“Oh that was fun,” Angela said, laughing.
“It was, but I’m afraid I’m too old for that now,” Peter added, chuckling just as Samantha, sat beside Jonathan once again.
Jonathan could see the sadness in her eyes, she missed her parents and the thought tugged at his heart. Turning to face her, he reached for her cheek and leaned in. He placed two small kisses on her forehead, attempting to make her feel better. As he did, something strange flickered inside him. His lips lingered for a split second on her warm skin, but he ignored it. Leaning back, he looked into her eyes and saw her smile at him.
Phil’s arms wrapped around their shoulders and he grinned, sticking his head between them. “Ok guys, I don’t know what to tell you but this party is officially over. A bunch of us are going to Russell House Tavern to celebrate. Want to come?”
*
The thundering music, shouts of congratulations and unadulterated laughter all mixed into one while Samantha wiped yet another hysterical tear from her eyes. Her stomach hurt from laughing so hard. Holding herself to the bar, she took a deep breath and tried to catch her bearings. It was almost midnight and she just couldn’t seem to stop. It might have had something to do with the chilled, almost empty beer mug she held in her hand, which also happened to be her sixth. Phil had taken it up on himself to make sure she and Lucy drank as much as the guys were. Apparently, it had something to do with him being a feminist, and proving that women could absolutely do anything men could. As usual, Samantha was not going to back down from the challenge so that was that. Or it might have had something to do with Jonathan, and the other guys dancing on top of the bar with one another. The fact remained, she couldn’t remember the last time she had laughed this hard.
“Oh my God, my sides hurt.”
Samantha told Lucy gasping for air. She reached for Jonathan’s leg, and tugged at his pant until she got his attention. He looked down at her laughing and jumped from the bar, just as his friends began singing the alma mater. Phil and the others raised their beer mugs high, effectively splashing everyone while they swung them to the beat of the anthem. A splash of beer that seemed strategically aimed at Samantha and Jonathan, fell on top of them making her screech. Jonathan’s laughter joined the others at her expression. The foaming liquid drenched her neck, chest and shoulder.
“Here let me help you,” he said, chuckling while grabbing a bunch of napkins from the bar. He wiped his hair and face with one, and began dabbing at her shoulder and collarbone with the rest, attempting to dry her off. Samantha’s eyes fell on his hands while his fingers moved down her neck to her chest. The sight made her yearn for his touch, in a way she had not allowed herself to feel before. She could almost feel the tingling on her skin, begging for it. Suddenly nervous, she closed her eyes and looked away. He continued to laugh, too distracted by his task to notice her reaction.
Throwing the damp napkins away, Jonathan reached for a couple more. He chuckled, and continued to dry her skin hurriedly. But suddenly stopped when they slipped from his grasp. His fingers stroking her bare skin instead. Its warmth, and softness instantly seeped through his pores. It felt like pure silk under his touch, provoking a delicious shudder to run down his spine. The sensation held him in place, while his fingers stroked her again. They moved gently, and leisurely against her neck, reveling in the feel. His throat suddenly became dry, and he swallowed, allowing his fingers to continue the path over the curve of her neck and shoulder. Finally realizing what he was doing, Jonathan nervously lifted his eyes to her, swallowing once again. She wasn’t even paying attention to him. Her attention seemed to be on Lucy, who was saying something to her. He forced himself to lift his hand.
“I’m going to the restroom,” Samantha said, with a smile and grabbed Lucy’s hand. He silently nodded and stepped back, giving them room to pass.
He stood there, in the middle of the tavern with the weirdest feeling running through his body while his eyes followed her. Loud voices surrounded him, people sang, laughed and shouted all around, but he only seemed to be able to focus on the feel of her skin.
Samantha looked at herself in the mirror, remembering the touch that a moment ago had stolen her breath. Lucy was talking to her, but she couldn’t seem to understand what she had been saying. Had that just happen? Had Jonathan caressed her when he thought she wasn’t aware of him? How could she not be aware, when every stroke awoke the hidden need inside her? A need, she tried hard to push down every single day. Push as deep as she could, until there was no doubt it wouldn’t resurface. A need, she struggled to keep at bay.
