IT’S A LIFE
A Sketch
Cast:
Alec: A searcher after the things of God. Doesn’t go to church. Yet.
Barney: A church-goer.
SCENE: A cafeteria at work, or a food court. Any place where fellow employees can eat their lunch. The set only needs one small table and a couple of chairs.
The two guys enter with cafeteria trays and lunch. They will eat throughout their conversation.
Alec: (Putting the tray down) So, how was church yesterday?
Barney: (Shrugs, sits) I don’t know.
Alec: (Raised brows, sits) What do you mean, you don’t know?
Barney: I didn’t go.
ALEC: Oh. Okay. You away visiting family this weekend?
Barney: No.
Alec: Sick or something? You look—
Barney: (Interrupting) No, I wasn’t sick.
Alec: Car broke down? I keep telling you, you should get a Chev.
Barney: Of course my car wasn’t broken down.
Alec: Well, what was wrong?
Barney: For Pete’s sake, Alec! There was nothing wrong! I just didn’t go to church!
Alec: But you love church. You’re always trying to get me to go with you.
Barney: Okay, okay. I didn’t go to church because they had some missionary speaking.
Alec: (Flat) Oh. That’s terrible. (A beat) Is it catching?
Barney: (Sourly) Funny. It’s just…
Alec: Just what?
Barney: You know.
Alec: No, I don’t know. You’re the church goer, not me.
Barney: Well, it’s embarrassing!
Alec: You’re kidding.
Barney: No, I’m not. You get some guy in a shiny suit showing slides of Darkest India—
Alec: Isn’t that Darkest Africa?
Barney: Whatever. The guy drones on about famine and leprosy and land rovers and his work among the Hottentots.
Alec: Sounds interesting.
Barney: Interesting! You outta your mind?
Alec: It sounds fascinating.
Barney: I don’t believe you. You don’t even go to church and you’re fascinated by musty old slides?
Alec: You’ve told me how becoming a Christian last year has changed your life.
Barney: It has.
Alec: But I haven’t seen it.
Barney: What do you mean you haven’t seen it? I keep telling you—
Alec: I know what you keep telling me. But I haven’t seen it.
Barney: You from Missouri?
Alec: (Ignoring that) Your lifestyle is the same as it was before. You’re still making payments on useless Fords and you still eat soggy French Fries.
Barney: What’s that got to do with anything?
Alec: I’ve been reading that New Testament you gave me.
Barney: That’s great! (Mumbles) I think.
Alec: It talks about feeding the hungry.
Barney: Yeah.
Alec: I haven’t seen you do that. Unless it’s your own stomach.
Barney: I donate stuff to the Food Bank. You know that!
Alec: Giving away a can of beans changes your life?
Barney: Well, what do you want me to do? Go down to the Rescue Mission and dole out the soup?
Alec: (Grins) Now that would change your life!
Barney: Oh, come on! You know how busy I am!
Alec: Making money.
Barney: Some of which I give to missions.
Alec: I know you’re generous with your money, Barney.
Barney: Well then?
Alec: This missionary guy. Well, it seems to me…
Barney: What?
Alec: Well, that he’s generous with his life. And that I can see!
Curtain
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Leaping Off the Page: Any Time of the Year Edition Page 11
