Chasing Time: A Love Through Time Novel

by Stephany Wallace

  He smirked. “Do you need to stop for a moment?” he asked, instead.

  “No. I’m fine,” Samantha answered, without looking at him. She crossed her arms stubbornly over her chest, and looked out the window. She usually didn’t like being left out of a secret.

  He gave her a calculative glance. “You have to pee, don’t you?” She looked at him and made a face.

  He laughed. “That’s ok. We’ll stop at the rest stop. I would like to get gas anyway,” he turned the blinker on, and looked at the rearview mirror, changing lanes towards the exit.

  Once at the stop, Jonathan began to pump gas while she went into the restroom. Stepping out of the stall, she washed her hands and fixed herself in front of the mirror. The sound of her phone ringing interrupted her, and she reached in her pocket digging out. The screen read Christopher, and her heart constricted. She looked at the phone pained, and for a second she considered not answering.

  “Hello?” She said, on the sixth ring, and heard him sigh relieved on the phone.

  “Hi, Princess. How are you?”

  “I’m fine and you?” she answered, although the reality was she was far from well, especially hearing his voice.

  “Fine… I almost thought you weren’t going to answer me,” she looked down, ashamed.

  “I’m sorry, I’m the in the bathroom. It took me a minute to get to the phone.”

  “Oh, I see… I miss you.”

  She could hear the nostalgia in his voice, and her heart sank a bit deeper. She closed her eyes not knowing what to say. She couldn’t answer. Her feelings were different right now… troubled.

  Christopher noticed her silence and looked down dolefully. “You saw him, didn’t you?” he asked dreading her answer.

  Her breathing stopped. She couldn’t lie to him. He deserved the truth.

  “Yes,” she said in a low voice.

  His chest tightened. “How did you feel?”

  Samantha closed her eyes, trying to breathe but her throat caught.

  “I love him,” she managed to say. Her voice broke.

  Christopher turned to look out the window. The pain began to draw itself on his face.

  “What did he say to you?” he asked, hoping she would tell him the truth. They had never lied to each other before. Not about Abby, or Jonathan, not about anything. Whatever it was, he preferred the truth.

  “He told me that he loved me, that he’s always loved me, and that he was afraid before but he can’t live without me,” her low broken voice, was the evidence of her struggle to confess that to him.

  Christopher’s eyes widened, in shock at her words, and his heart began pounding in his ears. He couldn’t believe what she had told him. He hadn’t expected that. Jonathan professing his love for her changed everything. He knew that well. He wasn’t a fool. He sat on the arm of the sofa facing the wall, and felt the uncertainty grow in his heart.

  “Did he kiss you?”

  Samantha closed her eyes, the guilt slicing her. The tears began to fall.

  “Yes.”

  “Did you kiss him back?”

  “Yes.”

  Christopher pressed his eyes shut, and placed his hand against the wall, holding himself and trying to battle the pain rushing through him.

  “I’m so sorry, Christopher. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for this to happen,” he heard her say through the tears. He teared up listening to her admission. A tear escaped him, and fell like an icy rain over his heart, leaving him cold… freezing it.

  Samantha cupped her forehead with a trembling hand, and then covered her eyes crying.

  “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Christopher. We need to talk, but not like this. We will talk when I’m there, please. I’m sorry… I’m so sorry.”

  He shook his head getting up. He wouldn’t lose her like this. He wouldn’t accept this, he couldn’t. Samantha loved him. He knew she loved him. She was his.

  “I know you love him, Samantha, but I also know you love me. You have showed me that in the past five years. Please, Princess. Don’t make any decisions until we can talk face to face. Until you are here with me, please.”

  A sob caught in her throat. She couldn’t hold back anymore. “Christopher…” she whispered, unable to speak.

  “I love you, Princess. I know you love me, please remember that. Don’t do anything you’ll regret later. I’m just asking you to wait until you are here with me, please… I love you,” He could hear her sobbing on the phone, and it was killing him. “I love you.”

