Turing's Delirium

by Edmundo Paz Soldán

  "Everyone has a price. There's a price for everyone." That's what Iriarte, a university classmate, used to say when they would discuss corruption in the judicial system. "What's yours?" "None," Cardona would reply with conviction. Iriarte was now in jail for having accepted a bribe to free a well-known drug trafficker in the early nineties. Cardona had visited him a few times, had been moved by his skeletal frame, his sunken eyes. Iriarte wanted to die. "When I said that everyone had a price, deep down I thought I was immune. I repeated it as a way of banishing temptation. Like when someone says that we're all mortal, but inside they believe they're immortal and behave that way. Not me, I used to say to myself."

  Cardona approaches the half-open window, pulls back the curtains, and looks out at the leaden sky threatening the city. His gaze rests on the military posts on the corner. The plaza is empty, but an explosion of voices, shouts, antigovernment slogans, can be heard from neighboring streets. Will the blockade complicate his plans? Ah, Iriarte, what would you have to say about me now? Pompous conviction that one is superior to everyone else, living with one's nose in the air, far from the masses...

  When had it all started? It was impossible to say. He remembers that when Mirtha was murdered, he promised himself he would find the killers one day. Years later the dictatorship fell, and he celebrated it as a personal victory. It was time to be rid of that little man who had promised the country "order, peace, and work" but had not said anything about the cost of achieving them. Then Cardona became a lawyer and, albeit timidly, entered local politics. He was a right-winger, but the parties on the right were weak and fragmented. In the mid-eighties, Montenegro returned to public life and founded a political party that quickly became a real alternative. It was ironic; his party's ideology was eerily close to Cardona's beliefs. Cardona's friends invited him to join many times, but he could never bring himself to do it. He attacked Montenegro repeatedly, not because he did not agree with his ideas; mostly, it was because he felt that a dictator had to be tried and sent to prison, as in other South American countries. It was in pure defense of the rule of law, which said that those guilty of crimes, those responsible for abusing power, had to be punished.

  The years went by, and in 1997 Montenegro became a democratically elected president. