Incinerate

by Tessa Teevan

  “You did this because of a job? One I didn’t even know was being handed to me? You tried to ruin my fucking life because of my fucking name?” I seethe, incredulous that this is because of my name.

  At this point, I’m not sure whether to be angry or feel pity for him. Shrugging, he pushes off the car. “I got the job and the girl, didn’t I?” he asks, apparently done with the explanation, the smug smile spreading over his face again.

  Opening my car door, I’m about to slide in. I rest my arm on the top of my girl Evelyn. “Yeah, Branson, you did. And thank Christ for that, because my life’s infinitely better without either of them.”

  Before he can answer, I get in my car, finished with this conversation. Pulling out of the spot, I don’t look back, and even though his reasons were shit, I’m actually relieved to finally know why he did what he did.

  As I make the drive back to Clarksville, I can tell I’m on edge. I’d been apprehensive enough about seeing my dad, but running into Branson threw me off balance—more than I’d like to admit. And with the way he talked about Charlie’s breasts, I know I need to punch something.

  His words replay in my head, and even though I know he’s wrong, I can’t help but wonder if he might actually be onto something. I remember her dad saying that she doesn’t date soldiers, and I’m the complete opposite of the professor. What if this is just a novelty thing for her? Something that’ll wear off when she decides she wants someone with a stable, corporate career that won’t have him away for months at a time, not ever knowing when the next deployment will be. The thought of not having her in my life hurts more than any pain Megan inflicted, and while I know Charlie has feelings for me, I can’t help but hear Branson in the back of my mind. Yeah, I really need to punch something.

  Checking to make sure I have a gym bag in my back seat, I decide to head to the gym to blow off some steam. I’m not exactly worked up, but I’m on edge, and a few rounds sparring will help calm me down.

  When I walk into the gym, I’m more than ready for a fight. Looking around the room, I see Charlie—with Chris. Of all the people she could spar with, she chose him, the fucking guy who’d tried to worm his way in before I could.

  They’re dancing around each other in the ring, and I watch as she lands a quick jab in his side before he’s able to get in a low kick on her shin. I can tell she’s taking it easy on him as she allows him to get in a sequence of punches I know she could have blocked. Finally, she lets him take her down, and he hovers over her, leaning down to whisper in her ear. When I see her laughing at whatever he said, I feel like I’m going to lose my mind as a rush of anger flows through me.

  Crossing to their ring, I’m quick to slip through the ropes, pulling him off her. He stumbles backwards a few steps before he catches his ground, glaring at me.

  “What the hell, man?”

  “You’re too goddamn close to my woman. You need to back the fuck off,” I tell him, flexing my biceps like an arrogant asshole.

  “Dude, we’re sparring. That’s it. Chill out,” he says, pissing me off even more. I know I’m taking out the aggression from my brother out on him, but at the moment, I don’t give a shit.

  “Just sparring my ass. You were fucking straddling her, whispering shit so that you could be on top of her a little while longer. I know you want her, but you need to find your own damn woman.” I’m fuming, and it takes everything in me not to let him be the recipient of the punch I want to let fly right now.

  Charlie stands up, getting between the two of us. Turning to him, she gives him an apologetic smile. “Apparently, my boyfriend decided to be an unbelievable asshole today. I’m sorry, Chris. You’re doing much better with your takedowns. We’ll work on your punch-kick techniques next time, okay?”

  He nods, and she turns to me. I notice he’s not going anywhere, and I’m more than irritated that she just apologized to this asshole for me. The smile has fallen from her face, and she looks pissed as hell. She doesn’t say a word as she brushes past me, leaving the ring. I know I have a scowl on my face as I watch her walk back towards the locker room and I direct it at Chris.

  “Are you a goddamn fucking idiot? That girl wants you more than anyone else in this gym, and if you’d pull your head out of your ass, you’d know that. She wasn’t even remotely interested in me when we went on a date, and she isn’t interested in me now.”

