Ray of Hope (Ray #2)

by E. L. Todd

  “What’s up?” Ryker greeted Rex with a restrained form of enthusiasm.

  “Pissed,” Rex barked.

  No. No. No.

  Rex continued on. “The Mariners are getting their asses handed to them. Like, didn’t they go to school for this?”

  “To play professional baseball?” Ryker asked with a laugh. “I don’t think so.”

  “Well, that makes sense now. No wonder why they suck.”

  Thank god Rex was on his best behavior. I grabbed the beers and walked into the living room. To my annoyance, Ryker was sitting on the couch with Rex. If I wanted to sit with him, I’d have to squeeze in between the two guys and that simply wasn’t comfortable. Did he do it on purpose? I handed the beer over.

  “Thanks.” He twisted off the cap with his hand and took a drink.

  I sat on the other couch, and Safari immediately jumped up beside me. I hid my irritation at Ryker’s behavior. He was purposely keeping me at a distance and doing everything possible to maintain space between us. But if that was how he felt, why did he come over in the first place?

  We spent the next few hours watching the game, and empty beer bottles piled up on the table. Safari snuggled closer to me. With his powerful dog sense, he knew I was battling my anger.

  It seemed like Ryker loosened up a bit toward the end of the game. He and Rex were making jokes about the opposing team and then talking about the recent events inside Groovy Bowl. There was a lot of shit-talk back and forth, normal banter between two friends.

  But Ryker didn’t talk to me once.

  I couldn’t believe all of this was happening just because I said three little words.

  Three stupid words.

  When the game was over, Ryker gathered his beer bottles and tossed them in the trash in the kitchen. He was out of sight, so Rex turned to me.

  Rex mouthed, “What the hell?”

  I shrugged. “I don’t know,” I mouthed back.

  “I think I’m gonna take off,” Ryker announced from the kitchen.

  Rex nodded his head toward the door. “Talk to him.” He pointed to the entryway while he still mouthed to me.

  This was stupid. I couldn’t believe it was really happening. “Alright. I’ll walk you out.” I walked to the front door and saw him already standing there in his thick coat. “Too bad they lost. But it was a good game.”

  “Yeah. They’ll still get into the play-offs so it’s fine.”

  “I hope so. If not, Rex will murder someone.”

  He chuckled. “Rex is too stupid to figure that out.”

  “Hey,” Rex snapped. “Maybe I’m stupid but not deaf.”

  Ryker opened the door and stepped out in one fluid motion. “I’ll talk to you later.”

  Again, no kiss. No hug. Nothing. “Alright.”

  He nodded before he walked down the hall and disappeared into the stairway.

  I shut the door then leaned my back against it, feeling defeated, frustrated, and flat-out pissed off.

  Rex rounded the corner with a grim look on his face. “Sorry, sis…” He only referred to me that way when he really did feel bad for me.

  “I want to slap him—really hard.”

  “Maybe you should.”

  “I don’t regret what I said because I meant it. I still mean it now. But he shouldn’t behave this way. It’s absolutely ridiculous.”

  He crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against the counter. “Yeah, it is…”

  “What should I do?”

  Rex shrugged with his large shoulders. “I really don’t know, Rae. I’ve never been in this situation before.”

  “He’s gonna dump me, isn’t he?” It was only a matter of time before he cut me loose. He’d already shut me out completely, treated me like a friend, and would hardly look at me. We were so close just a week ago, and now it seemed like that connection never happened.

  “I wouldn’t say that.”

  “But he is. It’s so damn obvious.”

  “I would give him a little more space and see what he does. And if he still acts like a little bitch, I’d confront him.”

  I stared at the ground as I felt the hopelessness sink in. “I just want this to go away.”

  “It will. All things come to pass.”

  It was the wisest phrase I’d ever heard him say, but now wasn’t the time for a compliment. “Nothing is worse than being shut out like this. I would much rather him yell at me than give me the cold shoulder. I don’t deserve it.”

