“CHEERS!” The partygoers exclaim and everyone takes a drink, or a chug in my case.
“HA HA HA! We’ve got one more boyo!” Dagda exclaims as a waiter comes over with another glass. “And lastly, to Cole, the newest member o’ the Tuatha De Danann!”
“CHEERS” I shout and chug the glass before choking on the last bit as what Dagda said sets in.
“Did you just say that I’m a member of the Tuatha De Danann?” I ask, confounded as the party restarts.
“I did!” Dagda exclaims.
“Well alright then! So long as I can have more of whatever was in these glasses! This stuff is fantastic! Natasha, Cheza! You both need to try this stuff, like now! GARCON! Please get those two ladies over there a couple of drinks!” I exclaim.
“That’s a special fairy brew; very few humans have ever had it.” He informs me.
“Well it is fantastic! Thanks! Now I should probably go mingle a bit!” I say and walk off.
I’m not stumbling quite yet, but the night has only just begun. I talk to a few people before I make my way over to Lila and her friends.
“Hey Lila, how are you enjoying your party?” I ask.
“It is far more amusing now that you’re here, Cole.” Lila says with a smile as she stands out of her chair and gives me a hug. “I love my present!”
“Why don’t you take him out? This little guy is special so you shouldn’t have to worry about him running away.” I tell her.
“I can!?” she asks excitedly.
I take the chinchilla out of the cage and hand him to her. Lila holds him to her chest and he nuzzles in before falling asleep. All three girls just look at him and go “Aww!”
“I’m going to name him Colton! Oh, Cole, these are my friends: Aimee and Megan.” Lila says while gesturing to each of them.
I notice that both the blonde and brunette are quite a bit taller than Lila and they actually look fourteen; maybe being short is only a Peri thing.
“It is nice to meet you ladies.” I say with a slight head nod.
“It is nice to meet you too Cole! We’ve heard a lot about you!” The blonde Aimee says.
“Like a lot, a lot! Lila never shuts up about you haha!” The curly brunette Megan says.
“YOU GUYS!” Lila squeals as the girls giggle.
“Don’t worry Lila; it’s not like it’s a secret or anything!” I tell her.
“IT’S NOT!?” Lila shrieks, reaching dolphin decibels.
“Of course not; I’m not that imperceptive, Lila!” I say.
“Wow, this is embarrassing…” Lila says quietly while petting Colton.
“I mean, I know I’m awesome! It’s only natural that you’d want to talk about me!” I exclaim and Lila’s friends giggle. “Alright well I’m going to go chat with people!”
“Okay, I’ll see you later Cole! Oh, and congrats on becoming a god!” Lila exclaims.
“Becoming a god? Please Lila, I have always been a god among men haha!” I say heartily and walk off.
“How can you trust someone like that around Lila?” I overhear a fairy woman ask Aine.
“Cole brought Lila back to me, and from what I’ve heard, he took three swords in the chest doing so. Not to mention how he protected Lila from Dagda’s soldiers when he was under the impression that they were trying to hurt her. I trust Cole implicitly.” Aine replies.
“I still wouldn’t trust him around Aimee…” The woman says as I stop listening.
I mingle for a little while, trying to show everyone that the newest member of the Tuatha De Danann doesn’t torture people on a regular…daily basis. Hopefully this will improve the public opinion of me a little.
“So how does it feel becoming part of the Tuatha De?” Brighid asks after approaching me from behind.
“I’m not really sure…I don’t think it has sunk in quite yet.” I reply.
“Don’t worry, it’s not like you have any responsibilities or anything; you’re just kind of being a place holder for the god of love and youth. I mean, you fit the youth part perfectly!” Brighid teases.
“Hey!…How did this happen anyway?” I ask.
“Well the other day, after the demonstration of your ability, my father called a meeting. All of the Tuatha De voted and the majority decided to vote you in since you already have most of the power that we have and there was a vacancy anyway.” Brighid explains.
“I see; I was kind of wondering what had made Dagda bail on our training on Wednesday.” I say.
