Missing Lily

by Annette K. Larsen

  I understand your frustration and if I were in your position, I would hold the same animosity that you do for the royal family. Their tight-fisted rule keeps us from many pursuits. But I cannot help you. I will not help you, and you should abandon these foolish musings this instant. What you suggest is not only dangerous and foolhardy, but treasonous as well. You will not succeed in your objective. You will only hurt those you love and get yourself thrown in prison. Bury your anger and move on with your life. That is your only course.

  A clock in the hall chimed the hour, pulling me from my reading. I dropped the lid shut, feeling as though it had singed my fingers, and stared at the offending box that had appeared so charming only moments before.

  My breathing had gone shallow and ragged. I lurched to my feet and fled from the room. I ran down the hall, across the entryway, and up the stairs as I tried to keep my emotions in control. Reaching the door to my room, I shoved it open, quickly closing it behind me and leaning against it.

  I had taken only two breaths before a knock on my door made me jump. “Miss Lily?” Rhys asked.

  “I am ill.” It was the only thing I could think to say to explain the strain in my voice. Silent tears rolled down my face.

  “May I come in?” he asked.

  “I am ill,” I repeated.

  “Let me help.” He was almost pleading.

  “No. I’m fine. It’s nothing to be concerned over. I just don’t feel well.” I couldn’t control the panic of my voice.

  “Please?”

  “I’ll be fine after a rest. I just need to rest, alright? I’ll be down shortly.”

  “I’ll come to check on you.”

  “I’m fine,” I insisted.

  “I’ll come back.”

  With my forehead pressed against the door, I heard his footsteps recede and slid to the floor in a tearful mess. I couldn’t make sense of it. How could this man hold such animosity for my family? How could he be considering an act of treason? Treason. That’s what the letter had said. Everything that I knew about Rhys screamed that he was a good man, that he was hard-working and loyal. He was so kind to me. But then, he didn’t know who I was.

  I climbed onto the bed, trying to make sense of the situation. My panic threatened to take over and I curled up, wrapping my arms over my head in an attempt to block everything out. I focused on the darkness of my closed eyes and the sound of my breathing. I fell into a fitful sleep, waking after the sun had gone down. I lay there and could think of only one solution. I had to leave. Whether Rhys’s hatred for my family really was as deep-seated as the letter suggested, it didn’t matter. I could not stay under the roof of such a man.

  I found a cloak in the wardrobe and put it on, then quietly unlatched the door, hoping to leave without anyone’s notice.

  Rhys sat on the floor, leaning against the wall opposite my door, sleeping. It broke my heart to see him there, obviously waiting for me to come out. But with any luck, he wouldn’t discover my departure until later. I slipped through the door and crept past him, trying to keep my breath quiet even with my nerves jumping every which way. I reached the top of the stairs before his voice stopped me.

  “Where are you going?”

  I looked back. His head still rested against the wall, but his eyes were fixed on me.

  I faced the stairs again, contemplating running down them. I cleared my throat. “I’m just going for a walk outside to clear my head.” My foot stepped down.

  “The sun is down.” Confusion infused his voice as he stood to follow.

  My pace increased. “I won’t be gone long.”

  He grabbed my arm, stopping me. “What has you so upset?”

  I tried to hold his gaze He hated me, even if he didn’t know it. “I’m just…worried.”

  “That’s not it.” How could he know such a thing? “There’s something else.”

  I tried to invent a lie, but my thoughts wouldn’t cooperate. He moved closer to me, making my neck grow hot. I swallowed, desperately searching for something to say, or even something to focus on besides the warmth spreading through me. I ignored it. I didn’t know this man, he may very well be a traitor, a conspirator. But all I could feel was his proximity.

  “Won’t you tell me?” he pled. I made myself look at him and his eyes delved into mine, searching for any clue to explain my behavior.

  I closed my eyes, whispering, “I can’t.”

  “Please?”

