Missing Lily

by Annette K. Larsen

  We continued our competition, with Raina managing two more points, Rhys consistently hitting the ten, and Gerrick hitting three tens and one nine. I hit a three and then missed on the third so that we only beat Rhys and Lorraina by a small margin.

  “So, what shall our prize be?” Gerrick asked.

  “You get to know that we won,” I suggested, laughing at the thought of coming up with a prize.

  “No prize,” he lamented. “Then why did I go through all of that work?” He pouted dramatically, making Lorraina laugh.

  It was good to see Lorraina in a playful mood, but I was shocked when she walked up to Gerrick. “Here,” she said as she went up on tiptoe and lightly kissed his cheek. “A victor’s kiss. Will that do?”

  Gerrick looked stunned and more than a little flattered. “That is a much better prize than I had anticipated.” He bowed. “Thank you, Princess.”

  I let out a breathy laugh, relieved that she had not tried to convince me to give a kiss. I really didn’t know where her good humor had come from.

  “But what about Lylin?” Gerrick asked. “She needs her victor’s kiss as well.” He gestured for Rhys to approach me, and the blood drained from my face.

  “No, that’s not—” I tried to protest.

  “Well, go on, Lord Fallon. My sister has earned her prize.”

  Rhys froze for a moment, terrified, but he recovered quickly. “It would be an honor, of course.”

  I stood stock still as he approached, lacking the clear thought necessary to mask my emotions. He approached at a measured pace, but it seemed to take forever for him to reach me as he held my eyes with his. Then he placed a hand on my waist and bent, pressing his lips to my cheek.

  I closed my eyes and failed to breathe steadily. I couldn’t help it. There was no room for pretense in my emotion-fogged brain.

  When he pulled away, I focused on breathing in and out, which was more difficult than it should have been.

  Gerrick and Lorraina gave a good-natured round of applause as Rhys stepped away from me, turning his back on all three of us.

  “Good show,” Gerrick said as he came to stand by me. “Overall, a successful afternoon of sport.”

  I nodded, giving a weak smile.

  “Yes, indeed,” Lorraina agreed, then turned to Rhys. “Shall we head back?” They proceeded to the canopy to put their gear away while I stood rooted to the spot. Fortunately, Gerrick didn’t seem to notice.

  He turned back to me, his hands fidgeting before reaching out to take mine. “May I be allowed to give the victor a kiss as well?”

  I blanched, but hid it with a smile. One more peck on the cheek wouldn’t hurt, so I nodded.

  He didn’t kiss my cheek, but pressed his lips to mine for the briefest of moments. I was taken aback, unsure if I welcomed his action or not. I’d never been kissed before and found that it didn’t excite me in the way I had always imagined it would.

  He squeezed my hands and stepped back. “A good afternoon of sport, indeed,” he said, pulling a chuckle from me. “Sadly, I have some business I’ve been neglecting, so I need to return. Will you join me?” He offered his elbow and I almost took it before realizing that if I declined, I could be alone.

  “Actually,” I cleared my throat, crumpling the sides of my skirt in my fists. “I think I will take a few more shots. I’d like to practice while the lesson is still fresh in my mind.”

  “We can always schedule another lesson.” His eyes delved into mine, suggesting he referred to more than archery. My breath caught, knowing very well that he wanted to further our relationship, but also knowing that while I found his company pleasant, my attachment to him was tenuous at best. I didn’t know what I wanted, what I should want.

  “I know.” I tried to smile, but it didn’t last. He kissed my hand, bade me farewell, and laid his equipment down before striding away.

  My bow slipped from my fingers and dropped to the ground. I put a hand to my middle, trying to breathe deeply and calm my disquiet while pressing the other hand to my cheek, knowing that calm was beyond me. I had been doing so well. I had made a concerted effort to enjoy my time with Gerrick, and I had been succeeding, despite Rhys’s presence. And then they had to come up with that ridiculous prize, and I was reduced to a quivering mess, not because of Gerrick’s kiss, but because of Rhys’s.