  His words register, and fuck me, I know he’s right. I just did exactly what Branson wanted. I let my insecurities and past betrayals get the best of me, causing me to lose my shit when I saw another man’s hands on her. Damn, I just royally fucked up, and I know I need to fix it.

  LEAVING KNOX in all his testosterone glory, I’m pissed as hell, not to mention embarrassed as fuck, as I exit the ring and quickly make my way to the locker room. I know he came straight here from his dad’s, and I can only guess that something happened to set him off. Watching him take it out on Chris as he tried to claim me in a gym full of men whose respect I’m still trying to earn was humiliating, and for the first time, I’m beginning to believe that he doesn’t trust me, even though I’ve never given him reason not to. The only thing I can guess is that going back to Belle Meade and seeing Megan and his brother brought back his issues with relationships. I’m not sure I can handle being compared to her or deal with the baggage of it. The baggage I thought he’d gotten over.

  I’m trying to throw all my clothes in my bag so I can get the hell out of here when I hear the locker room door open. Looking up, I see Knox watching me, a sober look on his face. Throwing my bag over my shoulder, I go to exit the room, but he blocks me from leaving.

  “Please get out of my way,” I ask as calmly as possible, not looking up at him, but he doesn’t move.

  He brings his hand to my face, trying to lift it, but I hold my chin firm, not letting him move me. “Sweetheart,” he whispers, causing me to glare up at him.

  “Oh, no. Don’t you dare ‘sweetheart’ me, Knox Wellington,” I say, poking him in the chest to emphasize every single word. “You don’t get to storm into the gym and embarrass me like you’re some kind of lunatic jealous boyfriend and then make it all better by getting all sexy and whispery with your sweetheart bullshit.”

  He grins down at me, and I want to smack it off of his face and then kiss him to make it feel better. Must. Stay. Pissed, I tell myself, not letting him know how much his sexy smirks affect me.

  Grabbing my finger, he pulls me into him before placing his arms around my waist. He places a kiss on my forehead before he presses his against mine.

  “I’m sorry, babe. I ran into my brother and we had words. I was already feeling heated, and when I walked in and saw him straddling you, I fucking lost it.”

  I can only imagine what happened when he saw Branson, but that’s no excuse. As I pull away, it takes everything in me to look at him, but I know I have to say this so that he understands that I’m serious.

  “Look, Knox, I understand what happened back then was awful. And if seeing him brings all those old feelings back up again, then I don’t know what we’re doing here. If you have unresolved feelings about it or trust issues, then I don’t see how we can let our relationship progress any further. You have no reason not to trust me, but when you act like that, you lead me to believe that you don’t.”

  Saying those words hurt more than I could have imagined, but I already wasted enough of my time being in relationships where I wasn’t enough. As much as I want to be with Knox, I don’t want to waste my time, even though it feels like my heart might break if this is the end. Things have been so perfect lately, and I really thought going to his parents had helped him start to heal from everything, but now I’m beginning to think I was wrong. That it was only temporary. I don’t know if I can handle him reverting to his broody, untrusting self. Wiping the stupid, traitorous tear that’s spilled over onto my cheek, I finally look away, unable to hold his gaze any longer.

  “What the hell are you saying, Charlie?” he asks in a hus
hed, questioning tone.

  I can feel my shoulders slump, wishing he’d told me I was wrong. “Until you finally get over what they did to you, I don’t see how we can move forward.” My voice catches on the last word, and I’m seconds away from bursting into sobs.

  He lifts my chin and uses his free hand to pull me into him. “Sweetheart, I don’t want anyone but you. My issues with Branson have nothing to do with Megan. He said some shit about you that made my blood boil, and the thought of him touching you that night made me want to kill him. I was already seething from that, so when I walked in and saw Chris, I snapped. It’s not that I don’t trust you. I do, Charlie, with my whole heart, but it’s them. I don’t trust them.”

  Relieved and elated at his words, I feel my heart calm down. “If you trust me, Knox, then it doesn’t matter about them. Chris is a friend. He knows I have no interest in him. Everyone in this gym knows you’re it for me, so no matter who I spar with, who ends up straddling me on the mat, they all know I’m going home to you. To your bed.”

