Samantha looked out the window. “Maybe he couldn’t sleep either,” she mused.
“I’m going to the bathroom to take a hot shower. I’m freezing after getting all freaking wet. I’ll be back,” Lucy informed, and walked out of the room with her towel and change of clothes in hand.
Samantha looked out the window again, in the direction of Jonathan’s room. Determination, took over. She had to talk to him. She stood and slid her feet into her shoes, grabbed her oversized sweatshirt, and put it on so fast she didn’t even zip it up. Swinging the door open, she ran down stairs and out the building. The rain fell over her entire body, while she ran across to his dorm. But she only cared about one thing.
“Please don’t let him say it was a mistake, please.” She silently begged, heart racing as she made her way to him.
Jonathan walked into his room and took off his wet clothes, placing them on the chair at the corner. He changed into sweat pants and stood by the window looking at the rain, but seeing nothing at all.
“I have to talk to her, but where is she? Why didn’t she go to the ceremony or the picnic? She must be so confused about what happened,” he took a deep breath, and pushed his hands through his hair as another thought came to him. “What if she hates me now for kissing her? For ruining everything? What if she doesn’t want to talk to me anymore? No, I can’t lose her. She’s my best friend, my little sister,” he cringed, the second the word sister crossed his mind. His whole body rejected the thought.
“Shit! What the hell have I done?”
The sound of the door swinging open, reached him and he turned around to find her there. Standing in front of him… Her wet hair fell in messy waves around her face and shoulders. She was wearing her usual white tank top with pj bottoms, her Converse shoes, and her favorite sweatshirt.
“My sweatshirt,” he thought, smiling inwardly.
She was drenched from top to bottom, and he could see the dark circles under her eyes. The image tugged at his heart. She had been affected by this as much he had. His eyes fell on her chest. It rose and fell sharply with her hurried breaths. His heart was racing too. Then, he noticed the water running from her drenched hair to her chest. The white tank top was plastered to her skin, just like her cotton pants. He could really see her body in those wet clothes. She looked so sexy. His eyes continued to roam over her breasts, the thin material had become pretty much transparent, and he could see her skin. Her tight nipples tugged at the fabric. His breathing caught at the sight. His eyes continued to admire her. Her waist, her hips, her beautiful thighs hugged by the wet cotton. They moved up, to her lips and need rushed through him. Her lips called to him. The feelings taking over his body had nothing to do with what he would feel for a sister. He wanted to kiss her again, needed to. His eyes finally found hers and something took over him. Without being able to think about what he was doing, he closed the distance between them and pulled her into his arms. His lips crushed over hers, and he pulled her closer. His left hand roamed her back and rested on her neck holding her in place, as though he feared she would escape from him. He sucked on her bottom lip, and gently pulled it with his teeth like he had done the first time he kissed her. Then, he moved to her top one, giving it the same attention. His lips crashed over hers again, in a desperate kiss. His tongue grazed her, and her lips parted accepting his invitation. Their tongues danced together, awakening every inch of him. His body ached for her. Hardened for her. He wanted her, needed to be part of her. Tilting his head, he deepened the kiss, and kissed her again, and again, then again. His body had a mind of its own, and right now he couldn’t find it in him to disagree.
Jonathan’s muscles contracted under Samantha’s touch as her hands glided over his arms and shoulders. Her arms wrapped around his neck pulling him closer to her body. His right hand caressed her lower back, following the natural curve of her spine. His fingers lifted the band of her pants and slipped inside, going down until his hand settled on her ass. He massaged it and squeezed it, pressing her hips against his hardened body. Her breath fanned his lips as a small gasp escaped her, and she moaned in his mouth. The simple act caused him to lose any rationality he might have had left. Pulling her up, he carried her to his bed, his lips never leaving hers. He laid her down, and rested his body on hers. She gasped for air when his lips finally left her. They proceeded to create a trail along her jaw, her neck, and collarbone. The tip of his tongue followed.
