Mania and the Executioner

by A. L. Bridges

  “I’ll keep that in mind. Well, I’m heading back to my house now; I still haven’t eaten breakfast. See you later!” I reply as I touch my triskele and port home.

  I walk in the front door to the delicious smell of bacon and pancakes. I go into the kitchen and gorge myself on them with all of the girls.

  “Hey Natasha, are you free this Saturday?” I ask after I finish eating.

  “Yeah I am, what’s up?” she asks.

  “Do you want to go to a party in Tir na nOg?” I inquire as I hear Cheza’s fork clatter onto her plate.

  “Why yes, I would love to accompany you to a party! What is the dress?” Natasha asks. I think she’s realized that I’m just doing this to get a little payback on Cheza.

  “Great! Just wear a short skirt and a low cut t-shirt. You can wear panties, but you won’t really be needing them.” I say as Cheza quickly stands with tears in her eyes, and storms around the table to where I’m sitting. She tries smack me, but I catch her by the wrist and pull her into my lap while pressing my lips to hers.

  “It should be implied that you are coming too Cheza! I just wanted to get a little payback for this morning. Oh and the dress is casual Natasha; it’s Lila’s surprise birthday party.” I say to a stunned Cheza; I don’t think things went the way she had imagined they would go. “Sara, Tia, would you guys like to go as well?”

  “No thanks, you guys go have fun!” Sara says.

  “Same goes for me. Come on Cheza, we have training now.” Tia says.

  “Alright; Cole, could you come with me to my room for a minute?” Cheza asks as she gets off of my lap, grabs my hand, and pulls me with her to her room.

  “Cole, as thanks for last night and for the Synergistic Blade, I will do any one thing that you ask…” Cheza says, trailing off as she presses up against me. I think she is implying that she would like the favor to be of a sexual nature.

  “Thanks Cheza, I’ll hold on to this for now. Now, you have training and so do I.” I reply, leaving Cheza looking slightly disappointed.

  I go to my room, grab my new holster with a Diamond sword, and port to Tir na nOg. I spend the majority of the day dodging or deflecting arrows with illusions and the rest of it practicing with the Obliterator. This weapon is extremely difficult to use; getting the timing just right to have the momentum be sufficient to actually slash through multiple opponents is giving me loads of trouble. I work for a couple of hours trying to get it right, only to have a 50/50 chance by the end; I port home at about 5pm. After I eat, I head to my room and finally make two black sheaths for the Diamond swords before falling asleep.

  …

  Chapter 28: For heroin, what does it matter?

  [May 30th]

  I wake up, get ready, and port through the gate to Aine’s foyer.

  “Cole! Come join us for breakfast!” Lila shouts when she sees me.

  “Sure, that sounds nice.” I say and take a seat. We eat and make small talk while I wait until Lila leaves to ask Aine my question.

  “Aine, how do you feel about pets?” I whisper to her.

  “I’m fine with you giving Lila a chinchilla for her birthday, if you want to.” Aine says with a smile.

  “Alright then, I think Lila is in for a surprise!” I reply and sit back down to wait for Lila.

  “Well, I need to get going Lila. I won’t be able to stop by tomorrow, but I promise that I will come say hi at some point on Saturday, alright?” I tell her.

  “Okay Cole, I’ll see you later!” Lila says and waves as I port to my training field.

  I repeat the regimen from yesterday while increasing the number of archers. I can tell that I’m getting faster, but I’m still nowhere near the speed I was at when I was angry. I guess that’s because my blood was running hot then…har har. A whistling sound behind me attracts my attention; I swing the Diamond sword around my back in time to deflect a small rock.

  “HA HA! Well done boyo, you’re gettin’ faster!” Dagda exclaims as I dissolve the illusion.

  “Dagda, nice timing; I have a question for you. I’m going to give Lila a chinchilla for her birthday, but I’m wondering what kind of animals are around here and if they would eat it.” I say.

  “Well I’d say that there’s a chance; chinchillas are similar to rabbits yeah? The animals will eat anythin’ but the fairies…and humans, probably; there aren’t any around so I’m not sure.” Dagda replies.