  “Your Highness?”

  A footman stood with his hand outstretched, but I waved him off. “I’m all right, thank you.”

  I picked up my bow, intent on putting it away, but when my hand gripped the wood, the urge to shoot—to really shoot—intruded, and I turned to face the targets. I approached the last one, which lay forty paces beyond the line, and set my feet. A footman approached with a quiver of arrows and pulled one out for me, but I shook my head. “I’ll take the quiver.” I didn’t have the patience for one arrow at a time.

  He replaced the arrow and handed me the quiver, which I fastened around my hips.

  The first arrow only hit the seven point ring. I was a good shot, but I’d never been great. Today, though, I was determined, and it only took six arrows before I sunk one dead center.

  I exhaled, letting all the tension drain into the ground below me. Walking slowly back to the canopy, I was suddenly tired, and allowed a footman to take my bow while I unfastened the quiver and armguard.

  My fatigue tempted me to trudge back to the palace, but I forced myself to pull my back straight and hold my head high as I crossed the lawn and entered my home. Once in my room, I didn’t even have the energy to write a letter—though I had plenty to say—before I simply fell onto my bed.

  I had recovered by the time I was summoned for the evening meal. The food and company were pleasant enough, but Rhys kept distracting me. Up until today, he had focused most of his attention on Lorraina, but now, as we sat eating pheasant and boiled potatoes, his eyes kept drifting to me—not openly staring, but his gaze settled on me often. It wasn’t a benign gaze either. His disapproving look left me puzzled.

  I was happy when my presence was not required that evening, but unhappy when I came to breakfast the next morning and found him once again focusing his disconcerting gaze on me.

  Finishing my meal, I excused myself and hid—yes, hid—in the library. I climbed the stairs to the upper level. My hand trailed along rows of books until I reached a sitting area bathed in the sunlight pouring down from two large windows.

  I studied the large volumes until my eyes found an atlas containing the topography of our kingdom and pulled it out. It was too large to hold in my lap, so I set it on the large fur rug and sat before in, pushing my skirts out of the way. I unfolded maps until I found the one which showed the land on which Ella and Gavin’s villa sat, as well as Fallon Manor. I tried to decipher what path I might have taken to end up at Rhys’s doorstep, but my route had meandered so much that for the most part I could only guess where I might have been. I opened more maps, looking for one that showed the road I had traveled, the forest where I had jumped from my horse.

  “What are you doing here?”

  I looked up, startled by Rhys’s quiet question. He loomed above me, his hands behind his back, his brow in a thoughtful furrow. How in the world had he found me here, and how had I not heard his approach? I returned his steady gaze before answering his question. “I was trying to get away from you.”

  His brows shot up. “Really? And why is that?”

  “Because you seem to have developed the habit over the past twelve hours of looking at me as though you disapprove.” My eyes fell back to the maps. “And I have had my fill.” I unfolded another page.

  “Would you like me to leave?”

  “Yes, please,” I answered without glancing up.

  “Very well. Good day, Princess.”

  It was unpardonably rude of me to sit there, ignoring him, but I truly was at my limit.

  I heard him turn and looked up to watch as he walked down the long aisle of books that led to the stairs. When he reached them, h
e stopped, standing still for a moment before spinning around to face me.

  He raised his voice so that I might hear him from the other end of the room. “Might I ask one question before I go?”

  I wanted to say no and send him on his way, but couldn’t allow myself to be quite that discourteous.

  “Yes,” I answered. Though I would likely regret it.

  He started walking back toward me, each step deliberate. “Why did you allow Wisen to believe that you can’t shoot well?”

  He was only halfway back to me, but each step made my heart beat faster and I felt the need to stand. “What makes you think that I can?” I swept my velvet skirts aside as I pushed to my feet.

