Missing Lily

by Annette K. Larsen

  Yet, a small part of me envied the passion. Not the hateful passion, not the unbridled malicious sort, but the passion that drove a person to say exactly what they felt. And I started to wonder if I had done myself an injustice by being so willing to hold my tongue. I wondered if I had done Rhys an injustice by never giving him a chance to speak.

  It was then that I remembered the papers he had left. I pulled them from my sash and looked at the first. It was worn around the edges, sealed with the Fallon crest, and the outside bore one word: Lily.

  My chest tightened and I forced Lorraina and Tobias from my thoughts, tearing open the missive with shaking fingers.

  Dear Lily,

  I’ll admit, I am not quite sure what I intend to say in this letter, much less how I might get it into your hands. It’s been four days since you left. I entered my home ready to share the good news that the river was passable, that I might finally be able to get you home. Instead I found Rosamond in a panic. You were nowhere to be found. I searched the house, thinking the worst. I knew you had been attacked once, perhaps they had come back for you and I had failed to protect you.

  Then I found the note. Two sentences, Lily. Was that really all the time you could spare? Please don’t misunderstand, I was relieved beyond belief to know that you had left willingly, safely. But I would have liked to be able to return you home myself—to see for myself that you were safely delivered to your family. Instead I was forced to trust that you really were making your way home, though I could not fathom the means. Worse still was knowing that I had no way to check on you. I could not even remember your last name. And so I write this letter, in the hopes that someday you might give me the opportunity to see you well and safe.

  Please, please be safe, little one.

  Yours,

  Rhys Fallon

  I sat, stunned, breathing my way past the tears. He had written it only four days after I left him, and apparently kept it with him ever since.

  My attention turned to the second missive, which bore the word ‘Lily’ on the outside once again, but was much less worn.

  Dear Lily,

  You came to my home today. You cannot imagine how much I regret that I was not there. But while I am heartsick at not being able to see you myself, I am overjoyed to hear that you are well. Perhaps tonight I will finally be able to sleep again.

  And I think I do understand why you did not wait to see me. Circumstances being what they are, I realize it is better for our association to come to an end. I will be happy, knowing you are safe.

  Rhys Fallon

  “Princess Lylin?” Missy called from the sitting room.

  “Yes,” I called as I quickly refolded the letter, slipping it into the folds of my sash before drying my face and taking a fortifying breath.

  Missy stepped out onto the balcony and sank into a curtsy. “His Majesty requests your presence, Highness.”

  I let out a deep sigh. I was not at all in a frame of mind to speak with my father, but his summons could not be ignored. I stood, straightened my skirts, smoothed my hair, and went directly to his study. His door was open and he stood at the window, one hand leaning against the frame as he looked out over the landscape.

  I entered silently and waited for him to acknowledge my presence.

  He took one deep breath, letting it out in a whoosh, before he spoke without turning. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  I tensed, worried that he knew what I felt for Rhys. I couldn’t discuss my feelings with my father. Not now. “Tell you what?”

  He turned to look at me, his eyes tired, his shoulders slumped. “That Lorraina has feelings for Lord Fallon’s brother.”

  My apprehension turned to disbelief. “Why didn’t I tell you?” My voice raised in indignation. “Why didn’t Raina tell you? She’s had feelings for this man for a year. I found out about it last night. Why aren’t you having this conversation with her?”

  My father continued to regard me, neither ruffled nor moved by my outburst, then wearily lowered himself into his chair, defeated. “Forgive me, Lylin. You’re right.”

  My anger left as abruptly as it had surfaced.

  “I was very much looking forward to this union,” Father admitted. “I thought it would be good—for Lorraina, for everybody. She trusted me to make the right choice for her.”

  “She should have told you about Tobias.”

  “Yes, she should have.” He spoke in a monotone.

  It irked me that he wasn’t more angry with Raina, that he interrogated me instead.

  “And I did ask that Raina come speak with me. It seems she is indisposed and will not come from her room.” I could almost see the weight settling upon him as he sat lower in his chair. I wondered why he took the responsibility upon himself. I was more than happy to blame Raina.

  “She should have spoken up long ago.”

  He put his empty hands out to his sides in a gesture of defeat. “Nothing to be done now, is there?” He pushed himself to his feet and I felt the dismissal in his movement.

  I left without a word and locked myself in my room. Crossing to my desk and pulling out parchment was automatic, something I did without deciding to do so.

  Dear Rhys,

  I am relieved beyond words—relieved to know that I will not have to endure the torment of watching you marry my sister. But I’m heartbroken as well, for in leaving her, you also left me. What am I supposed to think of the letters? The idea of you carrying them about for close to two months is unfathomable. Why, Rhys? Why would you keep such a thing and then leave the very minute that you delivered them into my hands? Why did you not speak to me? I wanted so desperately to speak to you for even a moment. To say—I don’t know what, but to say something.

  What would you have said to me? If we only had a moment, what might we have said?

  I think I’m in love with you. That’s what I should have said. Because I am. I am.

  Lylin

  Chapter 19

  MY SILENT MISERY was interrupted by a knock on my door. I hid the letter to Rhys just as Ella let herself in.