  “Thanks Dagda. That just gave me an idea. Alright, let’s start!” I say.

  I spend the next few hours getting my ass handed to me by Dagda and then I go home again at five.

  “Welcome home Cole; dinner will be ready in about fifteen minutes.” Sara says as I walk into the house.

  “Cool, I’m going to go take a quick shower then.” I say as I slip off my shoes and walk down the hall towards my room. I take my shower and head out for dinner.

  “So how goes your training Cheza?” I ask during dinner.

  “Not very well…” she replies, slightly downtrodden.

  “Her control is still pretty lousy so we aren’t able to spar.” Tia says.

  “Cheer up Cheza; I’m sure you will get it eventually!” I say cheerfully.

  Cheza responds with a nod that is much less than cheerful. After dinner I head to my room and get ready for bed.

  “Hey Airi, will the plan I thought of earlier work? Injecting my blood into the chinchilla?”

  (Who do I look like, Steve Irwin…? Too soon? It’s highly doubtful that it will change the scent of the animal, but it will allow you to override instincts so that it will believe Lila is its mother and thus, won’t run away from her)

  “That will work. I’ll go buy an insulin syringe at a pharmacy tomorrow.”

  I read for a while and then I listen carefully to the house. I hear that Cheza, Natasha, and Sara are all asleep, but the sound of a page turning indicates that Tia is still awake. I get out of bed, walk to her room, and softly knock once before entering.

  “Hey Tia, we need to talk.” I tell her as I close her door behind me. Tia is in bed reading while dressed in such skimpy nightwear that she may as well just not wear anything at all.

  “Sure, what’s up?” Tia responds.

  “Tell me what you know.” I say with an uninflected tone.

  “What do you mean?” Tia asks, looking slightly nervous.

  “I know that you’re in on Sara’s secret about me.” I reveal with a stern look.

  “I’m really not supposed to say anything…” Tia says while avoiding my gaze.

  “Tell me.” I reply.

  “I can’t.” Tia responds while struggling not to say something stupid.

  “Tell me.” I say as Sara comes in through the door.

  “My mother told me that someone from the Supreme Tier had manipulated you before you were born. They are most likely responsible for your blood control as well as your increased strength and speed because of it. The bracelet that is on your wrist has Kali’s yantra, her godly symbol, on it so my guess is that she is the one responsible.” Sara explains.

  “What, but I’m not a demigod or anything so how is that possible?” I say.

  “That’s true, you aren’t a demigod, but I didn’t say that one of your parents is a god; I said that they manipulated you before your birth, when you were in your mother’s womb. My mother told me that a time will come when they will explain things to you, so just be patient. Now, let’s all go to bed.” Sara says and I head back to my room.

  The revelation is quite a shock, but worrying about it isn’t going to change the amount I don’t know. I’ll just have to trust what Sara said and wait until Kali contacts me; given that she’s a heavy hitter in Hinduism as the goddess of time, change, and destruction, this should be interesting.

  …

  [May 31st]

  Dagda meets me at the gate at 9am and proceeds to kick my ass around until nightfall.

  “You’re gettin’ faster lad. You’re goin’ at about half o’ the speed I
can, but it isn’t enough yet. I’ll see you tomorrow at Lila’s party.” Dagda says and I port home for dinner.

  “I’m going to the store; I’ll be back in a little while.” I say as I grab the car keys after dinner.

  I walk out the front door and head towards the garage when an idea pops into my head: why don’t I try porting there? I can port within Tir na nOg so why not here too? I think of the CVS on Indian School Road and I touch the triskele. I look at the mostly vacant parking lot that is suddenly around me and I realize that I can port in this world as well. I walk into the CVS and head towards the back to the pharmacy counter.

  “Good evening, I need an insulin syringe please.” I ask. The tired looking woman turns around, grabs a pack, and sets them on the counter.

  “Alright, it will be $3.74 and I’ll need to see your ID.” She says.

  I pull out my ID and set it on the counter. As I pull out a five dollar bill, she starts writing down the info from my ID down on a sheet of paper.

  “Why do you need to write down my information?” I ask.

  “Why do you need the syringes!?” She asks accusingly.