  “No, you don’t.” He nodded in agreement.

  I couldn’t believe this was happening. Just a week ago, I was happy and in love. And now…I was totally miserable.

  ***

  I gave him an entire week to contact me, and he never did. He never texted me, called me, or stopped by the apartment. My despair quickly turned to rage at being ignored like this. He acted like I did something terrible to him, lied to him, or cheated on him. All I did was tell him how I really felt.

  Was that really so terrible?

  “I’m gonna march over there and give him a piece of my mind.” I snatched my coat from the coatrack and stormed to the entryway.

  “Whoa, hold on.” Rex abandoned his dinner at the table and rushed to my side. “Not a good plan. Abort.”

  “It’s been a week, Rex. He’s ignored me for an entire week.”

  “Yeah, he’s an ass. I get it. But catching him off guard and screaming at him isn’t going to help anything.”

  “I don’t give a shit anymore.” I nudged Rex out of the way and walked into the hallway. “No one treats me like this and gets away with it. I’ve been patient for two weeks but no more.”

  This time Rex didn’t stop me. “Then give him hell.”

  ***

  I knew the code to get into his apartment, so I used it. It wasn’t exactly ethical, but if he hadn’t ignored me and pissed me off, this wouldn’t have happened.

  The elevator rose to the top floor and came to a stop. Then the doors opened.

  The living room was empty but all the lights were on so I assumed he was home. When he heard the elevator ding, he came down the hallway, unease in his eyes because someone was in his apartment. He stopped in his tracks when he realized it was me.

  I didn’t issue any kind of apology. I stepped inside and heard the doors shut behind me. His features were difficult to decipher because, once again, he was an enigma. He wasn’t a man who just came out and said what he was thinking. “I told you I loved you. I meant it when I said it, and I still mean it now.”

  He rested his arms by his sides, but his shoulders were tense.

  “When I said I wouldn’t be upset if you didn’t say it back, I meant that too. Our relationship doesn’t have to change, but for some reason, you’ve completely cut me off like I don’t matter to you. I never hear from you, and the one time we’re together, you avoid me like I have a disease. Ryker, this is absolutely ridiculous.”

  His eyes were lidded and cold, complete masked.

  “I’m not putting up with it anymore. I’ve given you two weeks to get your ass in gear, but it seems like things are getting worse rather than better. I’m not sure why confessing how I feel would be so offensive that you would treat me like that. But it’s unacceptable.” I stepped farther into his apartment, and he didn’t take a step back. “So, is this over? If it is, be a man and dump me. Don’t ignore me until I go away.”

  Ryker barely blinked as he stared me down. His chest hardly rose, so it wasn’t clear if he was even breathing. His hands were slack by his sides, and he didn’t make fists. Even now, he wasn’t giving me anything.

  I waved a hand in front of his face. “Anyone home?”

  That finally provoked him into saying something. “Rae, this isn’t working out. We had fun while it lasted, but it’s time we call it quits.”

  When I told him to dump me like a real man, I didn’t think he would actually do it. I thought confronting him would make him realize he’d been a dick and then he wou
ld apologize. The idea of us being over just because of what I said was ridiculous. “Because I told you I love you?” The hurt remained out of my voice, and I took on an incredulous tone to mask my pain.

  “We’re in different places. I can’t be with someone who’s not in the same place.”

  “Ryker, we’ve been dating for three months. Pigs fall in love quicker than that. Love is just a feeling. It’s not an expectation or a commitment. I told you I’m okay with you not feeling the same way.”

  His tone darkened. “But I’m never going to feel the same way.”

  Those words cut me like a knife.

  “Ever.”

  Unnecessary use of force. “I don’t believe that. I think you do love me but you aren’t ready to admit it.”

  “Rae, I don’t. I really, truly don’t.”

  Despite how aggressively he spoke, I still didn’t believe him. I remembered our relationship from beginning to end. I remembered how a one-night stand turned into something more. I remembered the way he touched me, kissed me, and all the pretty words he said. I remembered how jealous he used to get. I remembered everything, down to the last detail. “I can’t believe this…”

  “Well, you better start.”

