Lilith: Eden's Planetary Princess (The Michael Archives Book 1)

by Robinson, C. E.

  “Yes, of course, Lilith, Planetary Princess of Eden,” he puffed out as best he could with Kuko standing on him. “If you will but allow me some time to think through some numb…uh, some strategies, I would be most delighted to discuss with you how the Pharisees may be of service to the Planetary Princess.”

  At that moment, Caiaphas felt a relaxing, pleasurable crack in his back, and then another one, as Kuko expertly shifted her feet to give him an adjustment.

  “Oh, Kuko. You are so wonderful. You honor my son, who isn’t right now worthy of honor. I will see to it that all your needs are met,” Lakshmi said, forgetting any concept of a ‘Lilith’, only seeing an elegant woman of service by the name of Kuko as she changed a demeaning prostration into a therapeutic spinal adjustment.

  Lakshmi leaned forward and gave her a long, soft kiss on the lips. “Only you, Kuko. Although I have to admit that at first, I had my own personal doubts. It is now quite clear my Lord Smigyl knew best. Only you have the capabilities to defeat the Azakamani and finally get me off this terrible planet.”

  Lakshmi gave Kuko a warm smile. “Come, High Priest Caiaphas. You have much work to do.” At that, Kuko stepped off Caiaphas. He actually felt quite relaxed and was having trouble getting to his feet. He bowed to Kuko, smiled politely, and walked in the direction Lakshmi pointed, which was exactly the opposite of hers.

  Chapter 65

  Stench

  My father is the Bodhisattva, the abode of compassion. But what does that have to do with me?

  —Parvarti

  Oceania

  "You really have a lot of freaking audacity, you ugly old twat,” Parvarti said, as she stormed toward Karolita, and gave her a harsh slap across the face.

  “Who do you think you are?” she shouted, slapping Karolita so fast across the other side of her face that she had no time to recover from the first.

  “Yes, was there something you wanted to say?” Pesagniya said directly in Eros’ face. Eros remembered what Pesagniya had turned into Saturday and shriveled up on her bed.

  Parvarti took a couple paces back, crossed her arms across her chest, and smirked at Karolita. She suddenly slid forward and punched toward Karolita’s face in an obvious and deliberate manner to provoke Karolita to block with her right arm. Karolita’s arm went up, but Parvarti pulled her punch before connecting, and then slid backward.

  “What have you done to me?” she shrieked as she grasped the nub of her right arm with her left hand.

  Parvarti just smirked.

  “I’ll kill you for this,” Karolita roared as she jumped from the bed, only to find that she was also missing half her left leg. She lost her balance and toppled to the floor.

  “What are you going to do? Crawl over here and bite me on the ankle?” Parvarti sneered. “Oh my, how the great and glorious whore of the almighty whore herself has finally fallen.”

  “Fallen?” Frank Haiguns said incredulously. “You should have seen her when I tossed her out of my store. She really fell that day.”

  “But then again, you filthy little low-life maggot,” Parvarti continued. She turned her head and gave Josephine a quick wink. “A snake like you really didn’t have very far to fall, did you?”

  “Look at the bright side, Karol.” Josephine stepped over and looked down at Karolita. She was trying her best to sound like a bitch, but Parvarti was definitely the master. “No one can accuse you of having fat feet. Take that one foot and divide it by two and they would almost be delicate.”

  “AHHHHHH. I’ll kill all of you,” Karolita screamed as she tried to stand.

  “You ain’t gonna do shit,” Parvarti continued. “Well, except lie on the floor pretending you still have some kind of power.”

  The room erupted in laughter.

  Aniel entered and assumed a vantage point on Eros’ side of the room. Karolita was so enraged, she did not notice her purse in his hand.

  Everyone stood around Karolita for a minute, looking down on her. “Okay,” Parvarti continued. “If you promise not to bite, we’ll put you back on your bed.” Parvarti nodded. Aniel put down the purse, and then helped Haiguns pick Karolita up and dumped her back on her bed.

  “You know, you really need to do something about that temper of yours,” Parvarti lectured. “It really does get you into a lot of trouble.”

