by Lacey Legend
“I am struggling. I’m struggling to see why you won’t let me back with you.”
“Because it’s wrong. Because I’ve moved on,” she shouted.
Her raised voice echoed throughout the apartment. From the corner of her eye, Jenna could see Leon was visibly upset.
“I’ve changed, you know.”
“I know that,” she said quietly.
“You’ve changed, too.”
“Yes, I have, Leon.”
“We’re both in completely different places to where we were when we agreed it was best to part ways. Given the strength of our relationship and how long we were together...don’t you think it’s worth reconsidering? Isn’t it worth seeing how we work together now we’ve matured and have similar desires for the future?”
Jenna felt trapped. Objectively, Leon had a very valid point. She’d barely been with Spencer. It was all still very new. They were only arguing a few hours earlier about his recent tryst in a club and whether their relationship was exclusive. It’s not as though she was in so deep that she couldn’t get out. Her phone beeped. It was a text from Spencer.
“I hear you got home safe and sound. Hope everything’s okay at your end. Call me if you need anything. In the meantime, I’ll call tomorrow and maybe we can find a time to meet up and finish that date.”
She smiled at the correct grammar and lack of abbreviated words in his texts. She’d been so flustered by her interaction with Liana, and tense about seeing Leon, that she completely forgot to let Spencer know she was home.
You didn’t even think to thank him for the car or dinner, she thought glumly.
A small smile crept over her face as she remembered how quickly Spencer was to apologize, explain his actions when he’d insisted she go on a date with him, and negate her babysitting duties. Spencer had manners and integrity. Even in the text, there was nothing to pressure her into revealing her whereabouts or what situation demanded her immediate presence.
On the surface, it might be easy to walk away from Spencer and try again with Leon. The past was always safer than the future; the familiar always easier than the unfamiliar. The trouble was, Jenna was in too deep with Spencer. She had no inclination to walk away from him. Her relationship with Leon was based on obligation and duty, not out of genuine feelings. Her generous heart made her the kind of girl to rush in and help anyone in trouble, but that was where this visit started and stopped – it had nothing to do with her secretly wanting to be with Leon. The difficulty arose in how to communicate that sentiment to Leon.
“Leon, I understand you’re hurting and I actually appreciate your reasons for wanting to spend time together, but when I say I’ve moved on, I mean emotionally and not just in my day-to-day life. You’ve come out of prison and your world has transformed. It’s hard to get your head around it. Humans are creatures of habit. Wanting to be with me is nothing more than you wanting something secure and stable while you get back on your feet. It’d be a disaster using that as a basis of a relationship.”
“You’ve got all the psychobabble, Jenna, and I’m sure your lecturers applaud your ability to theorize my behavior, but you’re wrong. I’ve loved you for forever and that’s never going to change.”
“I suspect in time, you’ll find you’re wrong there. I loved the boy I grew up with and I have huge admiration and respect for the man in front of me, but I’m not in love with you. If you believe you have those feelings for me, Leon, then I’m convinced we absolutely need to stay away from one another, properly this time. No conversational pleasantries. No stopping by to check in on me or share in a celebratory drink. I promise you, you’ll start enjoying life again and realize you don’t need me by your side to have a good time.”
“You’re wrong,” contradicted Leon. “Think long and hard before you walk out that door, Jenna.”
“Leon, are you threatening me?”
“As I’m sure one of your clever textbooks would’ve told you, there are consequences to your actions and you walking out of here will have repercussions.”
“That is not how friends behave toward one another,” asserted Jenna as she made her way to the front door.
Chapter 13
For once, Jenna was relieved her part-time job required an early start. Even though the apartment block was ghostly quiet, she felt on edge as she left home. Liana had waited up for Jenna’s return from visiting Leon the previous night, but Jenna knew better than to confide in her..
Liana lacked any discretion whatsoever. If Jenna told Liana about Leon’s request and subtle threat, Liana would run straight to their mother to inform her. Their mother, Hannah, held down three jobs and she already blamed the necessity of her excessive hours at work as being solely the result of Jenna’s wayward past and Liana’s accidental pregnancy. If her mother discovered Leon was actively trying to make a place for himself in Jenna’s life, it would add excess worry to a woman who was doing her best (and succeeding) to support two children and a grandchild. Jenna had no intention of adding yet another burden to her mother’s shoulders.
Silent and lost in thought, Jenna felt guilty that she neglected to converse with her elderly client as she cleaned the expensive Greenwich apartment. As she made her way to NYU, she was considering exactly what damage Leon could possibly inflict on her that would seriously affect her life.
She may not have been strictly truthful, but she hadn’t lied to Spencer or betrayed him in any way, so Leon couldn’t be divisive in attempting to break up her new relationship. As he was starting a new job the following week, he wouldn’t have the time to loiter around the block harassing her. Given the close community spirit of their block of apartments, he couldn’t harangue or disturb their household without serious ramifications.
Yet there had been something in his tone of voice that suggested he could make things difficult for her if she refused to include him in her life. The episode niggled at her, mainly because she had no idea what card Leon thought he had to play that gave him power over her.