  “FOR HEROIN! WHAT DOES IT MATTER!?” I shout.

  “WELL THEN YOU CAN JUST FUCKING LEAVE YOU ASSHAT!” She screams.

  “You’re the one that started with the asshattery madam!” I say.

  I snatch my ID from her hand, grab the syringes, and drop the five on the counter at a speed that should be just comprehensible. It’s stupid that I’m getting all this hassle when they had dispensaries in parks when the aids problem was still relevant.

  “This is why I normally shop at Walgreens!” I say and step back about ten feet as she picks up the phone.

  “KEEP THE CHANGE! OH, AND THE REAL REASON I BOUGHT THESE SYRINGES IS SO I COULD INJECT MY BLOOD INTO A CHINCHILLA!” I shout as I flip her off and touch my triskele while thinking of home.

  I really wish I could see her face right now, but I can guess that she is probably freaking the fuck out. I walk in the front door while chuckling slightly.

  “What’s so funny?” Natasha asks from the couch. I open my mouth to tell her, but then I close it.

  “I’m apologizing in advance for what you may get a call about on Monday…” I say as I walk to my room.

  “WHAT DID YOU DO!?” Natasha screams frantically as I close my bedroom door.

  Today has been a long day, but tomorrow should be fun.

  …

  Chapter 29: So that’s why they can jump so high!

  [June 1st]

  “Cole, what time do we have to leave?” Cheza asks me at lunch.

  “Well, it starts at 3pm so…2:55pm?” I reply.

  “Our time, or theirs?” Cheza asks.

  “There isn’t any time change.” I answer.

  “What? How is that possible?” Cheza inquires.

  “When you pass through the gates to other worlds, you’re basically punching a time card and then the gate advances time automatically, time that you get back when you pass back through the gate; that way, everyone is on the same time.” Tia answers.

  “Alright well I need to go pick up Lila’s present so I’ll be back in about two hours and then we will leave.” I say.

  “What? So when Cole goes to Tir na nOg, he’s jumping through time? But we talked to each other when he was in Tir na nOg the other day!” Cheza expounds.

  “The only thing I can guess is that the connection was also delayed through the gate. I’m not really sure how it works, no one does. What I said was just the current theory that the Egyptian god of knowledge, Thoth, came up with.” Tia explains.

  “What? Didn’t the gods create them? Oh, and bye Cole.” Cheza says in passing.

  “Some gods have enough power to create their own worlds, but as far as I know, all the major ones have always been there.” Tia says.

  I grab the keys and drive all the way to the pet store (because I don’t want the possibility of causing another incident for Natasha) only to find out that they aren’t open. What kind of pet store isn’t open on the weekends? So I head back home to find the girls ready and waiting.

  “What happened to the gift?” Cheza asks.

  “The store was closed for some reason. Anyway, let’s get going.” I tell them.

  I port us to Tir na nOg and then to Aine’s foyer when I realize something. If the store is closed, then I’ll just go catch one! If I remember right, chinchillas are from the Andes.

  “Hey, you guys go on ahead; I just realized another place that I can get Lila’s present so I should be back within an hour.” I say.

  “Alright, don’t take too long or Lila will be upset!” Natasha says.

  “Well I wouldn’t want to make the birthday girl sad so I’ll be back soon!” I say before porting to the gate and then back home.

  I take out my phone and search Wikipedia for information on chinchillas as I run inside and grab the syringes. I read that they have been seen in Machu Picchu and that chinchillas are nocturnal; just one more instinct that I’ll rewrite. I check a world clock and see that it is already 7pm in Peru; perfect! I hope my helmet can still do that night vision thing. I find a picture of Machu Picchu, hoping that porting can work like this.

  “I feel like Christian Bale!” I squeal aloud when I see that I’m in Machu Picchu.

  “No wait, Christian Bale is Batman. I feel like…uhhh…what’s his name? He plays the father of those slightly incestuous twins in the prequel trilogy where he bangs Natalie Portman…Hayden Christensen! I swear, if I end up catching my kids making out or something worse, I’m going to go through this little ‘Jason’ moment all over again!” I say to a stunned tourist couple that is camping. “I’m making a Jumper reference…it’s okay if you didn’t see it, it wasn’t very good. Now I’m off to find a chinchilla!”

