by Laura Landon
“Does that hurt you?” he asked.
Nellie smiled through her tears. “Not at all. I quite look forward to it.”
“Why didn’t you tell me, Nellie?”
Nellie couldn’t keep her gaze focused on Hugh’s handsome face. He didn’t have one imperfection. There wasn’t one mar, or one flawed detail. Even the tiny scar above his right eyebrow added to the perfection. And Nellie had never felt uglier than she did at the moment. She turned her head, because she didn’t want him to look at her.
“Why, Nellie?” he repeated.
This time when she stepped out of his arms, he let her go. Nellie walked to the terrace windows overlooking the garden. The flowers were in full bloom. The trees and bushes were lush and green. She sat in the garden nearly every day, because she felt such peace when she was there. But she knew that today that sense of peacefulness would elude her. She had no choice but to face her husband and answer his questions.
She turned. “I didn’t tell you about the babe, because I didn’t want you to feel trapped. You’re noble to a fault, Hugh, even though you try so hard not to be. You take your responsibilities seriously, even though you fight them every step of the way. And you would sacrifice your happiness to do what is expected, even though you’d hate what you’d been forced to do.”
He laughed. “How little you know me, Nellie. If you did, you’d know there’s not a noble bone in my body.”
“Isn’t there? A less noble man wouldn’t have come to apologize the day after you fell from the terrace.”
“I had no choice. What I said to you that night was inexcusable.”
“A less noble man wouldn’t have realized that. Or cared. And a less noble man wouldn’t have insisted that we marry before he allowed me to reside in his house. He would have set me up on his estate to manage it without regard to my reputation.”
“I’m hardly responsible. Look at you! What husband would allow his wife to manage an estate so he could live the wastrel’s life in London?”
“We made a bargain, Hugh.”
“It was a fool’s bargain.”
“It was a bargain with which I was in total agreement.”
“It was a bargain anyone with an ounce of integrity would never have considered.”
“But you did,” Nellie said, “then reconsidered because the responsibility you felt for me ate away at you until you had to return to make sure I was all right.”
“You’re imagining qualities I don’t possess, Nellie. I’m not noble. I’m not the responsible sort. And I definitely haven’t made any sacrifices.”
“Haven’t you? Isn’t that what you’re doing right now?” Nellie stepped to the nearest chair and sat. Hugh sat in the chair opposite her. “Tell me that the voices inside you aren’t telling you that you are trapped now. That now that you know there is a babe, you don’t have a choice but to stay with me. To do your duty. To do what is right.”
“It’s not like that, Nellie. I’m here because I wanted to see you. Because I missed you.”
Nellie lowered her gaze to her lap that she could barely see. “I’m not sure I can allow you to stay. I’m not sure I can survive when you leave again.”
For several long minutes, neither of them spoke. Finally, Hugh broke the silence. “Since I have no intention of leaving you before I greet my child, perhaps we can postpone this discussion until after my son or daughter is born.”
Nellie slowly lifted her head until her gaze locked with Hugh’s. Her heart swelled with the love she felt for him. She knew that it was unlikely that he would ever choose to stay with her, but she couldn’t demand he leave before he saw his son. Or his daughter.
She nodded in response to his request.
A winning smile appeared on his handsome face, and she couldn’t help but return his smile. There was very little she could refuse him, even if it caused her heart to break a second time.
His smile broadened, and he reached inside his coat and held out a long, narrow box. “Happy birthday, Nellie.”
Nellie took the box and slowly untied the slightly smashed blue ribbon. When the box was free, she opened the lid. Beneath the soft paper lay a radiantly beautiful pearl necklace.
“Oh, Hugh.” Tears filled her eyes again, and she tenderly lifted the necklace from the box.
Hugh stood and placed the necklace around her neck. When it was clasped, he stepped in front of her and smiled. “You are beautiful, Nellie. In every way, you are beautiful.”
Nellie held up her hands for Hugh to help her from the sofa. When she was on her feet, he wrapped his arms around her and brought his lips down to hers.