As she sat in her first lecture of the day, frustration began to set in. Everyone had warned her Leon was bad news and she’d refused to listen. She was convinced he was a changed man and had defended him to the hilt, only to find he was prepared to stoop low in order to get his own way. In times of trouble, she tended to revert to her best friend, Kelly, but Jenna could already envisage the criticism of her friend upon hearing that she’d spent one-on-one time with Leon in an unsafe environment.
Her phone vibrated in her tote bag. Usually she’d ignore it, knowing it was rude to use her phone during classes, but she was desperate to hear something comforting from one of the people close to her. Withdrawing the cell phone, she saw Spencer’s name flashing on its screen. Relief washed over her. He was cool and distant but Jenna always felt safe in his presence. It was the ultimate in bad manners, but Jenna collected her laptop and textbooks and sneaked out of the classroom.
The phone had stopped ringing by the time she’d scuttled out. Finding a quiet place under a large, leafy tree, Jenna returned his call.
“Hello Jenna,” answered Spencer warmly.
“Hi. Sorry I missed your call. I was in class.”
“Please don’t tell me you excused yourself to ring me back.”
“As a matter of fact, I did. I needed to hear a friendly voice.”
Spencer was quiet. Jenna’s openness always caught him off guard. She was alerting him to the fact that she had a problem, but more importantly, she was drawing his attention to the reality that she considered him to be a positive and calming influence.
“I take it your emergency last night wasn’t easily resolved.”
“You could say that.”
Spencer knew from the tone of her voice she was seriously worried, but Jenna seemed determined to keep the matter private. If he asked for further details, she might think him nosy or interfering.
“I’m sorry to hear that. I’d offer to help, but as I have no idea what’s going on, I don’t really hav
e a lot of advice to give.”
It crossed Jenna’s mind that the reason she was reluctant to confide in Spencer was that deep down, she knew she hadn’t behaved honorably. She knew the second she met Leon on the steps and stopped to talk to him, that he was keen to ignite the old flame. Call it naiveté, but she’d hoped Leon’s alleged need to win her back would fade naturally over time. Instead, it had increased dramatically.
“It’s nothing I can’t handle,” she lied. “And truthfully, it’d be of no interest to you.”
“Do you actually know me well enough to decide what is, or isn’t, of interest to me?”
“In this case, I do,” said Jenna firmly.
There was no point in pressing the matter but Spencer was annoyed. It was as if Jenna wanted him on a leash to prevent his partying lifestyle but wasn’t willing to include him in her day-to-day dramas. He was beginning to feel like a toy; someone Jenna could pick up and put down as she chose at whim. She was keeping him on the outskirts of her life, treating him like a spare part but then acted wounded when he went out without her.
“You can’t have it both ways, Jenna.” His voice was hard. This was not the friendly call she wanted.
“What do you mean?” she asked, with a quiver in her voice.
“You reprimand me for going to a nightclub without you when I was snapped with some fellow female attendees and then keep me in the dark regarding what’s going on at your home. If it wasn’t for your sister, I wouldn’t have a clue about what was going on.”
Jenna’s temper was flaring. She could not believe Liana would ring Spencer. Her sister had asked for his number but she’d never got round to giving it to her.
She must’ve taken it from my phone when I was asleep, thought Jenna. What exactly has she told him?
“I take it Liana was seeking to take you up on the offer of a babysitter?”
“Indeed she was.”
Jenna detected a note of amusement in Spencer’s voice and was glad Liana had appealed to his good nature.
“I’m sorry about that. Liana has a tendency to open her mouth without thinking. One second she’ll berate you for the mere suggestion that her baby should be left in a stranger’s care, the next it’ll be the most inspired idea she’s ever heard. I didn’t even pass your number onto her.”
“She did say she had to stay up late until you fell asleep before she could access your contact list.”
Jenna huffed in outrage. “Why she insists on behaving like a teenager is beyond me.”
“She’s young at heart. I guess with the baby, she had to grow up quickly. I don’t think it’s wholly unexpected that she’ll revert to teenage behavior once in a while if she missed out on a portion of those years because she was nursing an infant.”
Spencer’s balanced view softened Jenna’s heart. He had a valid point. Her mother was determined the household ran on a routine and it worked, but Liana must miss her freedom and the spontaneity of being young and silly at times.
“I take it Nanny Merton now has Zada.”
“She certainly does.”
“I’ll be interested to see whether Liana actually uses this break to study or whether she’ll squander it catching up with friends.”
“I’m not bothered either way,” laughed Spencer. “As long as it gives her a taste of freedom and a little respite, I’d say taking Zada off her hands for a few days is a good thing.”
Since when did they become best friends? thought Jenna. The last time they were together Jenna had used his credit card to order the entire menu off the local pizza joint and Spencer ended up storming out of the apartment in a mood.
“It’s very kind of you,” mumbled Jenna, she wasn’t sure what to say.
“Anyway, she explained you were helping an informal patient, in respect of your social work studies, and that you’d bitten off more than you can chew with the client.”
Jenna sent a silent thank you to her quick thinking sister. It wasn’t an outright lie and it did highlight the salient points of her predicament with Leon.
“That’s a pretty accurate description.”