“Well I’m going to socialize more and try to get people to feel a little less uneasy around me.” I tell her.
“Sorry Cole, but that probably won’t happen. You are a pretty intimidating guy, to gods and mortals alike. Hell, even I’d be scared of you if I hadn’t learned so much from your response to my practical joke. I know you aren’t a quick tempered person that goes around torturing people for enjoyment, but that is currently your image to most.” Brighid blatantly explains.
“Yeah, I know…but it’s better than doing nothing at all. I’ll see you later Brighid.” I say as I leave. I walk around the party some more before I go to check on Natasha and Cheza.
“Hey guys, what’s up?” I ask as I sit down next to them.
“Not much. You were right by the way; these drinks are totally awesome!” Natasha exclaims.
“I know right? So are you two having fun?” I inquire.
“Yeah, we were getting hit on earlier though. It was interesting, we told them that we were lesbians and that got them to back off for a while, but then they came back. Then we just dropped your name and they all scattered like flies!” Cheza exclaims.
“Well I’m glad that everyone’s extreme fear of me can be good for something…” I say.
“Cole…I didn’t…” Cheza starts.
“Let’s drink!” Natasha exclaims.
“That is a fantastic suggestion!” I reply.
The party disperses by 10pm except for about eight people, including Natasha, Cheza, and myself, that head over to the fire. Natasha and Cheza both seem pretty hammered. I see Lila asleep with her new friend so I pick them up and put them in Lila’s bed. I walk back outside and over to the bar where I grab two more drinks from the server and down one on the spot. I stumble over to the camp fire where I see Cheza and Natasha making out with each other. I sit down beside Natasha and Cheza.
“Well he sure fell into his godly role quickly.” I hear Brighid say in my final memory of the night.
…
Chapter 30: The Kitten, The Maid, and The Mile High Club
[June 2nd]
“Ugh…why does the sun have to be so bright?” I groan as I wake up with a major hangover. I look over to my left and see Cheza sleeping soundly, naked except for a pair of white cat ears on her head. I also see a mysterious red mark on her left ass cheek; is that a ping pong paddle? The item in my left hand tells me that the mark on Cheza’s ass is, in fact, a ping pong paddle. I feel something else in my right hand so I look over to investigate, only to see a head of blonde hair…
“Airi…what has been going on with me?”
(Some serious shit! But Jesus man, it’s good to see you!)
“You’re saying that last night I, as a high school senior about to graduate, met a porn star, fell in love, had $25,000 stolen from me by Timothy Olyphant and had to replace the money by making a sexual education video in my high school on prom night?”
(No…)
“I took two hits of ecstasy last night thinking they were aspirin and then I had to give a speech?” 14
(Close but…you ended up using your power in Tir na nOg to change Cheza and Natasha’s clothing into a ‘sex kitten,’ I believe is what you referred to it as, for Cheza and a ‘naughty Swiss maid’ for Natasha. Then you ported both of the girls back here after bringing two ping pong paddles into existence. There’s more, but it will be more amusing if I let you deduce it from the clues you have left around the room)
I sit up slowly so that I don’t wake
up the girls before I figure this out. Looking around my room, I notice that there is chocolate syrup on the walls and the sheets in some interesting patterns resembling two different sizes of infinity signs. There is also an empty jar of peanut butter on my nightstand.
“Chocolate and peanut butter?”
(I recall you asking why Reese’s hadn’t made kittens, after you created one. Then you ate your creation, much to Cheza’s delight)
I continue to look around my room and I notice something very important missing: there are no condoms anywhere.
“Airi…please tell me that I somehow didn’t finish the race at all last night!”
(Okay…but you did)
“Fuck…maybe Tia foresaw this kind of event and already bought morning after pills?”
(Don’t fret; you only finished with Cheza)
“Really!? That’s…well, it’s not great news, but at least it could be worse! I could’ve finished with Natasha too.”
(You did)
“WHAT!?”
(How can I put this lightly…you were driving Natasha’s car backwards)
Great, there go two first experiences that I won’t remember. I look at the floor, seeing the remains of Natasha’s maid costume and the rest of Cheza’s costume…is that a tail? Oh, don’t tell me…
“Airi, is that tail from Cheza’s kitten outfit?”
