In This Life

by Cora Brent

  I stepped out into the summer night to head off a knock on the door that would cause Roxie to erupt into a flurry of barking that was sure to wake the kids.

  Even under the streetlights I could see that Harrison Corbett was as devilishly handsome as he was the night he pulled me out of a corner at a crowded party and made me his. But the joke was on me all along. To him, I was just one piece of a collection.

  Harrison came around from the driver’s side and noticed me at standing on the cement walkway.

  “Hi Kat,” he greeted me smoothly, as if we were friends instead of enemies.

  “Stay there,” I warned, brandishing my cell phone from ten feet away as if were something else. Like a sword. Or a cattle prod. Something that would hurt if it touched him. “If you give me any reason to call the police I won’t hesitate.”

  “Oh please,” he scoffed. “Enough with the fucking hysterics.”

  “I don’t know what you want after all this time,” I told him. “But you’re not getting it.”

  He laughed. “You think I’d make all this effort for you?”

  “I don’t know what to think.”

  “I don’t want you, Kathleen. You’re not among my favorite memories.”

  “Likewise, asshole.”

  He didn’t care about the insult. He looked up at the house. “Whose place is that?”

  “None of your business.”

  “I know it’s not your house. You’ve been ignoring all my calls and emails so my only option was to come up here to deal with you in person. I was waiting for you at your apartment yesterday but when you finally did show up you didn’t stay and drove here instead.”

  I remembered the creepy feeling I had on the way over here yesterday, that I was being followed. I took a step back.

  “Is she in there?” Harrison asked and I went cold.

  “Who?”

  “The kid. Her name’s Emma, right?”

  “Don’t you talk about her,” I whispered. “She is my daughter.”

  “And what are you going to tell her when the day comes when she asks about her father?”

  “Shut up.”

  He advanced. “What are you going to tell her, Kathleen?”

  “Shut up!”

  He was right in my face now. “WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO TELL HER?”

  I pushed him, just to get him away. He was too close. If he’d been trying to intimidate me he’d succeeded. But Harrison wasn’t expecting me to strike out physically. He tried to step aside but lost his balance, grabbing onto my arm, perhaps on instinct, as he fell down on the front lawn. I fell with him. We landed in a pile of limbs and my nightshirt rode up over my waist, my bare legs slipping in the grass that was still wet from the automated sprinklers.

  We were only sprawled there for perhaps two seconds but it was enough time for an overpowering spotlight to materialize out of nowhere and freeze us there on the lawn where we’d fallen.

  I couldn’t tell where the light was coming from at first. Then the glare cut out abruptly and I blinked, seeing the shape of a moving truck in the street.

  “Kat!” Nash roared and it seemed like he hurtled out of the truck, vaulted over the sidewalk and landed at my side in the space of a heartbeat.

  I was still too stunned for words as he hauled me to my feet, inspecting me in the dim light with panic written all over his face. When he was satisfied I wasn’t bleeding and in one piece his panic morphed into rage. He turned it on the man who was now standing ten feet away.

  “This is just fucking great,” Harrison muttered.

  Nash shoved him. Much harder than I had. Harrison made a legitimate ‘oof’ sound and stumbled toward the sidewalk. The moment would have been comical if it weren’t so terrifying.

  Harrison straightened up. Once a wide receiver on a university football team, he was still a physical force to be reckoned with. But given the muscles coiling in Nash’s arms and the murderous glint in his eye when he glared at Harrison, I’d put my money on him.

  “Who the fuck are you?” Nash growled.

  Harrison exhaled noisily. “I didn’t come here for this kind of trouble.”

  “You have no idea what kind of trouble you just ran into, motherfucker.”

  “Nash,” I said but he ignored me, keeping me behind him.

  Harrison laughed. “I get it. You’re Kat’s pet guard dog.”

  “I asked you who the fuck you are.”

  “Nash!” I pulled on the sleeve of his t-shirt to get him to look at me. “This is Harrison Corbett. We, um, I mean I knew him in college.”