  I did nothing to deserve this cruelty, not a damn thing. And I didn’t appreciate it. “You’re talking to me like I did something terrible to you.”

  “You broke in to my apartment.”

  “Because you ignored me.”

  “If you’d called, I would have answered.”

  “And danced around the subject and kept me at a distance, like always.” We’d had our fights before, but they were nothing like this. He was a stranger I didn’t know. He was an evil man intent on hurting me as much as possible. “And you wouldn’t have called me because you’re a damn pussy, Ryker. You tried to ignore me like I would just go away. Like the past three months could have just disappeared.”

  His eyes narrowed to slits.

  “I don’t know what happened to you, Ryker. But saying those three little words doesn’t deserve these kinds of repercussions. You have your own issues that you aren’t telling me. There’s something else going on that you’re hiding from me. If you don’t want to tell me, fine. But I’m not sticking around for more of this nonsense.”

  His mouth was shut like he had nothing else to say.

  I turned to the elevator and walked inside. I hit the button to the first floor and stared at him, waiting for him to pull his head out of his ass and realize he was being a goddamn idiot. The doors began to close but he still didn’t do anything.

  Finally, he spoke. “Goodbye, Rae.”

  The doors shut.

  The elevator started to move, and I gripped the rail for support. I put on a nice show because I refused to appear weak to a man who clearly didn’t respect me. I leaned against the door and closed my eyes, feeling hot tears forming behind my eyelids. I refused to let them fall because I was stronger than that.

  I was too strong for a weak man like him.

  ***

  I knocked on the door and listened to his footsteps inside the house.

  Zeke opened the door and didn’t hide his surprise at my appearance on his doorstep. He was in sweatpants and a t-shirt, clearly relaxing in front of the TV after a long day at work. He glanced past me to see if I was alone. “Hey, what’s up?”

  “Is Rochelle here?”

  “No.” His eyes narrowed in surprise. “Why?”

  That was a loaded question. “I just got into a fight with Ryker and…I don’t know. For some reason, my feet brought me here.” I didn’t want to go home and listen to Rex say he told me so. I didn’t want to tell Jessie and Kayden what happened and see them gasp in shock. I didn’t want to sit alone in my room, trapped with my disturbing thoughts. Zeke was the most comforting person I knew. He was always there for me without a judgmental tone. He’d always been a good friend to me since the day we met. And for whatever reason, I felt innately comfortable with him.

  Zeke didn’t press his questions on me. “Come inside.” He opened the door wide and guided me through, his arm moving around my waist. He shut the door then walked with me into the living room. The TV was on, so he quickly hit the mute button. Most of the blinds were closed except on the large doors that led to his backyard. A field of green with trees sat right behind the porch. Zeke’s place always smelled like pine needles and freshly cut wood. Somehow, it comforted me.

  He sat beside me on the couch and stared into my face. “What happened?”

  I told him the story from the beginning, from the day I told Ryker I loved him until what happened thirty minutes ago.

  Zeke didn’t say anything but his jaw clenched in anger. His eyes weren’t comforting any longer. There was rage deep inside, unstoppable and angry.

  “I know Ryker was pissed I barged into his apartment like that, and I understand why. In a few weeks, I think he’ll come back to me and apologize for everything. So I’m not really sure if we’re broken up or not.”

  “If you aren’t, then you better dump him now.”

  I watched the fire dance in his eyes.

  “Rae, this is ridiculous. Who reacts that way? You told him you loved him, and he treated you like shit.” Zeke wasn’t normally this aggressive but he’d clearly snapped. “If any guy is lucky enough to have you feel that way about him, then he should be dancing on the goddamn table. He should be screaming those words back to you. He should ask himself how he got so lucky to have the love of such an amazing woman. He shouldn’t be a fucking dickhead and act like a sophomore in high school. Fuck that guy.”

  Damn, he was pissed.