  “You will all suffer for this outrage,” Karolita said, spitting. “Just you wait and see what happens when my mother finds out what you’ve done to me. You and the other pigeons are too stupid to understand what lies ahead. I’ll make all of you into my slaves. Then you’ll understand pain and regret for insulting a God.”

  “And I will be the one who delivers that pain, stupid little Parvarti,” Eros said, regaining her confidence now that Pesagniya had stepped back. “Just you wait. I’ll tie you to the rack, and with my masculine weapon…” Eros reached down and grabbed her crotch in a well-rehearsed motion.

  “I’ll…”

  Eros looked down.

  “I’ll…”

  She jerked open the top of her pants.

  “What have you done to me?”

  “We have given you a vagina,” Josephine replied flatly. “The tissue on your male genitalia had become necrotic, so I told the surgeons to amputate.”

  “You did WHAT?”

  “I really don’t see the problem,” Josephine said. “You don’t seem to have a problem wearing breasts. Why should you have a problem wearing a vagina? Got something against real women?”

  Eros stared at her crotch, unable to speak.

  “Josie, Eros thinks like a rapist,” Parvarti said, as if explaining a deep mystery. “It’s easier to stab someone with a spear than with a hole.”

  “Ohhhhh,” the room said together in a well-rehearsed, bewildered tone.

  David leaned toward Parvarti and whispered in her ear. “I think it’s about time.”

  Parvarti nodded. She approached Karolita and much to Karolita’s horror, she spit in her face. “You know Karol.” Karolita was too shocked to move or think. No one had ever spit in her face. “The thing that really pisses me off is when scum like you refer to my father as Stench. So I’ve arranged a little test for you. I’m going to give you a chance. If you sit there and be good, everything will be fine. But if you attempt any treachery, I’m going to show you some real stench.” Parvarti spun around and casually walked toward the door where the remainder of the group had assembled.

  Karolita spotted her purse on the floor.

  “Eros.”

  Eros’ head jerked toward Karolita. Karolita quickly motioned her eyes to the purse. Eros instantly understood and flew off her bed. She dumped over the purse, and both Celestial weapons tumbled out. Eros whisked one up and tossed it to Karolita. Karolita snatched it out of the air, laid it on the bed, and then grabbed it properly by the handle. By then Eros had the other weapon in her hand.

  “Parvarti,” Karolita shouted.

  Parvarti spun around, as did the rest of the group.

  “Now you’ll pay for what you have done.”

  Parvarti threw her hands up in the air, shaking them, pulling her eyes and mouth wide open, gasping for air.

  David quickly stepped forward. “Don’t,” he said. “You don’t understand.”

  It was too late. Both Karolita and Eros pulled the triggers.

  And now, the beautiful, glorious great Goddess of Lakshmi will be victorious over the pitiful, ordinary little Goddess of The Blind King. How fitting. I will be remembered and praised forever.

  And just like Saturday, when Karolita had envisioned the Destiny Blade sticking out of Parvarti’s left eye, she envisioned thousands of tiny, razor-sharp shards of Ratna encased in Celestial glass, blasting out of their weapons, ripping through Parvarti and the others, tearing them to shreds.

  But just like Saturday, that did not happen. In fact, even less happened. Today, nothing happened. Karolita looked at the weapon. “What the fuck is wrong with this thing?” she said as she tapped the gauge. Th
e charge was at 83%, which was about right.

  “What’s wrong with this thing?” Eros whined as she stared at her own weapon. She pulled back her arm to throw it at Parvarti and the others as they filed out of the room.

  “Stop, you idiot. Get on your bed and sit down. I’ll figure it out,” Karolita spewed. By then Parvarti and the others were gone. Karolita heard the lock click. “We can still use them for defense, you stupid piece of shit.”

  “I’m going to kill them,” Eros said, looking down her pants. She again pulled back her left arm to throw the weapon.

  “Shut up,” Karolita shouted as she turned her head sideways, studying the weapon.

  “Look what they did to me Karolita,” Eros said, still whining as she gingerly touched her new vagina. “They took away my masculine weapon. What am I going…”

  “I said, shut the fuck up,” Karolita shouted. “Put the weapon up to your ear. Do you hear anything?”

