“No, I did that because I love seeing your face when you’re uncomfortable.” Natasha teases with a surreptitious smile.
“Anyway, we are almost there; get ready to port out of here in case things go south.” Natasha says with a worried look suddenly on her face.
We walk up to a large set of metal double doors. Natasha takes a deep breath and then pushes them open. Inside there is a fit man with eastern European features, who appears to be in his sixties, on an elaborate throne of ice. Beside him, there is a younger Inuit man on a less ornate throne of ice. The thrones are on top of a raised metal platform that is roughly three feet high; the rest of the room is made of stone (walls, floor, ceiling).
“Cole, Chezarei, this is my grandfather Jorgen and that is Akhlut.” Natasha says with a certain amount of malice.
“Her fiancé.” Akhlut finishes with a sleazy smile that makes me want to smash his face in with a rock.
“Not by my choice!” Natasha adds angrily.
“Natasha! Now explain why you have brought the man that just nearly killed four of our people into our home!” Jorgen shouts.
“This is my friend Cole and he wouldn’t have nearly killed anyone had they said something before they shot him in the legs and most likely shot at Chezarei.” Natasha says defending me.
“How do we know that he didn’t start the altercation!?” Akhlut asks accusingly. Man, I really do not like this guy.
“Because if Cole had been the one to start it, then he wouldn’t have been hit by the arrows in the first place!” Natasha exclaims.
“This baby-faced pansy doesn’t look that tough!” Akhlut rebukes.
(Flash forward and drive your Sic dagger hilt-deep into his chest)
It is taking a great deal of self-control to not do as Airi says and kill this asshole; most likely because I really want to do so. I feel Cheza grab my hand and all my anger just dissipates.
“Excuse me, Sir?” I say while addressing Jorgen. “Chezarei and I came here today because an Aztecan goddess told us to come here so that Chezarei could learn to control her power.”
“Explain why I should overlook your transgression!” Jorgen shouts. I think his volume is slightly uncalled for, but only slightly.
“Besides, this girl isn’t even a full elf so she can’t even use her power!” Akhlut imparts.
“Asshole, did it look like I was talking to you!?” I ask, my anger towards Akhlut bubbling over.
“NOBODY TALKS TO ME THAT WA—” Akhlut shouts before Jorgen silences him.
“Listen here boy; I will overlook your transgression if you fight in The Cage.” Jorgen says with a smile slowly spreading across his face.
“I will fight against as many enemies you wish to pit against me. However, if I win, you have to teach Chezarei and allow Natasha to marry whoever she wishes.” I tell him.
“HA! LIKE YOU’RE IN A POSITION TO MAKE DEMA—” Akhlut shouts before Jorgen silences him again.
“Agreed, but you have to enter The Cage in only your underwear and without any weapons.” Jorgen says.
“Deal.” I inform him.
“Good, the match will begin in an hour.” Jorgen says as he and Akhlut stand and walk towards the door.
“Oh and by the way, be prepared to fight to your death!” Jorgen says, his back turned as he walks out the door.
“Hehe…that won’t be a problem.” I chuckle as I feel a smile creep across my face.
“Uh, Cole? Are you aware that you pretty much just asked to marry me if you win?” Natasha asks.
“I what?” I ask in a stunned fashion.
“Cole, it did sort of sound like you were asking to marry her…” Cheza says quietly.
“Shit! Cheza, I swear that wasn’t my intent! It was just obvious to me that Natasha doesn’t want to get married to that asshole and I really want to ruin his day!” I explain.
“Cole, you don’t need to explain it to me…what did he mean that I’m not ‘full elf’ though?” Cheza asks softly.
My mind reels back to when I overhead Kira talking about Cheza’s fae blood.
“My guess is that you are like Natasha and one of your parents was an elf. At least it would explain why both of your auras have a frosty white in them.” I tell her.
“Am I correct in that assumption Natasha? That one of your parents was a snow elf and the other was human? Is that why your grandfather treats you like shit and broke your shoulder when you were ten?” I ask while connecting all of the dots.
