Heart of Rockies 03 - More Than a Feeling

by Sara Richardson

  “Okay, okay.” Ruby carefully slid into the passenger side and fumbled with the buckle on her seat belt. Elsie plunked a helmet down on her head and cinched the chinstrap tight.

  “Hold on!” The woman gunned the engine like it was a souped-up race car and peeled out of the garage in reverse, sending gravel and dirt flying.

  “Holy Moses!” The momentum stole Ruby’s breath. Her head jerked with Elsie’s frantic tugs on the wheel. “Is this safe?” she yelled over the engine.

  “Of course!” Elsie yelled back. “I’ve driven this thing once. How hard can it be?” She cranked the gear into drive and hit the gas.

  “Once?” Ruby squealed, but the wind stole the words. The ATV shot straight up the side of a hill and through the forest. “Tree!” she screamed.

  Elsie swerved. “I see it! Calm down, dear!”

  Calm down? How could she calm down when Elsie was dodging evergreens like they were on one of those crazy closed slalom courses in all the car commercials that had do not attempt at the bottom of the screen. Her hands plunged to her sides so she could hold herself in the seat. Oh, god! Oh, dear god. I don’t want to die!

  Finally the machine skidded to a stop. The engine quieted, though the pound and swoosh of blood pumping through her still echoed in her ears. Ruby opened her eyes. Not far in front of them Paige, Bryce, and Shooter huddled around Thomas, who was sitting on the ground with his leg propped up on a backpack.

  The kids were clustered a few feet away, each of them staring at their leader with expressions that ranged from concern to deep fear. That was all Ruby needed to see to get her stable enough to walk. She stood and pulled off the helmet, leaving it on the seat.

  Elsie rushed to Thomas. “What happened? Oh, Thomas, just look at you!”

  The man’s silver hair was slicked with sweat and his face was pale. “It’s nothing,” he insisted, but the grimace gave him away.

  “It’s his leg,” Bryce said. “He fell about a mile up the trail.”

  “Pretty sure it’s broken,” Paige added. “Shooter got him down.”

  “It’s not broken,” Thomas corrected in his gruff tenor. “Just a bruise, that’s all.”

  Ruby stood back while Elsie knelt. “Let me take a look,” the woman said, carefully rolling up his pant leg.

  Knowing he was in good hands with Elsie and Paige, Ruby decided to check on the kids. They quieted as she approached. She’d met them briefly last week before they’d left for the backpacking trip, but she knew from experience they didn’t trust easily. There were four boys and four girls, all ranging in age from eight to thirteen. In typical preteen fashion, the boys stood on one side of the circle and the girls stood on the other.

  “Hey, how are you guys holding up?” Ruby asked, maintaining a distance that would make them feel comfortable. It had to be traumatic seeing someone get hurt out on the trail.

  “Is he gonna be all right?” Javon, the oldest boy, asked. Though his pants were low enough to expose his red underwear, he seemed pretty responsible for a thirteen-year-old. Everyone else kind of looked up to him, and Elsie had mentioned he’d asserted himself as the group’s spokesperson early on.

  Ruby glanced over at Thomas, who appeared to be arguing with Elsie about something. “I think he’ll be fine.” He sure looked as feisty as ever.

  “He couldn’t walk,” said a small voice from the back of the group.

  Ruby stepped closer and noticed Brooklyn, the youngest of all of them at eight years old. She was a small beauty, with dark curly hair, thick black eyelashes, and olive skin. The sight of the girl’s wide, scared eyes gouged at her heart. She knelt in front of her. “He did hurt his leg, but I bet a doctor can fix it real easily.”

  The girl nodded, biting her lip, and Ruby wondered what those young, wise eyes had seen in her short eight years. Probably too much. Kids didn’t end up in the foster system unless things were pretty bad.

  The girl was still chewing on her lip as though fighting tears.

  Ruby held out her hand. “I’ll take you over to see him, if you want.”

  Brooklyn’s eyes widened like she was scared, but she slipped her hand into Ruby’s.

  “There’s nothing to be afraid of,” she murmured softly. “Bryce, Elsie, Paige, and Shooter will take good care of him.” From the looks of things, it appeared Thomas might not be making it easy for them, either.

  “Brooklyn is worried about you,” Ruby called over, mainly to warn him they were approaching.