This was her sweetest dream come true. At least once an hour every hour of every day since he’d left her, she’d dreamed of kissing him.
He deepened their kiss as if he’d dreamed of kissing her as often as she’d dreamed of kissing him. As if he were as hungry for her kisses as she was for his.
“I’ve missed you,” he whispered when he lifted his mouth from hers. It was obvious that their kisses had stolen his breath as much as they had stolen hers. “I missed you more than you’ll ever know.”
A rap sounded at the door, and Fredericks entered. “Luncheon awaits, my lady. Would you and his lordship like to eat now, or perhaps wait until later?”
“No, Fredericks. We’ll eat now.”
“Very good, my lady.”
Hugh looped her arm through his and led her to the small dining room.
They ate in companionable conversation, talking mostly about what news there was in London. Nellie avoided talking about the estate. She knew Hugh wasn’t interested in the improvements she’d made, or the increased number of sheep she’d added. All that might interest him were the profits and losses, and since there were no losses, she was sure nothing else concerned him.
When they finished, Fredericks entered the room. “Would you care to rest now, my lady?”
“No, Fredericks. I’m not—”
“Is it my wife’s habit to rest after luncheon?” Hugh interrupted.
“Yes, your lordship. It has been of late.”
“But I’m not—” Nellie started to say.
“Then I will escort her to our room.” Hugh pushed back his chair and helped Nellie rise. He held out his hand to assist her, and she had no choice but to accompany him to her room.
“You may leave,” he ordered Nellie’s maid. “I’ll attend my wife.”
After Janie left the room, Hugh threw back the covers and led Nellie to the bed. She lay down, and Hugh brought a throw-blanket over her.
“Do you tire easily?” He walked to the opposite side of the bed where she couldn’t see him.
Of a sudden the mattress dipped, and Nellie realized he intended to lie beside her. “More so recently,” she answered. The warmth from his body sent torrents of heat through her. The feel of him against her caused every nerve in her body to tingle.
This is what she feared most. That she would crave the feel of him near her. That she would never want him to leave her. That her heart would break when he did.
Nellie snuggled closer to him, and he wrapped an arm around her and brought her closer yet. His hand rested on the mound where his babe lay, and even through the covers, she knew he felt the child kick.
“How soon should we leave for London?” he asked.
Nellie turned her head so she could look at him. “There’s no need for me to go to London to have the babe, Hugh. I will have him right here.”
Hugh’s eyes opened wide. “But there is no doctor close enough to call upon.”
“I don’t need a doctor. I’ll have Brianna. And Colette. And at least one or two more of my sisters.”
“They are experienced in birthing babes?”
Nellie laughed. “Yes, Hugh. My sisters have twelve children among them. We’ve all had multiple experiences.”
“But—”
“Everything will be fine, Hugh. I will give you a strong, healthy son with little fuss.”
&
nbsp; “You seem quite sure that the babe will be a boy,” Hugh said, brushing her hair with his fingers.
“I am. I can’t tell you how I know. I just do.”
He leaned down and pressed a kiss to her cheek. “Just know I will be happy with whatever you give me, as long as you are all right.”
“I’ll be fine,” Nellie said on a yawn.
“Then close your eyes and rest, dear one. We’ll walk through the garden when you wake and catch up on everything that’s happened since I was last here.”
Nellie closed her eyes and looked forward to a walk in the garden. And she let her mind play over what he’d called her.
Dear one.
Chapter 14
He and Nellie fell into a companionable routine. Hugh couldn’t break his habit of sleeping later each morning, and Nellie didn’t seem to mind. Once when he mentioned the lateness of the hour at which he came down to break his fast, she told him she appreciated that he didn’t rise before she had time to meet with the steward and work on the ledgers. The fact that she didn’t press him to adapt to country life endeared her to him in ways he couldn’t explain.
Each morning when he rose, he found he enjoyed taking his morning coffee and sitting out on the terrace with Nellie when the weather was nice. When the weather didn’t cooperate, he took his coffee inside.