Samantha couldn’t think. It was like something had taken over her. He had taken over. All she wanted was to feel him skin to skin. She needed him. She allowed her hands to explore him and revel in the feel of his skin. They roamed his back and she arched her torso, pressing herself to him.
Her breasts pressed against Jonathan’s bare chest, driving him crazy. He could feel the tips of her nipples through the fabric. His lips sought her breast and closed over her right nipple, sucking it through the thin fabric. Another moan escaped her and he crushed his lips to hers, just in time for the moan to breathe need into him. He didn’t want to miss one single moan from her lips. He craved them, wanted to taste them all.
He kissed her harder, cupping her neck with his left hand. He kissed her lips, as his right hand slid down the side of her body. He slowly caressed her waist, her hip, and her thigh. Then lower to right under her knee, and guided her leg up and around his hip. His knee pushed her right leg to the side, giving him more access. Opening her to him. He lowered his hips on hers and pressed himself against her. The contact so intimate, it elicited another moan from her. It seeped into his lips making him moan with need. Her breathing had become ragged. So had his. She felt perfect in his arms. His hands lowered, slipping inside her pants again and cupping her ass. He lifted it slightly, moving his hips, and pressing his hardness fully against her. He needed to feel her. They moaned at the contact.
“Her body was made for my hands… her lips for mine. I want to taste every inch of her, I want her to be mine.”
The thought crossed Jonathan’s mind, and instantly reality came crashing hard against him. Accompanied by panic. He pulled his body from hers abruptly, and staggered back as if she had scarred him.
Leaving her in the bed… alone.
He looked at her horrified, while she tried to catch her breath. He could see the hurt in her eyes, the look of confusion, betrayal. He turned his back to her, while he attempted to calm down. Think clearly. His hands trembled at his sides, prompting him to close them into fists in an attempt to make it stop. He turned towards her again but her eyes were haunting. He couldn’t face her. Turning towards the window, he pushed his left hand through his hair, and attempted some sort of explanation.
“Sam, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I don’t know what’s gotten into me. Last night was a mistake, a huge mistake. I shouldn’t have kissed you, this should have never happened. You are my best friend. I can’t do this with you, to you. It feels wrong, I don’t want this!”
Jonathan covered his face, taking a deep breath. He was panicking and it wasn’t helping. He took another breath, trying to control himself and calm down. “I’m not sure what I’m doing, but this is a mistake. Maybe it was the alcohol, I don’t know. I’m so sorry Sam, please forgive me.”
He turned around to face her but she was gone, there was no one there. The door was wide open. “Fuck!” He cursed, running after her. He stepped out of his building, the rain blinding him and drenching his body. He wiped his eyes and ran across the street to her building. Taking the stairs two at a time he got to her room and opened the door, but it was empty.
“Damn it!” He cursed, and ran back down. Once out of the building he began to look for her and suddenly stopped. His sweatshirt was thrown on the street. He crouched down, picking it up and stood there, in the rain. He held her favorite sweatshirt, while his eyes roamed the grounds for her. A pang of pain coursed through his body.
“What the hell have I done?”
Samantha ran through the campus, replaying the words that had just ripp
ed her heart open, over and over in her head.
“I shouldn’t have kissed you.”
She ran…
“It feels wrong.”
She ran…
“I don’t want this.”
She ran…
Without any strength left, she stopped, and allowed her body crumble on the grass as she cried. His last words, destroying her.
“This should have never happened, it was a huge mistake.”
A wave of pain so strong that threatened to drown her traveled through her body, taking the breath from her. Curling up on the grass behind the library, she sobbed while her heart ripped apart. One by one the pieces scattered, leaving her empty. The rain fell over her, unforgiving, washing away her tears, and leaving no evidence of her loss.
How can one go from Heaven to Hell in a matter of seconds?
The heavy rain, continued to hit the roof of the building. It should have been enough to drown out the words that continued to echo in Samantha’s ears. But nothing would, nothing could ever erase them. Her hand trembled on the knob as she turned it, and stepped inside her room. It was night and her eyes instinctively went to the clock on her night table. It was 9:46pm, and it still rained inside her, just as strongly as it rained outside. Lucy jumped from the bed, the moment her eyes fell on Samantha.