  “I saw you.” His deliberate steps continued. “You were able to hit dead center at forty paces. You know how to shoot.”

  “You were watching me?” I didn’t know whether to be flattered or offended.

  “I was on my way to the stables.”

  My eyes narrowed. “The path to the stables does not pass by the archery course.”

  He stopped only a step away from me, ignoring my accusation and making one of his own. “I never would have thought you would lie to get the attention of a gentleman.”

  “He wanted to teach me. I didn’t want to insult him by—”

  “By telling him the truth?”

  “What does it matter? I haven’t hurt anyone.”

  “So you simply did it to boost his ego?”

  “I—” I didn’t have an answer for that.

  “Is his ego really worth your good character?”

  I was affronted. “My good character?”

  The disapproving glint was back in his eye. “You were dishonest.”

  “Yes, I was.” I threw my hands up. “I wanted to have an enjoyable afternoon, and he offered to teach me and seemed eager to do it, so, yes. I let him. What does it matter?”

  “It was a side of you I hadn’t seen before.” He spoke quietly, his words slicing into me.

  “You don’t know everything about me,” I stated in a vicious whisper.

  “Believe me, Lylin. That I know.”

  My eyebrows shot up. “I have not given you permission to use my name.”

  He moved almost imperceptibly closer. “But I could call you Lily? And carry you to your room? And tend to your injured forehead? And lie down to gaze at the stars together? And—”

  “You know that was different!” I shouted to make him stop, stumbling back a step.

  He sighed, the fight gone out of him. “Yes, I do know.” He took a step back.

  We stood in silence for a moment, both attempting to rein in our tempers. I didn’t want him to think of me as deceiving and two-faced. “Do you call Raina by her first name?”

  He looked away and blew out a breath. “No.”

  “Then how would it look if you called me by mine?”

  He ran his hands through his hair then clasped them behind his back before looking up at me. “You’re right. And I apologize. I have no right to judge you.”

  I stepped back, touched by his complete sincerity. Sinking into a chair, I had to concede that though his criticism offended me, it didn’t make him wrong. I had been dishonest. I had pretended to be something other than myself for Gerrick’s sake.

  “You’re right, you know.” I looked up at him. “Letting him believe I’m less capable than I am isn’t going to improve our friendship.”

  He stared down at me, obviously searching for something to say. “I shouldn’t have used your name without permission.”

  I got to my feet. “You may call me whatever you’d like.” My voice sounded flat as I moved around him, stepping over the pile of maps and walking away. I wondered if I would have to lock myself in my room if I wanted to be left alone.

  I did just that and walked to my desk, cursing my need to write to him.

  My dear Lord Fallon,

  You’re not going to make this any easier for me, are you? I was finally, gratefully enjoying myself, and you couldn't even let me have that. Never mind that you’re right. Whether Lord Wisen could have made me happy for a lifetime wasn’t the point. I just wanted a way to make your visit more bearable. A distraction. Now I will not be able to abide Gerrick’s company without wondering if you disapprove.

  And I know that you’re right. I do. Every day I allow him to stay only furthers the misconception that I have an interest in him. Though, in fairness, I was not the one to invite him here. Why should I be responsible for sending him away?

  I wish I did have an interest in him. What would you think then?

  And I would have you know that I loved when you called me Lily. I loved having you carry me to my room. And I loved gazing at the stars with you.

  Lylin

  Chapter 15

  I TRIED TO distance myself from Gerrick, tried to undo the rapport we had developed. But it was no good. I would have to dismiss him altogether. And so I stood before him, trying to be friendly but firm.

  “I want to thank you for being such a gracious escort. You’ve been wonderful company, but as your continued stay would convey the wrong message to those around us, I believe it would be best if we part now.” I tried to be gentle; I meant him no ill will.

  “I beg your pardon?” he asked, genuinely confused.

  “I’m asking you to end your visit, Lord Wisen.”