  In an instant the man’s face softened. “Nothing to worry about, sweetheart. I’m fine. It hardly hurts at all.”

  Brooklyn eased her grip on Ruby’s hand.

  “See?” Ruby bent so she could look into the girl’s eyes. “He’ll be just fine, honey.”

  Elsie pushed off the ground. “Of course he will,” she said. “But he’ll definitely need to see a doctor about that leg.”

  Paige stood, too. “I’m afraid it could be a bad break.” Ruby read the concern on her face. Her friend had her Wilderness EMT certification, so she’d know better than anyone. “I think we should call an ambulance.”

  “No ambulance,” Thomas growled, but covered it up with a cough when he noticed Brooklyn staring at him, thank goodness. “I mean, there’s no need for that,” he said kindly.

  Bryce and Shooter looked at each other, and even though Ruby didn’t know them well, she could read their faces. He needed treatment.

  Thomas may be slightly gruff and combative with other adults, but Ruby happened to know he melted like dark chocolate when it came to these foster kids. Hiding a smile, she looked down at Brooklyn. “Would it make you feel better if Thomas went to the hospital?” she asked loudly enough for everyone—especially him—to hear.

  “Mmm hmmm,” the girl murmured, nodding.

  Thomas’s sigh was loud and disgruntled, but a small smile tugged at his lips, too. “All right, then. If it’ll make Brookie feel better, I’ll see a doctor. But not in an ambulance.”

  “That’s fine. We can drive you down to the truck in the ATV,” Bryce said, lowering himself next to Thomas. He slung one of the man’s arms around his shoulders.

  Shooter got on the other side of him and together they hoisted him up, half carrying him to the ATV.

  “I’ll come with,” Elise said, following behind them, and Ruby wondered about her connection to Thomas. She’d heard he’d lost his wife six years ago, and she happened to know that Elsie had been a friend of theirs for years…

  “We’ll get the kids back down to the lodge,” Paige said, smiling at Ruby.

  “Yep, no problem,” she agreed. “I even just took a batch of double-chocolate-chip cookies out of the oven,” she said to get them all smiling again.

  Brooklyn squeezed her hand and smiled up at her, fear gone, those eyes sparkling.

  That’s exactly what she’d wanted to see in the kids’ eyes. Hope. That was the hardest thing to hold on to when you were separated from the people you loved most in the world.

  She’d lost hope for so many years, but now, this place—these mountains—had given it back to her, and she wanted to share that same gift with these kids. Now that they were back at the lodge, she could be more involved. She could get to know them and tell them the safe parts of her story.

  But most of all she could make sure they had nothing to worry about.

  She could make sure nothing else went wrong.

  Chapter Four

  Every time Sawyer walked through the doors to the Walker Mountain Ranch office, it hit like a sucker punch to the gut. It wasn’t the décor. Bryce and Avery had gone all out in that department. Massive log beams held up the vaulted ceiling. Custom prints by John Fields decked out the walls. To the right there was a black granite countertop set on pecan cabinetry—he should know; he’d helped Bryce build the damn thing. Then on the opposite side of the room leather couches sat near the solid black pub tables next to the coffee counter, complete with an espresso machine and Aunt Elsie’s famous baked goods ca
se. The place looked like something out of that Million Dollar Log Homes magazine he’d seen lying around at the station.

  As posh as it was, walking into the place still got to him. Mostly because Kaylee used to work there. She’d stand at that very counter, taking reservations, checking in the guests. Damn, would that ever stop bugging him? Would he ever be able to walk in here and not think about her? Or maybe not so much her, but about the baby?

  Now the reception area sat empty. They’d been looking to hire someone new since Kaylee’d cheated on him and quit, but they hadn’t found anyone yet. For the time being, Avery was filling in.

  Speaking of…she rushed out from one of the back storage rooms. “Oh, hey, Sawyer.” A tired smile didn’t meet her eyes. She always seemed tired these days. Not surprising, given the fact that she had a new baby.

  “Morning.” He made it to the counter and peered over at Lily, who slept contentedly in her bassinette behind the counter.

  God, she was tiny. His baby boy would’ve been almost two by now. He would’ve been walking, talking, laughing, tossing the football…

  “Everything okay?” Avery asked, breaking through the fog of memories.

  He tore his gaze away from Lily. “Uh. Yeah. Everything’s great.” Forcing a smile, he attempted to loosen the tangle of grief that’d snagged in his chest. “Just wanted to talk to the boss before I head back to my cabin.”