“Oh my gosh, girl! Where have you been? Everyone has been looking for you. I was so worried!”
The words barely registered. Samantha walked in silent. She couldn’t tell if there was any remnants left of her heart. She just felt numb. She stood in the middle of the room, soaking wet.
Lucy looked at her, worried. Samantha’s clothes were filthy as if she had laid in the mud, and she was drenched. “Are you ok? What happened? Did someone do something to you?” She asked, holding her. “Oh my gosh, you are burning up girl. Let me call the infirmary.”
Fifteen minutes later, Lucy handed her a glass of water and the pills for the fever, the nurse had provided. She helped Samantha clean up, change into warmer clothes, and got her into bed, although she wasn’t able to learn what had happened.
Emotionally and physically drained, Samantha slept all through the night.
The morning arrived bringing with it a new realization. It was graduation day. Her unfocused eyes opened and the emotions hit her one right after the other. She felt betrayed. A tear slid down her cheek at this realization. She turned on her side, and noticed Lucy was gone. The room was empty. Taking a deep breath, she dragged her body off the bed and walked to the closet. Unconsciously, she reached inside for his sweatshirt and her heart constricted. It wasn’t there. She must have dropped it while she ran out of his room. Grabbing another hoodie, she stepped back and put on her shoes. She headed downstairs to use the public phone.
Forty minutes later, Samantha returned to the room, and sat back on her bed just as Lucy returned from the restroom.
“How are you feeling, girl?” Lucy asked, getting a shrug for an answer. Her concern grew. She sat beside her. “What happened yesterday?”
Samantha looked into Lucy’s eyes and the tears began to fall once again. Lucy held her while she cried, until she finally calmed down enough to talk. Samantha told her everything.
“I’m so sorry, girl. I understand now why you disappeared. I’m not sure what I would have done if it were me. I’m so sorry.”
“You said everyone was looking for me?” Samantha asked, wiping her cheeks with the cuffs of her sweater.
“Yes. Jonathan, Phil, and me… Jonathan continued, looking for you for hours after we came back.”
Samantha looked at her friend, while her phantom heart throbbed inside her chest.
She cried.
An hour later, Samantha stood in front of the mirror all dressed for graduation. She was wearing her Mother’s dress. The one she used for the civil ceremony when she had married her Dad. It was a beautiful yet simple dress. Nothing fancy. The navy blue soft silk fell just off the shoulders in a demure semi-draped neckline. It was fitted through the chest, waist and hips to just above the knee, in a pencil skirt. Her hair was styled in loose curls.
Lucy stood behind her and nudged her, making her sit down so she could do her makeup.
“Maybe I should just call the office, pick up my diploma and honors from there, then leave. I don’t feel like going through all this ceremonial crap,” Samantha said, looking down as her eyes started to tear up again.
“Hey! No, look at me,” Lucy demanded.
Sam raised her eyes to her friend, desolate.
Lucy could see the pain and loneliness plain in her friend’s eyes, and it tugged at her heart. “I know you are hurting right now, Samantha, but this is an incredible moment for you! This only happens once in a lifetime. I mean, you are graduating from Harvard, which is a mad accomplishment within itself. And on top of that, you are graduating summa cum laude, the highest freaking honor. That’s like mind-blowing, girl. You have worked so hard to get here, and you came with a fully paid scholarship! Do you know how rare that is?” Lucy sighed, seeing her words were getting her nowhere.
“Look, let’s be real for a sec. Considering you were born in the smallest possible town in Michigan, and came from humble people. Your Mother, a waitress and your Dad a worker at a mattress factory, I think it is safe to say that no one expected much from you. Still look at you. Here you are, you have blown away everyone’s expectations of you,” she sighed, and made a face. “I mean, my Dad is kind of expecting me to invent the cure for cancer or something, and he practically paid Harvard with his pocket change. But to tell you the truth, I think he should count himself lucky that I graduated at all. I mean, Harvard is freaking hard, girl!” She chuckled, then sighed once again. “You have worked really hard, Samantha. You made it all the way here with help from no one but yourself. Nothing but your hard work, and you should be proud of that. Forget about everything else, and enjoy it. This is your moment and you deserve it.”