No, he couldn’t have. Had she imagined it?
“Are you ready?” Lucy’s voice cut through her doubts.
She smiled and nodded, following her friend outside. They got back, and she stood next to Jonathan who was looking at her with a strange expression. She began to frown looking into his eyes but ended up laughing, when Phil put yet another beer in her hand.
“Oh my God. We won’t be able to attend the events tomorrow if we keep drinking like this!”
The words had barely left her mouth when Jonathan laughed, pushing her elbow up so she could drink. She took a sip and the beer spilled from her mouth, and down to her dress.
“You are messy drunk, my friend,” Phil said handing her napkins.
Samantha chuckled and began cleaning herself as they all laughed. “This is why I never wear nice things,” she said joining them in laughter. “I should have come in my sweatshirt and jeans, instead of this dress.”
“No, I like the dress. You look truly beautiful tonight,” Jonathan answered looking into her eyes. Surprising her, as well as himself.
Samantha looked at him confused, and frankly a bit shocked. He had never said anything like that to her, not even remotely close.
Blinking out of his momentary stupor, Jonathan realized his words and turned away. What the hell was wrong with him? These people and their stupid talk were getting in his head.
Samantha searched his eyes, still taken aback by his comment while the rest of the guys started jumping down from the bar. She looked at them and stepped back towards the wall to let them pass. In their drunken effort to move pass them the others accidently began bumping into one another. In that moment, Jonathan was pushed from behind causing him to crash into her, and pin her against the wall. Their bodies pressed together while the others walked behind them. He looked into her eyes and in that split second, all he could feel was her body against his, and the thunderous beating of his heart. Losing all rational thought, he crushed his lips against hers, in an impulsive and passionate kiss.
Shocked, Samantha froze as his lips were suddenly on hers. His hands held her waist, and pulled her tight against him. Her head started spinning.
“Oh my God, he is kissing me,” the thought briefly crossed her mind, and she gave into her need. Kissing him back, while her heart went crazy. His lips felt amazing on hers. Warm, soft and tender. Better than she ever imagined. He gently tugged at her bottom lip and sucked it, turning her world upside down. His lips left hers briefly then crashed against them again, demanding more. The kiss was passionate, full of need, but still tender. His mouth danced against hers, reaching the deepest parts of her soul. The places, where she had hidden away her love for him, all these years. Then, as sudden as it began it ended.
Jonathan pulled away from her, panting. Leaving her feeling empty, the second his lips and touch disappeared. He looked at her flustered, confused for what had just happened. His eyes roamed for her face as if the answers were written there. Without a word, he turned around, pushed his way through the crowd and exited the tavern.
Samantha stood there speechless. Her back pressed against the wall at the end of the bar, right where he had left her.
“What the hell just happened?” She asked herself, and blinked trying to pull herself out of the haze he had left her in. As it dissipated, the room became painfully clear. Jonathan had kissed her, and left her there. The realization harshly
sobered her up.
She pushed against the wall and took a step forward. Her eyes scanned the faces around her while people continued to enjoy the night, as if nothing had happened. As if her sanity hadn’t just been shattered. Something had happened. Jonathan had kissed her. And he had done it like he needed her, wanted her. Like she was everything to him. Her eyes returned to the bar while her heart threatened to race right out of her chest. Phil was standing there, looking at her with a huge smirk on his face, while he sipped his beer. What the hell was wrong with him? Then a thought occurred to her. Had he seen them? Had he witnessed what Jonathan had just done?
“Oh my God, I need air!” She thought, feeling her lungs contract. She couldn’t breathe. Feeling like she was a second away from an anxiety attack, she began walking and pushing her way out the bar. Once outside she gasped for air, trying to fill her lungs. She did it again and again until she could see clearly. The night was warm and quiet, in contrast to the chaos going on inside her. She walked a few steps and sat on one of the benches outside the tavern. Raising her hand to her mouth, she touched her lips with the tip of her fingers. Her eyes closed as the sensation of his lips on hers, returned. Her heart skipped a beat.