  “He’s in his office.” She gestured to a door off to the left. “But beware, he’s trying to figure out something on the computer. You know how that usually goes.” Her grin poked fun at her husband. Those two were always doing that with each other. Teasing, flirting, touching. God, he couldn’t wait to get out of here. Start over someplace else. While he was happy for them, it hadn’t been easy to be around those two for the past year while he watched his own marriage disintegrate into nothing.

  “Thanks, Avery,” he said, then nodded toward the baby because he wasn’t a complete dick. “She’s growing fast.”

  “I know.” Avery sighed. “Too fast. Sometimes at night I hold her extra long so I’ll always remember how tiny she was.”

  A dull ache tugged at his ribs. Before Kaylee’s miscarriage he’d imagined what it would be like to hold his child, and even though the baby hadn’t yet been born, blood would flow through his arms, warm and thick. It would slowly seep into his body, like a craving about to be satisfied. He’d imagined a lot. He’d pictured doing all the things his own father had done with him—the horsey rides, the tackle football games in the living room, much to his mother’s horror. Sawyer had idolized his father. Always had, always would, and he’d imagined he’d have that same bond with his son.

  God, his son. For a long time he’d been able to ignore what he’d lost. But since Lily had been born, it’d gotten harder for him. Seeing her tiny face, the blond fluff on her head, those round blue innocent eyes…it made him wonder what his own child would’ve looked like. Would he have had blue eyes like his? Or dark, exotic eyes like Kaylee’s?

  “You want me to get Bryce for you?” Avery asked with obvious concern.

  “Nah.” He stuffed that grief down deep, where it belonged. “I’ll stop in his office.” Keeping his gaze safely off the baby, he walked away from the counter and pushed open Bryce’s door. “Hey, Chief.”

  Bryce was three months older than Sawyer, and he never let him forget it. Now it’d turned into a joke. He always addressed his cousin with some superior phrase.

  “What’s the latest on Thomas?” During his shift Bryce had called him to ask if he could give Thomas a ride to the hospital, seeing as how the man refused an ambulance. Not that Sawyer blamed him. He probably would’ve done the same thing. Not like he’d been busy, anyway. Pretty slow day around Aspen. But that was spring for you. The shoulder season between skiing and summer hiking. Not many tourists. And hell, at least he’d gotten to use his siren for once. It’d been a while.

  “We’re still waiting to hear,” Bryce said, kneading his forehead like it’d been a hell of a day. “Apparently some trauma victim came into the ER.”

  Yeah, Sawyer had heard there’d been some accident on Independence Pass, but he hadn’t been put on the call.

  “They’ve had Thomas waiting in a room all afternoon. At least Paige is with him. She’ll keep on the doctors.”

  Typical day at the Aspen ER. “Sure looked broken to me,” Sawyer said. He’d seen enough broken bones to spot one.

  “Yeah. Which means I’ll have to find someone else to help out the rest of the week. We’ve still got the ropes course and zipline coming up. And I wanted to take them to the rec center tomorrow night. A couple of them mentioned they’d never been swimming, so I thought we could teach them the basics before we open up the pool here.”

  “Sure. I can help out.” Seeing as how he’d been on the high school swim team that’d be no problem. He might be rusty, but he could brush up.

  “I’d ask Paige to step in, but she’s already taking them horseback riding and Ben needs her at the ranch. Ruby’s helping out, too, but Mom’ll still need her in the kitchen sometimes.”

  Huh. Sawyer stepped into the office. Ruby was helping out, too. What luck. That might be the perfect opportunity for him to figure her out. “I should be able to get a few days off.” He had plenty of vacation time to burn before his last day. “Just let me know when.”

  Relief eased the tension on his cousin’s face. “Thanks. That’d be great.” Bryce’s gaze drifted back to the computer screen in front of him. He clicked the mouse a few times.

  He looked busy, but Sawyer had more on the agenda. “I got those shelves installed this morning.” Not that he had to give Bryce a report, but it’d be the perfect opportunity to bring up a certain baker and the weird exchange he’d had with her before his shift.

  “Nice.” Bryce picked up a coffee mug and drank it like he was having a hard time staying awake. Which he probably was, considering he’d just been on a four-day backpacking trip with a bunch of kids.