  Realization dawned on Nash’s face. “He’s Emma’s father, isn’t he?”

  “Aw hell,” Harrison swore. “You don’t stray very far from your lies do you, Kathleen?”

  Nash snapped his fingers. “You shut your goddamn mouth.”

  Harrison wouldn’t be silenced. “But she is known to stray from a man’s bed so be warned.”

  “You bastard,” I hissed.

  “You two-faced sneaky bitch,” he shot back.

  Roxie barked from inside the house. It was a wonder none of the neighbors had heard all the racket yet.

  “Get out of here,” I said. “Get out of here, Harrison, or I swear I’ll make sure you spend the night in jail.”

  “Personally I’d rather make sure he spends the night in the hospital,” Nash growled.

  I thought it was a small miracle that the two of them hadn’t come to blows yet. But this situation was ready to explode. I needed to get them apart before something did happen.

  “I mean it,” I said and pointed to my phone as if I was getting ready to dial 911.

  Harrison let out one last sigh. “We’re not done,” he warned, then got back into his stupid sports car and left.

  Nash waited in a tense pose until Harrison’s taillights had turned the corner before reaching for me. “Are you okay?’

  “I’m fine.”

  “What the fuck happened?”

  “We were having an argument.”

  “And he just happened to knock you down?”

  “No. That was an accident.”

  Nash paused, put his hands on his hips and studied me with an expression I couldn’t read in the dark. “What the hell was he doing here? I mean, you haven’t seen him in years, right?”

  “No, I haven’t seen him in years. He’s been trying to contact me for weeks and weeks though. Calling, emailing. I ignored him so he decided to come to town and confront me in person.”

  “Because he wanted to see Emma?”

  “I doubt it.”

  “Then he wanted to see you?”

  “No. I don’t think that’s it either.”

  “How do you know?”

  “Because he hates me.”

  “Why?”

  I lowered my head. “I screwed his brother.”

  “What?”

  I raised my head and said in a clear voice, “I screwed his brother. Randall was his name. That’s why Harrison hates me.”

  Nash said nothing. He just stared at me.

  I laughed suddenly, aware that I sounded like a maniac. “But that wasn’t the end of it. I got pregnant with Randall’s baby. And then he died. He was battling an addiction to pain meds, trying to get clean. I thought I could help him. But no one could help him and one night he swallowed too many pills and he fucking died!”

  I had to stop because I couldn’t breathe properly. There was a pain in my gut, the memory of a wrenching grief that I’d never dealt with properly. And I wasn’t laughing anymore. Tears coursed down my cheeks now.

  “I didn’t know what to do, where to turn. So I forgot every plan I ever had and came back here because I had only one thing left that mattered. Emma. I never told anyone the truth. Even Emma’s birth certificate is a lie. I’m not who you thought I was, Nash. And I know you think I’m repulsive now, that I’m this lying, scheming bitch and you’re right.” I sank down to the grass, gasping between sobs. “You’re right.”

 
“Kat.”

  I heard his voice but I couldn’t respond. I was lost in the collapse of my own carefully constructed shield. I was broken. I couldn’t be fixed tonight.

  “Kathleen.”

  He was right there on the ground with me and I did not resist at all when I felt his arms pulling me toward the solid warmth of his chest. I stayed there until I was finished gasping out agonized sobs.

  Hanging out on the front lawn all night was not an option. After about ten minutes of falling apart all over Nash’s t-shirt while the wet grass soaked through my panties, he urged me to get up.

  “Let’s get inside.”

  He acted like he was prepared to carry me but I was embarrassed enough as it was so I got to my feet and walked across the front lawn while my wet nightshirt stuck to my thighs.

  I opened the front door to find a very perplexed German Shepherd waiting but her confusion switched to tail wagging joy when Nash appeared behind me and held out a hand in greeting.