  I opened my eyes at his pleading tone, then opened my mouth, trying to say something. His eyes locked on my parted lips and I stopped trying to talk. He lowered his head, glancing at my eyes before refocusing on my mouth and moving closer. He was going to kiss me. Half of me wanted it, desperately. The other half was terrified. It was all wrong. This was wrong. He was wrong.

  I turned my face away and he froze.

  “You don’t know who I am,” I whispered. He didn’t move—either away from me, or closer—and after an interminable moment, I stepped back and hurried out of the house.

  He didn’t follow me as I fled into the night.

  I passed beyond the low wall surrounding the manor and walked a ways down the road before I stopped. I felt an urgent need to leave, but standing there, staring into the darkness around me, I knew I couldn’t. There was nowhere for me to go. I didn’t even know where I was. I paced, trying to think rationally but consumed by every irrational feeling I had felt over the past three days. I was attracted to Rhys but I could not be with him. I should not want to be with him because he might be a traitor, and even if he wasn’t…

  I couldn’t be with him, but the prospect of spending another night wandering in darkness was too much. I was fortunate to be here, in Rosamond’s care. I would have to stay, at least until morning.

  I listened to the stillness of night, letting my logic and resolve wash over me. The slow plodding of a horse made me look up. A rider was coming up the road at a leisurely pace. He was a younger man with thick, dark hair and the clothes of a gentleman. He seemed relaxed, or maybe tired, swaying from side to side with the rhythm of the horse.

  The sun had only recently set, so his presence did not cause me any alarm at first. Then he caught sight of me. I had expected a friendly nod or a neighborly smile. Instead he leaned forward, as if trying to get a better look, and leered at me. I turned and started back to the manor, suddenly missing the security of the palace.

  The hoofbeats increased, and the rider pulled alongside me. “Where might you be headed, miss?”

  “Good evening, sir. I’m just headed to that house there.” I quickened my pace.

  “Is that so?” The chill in his voice washed over me. I had almost reached the gate.

  “Yes.”

  His horse leapt forward, blocking my way. The rider stared down with cold eyes. “No.”

  “I beg your pardon?” I fell back a step as dread crawled up my back.

  He slid from his horse and I backed away. “You see, miss, I am very familiar with this particular estate, and I believe you are taking vast liberties.” He lurched forward, taking hold of my arm and yanking me toward him. “So, let us go in and see what the consequences will be. Shall we?”

  He grabbed his horse’s reigns with his other hand and pulled us both through the gate. I kept silent. I was more than happy to have him bring me to Rhys.

  He sent his horse in the direction of the stables and lumbered to the door, pushing it open without knocking.

  “Lord Fallon!” I yelled as soon as we were through the door.

  The man grabbed my face in annoyance. “What are you hollering about?”

  I pulled away from his grasp, ready to shout for Rhys again, but he was already striding toward us, incensed.

  Rhys pulled me away from the man, then put a hand around his throat and pushed him into a wall. “That is no way to treat a lady, Tobias.”

  Tobias. I recognized the name. It was on the plaque below the only portrait that came after Rhys’s in the gallery—a younger brother.
How had I forgotten about the brother?

  Rhys took a step back but put a finger in Tobias’s face when he started to move. “Stay put,” he commanded, then turned to me, grabbed hold of my arm and rushed me from the room.

  “That was your brother?” I asked, trying to catch my breath.

  “Yes,” he answered simply.

  “What…” I couldn’t think of a coherent question, so I stayed quiet, running to keep up with him as we ascended the stairs. He stopped at his room, stepping inside only long enough to grab his sword.

  My pulse beat in my throat as he put a hand to my lower back, propelling me down the hall.

  “I need to deal with him.” He opened the door to my room. “I need you to lock your door and do not open it for anyone but me. Do you understand?”

  “No. I don’t understand.” Tobias’s sudden appearance had been frightening enough, but the way Rhys reacted to the situation left me petrified.

  “Please. Just do as I ask?”

  I nodded and reluctantly watched him shut me in my room. I locked the door and heard him walk away, then stood there, clutching at my cloak, unable to sit or even move. The only sounds that reached my ears were indistinct.