  Shock was written clearly on his face. “I am being dismissed?”

  “No, not dismissed, but it seems best to part now, on the best possible terms, before either of us has formed a serious attachment.

  “You think that would be best?”

  “Yes, I do.”

  He searched my face, choosing his words. “I wonder if this hasty dismissal is due to the fact that you have not deduced your parents’ reasons for inviting me here.”

  I was a bit put off by his inference. “I know my parents quite well, thank you. Do you require any help arranging for your departure?” I turned away, uninterested in any argument.

  “I’m an excellent candidate, you know.”

  I stopped and took a calming breath before turning back to him. “Candidate for what, sir?”

  “The entire kingdom has been waiting for years to know who will ascend the throne.”

  I remained silent, forcing him to talk his way around to whatever point he was trying to make.

  “At first it wasn’t much of a mystery. It would be either Princess Mia or Jensa, maybe even Kalina. But then it wasn’t, and we all started to wonder how it would pan out. As it stands now, most are ready to assume that Lorraina will rule, but do you know what I think?”

  “I’m sure I don’t.”

  “I believe your father has chosen you. I also believe that he is trying to guide you in your choice of a husband. He saw me as a suitable option, and so I am left to wonder why you believe yourself wiser than your father, the king.”

  As annoyed as I was by this diatribe, I did notice that he wasn’t being overly arrogant or sarcastic. It seemed more like he was trying to teach me an important lesson. But I required no lessons from him.

  “Those are all very interesting assumptions. But I am perfectly comfortable in my decision to part ways with you. So I will bid you farewell.” I sank into an overly polite curtsey and smiled pleasantly. “Good day, Lord Wisen.”

  “Lylin.”

  I stopped, knowing I had given him permission to use my name, but surprised he would use it now. “Yes, Lord Wisen.”

  He looked down, obviously regretting his informality, then took a deep breath before looking up again. “Your Highness. I meant no disrespect, and I certainly did not wish to offend.”

  “Thank you,” I said, fighting the urge to apologize for my rude behavior. I couldn’t allow him to hope that I would change my mind. “And good day.”

  I went to my room, sitting down at my writing desk.

  Rhys,

  I am sending Lord Wisen on his way—all because of you. He was a perfectly pleasant, perfectly s
uitable gentleman, but of course that couldn't be enough for me. No, I had to compare him to you.

  I wonder if this self-destructive obsession I have will go away once you and Lorraina are married. Do you have any idea the bitter taste left in my mouth each time I think of it? Of you sharing a life with my sister. It is beyond cruelty. It is madness.

  I contemplated many times whether or not to throw myself into Gerrick’s arms to see if I could loosen the hold you have on me. But despite knowing that my feelings for you are wrong, I know it would be even more wrong to lie by claiming an interest in anyone else. So I will wait, and hope that time will give me the freedom I need.

  Until I write again, because undoubtedly I will.

  Lylin

  I folded it up, pressing my ring into the wax dribbled on the seam before adding it to the box with all the others. Then I left my room and joined Lorraina in our sitting room. I read, but only kept half of my attention on my book, as I continually stole glances at Lorraina. She was painting, a talent she excelled at but in which she seldom indulged.

  It was a trait I had never understood. There were several endeavors that Lorraina had a marked talent for but into which she refused to put any real time, as though afraid she might succeed. I couldn’t make sense of it, but I was happy to see her painting at least.

  An hour later, Mr. Dale appeared in the doorway. He cleared his throat, and when Lorraina didn’t even bother to look up, I asked, “Yes?”

  “Your father asked that I inform you of Lord Wisen’s impending departure.”

  I sighed, resigned. “I’ll be down shortly.

  “Very good, Highness.” He bowed and departed.

  I had hoped to avoid a strained farewell, but my father was not inclined to let me off the hook.

  “Couldn’t hold his interest?” Lorraina asked without taking her eyes from her task.