“Yeah…that’s correct. My father fell in love with a human and ran away with her. When my mother died giving birth, he reacted poorly and drank himself to death. After that, my grandmother took care of me. My grandfather trained me to fight but in reality, he didn’t want anything to do with me. One day he just couldn’t take it anymore and he broke my shoulder.” Natasha explains while avoiding eye contact and absentmindedly rubbing her shoulder.
“We should probably start heading over to The Cage now. Are you sure about this Cole?” Natasha asks.
“Of course! I get to help you and Cheza, and I get to ruin the day of two assholes! I don’t see a downside!” I tell her.
“Oh, so anal sex with Cheza and I was just implied as a reward for your efforts? Did you think it was going to be that easy? Well I’ll have you know that I totally am that easy!” Natasha jokes. Natasha and I laugh, but Cheza doesn’t seem to be in a joking mood.
“Don’t worry Cheza, I’ll be fine.” I reassure her while feeling her growing concern.
We follow Natasha through a series of passages for about fifteen minutes until we reach a huge room with basketball stadium-style seating that must be able to fit around one thousand patrons. In the center of the room is a gigantic chain-link cube that is approximately 30’x30’x30’. The cube has a three foot tall ice base that sits on the steel floor of the room, which is about ten feet below the first row of seating. Each side of the ice floor has a barred door that leads to a passage out of the stadium; it reminds me of the passages that lead to the locker rooms in sports stadiums.
“So, give me the run down on what kind of people I’ll be fighting.” I tell her.
“Well, some may be soldiers that have been ordered to kill you; some may be soldiers that want to kill you; and some may be regular Cage fighters that would enjoy killing you.” Natasha replies as I feel Cheza grow more apprehensive.
“I meant more along the lines of what styles of fighting and what weapons they’ll be using…how grave of injuries can Pinga heal? Is she the same Pinga from Inuit mythology?” I ask.
“Yes she is, and she can do as much as reattach severed limbs; just finish it quick and try not to kill everybody Cole.” Natasha says with a somewhat sadistic smile as I see people starting to find seats.
“Come on; let’s go into the combatant’s chambers.” Natasha says and walks out of the stadium.
Cheza and I follow Natasha down into the combatant’s chambers, which is like any locker room I’ve ever been in. I strip down to my boxers as I hear the stadium start to get louder.
“You two should get up there so you can get good seats.” I tell them.
“Sure, just be careful out there Cole.” Natasha says and starts to walk out.
Cheza doesn’t say anything; she just kisses me before running after Natasha. Five minutes later, I hear the stadium roar, followed by Jorgen’s voice booming throughout it. He is speaking in a language that is completely unfamiliar, but I think it may be Greenlandic. I hear the stadium roar again as I feel Cheza’s rapidly growing concern. About thirty seconds later, I hear my name as the door opens.
I’ll take that as my cue.
Chapter 33: I’ll Just Buy My Own Damn Cake!
I walk up the steps and into The Cage. I am greeted with a sea of negative comments as I see my opponents, all twenty-five of them. At the front of the pack is Akhlut, wearing a smug smile and holding an elaborate, mother-of-pearl and chrome, Colt M1911 .45 caliber pistol, the same gun that I fired on one occasion during training with
Tia before she moved me to the 10mm Auto. My other opponents are holding a medley of swords, spears, clubs, and three are holding composite bows.
“Okay Cole, you can do this. Promise that you won’t lose yourself. Focus on the fight, not the screams of agony, or the feel of limbs being sliced off of bodies, or the showering of blood, or the screams, or the blood, or the screams.”
“HAHA LOOK AT THAT! THE PANSY IS SO SCARED HE’S SHAKING!” Akhlut yells and the majority of his gang and the stadium laugh; I suppose he does have the home field advantage.
I feel the smile on my face increase as I twist my rings, slice open both my wrists, and twist my rings closed.
“SORRY BUDDY, BUT SLITTING YOUR WRISTS ISN’T GOING TO KILL YOU QUICKLY ENOUGH!” Akhlut shouts with a cocky smile on his face.