Nellie had surprised him with the coffee. The Crimean War was to blame for his acquiring the vice of a morning cup, and once she knew he missed it, she quickly learned how to roast the beans, purchased a coffee bean grinder, and taught the kitchen how to prepare a steaming cup for him. Every morning without fail.
He often sat with Nellie while she worked on the ledgers. Occasionally he even found himself standing over her and watching what she was doing.
He refused to play the role of the gentleman farmer, but he thought if he learned some of what she did, he might be of some use when she had the babe.
To his surprise, he understood many of the instructions she gave him, and once, when she had to walk around the room to stretch the muscles in her back, he took her place behind the desk and entered the few remaining invoices. Even more surprising, he found he enjoyed sitting in on the conversations Nellie had with their land steward. His name was Evan Ruskins, and Hugh was impressed not only by his knowledge of the land and improvements to make, but by Nellie’s expertise as well.
In the afternoon, after they’d eaten a light lunch, Hugh would insist that Nellie go upstairs and rest. This was his favorite time. He would lie down beside her and hold her close to him. He’d rest his hand on her belly in hopes that the babe inside her would move and he would feel it. Often he marveled aloud at the force with which his son kicked his mother. He vowed he would have to admonish the lad when he saw him. Which from an estimated count of the time when the babe had been conceived, wouldn’t be long.
Hugh didn’t want to admit that the idea of Millie going through childbirth bothered him, but it did. In fact, there were times when he broke out in a cold sweat thinking about the risks a woman took to have a babe. Last night, he’d had one of those terrifying nightmares. He woke with a start and bolted from the bed. He went down to the study and poured himself a glass of brandy, then paced the terrace until his rapid heartbeats slowed, and he could regain control of his emotions. He swore when Nellie woke that he’d discuss going to London where there would be a doctor when the time came.
“Is something wrong, Hugh?”
The sun was rising when she stepped up beside him. “Come here,” he answered as he took her hand. When she was close enough, he brought her down on his lap and wrapped his arms around her.
“What’s wrong?” she asked, wrapping her arms around his neck and nestling close to him.
Hugh placed one of his hands on her protruding stomach. The babe had grown noticeably in the little time since he’d arrived. It was inconceivable that someone as small as Nellie could grow so large.
“My son must be sleeping,” he said. “He’s not moving.”
“Why isn’t his father sleeping? Did something wake you?”
Hugh turned his head and kissed Nellie on the forehead. When she lifted her gaze, he kissed her on the mouth. She returned his kiss with an eagerness that pleased him. Unfortunately, to continue would only torture both of them.
He lifted his mouth from hers and nestled her closer while he rubbed his hands along her arm. “I’ve been thinking again about taking you to London. What would you think about—”
She pulled his head down and kissed him lightly. When she broke their kiss, Hugh looked into her most endearing smile. “I have no intention of going to London, but what I will do is send a letter to Brianna this morning and ask her to come.”
“How long before she can be here?”
“Tomorrow, if we can send one of the servants to deliver the message yet today. Thursday at the latest.”
The relief Hugh felt was indescribable. “Then you go inside and write to your sister, and I’ll make arrangements for someone to take your letter to London.”
Hugh helped Nellie off his lap and onto her feet. When he turned to her, he found her stifling a laugh. “What’s so funny, dear lady?”
“You, dear husband. I truly think you’re terrified I’ll have this babe and no one will be here to help me but you.”
A wave of terror clutched him and he almost lost his grip on consciousness. “Don’t even joke about that.” Hugh wrapped his arm around her waist and led her into the house. “Now write,” he ordered when she was seated behind the desk. “I’m going to find someone to take your letter to London. And I’m going to provide him with the fastest horse we own.”
Nellie’s laughter echoed from the room as he went to find someone to take Nellie’s letter to her sister. He didn’t know what she thought was so damned humorous. He didn’t know the first thing about birthing a babe. And he sure as hell didn’t want to learn.