(Correct)
“Why does it have bea—”
(BOOP and ZINGGGGG) 15
“Oh gods…did she…seem to enjoy it?”
(HAHAHAHA)
“Yeah, yeah, just laugh it up!” I say aloud.
“Cole? What are you doing in my bed?” Natasha asks from my right side.
“Good morning Natasha! You are actually in my bed, not the other way around. Say, what do you remember from last night?” I ask.
“Ugh, not so loud! My head is pounding and— why am I naked?” Natasha says and then she gasps. “Cole! Did you have sex with me while I was unconscious!? What about Chezarei!?”
“Relax! Cheza is right here!” I tell her while pointing to my left, not sure if that actually helps the situation. “But we did have sex. As for the unconscious part…”
(No)
“Airi tells me that you were conscious. See, I don’t remember anything about last night past watching you and Cheza make out by the campfire.” I explain.
“Ugh, it’s like my freshman year all over again!” Natasha exclaims. So she is probably around twenty-three years old. “Cole? Um, why does my ass hurt?”
“Yeah, mine…um, does too.” Cheza adds, revealing her consciousness. I immediately start panicking. “Don’t worry, Cole; Airi already explained how you can’t remember anything either so as far as I’m concerned, it’s fine…but only because I was here too. So why do our asses hurt?”
“Umm…wow this is awkward. Cheza, if you look at the tail on the ground right there, that’s your answer. Natasha, Airi told me that we did it slightly differently.” I inform them.
“Cole? Why does this tail have beads? Oh…I meant my cheek…” Cheza says looking a tad embarrassed. “Did I like it?”
“Uh…well, the answer to your original question is probably because of this ping pong paddle. As for your second question, Airi just laughed at me when I asked her…” I reply.
This is turning out to be my most awkward conversation to date; even more awkward than the conversation I had with Jason when I had to talk him through how to get his dick unstuck from a vacuum cleaner when we were fifteen; at least that conversation had been over the phone.
“Thank you Airi.” Cheza says quietly while her face is still flushed. I would ask her, but she’ll be too embarrassed to respond and I’ll find out eventually anyway. Natasha looks much less embarrassed by this situation than Cheza is.
“Well, I think we should all get in the shower! You two are probably covered in chocolate and/or peanut butter; some more…extensive cleaning may be necessary in your case Cheza.” I abashedly suggest.
(That will not be necessary, you were very thorough)
“THANK YOU AIRI!” I yell.
“Never mind, apparently I was very thorough last night.” I say, sounding slightly hysterical.
“Well I’m not sure about you Chezarei, but I could go for a round two that I will actually remember!” Natasha says. “If you are okay with me having a threesome with you guys, that is.”
“I was strictly talking about wash—” I start.
“YOU WILL HAVE TO HOLD OFF ON THE SHOWER SEX GANG! YOUR JET LEAVES IN AN HOUR!” Tia shouts as she bursts through my door.
“Tia…I have never before been so close to murdering you, not even the time when I was swinging the Sic blade down at your neck. If you do not lower your voice, I will not be responsible for my actions.” I reply with my voice uninflected.
“Wow…this room is a mess! I heard you guys having fun in here last night, and I totally knew that you were a mini me, Natasha! I’ve heard of using chocolate before, but what’s with the peanut butter?” Tia asks.
“I made a chocolate peanut butter kitten…with Cheza being the kitten…and then I ate it.” I say while trying to stave off my headache.
“I’m proud of you Cole; that is really kinky! Anyway, you guys have a flight to Greenland in an hour so hurry up and get ready. That means you too, Natasha!” Tia says while exiting my room.
I stand up and get clothes out of my dresser before I notice the girls whispering at each other with mischievous smiles on their faces. When they notice me looking at them, they just nod at each other, stand up, and leave my room. I am slightly concerned by their actions and by what they could be scheming.