  “To our bed,” he corrects me, and I can’t help but grin, knowing I haven’t spent a single second in my own bed since that very first night.

  “I chose you, Knox, the same night you claimed me. And while I like this possessive side of you, I prefer it in the bedroom, not in public.”

  Letting go of my face, he pulls me in closer, resting his chin on my head. “I know, babe. And I’m sorry for acting like a jackass. I do want to move forward with you, and the thought of losing you, now or in the future, scares the hell out of me. When Branson planted that idea in my head, I kind of went a little crazy.”

  He wants more with me. I try so hard not to let these words sink into my heart too deep. I’m still scared that he’s going to wake up one day and decide that he really isn’t ready for a relationship, but I can’t help it. The more time I spend with him, the more I get to see his true heart, the harder I fall.

  “You think? Come on, Knox. You know Branson doesn’t have a clue what he’s talking about, so I have no idea why you’d even let his words bother you.”

  I can feel his chest heave as he takes in a deep breath. “I know. I’m a fucking idiot. I just don’t ever want to lose you.”

  Pulling back, I look up at him. “Knox, when are you going to realize that I’m not going anywhere?”

  Leaning down, he presses his lips against mine. “I know that now. And it’s a damn good thing, because I wouldn’t let you, even if you tried.”

  “I have no doubt about that. Race you home?” I ask seductively, wanting more than anything for him to be inside me right now.

  Placing a hot kiss on my lips, he pulls me out of the locker room, through the gym, and into the parking lot. Looking at Evelyn, I’m wishing I were riding in her instead of my 2010 Hyundai Sonata.

  Catching me looking at his other baby, he chuckles. “Hurry your ass home and maybe I’ll finally give you that ride you’ve been wanting,” he says, winking at me.

  Oh god, the thought of him fucking me on the hood of his car is hot as hell. Throwing my car door open, I start the engine before he can even finish his sentence.

  Rolling down the window, I call to him as I’m pulling out of the lot. “Don’t keep me waiting, Rugged.” I have to laugh when he shakes his head at me.

  Driving down the road, I’m trying not to get overly excited at the thought of him, me, and Evelyn. I know he’s about to fulfill one of my biggest fantasies, and I can’t freaking wait.

  WHEN KNOX met me at home, I felt like I’d been waiting for hours, but the moment he threw me on the hood of Evelyn, ripped my shorts off, and slammed into me without preamble made every single second worth waiting for. Until Knox, I’d never actually fantasized about being taken on the hood of a car. But ever since I walked into that garage and saw her, I knew I wanted him to fuck me right there, paintjob be damned.

  When he finally did, it was a mixture of passion, possession, and claiming. I know he apologized, but the way he was seemed raw, like he was trying to push out whatever thoughts Branson had put in his mind. Like every single time he buried himself inside me made him really believe I was here to stay. And all I could do was hold on to him, his thrusting too forceful, too fast for me to even keep up. It was only a few minutes before I was clawing his back, coming around his cock as he released into me.

  Remembering the intense feeling that washed over me as he took total control has me so turned on, and if he weren’t waiting for me to go out for the night, I’d probably be enjoying a little self-pleasure in the shower as I remember just how hard he fucked me.

  Unfortunately, instead of a shower, I have to get ready to go out for the night. We’re on our way to Legends, where we’re meeting up with Lucy and Kale. Ever since she’s been back for the summer, they’ve been spending a lot of time together, but whenever I ask, she says they’re just friends. Walking into the bar, we spot them almost immediately and join them at their table.

  Lucy jumps up, giving me a hug. “Hey, girl! I swear, now that you’re with Handsome over here, I never get to see you,” she says, even though I know many of her nights are spent with Kale.

  Speaking of, he comes over and gives me a hug before he and Knox head to the bar to get drinks. Sliding into a chair next to Lucy, I notice that she’s grinning at me.

  “What?” I ask, wondering if I have a smudge in my mascara or something.