“Social work is definitely not my area of expertise,” said Spencer. “I’m guessing you have a supervisor or someone you can speak to with any problems you encounter.”
“Through the university, yes, but as Liana said, this is a favor to someone I used to know. I’m not in a position to approach my supervisor regarding the case. It may look bad that I’m not doing it through the university. I’m not actually qualified yet.”
“That is problematic.”
Jenna could feel tears pricking her eyes. She wanted to blurt everything out to Spencer, but as he’d expressed concerns previously that she had an attachment to a convicted criminal, she knew better than to speak out.
“Are you in danger?” asked Spencer slowly.
Again, Jenna couldn’t answer. Leon hadn’t done anything untoward yet, she definitely felt disconcerted by his words last night.
Spencer was trying the understanding boyfriend role, but it wasn’t working out for him. As a businessman, , and someone with the money to get what he wanted whenever he wanted it, not being in control or informed of his circumstances did not sit well with him.
“Is this to do with patient confidentiality?”
Jenna could hear his tone of voice rise. She knew she was being obstructive but she’d backed herself into a corner. The one thing she didn’t want to do, was lie to Spencer, thus silence was her best option at this point in time.
Spencer sighed.
“I told you the other day I wasn’t the relationship type of man and that I didn’t have a lot of experience in dating the same person for a period of time. But my understanding is, in order to make a relationship work, you have to trust one another. That means letting each other in and actually talking. One-sided conversations are futile.”
“I know, but this situation doesn’t warrant your involvement.”
“I’m going to respect your word on this, but I’m also going to tell you I’m very unhappy. I understand the nature of your work, but I’m not asking for names and addresses. I merely want to know what is going on and if you’re okay. I don’t think that’s unreasonable.”
“There’s nothing more I can expand on other than what Liana said.”
“Fine,” he said shortly. “It might’ve been nice to hear it from you rather than your sister.”
“Liana has a habit of getting in there first.”
“I hope your day improves. I need to get on with work and you need to return to your class.”
Spencer’s voice reminded her of one of her high school teachers.
“You’re right,” agreed Jenna, unwilling to let her hurt show. “Can I call you later?”
“I’m out tonight,” said Spencer. “You probably won’t be able to contact me. Call tomorrow, if you want.”
*
“You do know you’re acting like a stalker, right?” asked Kelly as she slid into Jenna’s booth during her afternoon break.
“Yes, I know,” replied Jenna, without looking up from her computer screen.
“Who googles their boyfriend to find out his whereabouts the previous night?”
“A person dating one of New York’s most eligible bachelors.”
“And has any incriminating evidence turned up in images of Spencer being surrounded by a bevy of beauties last night?”
“No.” Jenna’s smile was wide with relief.
“What’d you end up doing yourself?” inquired
Locked myself in the apartment with the lights out, in case Leon decided to pay me a visit, thought Jenna.
“Not a lot. It was weird. Liana ended up leaving Zada with the nanny all day and didn’t pick her up until after she’d finished her classes. It’s the first week-night in ages I can remember having free to myself.”
“And despite that being the very situation you and Spencer were hoping for, you didn’t end up going out with him.”
“No
,” replied Jenna curtly.
Kelly twirled her blonde hair through her fingers, hoping to read her childhood friend’s expression. “I don’t understand you, Jenna. At first, you moan because Spencer behaves as though you’re an escort and is incapable of treating you like a real person because you’re his cleaner. So he goes out of his way to alter your circumstances, to put some equality in the relationship, and you become borderline resentful of his attempts to ingratiate himself with your family.”
“I understand I’m being unreasonable. It’s just with Leon and everything; it wouldn’t be fair to let Spencer into the madhouse.”
“There shouldn’t be anything with Leon.”
“There isn’t.”
Kelly wasn’t used to Jenna snapping at her. Jenna always looked pretty and well-groomed but today her eyes were puffy from lack of sleep, her skin was pallid and her clothes were rumpled as though they hadn’t seen an iron.
“If you told me what was going on, maybe I could help.”
Jenna cracked her knuckles. Everyone was saying that -- from Spencer, to her mother and sister, and now her best friend. They couldn’t help. Leon wasn’t the kind of guy you crossed and Jenna didn’t want to place anyone close to her in the firing line. At the same time, the constant questioning was making her irritable.
“Kelly, there’s nothing to worry about. There’s a lot going on in my life right now and I’m not coping well.”
“As long as you know I’m here if you need me.”
Jenna grabbed her friend’s hand and squeezed it. “I do and I’m grateful. I think everything will settle in time. I’m stressed, but it’ll pass. I promise.”
Kelly feigned belief in her friend’s words, but she had grave concerns about Jenna’s well-being.
Watching Kelly return to her duties at the diner, Jenna took her phone from her jacket pocket.
“U & and I need 2 speak. Let me no whens good. If I dont hear back Ill come round 1 evening 2 talk.”
The text from Leon made her sick to her stomach. After over a year of spending her nights babysitting Zada and living in a cramped house, Jenna should be relishing a few nights in the apartment by herself but she was petrified of going home. Frightened as to when Leon might “come round” and terrified at what the “talk” would consist of.
