Eternal Bliss

by Bonni Sansom

  Jeff held his hand as he cried out his grief. "I'm so sorry, but I had to tell you, Kyle. I didn't want you to hurt, but you needed to know."

  Kyle gathered himself together as best he could. He wanted to know what other news awaited him. He remembered it now, the funerals, Pops first, it was raining. Then, Grams funeral, it was a beautiful day for hers. He and Jeff were both there. That was the day they had become brothers. They swore if anything happened to the other, that they would be there to take care of everything.

  "What else do I need to know?"

  "You're a firefighter for the city of Atlanta. We share a house in Marietta."

  "So, I sold the farm?"

  Jeff scrubbed his hand through his hair again. "Yep, you did, about seven years ago."

  "What else? Am I married? Do I have a girlfriend?"

  "Nope and nope, it's just you and me, buddy."

  Kyle slammed his hand down on the bed. "When the hell can I get out of here?"

  Jeff laughed." Buddy, you're lucky to be going home at all. We almost lost you, so chill out. I know you're frustrated, but just try to relax and let your body heal."

  "What happened to me? I remember being on my bike and getting hit by a car, but I was thirteen then."

  "You ... uh ... got hit by a car. You got out of your truck and got sideswiped."

  "Oh, okay, I don't remember any of it."

  Jeff scoffed. "It's probably for the best."

  "You're right, I don't want to remember anything about it, I just want out of here."

  "And you'll be getting out too," David said as he entered the room.

  "He will?" Jeff asked moving back from the bed.

  David slapped on a pair of gloves and unwrapped Kyle's head. "Lovely, just lovely. Your scars from surgery are healing nicely." He shifted around to Kyle's face and shined a light in each eye. "Yeah, you're doing fabulous." He put two fingers in Kyle's hand. "Squeeze my fingers as hard as you can. Kyle gripped him with all his strength. "O-okay, that's good." David pulled his fingers free and flexed them. "Don't break them, I need them for surgery."

  "So how's he doin,' doc?" Jeff stood to the side with his hands in his jeans pockets.

  David held up his chart, scribbled something on it, and placed it back on the bed. He clicked his pen and put it back in his coat pocket. "He's doing fabulous. At this rate, he might be able to go home in a week or so. We'll have to start you on physical therapy, mind you it won't be easy, but you're tough. You should do just fine. He pulled the gloves off, threw them in the trash, and used the wall hand sanitizer to wash up. "Is there anything you need? How are you doing with pain management?"

  "I'm not in much pain, not physically anyway, I'm just really irritated and tense, you have anything for that?"

  "Yes, I can have the nurse bring something to relax you." He wrote on the chart again and left.

  The nurse came in a moment later, squirted something into his I.V. bag, and he started to relax immediately.

  * * * *

  "Did you know that babies have heartbeats by three weeks? They're tiny though, about the size of a peanut or something like that. Then by six weeks they have lips and fingernails. This book is so cool. We have to buy this one Laine." Melanie kept flipping through the book wide eyed and amazed.

  Laine was anything but amazed. More like nauseated, again. She'd already been sick eight times since breakfast, her breasts were seriously sore, and she had to eat healthy. What part of this was fun? "Mel, you buy all the books you want. I'm going to be sitting in that chair over there, trying not to puke."

  "Alright, sour-puss, go over there and hold your cookies."

  Laine turned with her hands on her hips. "Dammit, Mel, don't mention cookies. I'm not supposed to have them. Having gestational diabetes sucks. No cookies, no carbs, and worst of all, no chocolate. How in the hell do they expect me to make it without chocolate? If I can't have sex, I need chocolate as a substitute."

  Melanie read more in the book. "Ohmigod, you need to be quiet, the baby can hear you now. You don't want him to come out cussing like a sailor do you?"

  Laine rolled her eyes and thought seriously about smacking Melanie upside her head with the book. "What the freak ever," Is what she said.

  "You can still have chocolate, I brought you some. I think it tastes pretty close to the real thing." Mel put her finger in the book to save her place.

  Laine's face contorted. "That crap is not chocolate. It doesn't even melt right. How am I going to survive on fake chocolate and fake sex?" She finally made it to the chair and plopped down.

