Missing Lily

by Annette K. Larsen

  I put my forehead in my hand and shook my head, horrified. My wish had been for Rhys to know of my well-being so that he could stop worrying and wondering what had happened to me. Instead, I had caused sheer chaos. I swallowed my emotions and turned my mount toward Ella’s house.

  I plodded along, caught up in my thoughts, and was so preoccupied that I didn’t notice Nathaniel waiting for me until after I had dismounted and led the horse into the stables.

  “Princess.” I turned and found him watching me, his stance as tightly wound as his voice. I sighed, unprepared for this encounter. “Might I ask for an explanation?”

  My body slumped against a stall door. “I don’t want to argue about my protection.”

  “Would you rather I discussed it with the king?”

  My eyebrows shot up. “Don’t threaten me, Nathaniel.” I could hear my own incredulity, shocked that he would bring my father into this.

  “I answer to the king, Princess.”

  “You answer to me first,” I shot back.

  “No. I protect you.” His words were clipped and abrupt. “But I cannot do either if you run off.”

  As much as I hated it, he was right. We got along so well that it was hard to remember he didn’t answer to me at all. “All right,” I conceded in a monotone. “From now on, I’ll be a good little girl. Now go away.” I tried to appear apathetic, but bitterness had leaked into my voice and I couldn’t stop the tears that slid silently down my face.

  He saw my tears, but turned away without hesitation. I could cry endlessly without being in any kind of danger, and so it was not his concern.

  A few more tears leaked out, but I refused to give in to them. As upset as I was over the situation, I tried to focus on my success. I had seen Rhys today. And he had looked well.

  And he had gone after me.

  I forced myself to walk inside before any more tears could spill over.

  Ella was in the nursery with Guin. She looked me over before declaring, “You look worse.”

  “I ran into Nathaniel.”

  “Oh dear.” She grimaced. “How did that go?”

  “We had a lovely little argument and I was supremely rude.”

  Her face fell. “Oh, Lylin—”

  I held up a hand. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

  She tilted her head and studied me before agreeing. “All right. Dare I ask how your ride went?”

  I thought about that for moment and tried to answer truthfully. “It was...successful, I suppose.” I looked down, noticing my rumpled dress. “I’m going to change.”

  “We’ll be having lunch shortly,” she said as I walked out. “Might as well meet us in the dining room when you’re finished.”

  I sat in the dining hall and watched as Ella and the cook brought dishes to the table. Ella and Gavin employed no footmen or maids, only a butler, a coachman, a cook, and a housekeeper. It was a vast change in lifestyle for both of them, but it worked well. Gavin had plenty of work to do without being overburdened, and Ella delighted in contributing to the running of her household.

  Only a minute passed before Gavin’s all-too-knowing gaze forced me to acknowledge him.

  “What?” I asked.

  “I’m just thrilled to know that my wife isn’t the only sister to indulge in clandestine exploits.”

  “I’d hardly characterize it in that fashion.”

  He looked at me as though I were slightly crazy, then grinned. “No need to worry. You’re in good company here.” He reached down to pick up Guinevere and sat her on his lap.

  “Lorraina would disagree,” Ella said as she sat down. “And Guin should really sit in her own chair,” she hinted to Gavin, who just held Guin tighter.

  “I’ll put her in her chair in a moment,” he promised, and Ella tried not to smile.

  “Lorraina knows I’m in good company,” I tried to assure Ella.

  “Then why has she never come to visit me?” Ella’s question was calm, but I could see the sadness in her eyes. “I’ve invited her many times and she has never once made the trip.”

  “Lorraina has as difficult a time understanding you as you do her. She takes tremendous pride in being royalty and doesn’t understand how you could step away from it.”

  “And you agree?”

  “Of course not. I know very well that I am in good company here. I’m on the verge of spending more time in your home than I do in my own.”

  “But you don’t agree with what I’ve done.”