  “I’m sorry. I have to go.”

  Her ragged voice teared at him. “You do still love me, Princess. Don’t you?”

  “Yes, I do,” she answered, truthfully. “I love you, Christopher. I really don’t want to hurt you, but this is very difficult for me. I love him too. I’m confused, and I need time. I need to fully feel this, to be able to figure things out. I’m so sorry. I know this is incredibly unfair to you, but I have to do this. We’ll talk when I get back… I’m sorry.”

  The line went dead, and Christopher stared at the phone, another tear escaping him.

  *

  Christopher sat in the living room of their home, and wiped the tears from his face. Getting up, he walked to their room and opened the last drawer from his dresser. Reaching under his clothes, he pulled Abby’s picture from the back. He walked to the chair and sat down, staring at the image the way he did every time Samantha was not with him. He still loved and missed Abby, terribly so.

  He closed his eyes, and the memory of their first dance as husband and wife came to him. It was followed by their first date, their first kiss… the last time he made love to her. It had been the morning of that terrible day, when she had fainted. New tears spilled from his eyes, and he wiped them away. He searched his mind for the image of Samantha. Her smile. Her eyes. Her hair, and took a deep, settling breath. Getting up, he walked back to the dresser and hid the picture at the back of the bottom drawer. Covering it with his clothes once again, turned on his heel, and headed to the bathroom for a shower. He rested his back against the wall, while the water ran down his body. His gaze was absent, he felt lost. He was hurting. He loved Samantha, and he knew she loved him too, but Jonathan… Christopher stepped away from the wall and washed his face. He didn’t want to think about it. Samantha was going to come back to him.

  “I just have to wait until I have her in my arms again. She will feel the love she has for me, and forget about him like she did before. She loves me. I know she does. I’ll make her happy again. We’ll be together again, and I won’t have to remember anymore.”

  He thought, feeling the pain inside him. He knew Samantha was confused, but he also knew what it felt like to love two people at the same time, because he still loved his Abby.

  After the shower, he stood in front of the mirror and swiped at it, wiping the fog off of it with his hand. He looked at himself and another memory came to him. It had been right after they got the house. She had fallen while they were making out in the shower. She walked around with a bruise on her butt, for about two weeks. He chuckled.

  “My Princess always did bruise easily,” he walked out of the bathroom and began getting dressed.

  “I’m coming,” Maggie yelled, from the kitchen, after hearing a knock at her door. She turned off the stove, put the teapot on the trivet, and went to open the door. She found Christopher on the other side, with a brooding look.

  “Hi, Chris. Come in. I just made tea, you want some?” He nodded, and walked in.

  They sat on her balcony overlooking the park in silence, while drinking their tea.

  “He told her he loved her,” Christopher said simply, finally breaking the silence. A small gasp reached his ears as he looked towards the park. His eyes were unfocused. “He told her that he had always loved her, and wants to be with her. That he can’t live without her,” Maggie looked at him in disbelief. “They kissed,” he added, the words ripping through him, just as much as when he first heard them.

  Sh
e closed her eyes, taking a deep breath, while her heart filled with his pain. She shook her head. “I’m sorry, Chris. I know how hard this must be for you.”

  He nodded. “I didn’t know what to tell her. I asked her to remember she loved me too, and to not do anything she might regret later. She told me we would talk when she arrived.”

  Maggie sighed, heavily. “Well, one thing you can count on is her sincerity. Whatever happens she’ll be honest with you,” she said, placing her teacup down on the table, and becoming quiet. However, Christopher had known her for much too long not to recognize when she was holding something back.

  “What is it, Maggie?” He asked, but was met with silence. “Margaret, what are you not saying?”

