I detest life in the country. And she prefers not to live in the City. Leaving her in charge of Red Oaks was advantageous to us both.”
“How long are you going to remain here before you return to her?” Jeb asked.
Of the two of his friends, Jeb was the one who showed the most feelings. He was the one who was bothered most by the cruelties of war. He was the one they’d worried about most when they were behind enemy lines. He was the one who’d been captured and tortured and had barely survived. He would be the one who would be concerned about Nellie.
Hugh rose from his chair and walked to the fireplace. The fire was still burning, but had died down to just a few smoldering embers. He kept his back to his friends as he stared at the low, flickering flames. “My wife asked that I not return to her.”
“Never?” Caleb asked.
Hugh’s answer came out as a whisper. “Never.”
“Bloody hell,” Jeb answered. “How can you do that?”
Hugh turned. “Quite easily,” he said, then returned to the table. “We may have lost Ford to the parson’s noose, but there are still the three of us. I propose we cast off this gloom, preferably at a gaming hell.”
Hugh threw the remainder of his liquor to the back of his throat, then headed for the door. “Are you ready to join me?”
Hugh didn’t miss the look his friends gave each other. “Of course,” Caleb and Jeb finally answered as they followed him out of the room.
When they reached the cool outdoor air, Hugh felt as though he’d stepped back to a time three months earlier. To a time before he’d fallen from the terrace and landed in Nellie’s lap. To a time when he was free and had no worries or responsibilities.
Yes, he’d enjoy life the way it had been before. He wouldn’t join Jeb and Caleb for any of the whoring they intended to do. But he sure as hell would enjoy getting roaring drunk and losing his money at the gaming tables.
These were the reasons he enjoyed London so.
Chapter 11
For the fourth time, Nellie added a column of numbers she’d written in one of the ledgers, then placed her pen down and rubbed her eyes. She’d come up with yet another number for the total. Her efforts were useless today. Nothing seemed to work smoothly.
She didn’t know why. She was past the sickness she’d experienced each morning for the past three months, and she didn’t seem to be as tired as she’d once been. She was sure her body was finally accustomed to the babe that was growing inside her. She rubbed the small bump at her waist and smiled. She was more thankful than she could express because she was going to have a child. It was what she wanted most in life. Especially if she was to live without a husband. At least she would have his child.
She picked up her pen again to add the numbers, then stopped at the knock on the door.
“Yes,” she answered, wondering what the butler could possibly need.
“You have guests, my lady. Your sisters Lady Brianna and Lady Elizabeth. I took the liberty of showing them to the morning room.”
Nellie rose from her chair. “Oh, thank you, Fredericks. Please see to tea and some of the pastries Cook made this morning.”
“Yes, my lady.”
Fredericks left the room, and Nellie went to the morning room nearly at a run. When she reached the room where her sisters were, she opened the door and stepped inside.
“Oh, Nellie,” Brie and Lizzy both said, rushing toward her.
Nellie gave each sister another hug. “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?”
“Because we didn’t know until the last minute when we decided,” Brie said reaching for Nellie’s hands and holding them.
“We were going to write,” Lizzy said, “but the news we have is too special. We wanted to tell you in person.”
“Frannie’s engaged!” Nellie said, anticipating her sisters’ news.
“Yes!” they both exclaimed. “Lord Cushing asked Papa for her hand yesterday, and by the time the evening was over last night, all of Society had heard that Frannie and Lord Cushing would marry in the spring.”
“An
d we need you to help with the wedding, Nellie,” Brie said. “We couldn’t plan a wedding without you.”
“Oh, yes,” Nellie exclaimed, then stopped. “If I’m able.” She couldn’t stop a smile from lifting the corners of her mouth as she lowered her gaze to her waist.
Brie and Lizzy cried out at the same time. “You’re with child! How perfectly marvelous!”
They hugged her for several moments as tears of joy ran down their faces. They’d barely returned to their seats when a maid entered with a tea tray and pastries.
“You can’t imagine how happy we are to hear this, Nellie,” Brie smiled over her tea. “You’ve eliminated a number of our fears.”
“What fears?” Nellie asked.
Her sisters shared a look that told Nellie they weren’t sure how much to say. Lizzy nodded and Brie began.
“Randall visited his club barely a month after you married, and he ran into your husband. He was there with the friends he was with most often before you married.”
Randall was Brie’s husband. Nellie should have known it wouldn’t be long before one or more of her sisters’ husbands ran into Hugh.
“Lord Wythers told Randall he had business to attend to in London, and you didn’t wish to accompany him.”
“Of course, we all knew that was likely,” Lizzy said. “We knew you wouldn’t venture to London if you could stay in the country.”
“How long does he plan to stay in London, Nellie?” Brie asked.
Brie’s question sounded innocent enough, but Nellie knew there was a motive behind her words. It was obvious that someone had seen Hugh more recently, and her sisters wanted assurance that everything was all right between Nellie and her husband.
It was one thing for Hugh to be forced to leave his new wife to visit London on business just four weeks after his marriage. It was another thing entirely for a husband to still be in the City after three months.
When Nellie didn’t answer immediately, Brie rose from her chair and moved to the sofa to sit beside her. “What’s going on, Nellie?” she asked reaching for Nellie’s hand and holding it.
Nellie looked from one sister to the other. She knew that eventually she’d have to explain her marriage arrangement to her family. She was hoping, though, that expecting a child would forestall their questions, and they wouldn’t realize that her husband didn’t live with her. But that wasn’t to be the case.