I start to chuckle as the helmet wraps around my head and Akhlut’s smile falters. Akhlut panics and starts firing his .45 caliber pistol; at thirty feet away, a .45 does about as much good as throwing the bullets at a normal person with my increased speed. I would have had some trouble had he been using a 10mm auto or something with a higher velocity, but since I’ve been training with Dagda, I could even dodge a 10mm auto bullet at thirty feet without too much problem. The stadium cheers and then falls silent when I start laughing loudly, sounding slightly demonic with the helmet.
“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU PEOPLE DOING!? GO GET HIM!” Akhlut screams in panic.
I continue laughing as I slowly advance. Five soldiers (that aren’t still in shock) rush towards me relatively quickly; I’d say that they are nearly as fast as vampires, but slow compared to my speed. One with a sword takes the lead and makes a quick thrust at me as second sword moves in with a downward slash from my right. I shuffle to my left to avoid the thrust as I snap the first guy’s shin with a swift, downward kick. I grab the wrist of the extended arm in front of me and yank it to the right as I turn, and then I shift back about a foot. The downward slash of the second opponent severs the forearm that I put in its path, simultaneously arming me and disarming his comrade…ha ha, dis-arm…
I sever the sword arm of the second opponent and snatch his sword as he falls to the ground. I see a spear being thrust in at the Cage’s 10 o’clock by a short elf woman. I scissor the spear’s head between both of my swords. I’m about to cut off her leg when I realize that disfiguring a woman who isn’t a vampire or werewolf, and one that may just be following orders, will probably leave a bad taste in my mouth. I spin around behind her and knock her out with a palm strike to the base of her skull instead. Now I just have to finish this in under five minutes so Pinga can help her quickly enough in case she has a brain hemorrhage.
The remaining two have a sword and a club, both of which are being swung at me. I duck underneath their attacks as I attempt to sever both of their legs. I get through one leg each but both swords get stuck in their second legs.
(Incoming: arena’s 12)
I look and see nine arrows flying at me…well, in my general direction because even though firing three arrows at once is cool, you can’t aim all three. So I dive to the right and throw three darts from my arm as the two arrows that I dive in the path of, fly high. None of the darts hit their target: the pressure point in between the knuckles of their middle and ring fingers on their bow hands, which would cause them extreme pain to keep a grip on their bows. Instead, one dart hits a guy in the throat and the second dart hits the bow of the other archer. The last dart misses because I threw it as my shoulder hit the ground. I hear the bow snap when the second archer tries to draw the string back without noticing the dart that penetrated the frame. I throw another dart to take out the last archer as I stand up. (5.76 Liters)
I quickly form a full-sized diamond Sic blade in preparation for the sixteen armed opponents advancing towards me. (5.26 Liters)
“Any advice on this one Airi?”
(Use the walls like you did in Hawaii)
I start jogging away from the group of opponents and towards the nearest wall. I jump onto the wall and hang there from my left hand with both feet planted against the wall. When the group gets close, I spring forward, slicing the legs off a large chunk of them as I pass by. I land, turn, and sprint forward into a slide, using the blood as grease so I don’t get the ice equivalent of road rash…ice rash?
I slice through four more legs before sliding straight into the chain-link fence, getting my leg stuck in the process. The remaining five opponents all swing at me and I’m miraculously able to block all five. However, now I’ve got a problem because I can’t counterattack and they are eventually going to get smart enough for one to stop their current attack and make a follow-up attack when they realize I can’t block it.
“Airi, I’m in a little bit of trouble here!”
(Working on it…Okay left hand, 4.76 Liters)
I look over and find another Sic blade in my left hand. I quickly slash through the ten ankles around me before I get myself unstuck from the fence. The screams finally catch up to me and I start getting lost in them until I can make out the screaming of two females; then my high just fades away. I seem to enjoy making women scream, just not in that way; gods forbid that Cheza ever turns into a masochist.
I stand and walk slowly over to Akhlut, who is ten feet away and looks like he is about to piss himself. Akhlut’s eyes flick from mine and a smile starts to cross his face. He lifts his gun and turns it away from me; I immediately know what he is about to do and I’ll be damned if I am about to watch her get shot two separate times in the same week.
I flash forward and I take the round right into my stomach. Akhlut’s eyes widen in surprise, and then his smile widens as he unloads the rest of the magazine into me. His smile fades when he sees that I’m not falling down.