  She sighed. “You know I love you both, and I’m definitely not taking any sides here, but… I think when you met, you were both hurting and found refuge in each other. It helped to guide you both through the pain you were feeling at that moment. I know you love each other, but I feel like you got into this relationship too soon. You were still mourning Abby when you met Samantha, and although I know she helped you, I can’t help but feel like you are still stuck,” she risked, a glance at him but his face was unreadable. She continued. “I think you took what you needed from one another and that turned into love. But neither of you really got the chance to accept what happened. To deal with it by yourselves, and be able to move on from it.”

  Christopher leaned back staring at her in shock. Soon, anger replaced it. He blinked processing what she was saying.

  “So what? You think we are on the rebound. That being with each other has been just a distraction from our real pain?” He got up, turning away from her. He placed his hands on his hips and shook his head, incredulous.

  Maggie sighed. “I’m not saying it’s just a distraction, Christopher. I know how much you love each other, but you just told me she kissed him. If she had been able to deal with the fact that he wasn’t there anymore, and he might never love her, she would have been able to find a way to accept it. She might have been able to let go of her love for him. And if you had dealt with Abby’s death on your own, you would have found a way to accept her passing, and accept being alone. Only then could you move on, and truly offer yourself to someone else.”

  Christopher whirled around, looking straight into her eyes. “I don’t have to listen to this bloody rubbish!” he snapped, walking into the apartment.

  Maggie got up, and rushed after him. Reaching for his arm, she stopped him before he got to the door.

  “Then, tell me this. Did you not get into this relationship acknowledging the fact that each of you loved someone else?”

  The words had barely left her lips, when a memory popped into Christopher’s mind. It was the night when he and Samantha had first made love.

  “You need to experience this with someone you love, and you love Jonathan…”

  “And you love Abby…”

  He looked at Maggie hurt, and confused, but remained silent. She nodded, acknowledging his silent answer.

  “And I know you probably still look at Abby’s picture when you are alone. That you still have it hidden somewhere, so you don’t have to be reminded of it every day.”

  “You have not a clue what you are talking about,” he said, in a low voice. The anger slowly left him… replaced by pain. She could see it in his eyes.

  “You haven’t moved on, Chris. You call Samantha Princess, and that was your nickname for Abby. She called you her Prince and you called her your Princess,” he looked down ashamed. Her heart constricted. It hurt her to see him like this. “Abby was my best friend, and God knows I love you dearly, Chris, so I don’t want you hurting… but I have to be honest with you. I think all you have accomplished is to transfer, or project your love for Abby towards Samantha. I’m not saying that is right or wrong, but it’s not fair for you two to hold on to each other like this. If you can’t love each other fully, with every single part of you, then it might not be worth it to love each other at all. You deserve better than that, Chris. You both do.”

  Christopher yanked his arm away from her grasp, startling her, and walked out the door without looking back.

  A tear ran down her cheek, as he walked away.

  Christopher walked out of the building, and hailed a cab. Telling the driver his destination, he leaned back and rested his head on the seat. Thirty-five minutes later Christopher stared out the window. He was still sitting in the cab while they parked at the cemetery.

  They were next to the path where Abby’s grave was located. He looked in the direction of her grave but his gaze was vacant. It had been six years since Abby died, and he still hadn’t mustered the courage to stand in front of her grave. He hadn’t visited. He hadn’t been there at all, not even for her funeral. The street in front of her lot, was as far as he had ever gotten. He couldn’t do it. He feared that if he actually stood there, at her grave, then she would truly be gone forever. He couldn’t face it. So he drove there and stayed outside… meters away from her grave. The way he had done the day of her funeral, the morning before taking Samantha to the Ashmolean Museum, and like he had done for the past five years, every time Samantha was not with him.

  He took a heavy breath, and a tear rolled down his face. He wiped it away and looked at the driver. “Please take me home,” he gave him the address and turned his head towards the window. He stared out into nothing, while they drove away.