I quickly shower and get ready. I pack my toiletry bag and luggage before I head to the kitchen. I see that Sara has made eggs and bacon; too bad I feel too nauseous to eat…wait a second, shouldn’t I be able to bypass a hangover because of my healing ability?
(Yes, but if I were to do that then how would you learn the consequences of over imbibition?)
“Just fix it, please Airi?”
(…Drink a glass of orange juice and I’ll handle the rest)
“You’re the best Airi!”
I drink my glass of orange juice and eat a couple strips of bacon. As I’m eating, Tia comes in and hands me a black and orange, handheld GPS unit.
“When you get to Greenland, go to the coordinates that are set on the GPS. Cheza should be able to learn control much more easily there. Be careful while you are there Cole; Greenland is very close to Iceland and Iceland is considered enemy territory.” Tia warns me.
“Thanks Tia; I’ll make sure to keep them safe. I’ll find Jason’s next clue, or Jason if he is actually there, and bring everyone back.” I reply.
“I know you will Cole.” Tia says softly with a smile and wraps her arms around me. “I just want you to be safe, so don’t go anywhere without being fully armed. That means I want you to be strapped and wearing your jacket from the second you walk off of the plane. And make sure you keep an eye on rooftops.”
“Alright Tia, I promise I’ll be careful.” I reassure her. She must be worried that I’ll wind up like Uncle Eric.
“HURRY UP YOU TWO! WE NEED TO LEAVE SOON!” Sara shouts.
“Oh shit! Sara, what about Cheza’s jacket!?” I ask frantically.
“Relax Cole; I gave it to her yesterday.” Sara informs me.
“Thanks Sara, you’re awesome!” I tell her.
The girls walk into the kitchen rather scantily clad.
“You two are aware that we are going to Greenland right? Despite the name, it’s like 90% ice.” I inform them.
“Don’t worry Cole! This is just so we are comfortable on the plane…” Cheza says.
“We won’t be wearing them for long anyway.” Cheza mumbles.
“What was that?” I ask.
“Oh, nothing. Let’s get going!” Cheza exclaims while walking towards the door.
Sara drives us to the airport and we all board the same G5 t
hat we took to Hawaii. I assume my position on the couch and fall asleep while reading an eBook on my phone.
…
I awaken when a sex kitten and a naughty Swiss maid decide that a repeat of last night is necessary now that we’re five and a half miles high, and I learn the answer to my Cheza/tail question.
…
I, sweating and breathing heavily, sit down on the couch (Hurray for Scotch Guard!) next to a near comatose Natasha and Cheza. This is exhausting…I don’t know how Jason manages it! I check the flight menu on the TV and see that we have roughly an hour until we land. After resting for half of that hour, the girls go to their luggage to get warmer clothing. I throw my holster on under my jacket, as well as wrapping the Obliterator around my waist like a belt. I now have both Diamond swords slung across my back, the Obliterator around my waist, my short Sic blade in the back pouch, and my gun with 175 rounds and its suppressor; I think I’m prepared for most anything at this point.
“This is probably something we should have thought about before, but we may have some trouble at customs since you are bringing in shitloads of weapons and we don’t have jurisdiction in other countries…” Natasha points out when we land.
“Why? Does Greenland even have a customs agency? Like nobody lives there; there are more people in Goodyear alone than there are in all of Greenland. The town we are landing in has less than 5,000 people! I just assumed that a seal and two sled dogs would be working security!” I exclaim.
“Well they do and they don’t allow guns.” Natasha says.
“WHAT!? What kind of bullshit is that! What about polar bears!?” I exclaim.
“Ooh let’s just go get mauled by a polar bear eh? Since we don’t have guns and all...” I say with a stereotypical Canadian accent. “Oooooh…so that’s why their population is so small…”
“No Cole, guns aren’t illegal, you just can’t import them.” Natasha explains.
“Well shit! What are we going to do?” I ask.
“Hope for the best?” Natasha suggests. I stare at her incredulously.
“Alright ladies, get your luggage in hand, stand next to me, and be quiet. Now, does anyone remember the name of the hotel that we are staying at?” I ask.
Mania and the Executioner Page 24