  Eros obeyed. She listened carefully. “It’s hissing.”

  “Mine too,” Karolita said.

  “It’s air. It smells sour,” Eros said.

  “Mine smells kind of pungent.” Karolita put the weapon to her nose briefly, and then tapped the gauge. “Hmmm. That’s strange.”

  “Eros, what does your gauge say?”

  Eros turned the weapon and studied it. “About 80%.”

  “Tap it a couple of times.”

  Eros tapped the gauge.

  “Did the indicator wiggle when you tapped it?”

  “No,” Eros said, scratching her head with her right hand. “They must have glued it in place to trick us,” Eros said absentmindedly.

  “They glued it in place?”

  “Probably.”

  “Quick. They’re going to explode,” Karolita shouted.

  Eros jumped off the bed with the weapon still stuck to her hand and ran in circles.

  “Quick. Put them both in the corner. Throw your mattress on top of them, then your bed. We’ll use my mattress and bed to shield us.”

  Eros did as instructed while Karolita wriggled herself into the corner. Eros flew over beside her, flipped the other cot, and barricaded them into the opposite corner.

  “How thick is this window?” Grase asked casually as she watched Frank and Aniel run several lengths of tape around the door to seal it.

  “Thick enough,” Pesagniya replied.

  “If you have rigged those things to go critical, they could blow out half that wall,” Grase said.

  “It isn’t going to be quite like that. Just watch,” Pesagniya said.

  A dull green gas began oozing from the corner where the two weapons lay.

  Eros popped her head up from behind the mattress, scanned the room, and then ducked again. A few seconds later Karolita popped her head up, saw a green haze, and then ducked back down.

  “Do you know what a skunk is?” Parvarti asked Grase.

  “I think so,” Grase replied.

  “Now that’s just cruel,” Josephine said slowly, her expression falling.

  “Probably didn’t know I could be such a bitch, did you?” Parvarti asked as she locked eyes with Josephine.

  Josephine said nothing, just shook her head as she stared at the green gas lazily floating across the room.

  “How did you do that?” Grase asked Parvarti. “I didn’t smell anything.”

  “We rigged them last night.”

  “Still, the way those weapons leak, they should have noticed that smell and been suspicious as soon as they picked them up,” Grase continued.

  “It’s a simple chemical reaction,” Parvarti explained. “Ingredient A in one weapon, ingredient B in the other, both of which are mostly odorless. We knew Eros would be in too much of a hurry to notice the dam we built in Karol’s purse to keep the two weapons separated. When they pulled the triggers, the valves opened thus mixing A and B together. And wah lah! Instant skunk.”

  The bed and mattress protecting Karolita and Eros suddenly flew into the center of the room. Eros emerged holding her nose with one hand and fanning with the other. Karolita sat up and stuck her face in the corner. She was holding her nose with her left hand while she flailed at the air with her right nub.

  Eros ran over to the door and started pounding on it madly. Her mouth was open, her head shaking. Although the room was soundproof, it was obvious Eros was screaming. Karolita turned from the corner; the green of nausea on her face was almost the same color as the fog that rapidly filled the room. She threw up. Eros threw up.

  Soon, all the air in the room was a thick, dirty green. Eros was staggering around, pounding on the walls. She looked like she had fallen into a pit of insanity. Karolita, having figured out how to stand on one leg, hopped along, looking like a tortured wild animal, using her right nub on the wall to support herself.

  Behind the one-way mirror, Andria expected everyone to be laughing. Instead, most bowed their heads and quietly exited the room. Skillit gave her head a bewildered shake, and then walked out.

  When Andria met Parvarti’s eyes, she was staring right at her. “I bet you didn’t realize we could be so cruel.”

  “No, I didn’t.”

  “Do you know what I said to Karol just before I turned my back to her?”

  Andria shook her head no.

  “I told her that I didn’t like it when she referred to our family as Stench. ‘So I’ve arranged a little test for you.’ I said to her, ‘I’m going to give you a chance. If you sit there and be good, everything will be fine. But if you attempt any treachery, I’m going to show you some real stench.’ Then I turned my back on her.”

