Past Forward Volume 1

by Chautona Havig

  It was the worst thing she could have said. In an effort to keep him from monopolizing every moment of people’s attention, few people risked showing Chuck any sympathy even—if not especially—when he deserved it. Eager to prevent Chuck from making too much over Willow’s simple courtesy, Chad said, “Oh Chuck’s a big boy. He’s fine. It’s getting dark.” He slapped Chuck on the back. “Good game. We’ve got to get settled for the show, but thanks for playing with us.”

  Chad helped Willow up into the back of the truck and settled her comfortably against the cab. Remembering the ice chest, he hopped down to retrieve it, and as he turned to set it in the truck bed, saw Chuck lowering himself into Chad’s well-padded beanbag chair. Willow’s eyes flipped back and forth between the men, dismayed.

  “Um, Chuck? You’ve got my spot there. I don’t have anything to sit on.”

  Clueless, Chuck pulled the wadded up blankets from around the beanbag and tossed them on the tailgate. “Ya should have bought a full size truck, Tesdall. This thing doesn’t leave enough room back here.” He nudged Willow with his elbow. “But it’s cozy for us anyway, isn’t it?”

  Willow stared at Chuck, aghast. “Are you truly this dense, or are you just rude?”

  “What?” Chuck exclaimed with a hint of confusion and a lot of bluster.

  In that moment, Willow saw what no one in Chuck’s life had ever seen. Insecurity, loneliness, and a deep desire to feel accepted for himself drove most of his actions. He was the little boy Mother had always talked about—the one from elementary school who tried too hard and no one liked. Chuck had simply never grown out of it.

  She hesitated before asking, “Would you like a Dr. Pepper?”

  Both men’s eyes widened, surprised, and Chuck responded, “Naw, Chad just brought Coke. It’ll be fine.”

  It was the first time Chad had ever heard Chuck settle for less than he truly wanted if someone could do something about it. Willow ignored him. “I’ll be right back.”

  With a handful of change and a spare can of Coke, she wandered through the groups of spectators who all waited for the first burst of lights. Even from a couple yards away she could hear as Chuck stammered, “I didn’t expect—I can’t believe she—”

  “She wanted to, Chuck.”

  “Wow.”

  “I hear you there.”

  A hundred yards or so away, a large group from St. Michael’s swapped a can of Coke for a can of Dr. Pepper and gave her a second can, refusing to allow her to pay for it. She hurried back, tucked the spare in the ice chest, and handed Chuck the other. “Would you like some more pie?”

  The sounds of instruments tuning drifted over the crowds, before the school marching band began playing the “Star Spangled Banner.” Willow turned and watched, hand over her heart, singing quietly along with the music, oblivious to glances that others nearby gave her. The first burst of fireworks erupted on the line, “the bombs bursting in air.” Most of the crowd stood and sang along as a floating flag of fireworks waved over them.

  Chapter Nineteen

  As they folded the blankets and tucked them behind Chad’s seat, Chuck and Willow discussed the beauty of the fireworks. “What do you mean you’ve never seen them so well?”

  “Mother and I would sometimes sit on the barn or even watch from that field on the other side of the lake, but that’s private property and sometimes they pasture a bull in that field, so most years we just stayed home.”

  “Where do you live?”

  Willow described her farm along “Brant’s Highway” and laughed when Chuck asked if they grew crops. “Just enough alfalfa for the animals. We’re more of a homestead than a real farm, but I plan to expand next year.”

  Chad wondered what Bill would have to say about that and started to tease her, but Chuck’s words cut him off. “That’s right on my way home. I can drop you off.”

  The scene played out in slow motion. The moonlight gave it an eerie, ethereal feeling as though he’d entered a horror movie as an extra and without a voice to warn the heroine. “Oh, thank you. It would save Chad a trip. Are you sure you don’t mind?”

  Chuck said something, but Chad didn’t hear it. Instead, he watched Willow—was she gliding—toward him in that same maddening movie-inspired slow motion. She spoke, but her words could not penetrate the rushing in Chad’s head. He shook his head no, desperately trying to stop the idea before it spun out of control.