“What does this mean? Could he feel something for me too? Was it just an impulse, or did he mean to kiss me? Why did he leave?”
Knowing she wouldn’t find the answers to her questions sitting there, she sighed and decided to return to the dorm. Wrapping her arms around herself she stood, and began walking towards the campus.
Alone in the night.
*
Jonathan ran towards the campus, but no matter how fast he ran he couldn’t manage to run away from himself. What the hell had just happened? What had he done? Whatever it was, he knew it was a mistake. Nothing good could come from that… but it had been mind-blowing. She felt amazing in his hands, her lips felt so right in his. No, That had been a mistake. He hadn’t meant to kiss her. He was drunk and had lost control. That was all there was to it. It was the alcohol. He didn’t feel that way about her. He never had.
“It was a mistake, a terrible mistake,” the words crossed his mind in a loop as he ran. When he got to the dorm, he looked across the street to her building feeling the impulse to go into it and wait for her outside her door. Standing in front of the building, he tried to fight the urge. He closed his eyes. “No, I shouldn’t,” he thought, then headed up the stairs.
Jonathan opened the door to her room. It was empty. Walking inside, he sat on the bed to wait for her. He lifted his hands to his temples and began to rub them while he chanted. “What the hell am I doing? What the hell am I doing? What is this? This need to see her again. To kiss her again?” Maybe if he kissed her again he would know. He could find out what this was. He stood up, startled by his thoughts and turned around pushing his hands through his hair.
“What? Are you crazy? Have you lost your mind? It’s Sam. You can’t play with her feelings like that! You can’t do this to her, Jonathan. Shit! I left Sam alone at the bar,” he suddenly realized panicking. “Fucking idiot! Get a hold of yourself. How could you just leave her there?” He exhaled frustrated, and let his body fall onto her bed again. The smell of warm, sweet vanilla and flowers filled the air. He turned and reached for her pillow, bringing it to his nose. Closing his eyes, he inhaled her scent and smiled. His heart reacted to it, immediately bringing him back to reality. “What am I doing? I can’t do this to her. She’s like my little sister,” getting up he walked out the door.
Jonathan looked out the window of his room, counting the seconds and cursing himself. Finally, relief filled him when he saw her walking towards her building. Taking a deep breath, he focused on her. She was alone, her head down, her arms wrapped around her torso. A pang of guilt hit him and he cursed himself once again. For leaving her alone at the tavern, for not being more in control of himself. How could he have made that mistake with her. Of all people, why did he have to kiss her? He would never forgive himself for that.
“I can’t hurt her. I’m the last person in the world that should do this to her. Besides her Father, I’m all she has,” he thought, seeing her go into her building, and closed the blinds.
Samantha got to her room and sighed closing the door. She reached for her pj’s that lay under her pillow, and took her dress off. Throwing it in the dirty clothes bin, she put on her tank top and pj bottoms, then sat on her bed hugging her pillow. Once again, the memory of the kiss that has just turned her entire world upside down returned to her. She touched her lips, as they tingled from the memory. Turning off the light of her table lamp, she lay down and closed her eyes.
As the night went on, she tossed and turned in bed. She couldn’t quiet her mind enough, to be able to sleep. The look in his eyes the second before he kissed her, and the way it felt to be kissed like that by him. The passionate kiss he gave her had branded her heart. “It has changed everything, but what does it mean?” Her eyes travelled from the wall, to the alarm clock on her night table.
1:30am…”If he loves me, and wants to be with me it would change it all. I would do anything to be with him. I need him more than the air I breathe.”
2:15am… “What if it was just a mistake? A drunken act, guided by the emotions of the night? What if he didn’t mean to kiss me? If he didn’t want it?