  I stood at the bottom of the stairs. “I don’t hear the kids. They must have slept through all that.”

  Nash finished petting Roxie and eyed me while I wished passionately for mind reading skills.

  “I’ll go check on them,” he said and nodded to my grass-stained wet pajamas. “Why don’t you take a minute and get cleaned up?”

  His voice didn’t sound cold or angry although the great Front Lawn Revelation must have shocked him at least a little. It still shocked me and I was the one who’d revealed it.

  I took his advice and sought a change of clothes while Nash looked in on Emma and then visited Colin’s room. The baby monitor was beside the bed in Nash’s room so I could hear him in there while I pulled a tank top and loose shorts out of my overnight bag.

  “How’s my favorite little guy?” Nash said softly. “Missed you, kid.” A few seconds later I heard the music of the crib mobile and then Nash’s footsteps heading this way.

  He appeared in the doorway, crossed his arms and leaned against the doorframe. He looked tired. And damn good, although this wasn’t the moment for me to be noticing that. He must not have shaved since he left the other night. The dark scruff all over his chin suited him.

  “Do you know how many nights I would lie awake in this room wishing I was anywhere else?” he asked.

  I sat on the edge of the bed. “No.”

  “A lot. And now I can’t remember why. It’s a nice room. A nice house. A nice town.” Nash rubbed his eyes. “Do you want to wait until tomorrow to talk about it?”

  “No.”

  Nash stared at me. I wondered what he saw now, if it was completely different than what he’d seen the last time we were together.

  I stood up. “I can go sleep on the couch.”

  “Kat.”

  “Or I can just wake Emma up and go home.”

  “Stop it.” He stepped inside the room and closed the door. Then he reached around to his back and pulled his shirt over his head before dropping his pants. We were in the midst of something serious but I couldn’t help getting turned on.

  Nash pulled the covers of the bed down, got settled and patted the sheet. “Get over here.”

  He curled his arm around me immediately and I snuggled close to him. He smelled like soap and sunshine and I sighed as my cheek landed on his chest.

  “I’m sorry,” I said, my voice catching. “I didn’t tell you the whole story because I didn’t tell anyone. My relationship with Harrison was never great. He was unfaithful and controlling and by the time we broke up I despised him. But Randall…”

  My voice trailed off as I thought about the gentle half of the Corbett brothers. Randall was a year older and didn’t have Harrison’s arrogant brand of charm. He was quieter, more serious. Everyone thought he had one of the best chances on the team to go pro. Then a knee injury after a hard tackle sent him to the sidelines and a string of surgeries left him unable to kick a painkiller habit. I didn’t have any romantic feelings for Randall, not then. My focus, my infatuation, was entirely centered on Harrison. But Randall and I were friends. I worried about him. I urged his brother to worry about him but Harrison only brushed aside any concerns with sarcastic comments.

  When Harrison and I broke up it was ugly. Messy. Shattering. I’d foolishly made him my world without asking myself if he deserved the honor. My once promising academic career had been seriously damaged. My pride was in tatters. I reached out to the guy who’d always been my friend and found he was in far worse shape than I’d guessed. I wanted him to get help. I wanted to comfort him. I held him and offered him my body because we needed each other, because I thought it might give him a reason to get clean, because I selfishly wanted to feel something even a little bit real.

  And it was real all right.

  I really had sex with my ex-boyfriend’s brother. I really got pregnant. I really woke up one awful morning to the news that Randall Corbett was dead from an overdose. And I really ran back to Hawk Valley with my tail between my legs to hide from the fallout.

  I heard myself telling all of this to Nash. He didn’t say anything. I appreciated that. All I really needed was to feel his arms around me while I poured out the words that had been rotting inside of me for far too long.

  He remained silent when I reached the end. I had no idea what would happen next. If he wanted to tell me he was disappointed, that he could never excuse the kind of deception I was capable of, then I’d have to find a way to live with that. I’d have to find a way to live without him.