  “Thanks, man,” he said. “Mom’ll pay you with an apple pie.”

  “No need. Think of it as room and board.” When he’d asked Bryce if he could stay at the ranch, his cousin wouldn’t even consider taking rent. That was just the kind of guy Bryce was.

  Thoughts of Ruby flitted back into his mind. Bryce was also the kind of guy who hired employees without doing background checks when someone desperately needed a job. And, while he wished he had Bryce’s faith in people, he’d learned that when someone looked suspicious, there was usually a reason. Hence his increasing desire to figure out Ruby before something went wrong.

  After a second of hesitation, he walked into the office and sat himself down in the chair across from Bryce. “Thanks for letting me hang here while I wrap things up.”

  Bryce turned away from the computer and leaned back in his chair, his eyes narrowed on him. “You sure about all this? Leaving town? Life in the big city?”

  They’d had this conversation at least five times since Sawyer’d put the house on the market last month. It wasn’t ideal, but Denver was the only place he’d found a job. And he couldn’t stay in Aspen. Not when the memories of Kaylee were everywhere. Their first kiss had been on the ski slopes. Elevation 8000 was where he’d proposed. And don’t get him started on the ranch. Last Christmas, hanging around for all the holiday activities alone almost killed him.

  “I need to get away for a while.” Someplace where everyone didn’t know what had happened. Someplace where five people didn’t stop him to ask how he was “holding up” in one morning at the grocery store. He’d had enough of the “poor betrayed Sawyer” routine.

  “I get it.” A sigh contradicted Bryce’s words. “Sorry things didn’t work out for you and Kaylee.”

  Everyone was sorry. No one more than him. “Yeah.” There wasn’t much more to say.

  But that didn’t stop most people from trying, including Bryce. Wait for it…

  “You want to talk about it?”

&
nbsp; “Nope.” He didn’t worry about his cousin taking that the wrong way. After Bryce’s first wife had died, neither one of them had said much. Hell, they’d sit across the table from each other drinking beer after beer, neither one of them saying a damn thing.

  Unfortunately since Bryce had married Avery, who never quit talking, he didn’t seem to take the hint.

  “After Yvonne, I never thought I’d get married again,” Bryce said. “Hell, I didn’t think I’d ever look at anyone again.” He leaned into the desk. “Kaylee did a shitty thing, Sawyer, but not all women are like that.”

  He hesitated. Everyone assumed the same thing. That he’d been screwed over…the devoted husband who’d been blindsided. But there was a hell of a lot more to the story than that. Now that the divorce was official, he’d had plenty of time to analyze it, and he couldn’t let everyone believe it was all her fault. Fact was, he’d played a part, too. And it was time he faced it. “I don’t blame her for ending up in Jace’s bed.”

  Bryce’s jaw dropped. “I sure as hell do. She knew what she was doing. ”

  Course she knew. But she had her reasons. And it was time to tell his cousin that. They’d been through hell together. If anyone would understand, it was Bryce. Sawyer’s fists knotted, but he stared the man in the face. “Kaylee had a miscarriage a while back. At five months.”

  Bryce’s hand let go of the computer mouse.

  Yeah, he’d gotten his full attention.

  “Damn, Sawyer. I didn’t know. I’m sorry.”

  Again, not much to say. Not like sorry changed anything. “Yeah. Me too.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” he demanded. “Man, five months. You lost a baby. We could’ve done a service or something.”

  That’s why he hadn’t told anyone. Kaylee didn’t want to make it a big deal. “She didn’t want anyone to know. It didn’t seem to get to her as much.” Pain worked its way up his body until it felt like someone had shoved his stomach up into his chest. “She didn’t know if she ever wanted kids, anyway.” At least that’s what she said before they’d gotten married. Let’s not rush it, Sawyer. If it happens, it happens. But apparently she hadn’t thought it would happen. He glanced at Bryce. “I talked about doing a service. I mean, we saw him on the ultrasound.” He’d had tiny little hands and feet. A beautiful face. He was their baby boy. At least, that was how he’d thought of him. They’d even talked about naming him Matthew, after Dad. “But she wouldn’t consider it. I was mad as hell.” That night they had the worst fight they’d ever had. She was screaming at him to get over it. Just get over it, Sawyer. Move on. There’s no baby. Then…“I asked her why she’d miscarried, if it was something she did.” Shame covered his face, hot and dry.