  Zeke read the wary expression on my face and realized he wasn’t helping. “Sorry…I got carried away.”

  “It’s okay.”

  “I won’t take back what I said. Honestly, he’s not good enough for you, Rae.”

  “Yeah…”

  He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me into his side.

  I rested my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes.

  “I’m sorry you feel like this. I wish I could fix it.”

  “You’re doing a great job, Zeke. I do feel better.”

  He rubbed my back gently as he rested his head against mine. “You don’t deserve this, Rae. There are men out there who would never make you feel this way. There are men better than Ryker.”

  “I know…Rochelle is so lucky to have you.”

  He flinched under my words, but only slightly. If I wasn’t lying on him, I wouldn’t have even noticed.

  “You’re such a good guy, Zeke. You would never hurt anyone. Always so respectful, humble, and honest. Maybe you should teach a class or something. Teach men how to be men.” I’d seen Zeke with Rochelle, and he was so thoughtful and committed. He would never hurt her. He would never hurt anyone.

  “Maybe,” he said with a forced chuckle.

  I let the minutes trickle by as I listened to his beating heart. Concentrating on that rhythmic sound brought me some form of comfort. “I don’t know why I always go for the wrong guys. I’m programmed to fall for assholes. It’s in my DNA.”

  “One day, you’ll find the right guy. I know you will.”

  “Even now…I still love him.” Saying those words out loud nearly shattered me. Only because Zeke was there did I keep my emotions in check. “I don’t know why. I don’t know how to explain it. But I do…”

  He ran his hand down my back. “Love is a tricky thing.”

  “I think he’ll get his act together in a few weeks. He’ll apologize…and I’ll forgive him.”

  “Rae, I know it’s not my place, but I really don’t think you should do that.”

  “I completely agree with you. But I can’t change the way I feel. I know if he got on his knees and apologized to me, I would take him back. I would buy all of his excuses just for the chance to be happy again…because what we had was pretty incredible.”

  Zeke didn’t press his argument further because he k
new he wouldn’t change my mind. I was stuck in a painful web of emotions, and nothing I did would pull me back out. I was at Ryker’s mercy even though it was painful to admit that truth.

  “I understand how you feel. When you feel this strongly about someone, you can’t always think straight. You’re a slave to everything they do. You tell yourself to walk away, but it’s so hard. You keep hoping. You keep dreaming.” He pulled his face away so he could look at me. “And nothing they do will ever change the way you feel about them.”

  I thought he was talking about Rochelle, but that didn’t quite add up. There was no reason for him to walk away from Rochelle. She seemed to be the perfect person for him, and it was obvious she loved him because she couldn’t keep her eyes off him. “I didn’t know you ever felt that way about someone.”

  He broke eye contact. “It was a long time ago.”

  “You loved her, but she didn’t love you?” Since he brought it up, I thought it was okay to ask questions.

  “Basically.”

  “I’m sorry, Zeke.”

  “It’s okay. I got through it, and you’ll get through this too.”

  “Yeah…I hope so.”

  He continued to rub my back with a look of concern in his eyes. “You want to sleep here tonight? The spare bedroom is all yours.”

  “No, I should probably go home. Rex will worry about me. He saw the way I stormed out like a madwoman.”

  “I know that look,” he said with a smile. “It wouldn’t be smart to get in your way.”

  “He’s probably worrying about me right now. I just don’t feel like talking about it with him.”

  “Then why did you talk to me?”

  “I don’t know,” I whispered. “I guess Rex warned me that Ryker was a mistake. I’ll have to admit he was right, and he’s going to rub it in my face.”

  His voice came out gentle. “Rae, he would never do that.”

  “Yes, he would. And you know what? He has every right. I should have listened to him.”

  “Even if he was right, Rex didn’t want to be right.” Zeke dropped his hand from my back and rested it on his thigh. “I knew it would be a mistake too, but I wanted Ryker to prove me wrong. We all did. None of us feel any sense of victory. All we care about is how you feel right now.”