  “I can’t imagine what you think of me,” I said, feeling the words catch in my throat. “I’m sorry I’m not the kind of person you thought I was.”

  He mulled that over and then sighed. “Give me some credit. I’m not judging you, Kat, if that’s what you’re afraid of. Things happen in life that are complicated and unexpected. If anyone knows that it’s me.”

  I traced the muscles of his chest. “Was your life in Oregon complicated?”

  He was puzzled by the question. “Not really. I lived alone beside the ocean with my dog. Why do you ask?”

  I figured I ought to tell him someone had been sniffing around in his past. “My mother knows some friend of a friend who’s a private detective.”

  “And?” he prodded.

  “The guy did some digging on you. Found out you were under probation for assault charges.”

  Nash nodded. “I see.”

  “I wasn’t spying on you.”

  “I know.”

  “My mother was just concerned. And I wouldn’t even have brought it up except I don’t want there to be any secrets between us.”

  “And there won’t be.” He picked up my hand and kissed the palm. “I used to think of myself as some kind of self-styled vigilante, getting small scale justice, taking action to protect the innocent from an even more violent outcome.”

  I smiled. “You sound like a super hero.”

  He snorted. “Not even close. Nothing good comes from seeking out violence, from burying your own agony by drawing blood. My dad knew it. He understood me better than I thought. He told me I wasn’t built to live that way, that it would take a piece of me every time. It took me a long time to understand he knew what he was talking about.”

  “So what now?” I asked.

  “Now I’ll find a better way to battle the Travis Hansons of the world without resorting to my fists. I have to. For me and especially for Colin.”

  “Nash,” I said gently and he looked at me. “Your parents would be very proud of you. Both of them.”

  He smiled and I saw how much the words meant to him. In the end we always wanted to make our parents proud, even if we didn’t admit it.

  “So what about this Harrison dipshit?” he asked. “He must know he’s not Emma’s father.”

  “Yeah, he knows.” I winced. “In fact I recall he had some choice words for me the last time I saw him.”

  Nash tensed. “He better not come around again.”

  I sighed. I had no idea what H
arrison was after but it couldn’t be good. “I’ll go talk to Steve Brown tomorrow. He’ll have some ideas about what to do.”

  Nash refused to drop the subject. “He’s been following you, right? He’s up to something. I think you and Emma should stay here until he’s dealt with.”

  “Nash, I don’t want to overreact.”

  “I’ll overreact for the both of us then.” He was scowling and I could tell he wouldn’t tolerate an argument. “You’re staying here. I can’t handle the idea of you and Emma alone and unprotected across town.”

  I smiled. “If he shows up again I’ll just bop him over the head with my frying pan.”

  “I’m serious, Kat.”

  “So am I. That sucker is cast iron. It can do some damage.”

  “Knock it off. You’re staying.”

  I relented. “All right.”

  He tightened his arms around me and I listened to his heartbeat. He hadn’t given me any ideas about what he thought of all the baggage I’d laid out for him.

  “You didn’t hide,” he finally said.

  I pulled away so I could see his face. “What?”

  He reached out and pushed a strand of long hair out of my face. His striking blue eyes were gentle. “You didn’t hide, Kat. You didn’t go to some unknown place where nobody knew you and pretend to be someone else. You came home. You dedicated yourself to your daughter and surrounded her with love in the place you knew best. That’s not hiding.”

  My eyes filled with tears. “I’ve never figured out what I’m going to tell her. She’s young now. But someday she’ll have questions. I’m afraid of what she’ll think of me when she hears the answers.”

  He drew me close once more and kissed my forehead. “You will figure it out though. I see how you are with Emma. You don’t hold back from letting her know how much she’s loved. She’ll never have any doubts about that.”

  I felt shy when I reached up to touch his lips. “I missed you.”

  He raised an eyebrow. “I wondered.”

  My fingers traveled over his collarbone, brushing the muscled skin and I planted a kiss there. “What else did you wonder?”