  Melanie's eyes went wide. "Shh, you can't say sex in the bookstore."

  "You just did, and I didn't say sex, I said fake sex. You know, battery operated and manual labor."

  Melanie's face turned a deep red. "What has gotten in to you?"

  "About nine inches of pure pleasure and oh yeah, oops, a baby."

  Melanie turned on her heel and stalked off. Laine quickly opened her purse and pulled out a square of real chocolate, took a bite, and put it away again. She thought Mel would never leave her. It was almost like having her hovering mother around again. But she knew Mel's trigger. She was one of those people that actually hushed other people in the library. You most certainly didn't discuss your sex life, or lack of, in the bookstore.

  "What are you eating?"

  Laine's head snapped up to see Mel, with a frown on her face and her hands on her hips, staring down at her. She reached in her purse, pulled out a baggie and shook it. "Your fake chocolates, see?" Thank heavens she had brought the bag-o-gag.

  "Alright. See, I told you it was good, didn't I." She smiled.

  Laine closed her eyes and rubbed her tummy. "Mmm, it's so good."

  "Don't be so dramatic. It's sugar-free and I know you don't like it that much. Unless ... " She leaned down to whisper. "Are you wearing a vibrator again?"

  Laine just about choked. "God, no. That was a onetime deal, I think." Now there was a sad subject. The baby was growing strong and he had no father. She couldn't help wondering about Kyle. David said he had gotten out of the hospital and was now at home going to physical therapy four days a week, but that was all the information she had. She should be there helping him heal, helping him get back and forth to therapy. But the last words he spoke to her were etched into her brain forever. "Get out, don't want you."

  Melanie crouched down and stroked Laine's arm. "I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have brought him up. I see how hard this is on you. That's why I'm around you so much. I feel like you need my support or you'll collapse. I can't watch you go through another depression like with David."

  "David, what a waste that was. I thought I was doing something wrong, but it turns out he prefers the hotdog over the bun."

  Melanie scrunched her brows together. "What do you mean?"

  Laine scoffed. "I mean, he's gay."

  Mel gasped and shook her head. "No freaking way!"

  Laine nodded. "He told me in his office. I was asking why he did it, and he finally told me. And it turns out, he didn't cheat with Candy, it was just a cover to get out of the marriage. I spent over a year, miserable, thinking it was somehow my fault that he didn't enjoy sex with me. But hey, not every woman can say she had sex with a gay man. So, I guess that's my consolation prize."

  "Wow." Was Melanie's opinion.

  "Yep."

  "We need therapy." Melanie paced in a small straight pattern, back and forth.

  "Mel, I'm over it. I don't need some shrink to melt my brain."

  Melanie stopped and faced Laine. "I didn't mean a shrink. I meant either retail or spa therapy, pick your poison."

  "I pick the spa. I need a good massage and a pedicure before I can't see my feet." Laine looked down at her feet, noticing how swollen they were getting.

  "Wait here while I go buy these books." She pointed to a stack of books in a plastic shopping basket.

  Laine didn't have any doubt for a second that she would know everything there was to know about
pregnancy by the time she had the baby.

  Melanie hefted the small, overfilled basket and left. Laine did notice one book in the stack was a baby names book, but she had a feeling she wouldn't need it. If she was right, she would have a boy. He played through her recent dreams with dark hair and ice blue eyes. Her son, Kyle.

  She would find out in a few weeks what sex the baby was and she couldn't wait. The nursery was almost finished. She just needed the sex to determine the color of clothes and decorations. She sighed. Patience was something she was a bit short on. This wait and bake thing wasn't her style. Instant gratification was her preferred method.

  She thought about Kyle and how he might be now. Would he always hate her or would he come around. It didn't matter much, she decided. He made it perfectly clear he didn't want her. At least she still had something of him. She looked down to her slightly swollen belly with fondness. "We'll be alright, little one. I can love you enough for two." She cradled her bump in her hands. It was still a bit surreal that there was a person growing inside her womb.