  I flip my helmet on and I start running around Machu Picchu looking for a chinchilla. It takes me roughly half of an hour, but I find small herd of them, maybe eleven.

  (You may wish to make a cage first)

  “Right…probably going to need one of those.”

  I pull out my switchblade and cut my left arm open. I swipe my right hand across it and proceed to make the handle form in my right hand, imagining a wire cage forming under it. (4.8 Liters)

  (Now catch the youngest one. This one’s instincts will be easiest to override and I should be able to manage it without you falling unconscious)

  I chase after the herd, aiming for the smallest one I can find, but damn are they fast! And they keep jumping on top of walls and stuff to evade me! It takes me fifteen minutes before I can catch the little bugger and stuff him in the cage (after identifying him as male). I set the cage on a rock, pull out a syringe, take the cap off, and stick the cap and the other syringes back in my pocket. I withdraw 1cc of blood from my neck (because it’s the only vein I can reach with both hands without taking off my pants) and I inject it into the chinchilla.

  “Alright! Now I just need to get you to Li—” I say aloud before I’m interrupted by some of the ground slipping out from underneath me as I tumble backwards down the slope of a cliff. Thankfully, Airi engages my helmet so I won’t crack my skull open like a melon. The bad news is that I am still falling off of a cliff and I’m pretty sure I just felt my leg breaking.

  …

  I wake up at the bottom of the cliff some time later. I pull out my phone and see that it is already 7:43pm back home.

  “COLE! Are you alright!? Where are you!? I’ve been worried sick!” Cheza screams in my mind.

  “Sorry Cheza, I had a minor accident. I’ll be there in a second.” I reply.

  I quickly climb to the top of the cliff, grab the cage with my left hand (while realizing how lucky I am that a bird didn’t fly off with it) and touch my triskele with my right. I arrive at the gate and port to Aine’s foyer, but the only noise I hear is coming from outside. My left arm is starting to hurt so I grab the cage with my right hand as I walk out the front door. I see a rather large table se
t up with Lila at the head, a campfire off to the right, and a full bar to the left, along with a band. Natasha is by the bar with Cheza, who is looking at me angrily until her eyes widen for some reason.

  “Hey everybody, sorry I’m so late! I, uh…tripped up a bit…or down.” I announce to the group of around seventy people, mostly adults, as I walk down the marble staircase. I ignore the stares and a gasp as I walk up to Lila.

  “Happy birthday Lila! This is your present!” I say as I hold up the cage with the brown and grey chinchilla inside. “He will get bigger than the ones that were at the pet store; roughly the same size as those puppies.” Lila and her friends are staring wide-eyed and then I realize what I’ve forgotten.

  “Oh sorry, I guess I forgot to take this off.” I say as the helmet retracts and my voice returns to normal. It sort of worries me that I didn’t notice the helmet was on.

  “COLE WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO YOU!?” Lila shrieks.

  “What do you mean?” I ask perplexed.

  “COLE! LOOK AT YOUR FUCKING ARM!” Natasha shouts from behind me. I look at my left arm and see that both my radius and my ulna are sticking out of the skin at my elbow.

  “Whoa…Excuse me for a second.” I say as I set the cage on the table and then I walk around the left side of the large white house.

  “Airi, what’s going on?”

  (I was preoccupied with fixing your shattered femur earlier. Also, the bone is protruding too far for me to heal it as is. You must reset the bone)

  “I was afraid you were going to say that.”

  I put the bone against the side of the house and I ram the entire left side of my body against the wall. I get the effect I was looking for as my vision blurs for a moment upon hearing a sickening crunch. The sound was loud enough to get a large portion of the party to go “Ooh…”

  “Alright, I really, really need a drink. Like the strongest one there is.” I say after walking back to the party.

  “Aye lad, here you go. We were just about to have a toast!” Dagda says while handing me a champagne glass with some kind of bubbly pink liquid that almost seems to glow. “To Lila, Happy birthday!”