Nellie had one of the most perfect days since Hugh’s return. They took a long walk through the garden, then across the meadow to the stream that ran through Red Oaks. Cook prepared a light lunch for them, and Hugh found a perfect log for them to sit on to eat. He teased her that if she got to the ground, it was doubtful she’d be able to get up again.
Nellie liked the way he teased her. It made their relationship seem more special, more intimate. She appreciated the fact that she could tease him in return. He had a wonderful sense of humor and saw life through a prism of lightness rather than the dark.
Her only regret was that she’d fallen so completely in love with him. She knew he didn’t share her feelings, and that was painful. Oh, he liked her. He even enjoyed spending time with her. And she thought he enjoyed spending time in the country. But that was where she had to stop fantasizing. She couldn’t pretend that his feelings went any deeper than friendship. To wish for anything more would only cause her heartache.
“Are you feeling well?” Hugh asked her after they returned from their walk. “Did we overdo it today?”
“No. I enjoyed myself. It’s been forever since I’ve spent an entire day out of doors. Thank you.”
Later, after they’d finished dinner, they sat together on a sofa in the library. It was still too early for bed, but Nellie was quite tired. She wanted to lie down. Maybe the ache in her back would ease. But she didn’t want to separate herself from Hugh. She loved it when he held her like he was doing tonight.
“I have to admit, I enjoyed today, too,” Hugh said.
“I’m glad,” Nellie said, then turned at the knock on the door.
Fredericks entered with a message. “Gregory just returned from London. He brought this.”
“Thank you, Fredericks.” Nellie took the letter. When Fredericks left the room, she opened the missive and smiled. “You have nothing to fear, husband. Brianna will be here tomorrow afternoon.”
“Thank goodness.”
Nellie couldn’t stop a laugh from escaping. Hugh was obviously relieved.
Unfortuna
tely, that relief was short lived.
The sun hadn’t risen over the horizon when the first pain woke her.
Nellie lay in bed thinking that perhaps there wouldn’t be another, but there was. And this one was more intense than the last. She slowly crept from the bed and grabbed her robe, then stole from the room. She didn’t want to wake Hugh yet. She didn’t want him to worry before he had to.
She made her way to the kitchen and put the kettle on the fire, then made herself a cup of tea. She was sure that would soothe her. As she stood there, she realized the babe was riding lower than earlier in the day. She placed both hands below her swollen belly, conscious of a shifting, a movement that seemed as if it drew her forward into something she was completely unprepared for. And yet something for which she’d been ready her whole life. Motherhood sang in her veins and her heart opened to the thought that this was the last day of life as she knew it.
With the thought, a stream of water ran down her thighs and soaked her nightgown. She knew what it meant. Motherhood was upon her. She gasped, straightened her back, and prayed things would not progress too quickly. Within hours she would hold the one thing she would never have to let go.
Nellie absently dropped a tea towel to the floor and dragged her foot across it to wipe up the water, surprised that her hands trembled. It was real. It was happening.
She was going to have a baby.
It took ages to trudge up the stairs to change out of her soiled nightclothes, and reaching to wash her feet and ankles seemed an impossible task. But eventually she managed, and once changed and freshened, she felt renewed and ready to face the labor ahead.
With teacup in one hand and the other hand pressed to her back, she went to the morning room. This was her favorite room this time of day. It brightened with the most splendid colors as the sun peeked over the horizon. She loved watching the dawning of each new day. She would especially love watching the dawn of this day. The day when her first child would enter the world.
She was gripped with another pain, and when the pain subsided, she paced the room. Colette suffered off and on with birthing pains for hours with each of her babes. Brianna, on the other hand, only suffered a few hours. Daphne resembled Colette with her two babes and suffered off and on, but Elizabeth was in labor nearly a full day with her one babe. Nellie wondered which of her sisters she would take after and hoped her birthing procedure would be similar to Colette’s. She didn’t want to have her babe before at least one of her sisters arrived.