  Melanie came back with a large white bag in hand. "You ready?" She readjusted the bag in her hand. "Oh, I found the next book on our book club list. I bought three copies. That way Julie will have one. We should invite her to the spa with us. All three of us could get together and have a great time getting massages and pedicures and then have dinner together."

  "Sounds like a plan. I'll give her a call." She pulled her cell out of her bag and dialed.

  "Bliss, how may I help you?" Julie answered.

  "Hey, Jules, how about you help yourself to a massage and a pedicure with me and Mel."

  "Ooh, that sounds really good. Where do you want to meet?"

  "Meet us at Posh, off of Lenox Street."

  "I'm on my way." She hung up the phone.

  "Alright, Mel, help me up. This chair is way too soft, it swallowed me whole."

  "Here, let me help." Both of them turned their heads at that voice.

  "Steve, what are you doing here?" Laine asked.

  He looked around, then back to Laine. "It's a public bookstore. I was just picking up a novel to read in the bunkroom. He looked down to the thick book he held. Then I happened to hear two of the sweetest voices in the world and thought I'd check them out."

  Laine smiled up at him. He had always been so nice to her. "Well, check away. We were just about to leave and go treat ourselves to a little pampering today."

  "Speaking of pampering, I see your little bundle is growing." He gestured to her belly with his chin, as he helped her up.

  She looked down. "Yes, I think he will be as big as his daddy."

  Steve's face softened. "Speaking of his daddy, does Kyle know?"

  She shook her head. "No, I haven't told him. He made it clear he didn't want me."

  "Laine, he had a brain injury, don't you think he might not have meant it, or even known he said it."

  "He was pretty convincing for someone who didn't know what he was saying. I know he meant it. But I'm not going to dwell on it. I have to move on." She knew she had been a fool to give in to her heart's desires. She had been foolish to trust another man. She had trusted Kyle to love her as she did him, not destroy every ounce of faith she had.

  He huffed out a breath. "I can't change your mind, but I'm telling you, he deserves to know. I would want to know if I had a child in the world."

  She knew this might be her only opportunity to find out about Kyle. "How is he?"

  "He's chomping at the bit to get back to work, even though it will be a while yet. He's doing really well in physical therapy and Jeff says his memory is constantly improving."

  "And how is Jeff doing?" Melanie asked.

  Steve smiled at her. "He's an ornery sonofabitch who misses his girlfriend. He's quite a pain in the ass since you slapped him silly."

  Melanie blushed. "Well, he pushed my buttons and I couldn't help myself."

  "You should call him." He glanced between the two of them. "You both should."

  "No." they said in unison.

  Steve backed up hands in the air. "Alright, don't kill the messenger. You both asked how they were and I told you. What you do with the information is up to you."

  "We should probably get going. We have to meet Julie," Melanie said.

  "You ladies have a good time getting pampered. I've got to head back to the station, but Laine, please consider telling him." Steve backed away, and left.

  "What do you think Laine? Shouldn't he know just in case he wants to support the baby?"

  "No, I don't need his money, and if he doesn't want me, then he doesn't want our baby. It's a package deal. I'm tired of talking about this. Let's go meet Julie before I change my mind." She sniffled, on the verge of another crying jag. Dammit, I am tired of crying over him.

  * * * *

  Lissa was gorgeous, tall, toned, curvy in all the right places, and single. So why couldn't he bring himself to ask her out? Something in the back of his mind niggled at him, making him hesitate. There was something just out of his reach. "Fuck, why can't I remember?"

  "Remember what?" Lissa asked

  "I'm sorry. I just have a ways to go with my memory. Let's get back to my therapy." Kyle walked up the little staircase and back down on the other side several times. Then sat down on a weight bench and rubbed his thigh. His leg had improved a great deal, Lissa, his physical therapist, had suggested they cut his sessions back to twice a week. He was almost to the point he didn't need pain medications any longer, and he hadn't ended up with any permanent damage. He would be able to return to work as soon as Lissa cleared him.

  "Just take it one day at a time. You'll get yourself back. Just look at all the progress you've made." She reached out and rubbed his arm.