  A quick hug, a word of thanks, and a smile later, Willow wandered off toward the parking area, with Chuck carrying her pie pan and talking as though she and Brunswick’s most obnoxious bachelor had been friends for years. “What part of no didn’t she understand?” he muttered to himself. He replayed the scene through his mind and heard the question again, her lips carefully enunciating each word.

  “Do you mind if Chuck takes me home? It’d save you a trip, and it’s on his way…”

  “Oh Lord, help,” he muttered in exasperation, sending one eye skyward. A thought ripped through his mind, and he sank to the tailgate once more. “Lord, Bill is gonna kill me.” He swallowed hard. “Can’t say as I blame him, either.”

  “Turn left up there where the big tree is. That’s our drive.”

  “So how long have you lived here?” Chuck, in what she suspected was an unusual thing for him, hadn’t spoken a word on the trip home.

  “I was born here.”

  “Wow. Was your dad ok with that?”

  The question took her aback for a moment. Almost no one had asked about her father. She rarely thought of herself as having a father other than the Father. “I don’t have a father.”

  “Everyone has a father, Willow—”

  Willow interrupted quickly. “You’re right. I’ve never known a father like that, and based upon the little I do know about him, I have no interest in the man who could make that claim.”

  “Bad dude, huh?”

  “Yes.”

  Chuck parked his little sports car and, with another first in his life, dashed around the hood to open the door for Willow. “Here, I’ll take that,” he said pulling the pie pan from Willow’s hands.

  “Would you like to come in and have another piece?”

  From his expression, she expected him to say something articulate like, “Well, duh,” but instead heard him say, “do you have ice cream?”

  “No, but I can make some. How’s your cranking arm?”

  “Who’s callin’ me cranky?”

  The Chuck from earlier in the evening—the one who seemed clueless to basic rules of civility—had vanished. Sure, he made occasional gaffes that anyone might, but in comparison to the utter rudeness at the lake, it felt quirky rather than boorish. He wouldn’t hear of her cranking the ice cream freezer, serving their food, or washing the dishes. There was something endearing about the young man’s attempts at service that she could see were new—and unskilled.

  Near midnight, Willow stood and tossed her water glass outside on the rhododendron bush. “I’ve had fun getting to know you, Chuck, but I have to be up early, so it’s time for you to go home.”

  “Oh, sure. Can I have your phone number?”

  Willow called out the numbers, while Chuck punched them into his phone. She walked him to the front porch steps and said goodnight. At his car, Chuck turned around and returned to stand at the base of the porch.

  “Would you mind if I called? Do you want me to call, or are you being nice?”

  “Chuck, I don’t know what kind of people you are used to, but I don’t say anything if I don’t mean it. You’re welcome here any time.”

  Back in his own car, Chuck inserted the key and put it in gear. “Wow.”

  The quiet din of congregational fellowship muffled the sounds of an approaching cyclone. “Willow! There you are! I looked all over your place for you, but I couldn’t find you. I said I’d be there in time to save you the walk.”

  Willow’s momentary shocked expression put all those nearby on their guard. She was just learning that Chuck had
a habit of not hearing when someone said no to one of his plans. This could get ugly. Fast.

  To everyone’s surprise, Willow rearranged her features into a genuine smile, took his hand, and quietly led him out a side door into the quiet prayer courtyard behind the main building. A quick glance around the yard assured her they were alone. “Did we have the same conversation?”

  “What do you mean?” Chuck’s voice already held a trace of defensiveness.

  “You seemed surprised that I wasn’t waiting for you at my house. I distinctly remember saying I did not want a ride—”

  “But I told you—”

  Willow dropped his hand and turned away trying to control her temper. This man was excessively ill mannered, but it seemed to her that everyone almost encouraged it by ignoring it. She whirled back to face him and found her face almost buried in his chest. “Oh!”

  Chuck stepped back. “I’m sorry, Willow, I—”

  “Are you?” With a deep sigh, she sank onto the nearest bench and patted the seat next to her. “We need to talk.”