  “You. You look like you’ve just had the most amazing sex of your life. You’re all flushed and smiley. I can’t remember the last time I saw you like this.”

  I can feel the blush creep over my face, and Lucy squeals when she sees it. “We may or may not have had hot, sweaty sex on the hood of his car,” I finally admit, causing her to squeal even louder.

  I move to shush her, hoping that Knox doesn’t look back and see her cheesing like a lunatic. “Oh my god, you two are so cute together. Who would’ve thought? So what’s it like? Being a couple, living together? I feel like I missed so much from being gone this summer,” she says, and I can tell she wants every single detail.

  Grinning at her, I decide to throw her a bone. “Well, things were a little iffy at first, but since the night he said he wanted to be with me, it’s been mostly nothing short of amazing. Sure, our personalities clash at times, but that usually just leads to really hot make-up sex.” I pause, letting my words soak in. “But honestly, Luce, he’s one of the sweetest, most thoughtful guys I’ve ever met.”

  She eyes me suspiciously, assessing my words. “You’re falling for him,” she guesses, and I can only nod and smile when I see her eyes widen.

  “Falling? Fallen? Semantics, right? I’m crazy about him, Lucy,” I tell her, and she quiets, looking behind me. I realize we’re not alone, and I wonder how much he heard. He doesn’t show any expression when he sets a beer down in front of me, so I decide not to worry about it.

  The four of us catch up. Lucy tells us funny stories about her second graders, while Kale and Knox talk about their training exercises. Watching Knox talk about work, I realize just how much he really loves his job. His eyes light up when he talks about which wires to snip, and a shiver runs down my spine, thinking about him being that close to an explosive.

  A little while later, Jace and Lexi surprise us, joining us at our table. The guys scoot another one over before heading to grab another round. Lexi’s beaming and can barely sit still in her seat.

  “Lexi, what the hell are you so happy about?” I finally have to ask, not being able to stand not knowing what her excitement’s about.

  Leaning forwards, she gestures for us to come closer. “I’m not supposed to say anything, but dammit, I can’t wait!” She’s practically squealing with delight, and I’m dying to know what’s going on. Before she can say anything, the guys come back to the table. Jace takes one look at her and shakes his head.

  “Alexa, we agreed to wait,” he says, faking a scowl.

  “I didn’t say anything! I promise,” she protests, fluttering her eyelids
up at him. Lucy and I look at each other, grinning, because I think we both know what’s about to happen.

  Once everyone takes their seats, Jace grabs Lexi’s hand, bringing it in for a kiss, and that’s when I see it. There’s a gorgeous ring on her left hand, and she holds it out for us all to see. It’s different than a traditional engagement ring and I love the way the bright red ruby sparkles when the light hits it.

  “We’re getting married!” she exclaims.

  I have a feeling everyone in the bar heard her. Kale and Knox both get up and give Jace some kind of man hug while Lucy and I gush over the ring. Eventually we all settle back in around the table as Lexi tells us how Jace proposed at the Reds stadium, and it’s one of the most romantic things I’ve ever heard.

  When she finishes the story, Lucy and I are practically swooning over Jace, and Lexi surprises me with what she says next. “And the wedding’s next month, so you all better be there.”

  I watch as Knox’s eyebrows rise. “Next month? How in the hell are you going to plan a wedding in a month?”

  Jace shrugs as he takes a sip of his beer. “We decided we’ve waited long enough for this. It’s just going to be something small and simple on the beach. Like Alexa said, we’d like you there.” Knox nods.

  “Wouldn’t miss it,” he says. He looks at Lexi contemplatively, and I wonder what he’s thinking.

  I’m about to lean over and ask when Kale challenges him and Jace to a game of pool, something neither of them can turn down.

  “So, Charlie, how are things with Knox?” Lexi asks.

  “Umm, they’re good,” I say, pausing when she gives me a look like she wants to know more. “Okay, they’re better than good. Things are great. I honestly can’t remember the last time I felt this comfortable in a relationship.”