  I was taken aback, thinking my approval was obvious enough that she would have no reason to doubt it. Her apparent insecurity was uncharacteristic.

  “I may not follow in your footsteps, but I understand the appeal.” I had always understood it, but felt the appeal even more after spending time in Lord Fallon’s home.

  ***

  When I joined Ella for breakfast the next morning, she had a broad smile on her face. “Good morning,” she greeted.

  “Good morning,” I mumbled.

  Ella narrowed her eyes at me. “Are you sulking?”

  My shoulders shrugged. “I want to go riding.”

  “Then go. What’s stopping you?”

  “I am not in the mood to be followed about by Nathaniel.”

  She gave me a sympathetic smile. “I really don’t think you can sneak off again.”

  “I know that, and I wouldn’t anyway.” I rested my elbow on the arm rest and stuck my chin in my palm. “I’ll survive not riding for one day.”

  Ella had the audacity to roll her eyes at me. “Come now, you’re going to break my heart with that pitiful face.”

  I straightened. “I’m not pitiful.”

  “Well, you look it. And so I shall take pity on you and suggest that you be allowed to ride with Gavin and me without the company of your guards.”

  A reluctant smile slid across my lips. “I like that idea, but I doubt Nathaniel would agree.”

  “Would it be so terrible to have him following?”

  My face contorted, conveying my feelings on the matter.

  “Come now, Lylin. If you’re riding with me then you can ignore him entirely. Besides,” she added when I was about to object. “He’s just doing his job.”

  I closed my eyes and sighed. “I know that. But he and I have always had a very easy sort of camaraderie, and when he spoke to me that way yesterday, it felt like I was no longer talking to him, but to someone else entirely.”

  “From what you told me,” Ella responded slowly, as though debating whether to say the words as they came out. “You weren’t all that nice either.”

  “I wasn’t exactly in the frame of mind to be nice.”

  “And why is that?” I knew it was a question she had wanted to ask since I’d returned to the house yesterday. And I wanted to answer her, but I didn’t know how, or even where to begin. “Did you go to Fallon manor?”

  “Yes.” It was a relief to say that much at least.

  “Why?” she asked quietly.

  I took a deep breath and blew it out. “I don’t know if I even know why. I was just...pulled there. I sat looking down on the house, afraid to get any closer, but unable to leave.”

  “Did you see Lord Fallon?”

  “Yes.” My gaze fell to my hands as they twisted in my lap.

  “And?” she prompted.

  “I wanted him to know that I am well. But I couldn’t just show up. I couldn’t see him again, after all that he had done for me, and tell him that I’d lied. What good would that do?”

  “He’s going to find out eventually.” I looked at her, unable to respond. “You’re a princess, Lylin. Do you really think he’s not going to recognize you?”

  “I wrote a letter to him ages ago. But I haven’t convinced myself to send it.”

  She digested that for a moment. “So, what happened yesterday?”

  “I saw Rhys leaving the manor. He went riding and I decided to knock on the front door and tell Rosamond I was fine.”

  “You s
poke to her?”

  I nodded. “I told her I was all right. I told her not to worry. And I asked her to let Lord Fallon know.” I shook my head and shrugged my shoulders, still unsure if what I’d done was right. “When I saw him I couldn’t stand the idea of him needlessly worrying anymore.”

  “And then you just came back?”

  I shook my head. “I watched until he returned.” I had to swallow back my emotions. “And then I watched him ride after me.”

  Ella’s face was equal parts shock and compassion. “Lylin—”

  “I know,” I cut her off. “I should have just left it alone.”

  “No, that’s not what I was going to say. You and Lord Fallon were more than just friends.”

  I quickly dashed away a few tears. “No, we weren’t.”

  “But you wanted to be.”

  I threw my hands up. “I knew him for four days, Ella.” My voice rose in frustration. “You can’t become more than friends in only four days.”

  “Of course you can.” Her calm assertion irritated me. “I’m not saying you’re in love with him, but you care for him as more than a friend.”