  An uncomfortable look covered Chuck’s face. “Really, I didn’t—”

  “You’re lying to me. Sit down.”

  Chuck sat. “I’m not—”

  She folded her hands in her lap and waited. After several dozen seconds of protests and blustering, Chuck closed his mouth in a stony silence. Willow tried again. “You done?”

  His expression was a cross between that of a trapped rabbit and a charging bull. “I don’t understand what the problem is, Willow. You’re acting all mad at me.”

  “I am not accustomed to people lying to me.”

  “But I didn’t lie!”

  A peace stole over her as she prayed for guidance. “Chuck, you offered me a ride to church. What did I say?”

  “I said I’d be there by nine-fifteen. You weren’t there.”

  “I said I would walk.”

  “But I said—”

  Willow interrupted before he was stuck on that track again. “So in other words, it is my fault that I didn’t ignore what I’d already told you and assume you would also ignore it?”

  “What?”

  “I told you that I was walking and that I would not be there when you arrived so not to stop and pick me up. Now, you are irritated with me because I did what I said I would do. I was supposed to go back on my word and wait around hoping you’d ignore me?”

  “But I said—”

  Her patience was thinning rapidly. “Chuck. What did I say?”

  “But I said—”

  “And I said?”

  Chuck repeatedly insisted that he’d promised to arrive, he had done what he’d promised, didn’t understand why she was upset at him, and why she wasn’t waiting when he arrived. Conversely, Willow refused to be bullied into acquiescence. Chad overheard part of the argument on his way into the auditorium and was tempted to tell Willow it was a hopeless cause. Chuck never backed down.

  “What do you want from me Willow? I tried to do something nice—”

  “Since when is it nice to ignore a woman’s wishes?”

  “But it’s five miles!”

  “Since when is it nice to ignore—”

  Chuck’s voice rose in exasperation. “You’re being impossible!”

  A very quiet and low reply punched the wind from his lungs. “Do not ever raise your voice at me like that. Ever.”

  “I just—”

  With a deep sigh, Willow stood. “Chuck, I want to be your friend. I like you. However, I will not tolerate being ignored, and I won’t be lied to. If you want to be my friend, you’re going to have to listen when I say no, and you’re going to have to be honest with both of us when you do something wrong.”

  She was nearly at the door when Chuck’s quiet voice reached her. “I’m sorry.”

  Willow turned and saw a new expression on Chuck’s face—one she suspected few ever saw. She saw humility and genuine contrition. Chuck’s shoulders slumped as he continued. “I heard you say you were walking and not to stop.”

  Returning to the bench, Willow glanced up into Chuck’s miserable face. “Why did you act like you didn’t? That’s a lie, Chuck. You tried to shift the blame onto me. You accused me of rudeness. I don’t have many friends, just Chad and Bill—well and maybe Lee, but friends don’t do that. Even I know that.”

  “People don’t do anything with me if I just ask.”

  “Does it work to ignore them when they decline?”

  Chuck’s miserable face tugged at a maternal heartstring Willow didn’t know she had. “Sometimes.”

  In a lifetime of solitude with her mother, Willow had never imagined someone so alone. She wondered about Chuck’s mother, his family. How had he been allowed to continue such a self-destructive path? Would she be able to have a reasonable friendship with someone like him?

  Another thought crossed her mind. A man like Chuck was probably starved for fellowship and affection. Willow hugged him. “I’m sorry, Chuck. You must find life frustrating at times.” She pulled away and stood, offering her hand. “Come on, let’s go inside. We’re missing Bible study. Just remember,” she warned playfully, “if I say no, I mean no, and we’ll get along great.”

  A ripple of surprise rolled over the congregation as Willow and Chuck entered the auditorium hand in hand, and sat comfortably next to Alexa. Pastor Allen watched as Willow turned her attention to the morning’s lesson but included Chuck as he called out passages in rapid succession.