  Rhys had a brother. Suddenly Cora’s outrage at having the ‘young master’s’ favorite meal served made sense, as did the groom’s lamenting over the young master’s ‘moods.’ They had been speaking of Tobias.

  I walked back and forth in agitation. Rhys has taken his sword, which suggested a fear of violence from his brother, and I worried that he or someone else would be hurt. I didn’t know where Rosamond or Giles were, but I wished Rhys had help.

  I heard a door crash open and rushed to my window, pushing it open in time to see Tobias getting to his feet after being sprawled out on the stone path.

  “I’m perfectly lucid,” Tobias claimed as he brushed off his clothes in a rather fastidious fashion.

  “I doubt that.” Rhys’s voice came from the open doorway, but I couldn’t see him from my vantage point.

  Tobias let out a chuckle, which turned into raucous laughter. “I’m shocked, Rhys. Here, all this time, you’ve been playing the noble hero, claiming no interest in any lady. Yet I return to find you with a young lady shut up in our home.”

  “Be silent, Tobias.” Rhys’s voice was weary. “Do not assume I am the kind of degenerate you are.”

  Tobias rambled on, seeming to enjoy himself. “By all means, man. Have your fun. You certainly deserve a little diversion before fulfilling your marriage contract.”

  I deflated at these words. A marriage contract? Of course there was a marriage contract. Why wouldn’t there be? I was only the little invalid, someone to take under his wing.

  “She’s not a diversion!”

  I opened my eyes at Rhys’s shout and saw Tobias raise his eyebrows, a knowing grin spread across his face. “You’re very protective, Rhys.” He said this slowly, as if relishing the discovery of some great secret.

  “Leave her alone.”

  “No need to worry. I won’t soil your pet.”

  A metallic ringing echoed through the air as Rhys unsheathed his sword and held it to Tobias’s neck. “Take a walk,” Rhys ordered with menacing finality.

  Tobias held up his hands in mock surrender and took a few steps back. “Perhaps I’ll have a ride on that new stallion,” he spat.

  “Take a walk, Tobias.” His tone left no room for argument, but Tobias still sent him a childish, mocking grin before turning to saunter away. I watched his retreating form until Rhys cursed and slammed the door.

  I closed the window and it wasn’t long before a knock sounded at my door. I crossed to it, reaching for the handle, but remembered his warning. “Yes?”

  “You can open the door.” I did so and was shocked when he not only entered, but closed the door behind him. I stiffened. He looked up at me, noted my reaction, and then sighed before opening the door wide. He pulled a hand down his face as he crossed the room, sitting on top of his mother’s trunk. I continued to stand, watching as he rubbed one hand against the other, his knee bouncing in agitation.

  “Your brother has come home.” I broke the silence.

  “Yes. I cannot apologize enough for his behavior. It’s inexcusable.”

  “He’s very disconcerting.”

  Rhys laughed without humor. “He’s a disgrace. He’s angry and out of control.”

  “Angry at whom?”

  Rhys shrugged. “Me. The elite. The royal family. The world. He’s rather indiscriminate in his rage.”

  At his mention of the royal family, something clicked into place. “The small library in the hall downstairs—the one close to the gallery—there is a desk there. Do you use that room?” My urgency made me less than eloquent.

  He looked at me quizzically, as if unable to fathom the importance of such a question at this moment. He took a moment before answering. “No.” I breathed an audible sigh of relief, then looked away, embarrassed. “Tobias uses that room when he is at home.”

  I turned my back to him, horrified that my relief had caused tears to cloud my vision. I put my fingers over my lips and breathed evenly, my eyes closed. The letter belonged to Tobias. Rhys wasn’t a traitor. Of course he wasn’t.

  Rhys stepped up behind me. I felt him there, even though he didn’t touch me. “Did he hurt you?”

  I blew out a breath. “No. He frightened me, but I’m well enough.”