“COLE!” Cheza screams in her mind, but I neglect to respond.
“You know, I promised myself that I wasn’t going to lose myself this time; that I wasn’t going to brutally kill anyone today.” I say in a demonic tone as Akhlut keeps pulling the trigger, causing the gun to continue clicking to notify him that he’s fucked.
“However, I am going to forgive myself for breaking that promise because you just tried to shoot Cheza and/or Natasha. Do you want to know what happened to the last person that shot Cheza? I ripped off his fucking arm and beat him to death with it. And Cheza had just killed one of his friends! What do you think I am going to do to the person who just tried to shoot Cheza when she had only been sitting in the stands?” Akhlut starts blubbering in horror.
“HEY NATASHA! HOW MANY PIECES DOES A LIMB HAVE TO BE IN BEFORE PINGA CAN’T REATTACH IT?” I shout.
“I don’t know I’ve never had to reattach a limb that was in pieces before.” A woman who is not Natasha replies.
“What’s your best guess?” I ask at just a slightly elevated volume because I’m sure she’ll hear me.
“Approximately seven.” Pinga replies.
“Slices or dice cut?” I inquire.
“Slices.” She says.
“Arm or leg?” I ask.
“Let’s go with the right arm!” Pinga exclaims as I look down and I see that is his gun hand so it’s most likely his predominant hand as well.
“Oohoo! That is cruel! I like your style Pinga!” I shout.
“Alright then, let’s hope you can learn to jack it with your left hand. Ahem…FOR SCIENCE!” I shout as I bring the blade down on Akhlut’s right hand. His scream causes a shiver to run through me.
“Just remember that this is for the good of all of Pinga’s future patients!” I remind Akhlut over his screaming. I go through his arm two more times and part of me knows I’m getting lost in it, but the other part really doesn’t care.
As I cut off another slice, I notice that this pansy has actually been rendered unconscious! What’s up with that? I should just eviscerate him and see if that shocks him awake…no, I have an even better idea. It’s about time I experimented with some of those unstable chemical compounds, a certain one with a chemical formula of
C3H5N3O9. I allow some of my blood to drip into his mouth where I move it down his throat and into his stomach.
“Hey Akhlut! I need you to wake up!” I say as I smack his face back and forth repeatedly.
“There he is!” I exclaim as his eyes open. “Okay, I need you to tell me if you can feel this!”
I snap my fingers and Akhlut starts screaming so loud that I can barely contain myself. His blood splatters my face as his stomach explodes outward like he’s giving birth to fucking Alien. Looks like I figured out how my Drive blew up that vampire’s head. It seems I can make a quick and dirty form of nitroglycerine using atoms from my blood’s carbon dioxide, water, and blood urea nitrogen that is then rapidly heated by the body’s temperature, which destabilizes the nitroglycerine causing an explosion. That was totally awesome!
“COLE! Stop it! I’m freaking out because you have five bullets in your fucking stomach and you’re just over there having all of the fun!” Cheza screams in my mind.
It’s at this point that I stop laughing, even though I wasn’t aware that I had been laughing in the first place. Cheza calling what I’ve been doing ‘fun’ is a huge red flag for me; is this because of that werewolf she killed?
“I’m sorry Cheza…” I think as I turn towards her while whipping my Sic blade through Akhlut’s neck.
“JESUS CHRIST COLE!” Cheza screams in my mind as she sits wide-eyed in the stands.
“What?” I ask.
“YOU HAVE AN ERECTION!” she screams. I look down and see that she is correct.
“Just half of one! And I believe that this is what is called a vengeance boner.” I reply.
(Brings a whole new meaning to the phrase ‘Hard at Work’)
I start chuckling at Airi’s joke and realize that I can’t look any more like a psychopath than I do at the moment. Let’s take stock of my situation, shall we? I currently am covered in blood while nearly naked, laughing, and have an erection that I achieved by setting off an explosive in a man’s stomach. Oh and I forgot the part where I’m in the middle of a bunch of people screaming in agony and that there are about one thousand people silently staring at me.
Mania and the Executioner Page 26