  Fifteen minutes and a jumbled and incomprehensible lesson later, Pastor Allen snapped his Bible shut with a smile. “I can’t focus. I’m trying to teach James chapter two, but I think we’ve all seen it lived before our eyes this morning.” His voice wavered. “Scripture spoken by action— isn’t it beautiful?”

  Chapter Twenty

  As he shuffled through the day’s paperwork, Bill paused at the sight of Willow’s birth certificate. Renee Freeman must have meant for him to send it on to Willow. The date caught his eye just as he started to refold it. He glanced at his calendar. Thursday, July nineteenth. Monday was her birthday.

  Bill’s thumb slid up and down on the touch screen, scrolling the numbers back and forth until he gave in and punched Chad’s quick dial button. Three weeks since their date—not that he was counting... He’d tried to arrange another afternoon in the city on the seventh, but she had plans with Chad for a fireworks display. The following Saturday, he’d suggested dinner out in Fairbury and a movie on his laptop at her house, but again, she wasn’t available. This, however…

  Lost in thought again, he jumped at the sound of the officer’s voice. “Hey, Chad. Do you have a moment?”

  Chad had considered not answering the call, but Bill needed to be encouraged to keep pursuing whatever interest he had in Willow. “What can I do for you?”

  “How about a birthday party for Willow?”

  Birthday—she hadn’t mentioned anything about that... “When is her birthday?”

  “Monday. I’m taking her to dinner this Friday, so it’d have to be Saturday sometime.”

  “Well if you’re coming on Friday anyway, why not just celebrate then? What does this have to do with me?” Chad really didn’t want to get involved in Bill and Willow’s relationship. Seeing light at the end of the proverbial tunnel had given him hope of freedom from the big brother role he’d adopted.

  “I was thinking more of a party. Willow has never had a birthday party—well, not one with guests and presents, and crazy party games and such.”

  “A party. For her birthday.”

  “Is there a problem?”

  What? You don’t know how to handle it if I don’t jump to agree to your requests? The thought gave him the catharsis necessary to ask what needed to be asked. “Where do you suggest we have this party?”

  An hour later, Chad returned Bill’s call, the fledgling plans for a party already set in motion. “Ok, I reserved the gazebo in the town square, Joe said Alexa will arrange for some music, and we’re
calling everyone in the church to bring a potluck dinner. Anything else?”

  “Decorations. Do you have any ideas?”

  Chad groaned. “No, but I’ll get my little sister Cheri to figure something out.”

  “Does Cheri live there with you?” Why Bill would care, Chad didn’t know, but the next question jerked the thought from his mind. “Oh, and what kind of lodging is available?”

  “There’s the resort on the lake, but it mostly rents cabins. There’s the bed and breakfast, though. We actually have two of those but—” Chad paused, trying to stop himself from saying what he felt obligated to say. “But they’re probably all booked this time of year. If you want to stay over, you’re welcome to my couch.” He kicked himself as each word zipped through the airwaves.

  “I might take you up on that if it gets late, thanks. I’ll have Mari call you for directions later. Let me know if I need to do anything else. I’ll call that bakery there and order a cake. The Confectionary, right?”

  “Yeah.” Swallowing hard, Chad added one more suggestion. “Bill?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Buy her the biggest bunch of white daisies you can afford.”

  “Ok.”

  Chad stared at his phone as it disconnected. That was somewhat underwhelming.

  Anticipation of their date left Bill nervous and jittery as he drove up the long winding drive to Willow’s yard. Even from several dozen yards back, he could see her sitting on the steps, her skirt fanned out beside her and book in hand. Her head didn’t rise from the pages as she read. His hands slipped around on the steering wheel, clammy with perspiration. Get a grip, man. His eyes rolled at the thought.

  The car rolled to a stop just a few yards from the porch. Willow stood and waved, shaking out her skirt as she skipped down the steps. Golden hair—so much lighter than Kari’s—swayed with each step. A sound caught her attention and she turned toward it, giving him a perfect glimpse of her profile. In those brief seconds, she looked more like Kari than he’d ever seen. Miserably, he wiped his hands on his pants before stepping out of the vehicle.