  Nothing happened to him. No reaction whatsoever. She had been touching him for weeks, and nothing. He worried he had lost his libido, but then he'd wake up from a dream, he couldn't remember, with a hard-on. He would get up, head for the shower, and relieve himself of his torture. There was someone, he just couldn't access his memory enough to figure it out.

  He couldn't work up any enthusiasm. His loss of memories had been draining on him, pulling him into a depression. "Yeah, I know, one damn day at a time. I'm really getting tired of hearing that."

  Lissa took his chin in her hand and looked him in the eye. "Are you okay? Do you need to talk to someone? I can set it up if you need me to." Concern etched her brow and Kyle felt bad for inviting her to his pity party. God knows it should never be more than a party for one.

  "No, I'm fine, just frustrated is all. I don't need a shrink to tell me I'm screwed up, I already know it." He needed to talk to Jeff, but he was on duty. Jeff might be the only person that could help him.

  "Okay, well rest up for a minute, and then we'll get started on your exercises." Lissa patted him on the knee, stood, and went to get his equipment together.

  He watched her ass sway as she walked away, nothing, not a tingle, not an extra heartbeat, not even a twitch in his dick. Sad thing was it was a really nice ass. A perfect little heart shaped rear with toned cheeks that would spread like butter, but nada, zip, zilch. He even tried imagining her riding him like a bucking bronco, screaming his name, her hair tickling his chest while she rode, spreading her wide as he took her from behind, and still nothing.

  He wondered idly if head injuries could change his sexual orientation. He looked over at Lars, the other physical therapist, and that freaked him out. Nope, I'm definitely not gay.

  "Come on Kyle; let's get you down here on the floor. I've got you all set." She had rubber bands and balls and all sorts of exhausting toys to get him back into shape.

  He stood and made his way to the floor. Maybe he'd feel different if they were on a date. I think I'll ask her out.

  * * * *

  "I can't believe the stupid shit people do." Jeff threw his gloves down with his gear bag and opened his locker. "I've been up all damn night because people dry their damn hair in the shower, or cli
p their toenails with a knife instead of clippers. You ever seen a stupid sonofabitch cut his toe off, trimming his nails?"

  "Yes, Jeff, I have. I treated him, remember?" Steve opened his locker and hung his stethoscope on the hook. It was finally time to go home.

  Jeff jumped when a book fell from Steve's locker. "Hey man, that thing will take a foot off. Good lord, I didn't know they made books that thick."

  "Sorry, I just picked it up. I wanted to have something to read in the bunkroom besides nudie magazines and the sports section. Jeff, I ... uh, saw Melanie. She's looking as beautiful as ever and she asked about you."

  At that, Jeff's head swiveled to look Steve in the eye. "She did? What else did she have to say?"

  "Um ... not much. Hey, maybe you should call her." Steve crammed his book back into his locker and had to slam the door to shut it.

  "Man, I ain't callin' her. She slapped me in the damn face. Why should I be the one to call? She should call me and apologize and then I could go out with her again."

  Steve shook his head and rolled his eyes. 'I swear you're dumber than a bag of hammers. If she were my girl, I wouldn't leave her hanging, over my pride. Somebody else might snatch her up."

  "Was anybody with her?" Jeff would hurt any man that touched her. He was sure she felt the same way he did, but what if Steve was right, and she didn't come around? Dammit, he didn't want to be the one to cave. He noticed Steve hadn't answered. "Well? Was anybody with her?"

  He sighed. "Yes, Laine was with her." Steve pinched the bridge of his nose. "And I think you should tell Kyle."

  Jeff slammed his locker and threw his bag over his shoulder. "Tell him what? That the bitch that almost got him killed was in a bookstore? No thanks. He has enough shit on him as it is. He still hasn't regained all of his memory, and since he has forgotten about her, I don't see any reason to remind him." He turned to leave.

  "She's pregnant."

  Jeff dropped his bag and turned to face Steve. "I told him from the damn get go she was trouble. She's a damn Minivan from hell. Well, this just keeps getting better and better. And what if it isn't his?" Jeff knew it was, but he didn't want it to be. He remembered Kyle telling him about the condom breaking. She probably poked holes in the damn thing to trap him.