  Parvarti stared at Andria. “So, Andria, you tell me. Once again, she attempted to murder me. Did she get what she deserved?”

  Oceania

  After seeing Karolita and Eros gassed, Andria and Grase were allowed to spend some time in a large, outdoor courtyard. The courtyard had flagstone paths, trees and bushes, and large flowerbeds filled with butterflies and bees. There was a pond with brightly colored fish. Except for the tall walls, the guards, and the dogs, it could have been a courtyard in one of Glamoria’s palaces.

  Afterward, Master Sergeant Sardiniel led them to a cafeteria. It appeared this was one of the regular Valkyrie cafeterias, as the majority of individuals were in some sort of military uniform. In another nice gesture, Andria and Grase were allowed to eat alone at a small table so they could have their own space to talk. Regardless, neither one had much to say.

  After lunch, they returned to their cells where they took a nap. Supper came and went, this time through the small door in their cell, this time delivered by some efficient male jailer whom they had never seen before.

  After supper, they heard a knock, and Colonel Josephine Doulmahel entered. Had Andria and Grase not already seen so many acts of simple politeness, a colonel knocking on a prison door before entering would have seemed bizarre. Andria and Grase took a seat on their chairs in front of her.

  “Is there anything we can get for you to make your stay more comfortable?” Doulmahel asked. “Some books, perhaps? Neither of you seem to display any suicidal tendencies, so I could have pens and journals brought to you. Or if you like to draw, we could get you some simple art supplies.”

  Andria’s face fell.

  “You seem quite sad,” Doulmahel said.

  “You really aren’t going to torture us to death, are you?” Andria asked.

  “No, we are not.”

  Andria shook her head. “I’m really having a hard time processing all of this. What is it you want from us?”

  “Oh, the usual Valkyrie stuff,” Josephine sighed, wearing only the slightest of smiles. “We want honesty, courage, trustworthiness, integrity, respect, rational thought, self-restraint, politeness, valor, dedication to friendship, and dedication to ethics.”

  “Is that all?” Andria said, looking up at the ceiling with a chuckle.

  “That’s all, for now,” Josephine replied. “In the near future we will ask much more.
”

  Several long minutes inched past.

  “You know,” Andria said. “I would like to have a sketch pad. Nothing fancy. Just a few pieces of charcoal.”

  Josephine nodded and looked at Grase.

  “I would like to have, if it’s not too much to ask, a hardback journal, one that will last a long time. I really need to start writing some of this stuff down. My thinking is changing. I want to capture the old me while I still can.”

  “Yeah,” Andria said. “A journal for me, too.”

  Josephine stood. “I’ll get someone to drop those off in a few minutes.” She walked toward the door, then stopped and turned. “So, I’ll say good night.”

  Chapter 66

  Families

  The primary thing that makes us either different or the same is our attitude toward family.

  —El Elyon

  Elysium

  "Is it my turn?” Prince Caligastia asked, eager to lie on the floor and like Caiaphas get a spinal adjustment. Kuko looked at his beaming, red-tinted face.

  “No way. Who knows how you would interpret such a thing,” Kuko replied.

  Caligastia took Kuko’s hand, kissing it for a long time. His sexual center glowed brightly. Caligastia, the Overlord of the metabolic domain, which included sexual function, was just being what he was. He did not care if everyone noticed his sexual center glowing.

  More than once, Indra had asked Kuko to seduce Caligastia — not a terribly difficult task — then talk him out of some information; that too, not terribly difficult. Caligastia, for all his indulgences and sexual self-servitudes, was a fairly decent lover.

  Standing not very close to Caligastia’s left side was Queen Amphitrite, who had been a Nephilim manufactured to be his daughter, but whom he later Exhaulted to a Demigoddess and took as his wife. Stuck tightly to his right side was Nephilim Gwenith. Kuko quite liked Gwenith. Gwenith had a good heart. If anyone knew how to throw a party, it was Gwenith. Kuko had caught Gwenith’s eye several times that night and knew she was beyond excited to greet Kuko.