  “It’s doesn’t matter. He’s engaged.”

  Ella shut her eyes, probably reprimanding herself. “Right.” She shook her head. “I’m sorry, Lylin, I forgot. You’re right; it’s doesn’t matter. It’s good that he’ll know you’re well. Send the letter when you get home, and be done with it.”

  I blew out a breath, nodding. It was good to have Ella on my side, telling me what to do.

  “Now,” she declared, shaking off the seriousness of our discussion. “We shall go riding, and you will ignore Nathaniel to your heart’s content.”

  I laughed a little and admitted, “It’s really not his fault.”

  “I know, which is why we won’t insult him by asking him to stay behind.”

  ***

  It didn’t take much to ignore Nathaniel. He had fallen back into a more formal position. We rode in the opposite direction from Fallon manor and had only gone a little ways before Ella spoke up.

  “Shall we race, then?”

  Gavin rolled his eyes. “It’s never much of a race, Ella.”

  “But it’s still fun,” she taunted in a singsong voice.

  “For you,” he sang back.

  “Lylin will race with me, won’t you?”

  “You can hardly call it a race when the winner is predetermined,” I pointed out.

  Ella sighed, exasperated. “Neither of you have any sense of adventure.”

  A grin slipped over my lips. “Never doubt my sense of adventure,” I warned before heeling my horse, leaning low over her neck as I tried to give myself an advantage. My lead did not last long. Inevitably, Ella galloped into my peripheral vision and I considered calling an end to the race and declaring myself the victor but decided to push a little harder and try to keep up. I often forgot what a pleasure it was to ride with Ella. She found a joy and an escape in riding that made it exhilarating to be alongside her. My skill would never compare to hers, because I could never let go with the abandon she did, but I always enjoyed the attempt.

  We rode all over the estate before turning our mounts toward the house. Gavin and Ella were caught up in their own conversation, so I hung back a ways. Nathaniel moved his horse up alongside mine and we rode in silence for several moments before he spoke.

  “I can speak with your father about putting someone else in charge of your security if you prefer.”

  His suggestion surprised me. “You’re abandoning me after one disagreement?”

  He finally turned to look at me. “Of course not, Highness. But you’re clearly upset with how I’ve handled things. And I can’t protect you effectively if you won’t let me.”

  I gave an exasperated sigh. “Nathaniel, I’m not suddenly going to start disappearing at every opportunity. Yesterday was an isolated incident. I wouldn’t trust anyone else with my security.”

  “If you trust me, then tell me where you went yesterday.”

  His request caught me off guard. Where I’d gone wasn’t a secret; I just hadn’t wanted him to know beforehand. “Fallon manor borders this estate. I went there.”

  His brow furrowed. “Fallon manor is where you spent the four days after...”

  “Yes.”

  “They know who you are?”

  “No.” He was about to ask another question, but I cut him off. “It was just something I felt I needed to do.”

  He considered that for a moment. “Next time there is something you feel you need to do, let me know.” I kept my mouth shut, not willing to promise anything, though I had no intention of repeating yesterday’s offense. “Princess, I can protect you and still give you space when you need it. I understand that there are times when you don’t want an audience. But I still need to be close by.”

  His suggestion was generous and more than I deserved, so I agreed and we rode on.

  Chapter 12

  MY JAW CLENCHED as the carriage jutted over yet another bump in the road. After spending more than a week at Ella’s, I was headed home.

  The journey back to the palace sufficiently reinforced my dislike for carriages, and I climbed gratefully to the ground, surprised when neither of my parents came out to greet me. Instead I walked into the entryway amid a flurry of activity. The steward directed me to my father’s study, where he stood behind his desk.

  “Lylin.” He came around to greet me. “I’m so glad you’ve returned. I had not expected you to extend your visit with Ella.”

  “Was it a problem?”

  “No, I’m just grateful you’re here. I was hoping you would get here before my guest arrived. I do hope you’ll join us for dinner.”