  “What happened?” she demanded.

  I sighed as she closed the door. “When?” I asked, wondering what she already knew.

  “Last night. This morning. All I know is that I was out riding when I saw Lord Fallon leaving on his horse and then when I returned to the stables it was to find a very unhappy Mr. Fallon demanding that his horse be saddled.”

  I sank beside her on the bed, defeated. “Tobias is in love with Raina. Rhys found out and called off the betrothal and then left. Raina and Tobias fought about it. She has feelings for him as well, but thankfully realizes that’s not enough, and so he left when she demanded it.”

  “Tobias Fallon? And Raina?”

  “Yes.”

  “But...” She tried to form words, but couldn’t.

  “I know,” I answered.

  The silence stretched, both of us lost in our thoughts.

  “Well,” Ella finally broke the silence. “I’m more than a little surprised, but this is probably a good turn of events.”

  I studied Ella’s face. “How so?”

  “They were never a good match, and you have feelings for him.”

  I shrugged. “And now he’s gone.”

  She wrapped me in her arms and I held on tight, swallowing with difficulty and forcing myself to breathe steadily.

  “He’ll come back,” she assured me as she pulled away.

  It took me a moment, and though it left an ache in my throat and a hole in my heart, I had to admit, “I don’t know if I want that.”

  “Why not?”

  “What if Tobias hadn’t ruined things?” My eyes burned as I pointed out the one thing that hurt the most. “He would have married her.”

  “He had an obligation, a responsibility.”

  I shrugged, not sure if I could accept that reason as good enough.

  “Should I stay another day?” Ella asked.

  I pulled myself toge
ther and extracted myself from her embrace. “Of course not. You all need to get home, and as much as I love your company, there is really nothing to be done for me.”

  She searched my face before conceding. “All right. But you know you can escape to my house any time.”

  “Yes, I know. And thank you.”

  Ella picked up her traveling cloak and gave me one more squeeze before leaving.

  I took a deep breath, fighting my disappointment, before walking out of my room. I was determined to find something to occupy my mind. Wallowing was not an option.

  ***

  Lorraina did not make an appearance the next morning at breakfast, and my parents kept shooting each other worried glances. I focused on my food, angry that I had to sit there, silently mourning my own loss while everyone else worried about Lorraina.

  By the end of the meal I had had enough and made my way up to Lorraina’s room. I entered without permission. She sat on her bed, dressed, but with her hair unbound, clearly not planning on leaving her room. She looked at me, her expression apathetic, then looked away.

  “I came to check on you.”

  “Why?” she asked, her attention on the window.

  “Your refusal to leave your room is starting to worry mother and father.”

  “I’m sorry to inconvenience them.” Her sarcasm was unmistakable.

  “Do you want to talk about it?”

  “I am humiliated,” she answered in a monotone.

  “And I am sorry for that,” I forced myself to say. “But you have to take some of the responsibility.”

  She shot to her feet and spun to face me. “Can’t you have even a speck of compassion?”

  “I do, Raina,” I said calmly, but then my patience evaporated. “But what did you think would happen? I respect your choice not to be with Tobias, but did you really believe that he would stand by and let you marry his brother without causing a scene?” She crossed her arms and looked away, unwilling to admit any guilt. “I knew him for a mere few days, and yet I knew enough of him to know that he would not accept it graciously. He’s an angry, passionate man, Raina. You knew he wouldn’t stand by.” And still, she refused to look at me. “Why didn’t you say something when you realized it would never work?”

  She turned her eyes to me, giving me a scathing look. “Forgive me for believing that perhaps my marriage could work.”

  “Raina.”

  “No. Don’t give me that look. Don’t act like I’m a terrible person for wanting this arrangement to work. Don’t you want to get married, Lylin?”

  “Yes! But not to the brother of a man that I’m secretly in love with!”

  She breathed heavily, the torment written across her face. “They chose him for me,” she declared, trying stubbornly to hold to her argument and keep her tears at bay at the same time.

  “It was an impossible circumstance, and I know that both of you were only trying to be loyal to your parents’ wishes,” I conceded. “You also chose not to allow Tobias to pursue you, and to that I will unabashedly say bravo. But marrying his brother was always out of the question.”

  She sank down onto her bed, defeated. Her eyes glazed over and she only mumbled, “I don’t want to be alone.”

  I swallowed with difficulty. “Neither do I.” I turned and left.

  ***

  The following week, I sat at dinner with my family when a commotion at the door caught my attention. Mr. Dale conversed in rapid, hushed tones with a messenger before entering and presenting my father with a missive. I recognized Kalina’s seal and watched as my father read, a smile coming to his face. He passed the note to my mother, who scanned it before standing.

  “Mr. Dale, please arrange to have trunks packed for myself, Lorraina and Lylin. We will be leaving immediately.”

  My mother and Mr. Dale rushed off and I turned to my father. “Kalina’s baby has arrived?”

  He grinned. “Yes.”

  “And everything is well?”

  “They said everything went smoothly.”

  “Is the baby a boy or a girl?” Lorraina asked.