  *

  Jonathan leaned against the side of the car, waiting for Samantha to come out of the restroom. He looked at his watch. It had been fifteen minutes since she went in. Something was wrong. Concerned, he walked towards the restroom knocking on the door.

  “Sam, are you ok, baby?”

  Her soft, muffled sobs filtered through the door and something teared inside him. He swung the door open, and found her resting against the wall. The phone tightly gripped in her hands as they covered her mouth. Samantha’s gaze was lost somewhere else, while she looked at her reflection in the mirror. He stood in front of her blocking her view, and she seemed to return from wherever she had been. Her eyes focused on him, and she quickly wiped her face. She cleared her throat.

  “I’m sorry, I…” she trailed off, confused. She looked at the door, then at him. She hadn’t seen him come in. He held her hands gently, and took the phone from her. She closed her eyes not able to look at him.

  “It’s ok. It’s me remember? You don’t have to hide anything from me. No matter what it is. It’s still me,” he told her, catching her tear with his finger, and kissing her cheek. Her eyes returned to his, and another tear slid down.

  “You spoke to him,” he said, more as a statement than a question. She nodded, crying.

  “And you told him about me.”

  He knew it wouldn’t be long before she did. She was honest, had always been. She wouldn’t want to lie to Christopher. Samantha nodded, again and shut her eyes closed.

  “I’m so sorry, baby,” he whispered, pulling her into his arms, and placing two kisses on her forehead.

  Once she managed to calm down, they returned to the car. They got in and Jonathan turned to face her. Cradling her face with his hands, he kissed the trails her tears had created.

  He felt a tug at his heart. He couldn’t see her like this.

  “Sam, are you sure you want to be with me? I don’t want you to regret it afterwards, baby. That would kill me. I need you to make this decision for yourself, not for him or me. But for what will make you happy.”

  She looked at him, recognizing the pain in his eyes. She leaned in, and kissed him with all her love, all her need for him. “I love you, Jonathan. I want to be with you, but this is very difficult for me because I love him too, and I hate to have to hurt him.”

  Jonathan nodded, accepting the truth in her words, and kissed her again, and again. With his love, his hope, and the uncertainty for their future together.

  They continued to drive their destination, and she reached for his hand,
looking at him. “I’m sorry. I love you, baby,” she said, feeling guilty. She knew how hard this situation was for him too. He gazed at her, guiding her hand to his lips, and kissing it.

  “No, I’m the one that is sorry. I’m the one that has put you in this position,” he took a deep breath and looked at the road, trying to control the pain in him. “I love you, Sam. We will get through this. We are together now, and that’s all that matters,” suddenly, his eyes settled on something ahead. A slow smile took over his lips. “And I have a surprise for you.”

  Samantha turned, following his gaze. She didn’t have her glasses, so she had to squint trying to decipher the sign they were swiftly approaching. She gasped, and held his hand tighter bringing it to her heart.

  “Oh my God. You brought me here? We are truly here?” She asked in disbelief, and he grinned at her reaction. She looked at the sign again, fearing she might have misread it.

  “Welcome to Frankenmuth,” was proudly written on it.

  Jonathan’s heart warmed at the look in her face, and her excitement. He could feel it growing a few more inches for her—Frankenmuth was a special place for Samantha. He knew this all too well. It was a quaint German town that had been around for more than a century and a half. Its name was German, as most of the town’s original residents were, and so it exhibited their beautiful architecture, authentic food, as well as merchandise in their shops. Their culture was also present in the craftsmanship of the bed and breakfasts located there. It was like they had their own little Germany only closer, around ninety minutes from Detroit. Her parents had taken her there when she was ten. A month before her Mother, Grace, had died. It was the only vacation they were ever able to afford, back then. They drove up on a Saturday morning, stayed the night and came back Sunday afternoon. Samantha held that memory close to her heart. It was the happiest time she ever spent with her Mother, and the last one before her passing. She had never been able to come back, even though she had wanted it her whole life.