Samantha took a deep breath, and forced herself to smile. “You are right. No matter what goes wrong in my life this is something no one will ever take away from me. Thank you, girl,” she said hugging Lucy, and sitting back so she could finish her make up.
Once Lucy was done, Samantha rose and looked at herself in the mirror.
“I look just like Mom,” she said, nostalgic and smiled.
“Really?” Lucy asked, while Samantha turned to go get her purse. She pulled a picture out of her wallet and showed it to Lucy. “Except for the eyes. Hers where blue and I got my Daddy’s eyes,” She added, while Lucy looked at Sam’s parents, Grace and Frank, on their wedding day. Grace was wearing the same dress, her long, golden-blond hair styled in soft curls. She wore black eyeliner, big lashes, and pink lipstick that made her look beautiful.
Lucy handed her back the picture, nodding amazed. “Wow, you do look just like her. Is that the same dress?”
“Yes,” Samantha answered, tearing up.
“I’m sorry, girl. I know you wished she could be with you. I know your Dad couldn’t be here, and the situation with Jonathan is only making things worse. But if it helps at all, I’m here for you.” Lucy said, hugging her.
“Thank you,” Samantha whispered, trying to hold the tears back. Taking a deep breath, she finished putting on her Mother’s blue topaz pendant. It was her birthstone, and Samantha’s favorite stone, because it reminded her of her Mother, every time she saw it.
They finished getting ready, and went on their way for the first part of graduation day: The morning commencement exercises.
Jonathan got to the Tercentenary Theatre with his cap and gown on his arm, after the breakfast and the church ceremony. He was wearing a light grey suit with a white shirt and a baby blue tie. His hair combed to the side just as Sam liked it, and he was wearing her favorite cologne.
His eyes roamed the crowd, searching for her everywhere but the task was nearly impossible. There were around 32,000 people outside the theatre alone, between the graduates and parents. He got a g
lance of her from far away when they excited the church, and began the procession towards the theatre. She was at the front, with the other for summa cum laude graduates as they lead the way. However, it was impossible for him to get to her. He could barely see her head through the crowd. Now, he was desperate. He needed to see her. He couldn’t sleep all night not knowing where she was, if she was safe. No matter how hard he tried, he still couldn’t understand what was happening.
“What the hell happened?” He asked himself, over and over again.
“Why would I kiss her again? What would drive me to behave that way, and then tell her all that? It was so tactless. To say that I handled the situation badly would be the understatement of the year.”
Yet, under all of that he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about that kiss. About her body, and the way he felt with her in his arms. The way she responded to him. That was the most confusing part of all it.
“She responded to me. Kissed me. Held me close to her, and it felt… It felt so fucking good.”
Jonathan blinked, shook his head trying to cut the thought from his mind, and realized the other graduates were getting ready to enter the theatre. The ceremony would begin shortly.
“So dude, what’s the dealio? What happened after you kissed Samantha?” Phil asked, causing Jonathan to turn to him in shock.
“What did you just say?”
Phil chuckled. “I knew it dude, I told you. You are into her, bad! So did you guys get jiggy with it? Is that why she disappeared? Because she couldn’t handle your mad, seducing skills?”
“Oh don’t even go there, dude. I swear, you are begging for a beating,” Jonathan answered, with a murderous look.
Phil laughed. “Listen, all I’m saying is, whether you want to deal with it or not, she’s got you… bad! I saw the kiss you gave her at the tavern, and I got to say. I don’t kiss my sister like that.”
Jonathan’s fists clenched, and unclenched at his sides. “Dude, I promise you. If you say one more thing, I’m going to break your face!”
Chasing Time: A Love Through Time Novel Page 4