  “A boy. And it looks as though your mother is determined to have you girls meet him tonight. You’d better hurry along.”

  I took one last bite, then hurried from the room, Raina trailing behind me.

  ***

  We set off an hour later, and while my mother and I conversed amiably, Lorraina sat stiff and aloof, staring out the window and not saying a word.

  My mother was the first to alight when we arrived. Before I got out, I had to ask Lorraina, “Are you not at all excited to see Kalina’s baby?”

  She turned to me, pouting. “I do not relish the prospect of being a guest in Sir William’s home.”

  Her disdain for William was so apparent that I wondered how I had never seen it before. “Why do you dislike William?” I had always found him to be a very amiable man who made Kalina incredibly happy.

  “What is there to like?”

  Her response was immature, and it took me a moment to recover from her blatant snobbishness. Before I could form a reply, the footman outside cleared his throat. “Princesses?”

  I decided to ignore Lorraina for the time being and slid toward the door, allowing the footman to assist me in my descent.

  My mother was not in sight, and I had no doubt that she was already inside, anxious to see her daughter and grandson for herself. I climbed the front stairs quickly, making my way up to the master suite. Through the open door, I watched my mother approach the chair in which William sat, hair mussed, clearly exhausted, with the baby curled up on his chest as he hummed softly, his eyes closed.

  My mother touched his shoulder lightly and he opened his eyes and then immediately tried to stand. It was, after all, the queen who had roused him. My mother quietly encouraged him to stay seated. “Where is the nurse?”

  “In the other room. I told her I’d call if we needed assistance, but I wanted to keep the baby with us.”

  My mother smiled in understanding as she gently rubbed the infant’s back. “Would you be willing to let his grandmother hold him while you rest? I promise to stay close and bring him back if he needs his mother.”

  He nodded, allowing my mother to transfer the baby into her arms. She headed back toward the door, and William looked up and took notice of me for the first time. He appeared so rumpled and worn out that I couldn’t help the amusement that crossed my face as I waved at him. He lifted a hand in greeting while he half smiled and half grimaced, no doubt discomfited to be caught looking so unkempt. I just nodded my head toward the bed and reached for the door as he gratefully went to climb in beside Kalina, who looked as though she may not wake for a week.

  I shut the door fully and followed my mother into the nursery just as Lorraina reached the top of the stairs, her eyes visibly softening when she saw the bundle in my mother’s arms.

  “Come along, girls. Let us admire this baby to our hearts’ content.”

  We entered the nursery and the nurse stumbled into a curtsey. She answered my mother’s questions with quite a bit of fidgeting before my mother told her that we would summon her if she was needed.

  “Shouldn’t we check on Kalina?” Lorraina asked as we all settled close together.

  “Kalina is sleeping, as is William,” my mother answered, “and we will only wake her if this young man needs to eat.”

  “Perhaps we’ll be lucky and William will sleep through our entire visit.” Lorraina’s comment was offhand as she wrapped the baby’s fingers around one of her own, but I couldn’t ignore it this time.

  “What objection can you possibly have to William?” I asked, keeping my voice low. “And why the sudden need to air your grievances now, after they have been married for three years?”

  “I’ve never been forced to come before now.” Her tone was still offhand.

  “Girls,” Mother said calmly, but Raina ignored her.

  “He helped with Ella’s kidnapping and then abandoned his own king
dom.”

  “He protected Ella the best he could, and the reason he abandoned his kingdom is because he refused to bend to the will of an unworthy prince any longer. But you know all that.”

  “I just don’t understand how she could marry a man who wasn’t fully trustworthy.”

  “Sort of like Tobias?”

  She finally looked at me, her eyes snapping and her face flushed. “I am not marrying Tobias, am I?”

  “Girls,” Mother said, more firmly. “That’s enough.”

  I looked back at the sleeping baby boy and couldn’t help being softened by the sight. “You should have seen him, Raina. When Mother first came up, William had his son sleeping on his chest. His past may not be pristine, but he is a truly good man. I wish you could see that.”

  We let the subject drop and instead took turns holding the baby and speaking of more trivial things until he started to fuss in my arms.

  “Looks like he needs your sister,” my mother said, holding her hands out.

  “I’ll take him.”

  I walked down the hall, knocked on Kalina’s door and let myself in. William helped her into a sitting position and I handed over the baby and left.

  Coming back to the nursery, I stopped at the sound of Lorraina’s voice.

  “I just don’t understand what would prompt her to marry a man like William. She could have married someone so much more worthy. Her husband could have been the next king. And now, thanks to Ella and Kalina, we must entrust the entire kingdom to Lylin.”

  “Thanks to you as well,” I said from the doorway. “You had just as much of a part in the crown falling to me as any of the rest. If you think I will be such an unworthy candidate, then why don’t you take up the position yourself?”

  She kept her nose in the air, but couldn’t meet my gaze.

  “Do you think I want this?” I asked. “Well, I don’t. Why don’t you take on the simple task of marrying a man worthy of the crown? I’m sure for you it would be no difficulty at all, considering your excellent success with men thus far.”

  “Lylin.”