  My shoulders sagged. “I have only just returned. I’d hardly be fit for a formal dinner.”

  His face fell. “You’re right, of course.” He took my arm and we left his study, heading toward the grand hall. “But I would like you to join us afterwards, so that we might all have the chance to be together.”

  His request seemed odd. He didn’t usually require my company when he entertained.

  “Much has happened in your absence, Lylin. I would have preferred to have had the time to speak with you about it before now, but I believe he is just arriving.”

  “Then I will run upstairs and change, with your permission, Father.” I curtsied and turned to escape.

  “Actually, I would like you to stay. I believe you would like to greet our guest.”

  That was doubtful. A sigh escaped me as I turned back and tried to smile. “Very well. And who might this guest be?”

  He only smiled and said, “You’ll see.” Before I could ask for clarification, he looked past me and his eyes lit up. “And here he comes now. Lord Fallon!” he called out, walking past me.

  I pulled in a sharp breath before looking over my shoulder. He was there, striding toward my father.

  Rhys.

  My father embraced him like a son—something I had never witnessed before. Their greeting was heartfelt and genuine. Rhys glanced at me, then looked to my father before his eyes snapped back to me. His face lost its color. I couldn’t blame him. As surprised as I was to see him in my home, I at least knew his true identity, while he would just now be discovering mine.

  “Lily?”

  I turned to face him fully, speechless.

  “Ah yes,” my father said with a broad sweep of his arm. “Only she is not Lily.” He pulled Rhys a few steps closer. “This lovely girl whom you so graciously looked after is, in fact, my youngest daughter, Lylin.”

  Rhys’s eyes widened, then turned to my father, looking at him as though asking for confirmation. When his gaze came back to me, his face filled with confusion, as well as something else. His eyes stayed on my face, though his question was directed at my father. “Your daughter?” he asked slowly.

  “Yes, Lord Fallon. I am most indebted to you for the great care you took in looking after my youngest.”

  I sank
into a curtsey, my hands clutched in front of me, my knuckles turning white. I rose on trembling knees, and he remembered his manners in time to execute a formal bow.

  “It was an honor.” There was a distinct pause before he said, “Princess.” Not only was it an acknowledgement, but an accusation.

  “Lord Fallon,” I barely managed to whisper. Neither of us moved as we assessed the other. There were no words.

  My father’s voice broke the spell. “And here is my other daughter.” I looked to see that he was gesturing to Lorraina, who had just stepped into the hall. “This,” he paused as Lorraina drew closer. “Is Lorraina.” The way my father made this introduction was different than the way he had introduced me. It held more meaning. I turned to look at Rhys, to see if he sensed the same weight in the introduction as I did. He turned to Lorraina and instead of giving her the steely, all-consuming gaze which he had bestowed on me, he smiled at her in an overly polite, almost friendly manner—though I could see it was forced.

  “Lorraina,” my father continued. “This is Lord Rhys Fallon.”

  A crushing weight settled on my chest as the enormity of what this introduction meant fell into place. My parents had chosen Rhys for Lorraina. I couldn’t breathe.

  Rhys took a deep breath. “It is a great pleasure to meet you, Princess Lorraina.” He took her hand, bowing low over it. “I look forward to better making your acquaintance.”

  “As do I, Lord Fallon.” She smiled sweetly, but it was less glowing than I would have expected after having been presented with a genteel man who had already agreed to marry her.

  “Lord Fallon, if you would escort the princess into the dining hall, I will join you shortly.”

  Rhys gave my father a deferential bow of the head. “Of course, Your Majesty.” He turned and offered his arm to Lorraina, and they made a grand exit, while I stood speechless, drenched with envy, and more than a little horrified.

  “I think they will get on well,” my father commented.

  “Pardon?” I asked, though I was apprehensive of any further explanation.

  “I’ve been worried about this arrangement,” my father admitted. “They’ve both changed in the years since. But from what you’ve told me, I believe he will take very good care of her.”