  “That’s a relief.” My eyes flew open as I felt his words hit the back of my neck.

  He was too close. “You are getting married soon?” My question sat in the air, waiting for Rhys to breathe.

  “Relatively.” His voice was an unwilling whisper.

  My breath stuttered as I breathed in. “Then why are you standing so close to me?”

  A fraction of a moment passed before he took one step back. “My apologies, Miss Lily.”

  I waited for him to say more, but he walked out of the room and I missed him as soon as the door closed. I hadn’t meant to drive him away. Or maybe I had. It was better that he kept his distance. It was better that I kept my distance.

  My knees trembled, so I sank down into a chair. I had known this man for three days. So why was I sick to my stomach at knowing that he belonged to someone else? I had been telling myself that he was only a compassionate host, a kind soul—a friend even. Why then did I feel betrayed?

  A knock sounded at my door and I stiffened. I wasn’t ready to face Rhys again. “Yes?” My voice quavered.

  “It’s Juliann, miss.”

  I opened the door. “Come in.”

  She bobbed a curtsey before entering with her tray of food. “Rosamond sent up a tray, since you missed dinner. She thought you might like to eat in your room, though she says you’re welcome to come eat downstairs, of course.”

  I smiled. Rosamond had a way of guessing at my moods. “I will eat here, thank you.”

  She dipped her head, then set her tray on the table before moving the chair in front of it. “Anything else I can get for you, Miss Lily?”

  I shook my head. “No, Juliann, I’ll be just fine. Thank you. And thank Rosamond for me.”

  “Of course, miss.” A final bob and she left me to eat in peace.

  Staring at the food, I realized I wasn’t hungry, but forced myself to eat anyway. Juliann came to collect my dishes and I went to bed, wondering why Rosamond hadn’t made an appearance, wondering how the day would play out tomorrow.

  I had practically accused the lord of the manor of making inappropriate advances on me.

  Sleep did not come easily.

  Chapter 6

  I WOKE THE next morning feeling deflated. Nothing prompted me from my bed. The anticipation of seeing Rhys was squelched by my reality. Not only was he unavailable, he didn’t even know my real name. I thought long and hard about just telling him the truth, but couldn’t bring myself to do it. He was going to get married, and I felt certain that my heartache would be less knowing that he had nev
er known the real me.

  I had to get home today. Surely the river had had time enough to recede to a safe level. And the roads had been practically dry last night. It was time for me to leave. As much as I wanted to continue feeling as though I belonged here, that wasn’t my reality.

  Throwing my covers back, I hurried to ready myself for the day. I had never learned to set my own hair and simply left it loose. There was no one I needed to impress.

  I wrapped myself in a shawl to ward off the morning chill and left my room, intent on getting downstairs to breakfast so that I could take my leave.

  I took the servants’ stairs in an effort to avoid both Fallon men. They led directly into the kitchen and were closed in on both sides. Halfway down, my feet stumbled to a halt when I saw Tobias leaning casually against the wall. Had he nothing better to do than stalk me? My body stiffened and I drew closer to the opposite wall. He just kept me fixed in his gaze, waiting to strike, and I stifled the urge to cry out for help. This was his house, after all. I was the intruder, regardless of the apprehension he instilled in me. My feet had just started to move past him when he pushed away from the wall and stepped toward me. I fell back, the rough stone of the stairwell digging into my back as I tried to maintain as much distance as possible.

  “Miss Lily, is it?”

  I didn’t respond as he stepped up to me, closer than necessary. He had a pleasant smile on his face, but the way he moved toward me made me want to recoil further.

  “It seems that in my wine-induced haze, I may have treated you disrespectfully. Please accept my sincerest apologies.” He made a show of putting a hand to his heart and bowing low, but I could see him smiling.

  I swallowed, said, “Good day, sir,” and stepped past him, practically running down the stairs.

  Rosamond was in the kitchen and informed me that breakfast would not be officially served for some time. I asked to just eat in the kitchen and she readily agreed, seeming pleased to have me sitting in her domain.