3:45am… No, that would destroy me. There is a possibility he doesn’t love me like I love him, but he does love me as a friend. He would never do that to me. He would never hurt me like that…”
4:28am…“I need to see him, I have talk to him.”
Samantha sat up, and looked over at Lucy’s bed. She was sleeping. Being careful not to make any noises, she walked to the closet and pulled her oversized sweatshirt out. Putting it on, she zipped it up, slid her feet in her old brown Converse shoes, and stepped out the door.
She stood outside Jonathan’s door, unable to make herself knock. She wanted to, but couldn’t manage anything other than staring at the door.
Jonathan grunted and turned to lie on his stomach, the sheets were all crumpled up around him, while he stared at the wall. He couldn’t stop tossing and turning. He felt deeply troubled, unable to stop thinking about that kiss. He couldn’t stop thinking about her.
“What did I do? How do I fix this? How do I stop thinking about kissing her again? She’s not an experiment, Jonathan. You can’t hurt her like that.”
“It was a mistake, just a mistake.”
“I need to see her.”
Pulling the sheets off him, he got up the bed, and walked towards the door but stopped.
“I can’t do this to her,” he mumbled, resting his forehead against the door. There were a million different thoughts going through his head. A thousand confusing, and frustrating feelings that he couldn’t explain. Troubled beyond comprehension, he wasn’t sure what to do.
“I don’t want to hurt her, but I need to be honest with her. That kiss was a mistake.”
“I will never forgive myself if I hurt her.”
Samantha stared at the door. Suddenly, it was the most intimidating thing in the world. She turned around, and went back to her dorm. Opening her door, she walked in quietly and sat on her bed once again.
5:04am…“Ugh, that alarm clock is going kill me.” She thought reaching to turn it off.
6:56am…“He loves me, I know he does. Maybe he just realized it now. Maybe…” her thoughts trailed off, while she turned again, to stare at the ceiling.
“I have to talk to him,” She sighed and turned to look at the wall.
“No, I’ll wait…”
Samantha stepped out of the shower, and wiped the fog off the mirror. She stared at her sleepless face.
“Please, don’t let him say it was a mistake. Please… it would destroy me. I don’t know what I would do. He’s everything to me, he’s all I have,” she begged to herself.
Taking a deep, weighted breath, she opened the door, returning to her room. The moment she stepped inside, she saw Lucy
all dressed up for the first event of the day.
Lucy followed her progress as Samantha walked to her bed and crashed. She was wearing pj’s. “It’s almost 11:00am, you aren’t coming to the commissioning ceremony, are you?” She asked and saw Samantha shake her head, and pull the cover over it. Lucy chuckled. “Hung over huh? Don’t worry, you go ahead and rest. I’ll see you at noon for the picnic,” she turned and left, closing the door behind her.
Samantha sat on the bed, groggy. She had just woken up from the only two hours of sleep she was able to achieve. The sound of the raindrops hitting the glass pane, and the asphalt outside reached her. She kneeled on the bed looking out the window. It was raining so hard, she could barely see through it. At that moment, the door opened and Lucy came in. Samantha turned to face her. She was wet and fighting with her umbrella.
“Useless piece of crap!” Lucy yelled frustrated, and threw it in the garbage bin. Samantha looked at her confused. “They cancelled the picnic for obvious reasons,” Lucy began to explain. “Well, they didn’t cancel it per say. They moved it to the theater, but I didn’t want to go anymore. Look at me, I’m all wet!”
Samantha looked at her, trying not to smile. It was kind of funny. “Is everyone back?”
“No, almost everyone else went to the theater, but Susan, Martin, Jonathan and I returned to our dorms. We really didn’t feel like going anymore.”
“Jonathan is back?” Samantha asked, suddenly felling nervous.
“Yes, he was walking behind me. He’s acting really weird and looks like a zombie,” Lucy looked at Samantha for a moment, focusing on the dark circles under her eyes and frowned. “He looks like you. It’s like everyone is hung over except me or something.”
Chasing Time: A Love Through Time Novel Page 3
