Home Run
A Sketch
I wrote this piece on March 27, 2006, shortly after the death of Charles M. Tanner, the founder of Covenant Players, a Christian touring drama ministry. There are a lot of in-jokes here, so it’ll have the most meaning to people who have been associated with Covenant Players.
Silas: Peter, Peter! He’s here! He’s here!
Peter: Who? Who’s here?
Silas: You know. The one they called Chuck.
Peter: There are lots of Chucks.
Silas: Chuck Tanner.
Peter: Oh, yeah. The guy who said it was hard to win a pennant, but even harder to lose one. Coached baseball.
Silas: Baseball?
Peter: (Pantomimes batting a ball)
Silas: Right. Strange way to spend a Sunday afternoon. (Shakes head) No, not the baseball coach.
Peter: Let’s see. Chuck Tanner, you said?
Silas: Yeah. Charles M.
Peter: Little guy?
Silas: Hmm, well. He wasn’t big…
Peter: Passionate?
Silas: Totally committed.
Peter: Liked to hug a lot?
Silas: Whoa! You got it!
Peter: And talk?
Silas: Don’t I know it!
Peter: Isn’t he the guy that said if you understand and trust, that’s wisdom?
Silas: Yeah. And if you don’t understand and trust, that’s faith.
Peter: Okay. I got him now. Wrote plays, didn’t he?
Silas: Lots of them. (Glumly) A few too many.
Peter: Oh, now I remember! Bananas and oranges!
Silas: That’s right. And I want to meet the man.
Peter: Where’s he now?
Silas: Somewhere about. I don’t know. I’ve been looking.
Peter: Well, figure it out, man. What do you know about him?
Silas: Well, I worked on it. I figured he’d look up his old friends.
Peter: Did he?
Silas: Not right away, of course.
Peter: Of course. They all want to see the Son first.
Silas: Didn’t you?
Peter: All I ever wanted.
Silas: Me, too. It was great. Animated conversation, deep silences, a little weeping, a lot of laughter. I know this Chuck guy spent a long time with Him.
Peter: We have lots of time.
Silas: An eternity. Then, like everyone else, I knew he’d look up old friends.
Peter: There’s a lot of ‘em up here.
Silas: Yeah, I know. I figured he’d want to start a drama group with them, so I went to the Celestial Playhouse.
Peter: Makes sense. It’s always great to get new expressions of worship. He wasn’t there?
Silas: No. I couldn’t find them doing that.
Peter: What else does he like to do?
Silas: He’s a friendly guy—loves people. He loved to fellowship with family and friends. Strong coffee, cheesy omelet’s, burnt French fries…
Peter: Everybody here loves fellowship. Maybe not the burnt French fries, but…
Silas: That’s what makes it so hard—everybody’s having such a good time with everybody else, it’s hard to find a distinct group. Then I remembered something. Something, well—
Peter: Distinct?
Silas: Yeah. Distinct. Sometimes I peeked in on him having lunch and asking his friends a lot of questions. I think they called it “quiz”.
Peter: Strange.
Silas: Well, I thought so, but they all seemed to enjoy it. So I looked for a bunch of people doing that. Nothing.
Peter: Don’t blame them. I’d rather be fishing! Fishing! Did you try that?
Silas: Of course not. Not everybody has the same fascination with fishing that you have.
Peter: So, what’d you do?
Silas: I looked everywhere. I even went to the roundhouse. I vaguely recalled he had a thing for trains. Weak, I know, but…
Peter: No banana, eh?
Silas: Bananas! I really gotta find this guy.
Peter: Uh huh.
Silas: All I found was a bunch of people playing—what did you call it? (Mimes batting a ball)
Peter: Baseball.
Silas: Yeah. Baseball. Musta been the other Chuck Tanner.
Peter: Too bad.
Silas: Weird game, too.
Peter: How so?
Silas: They had this one little guy who wanted to pitch for both teams.
Peter: Weird. Well, keep looking, Silas. You’ve got lots of time.
Silas: Yeah. (Walks off, mumbling) Bananas!
Curtain
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Leaping Off the Page: Any Time of the Year Edition Page 10
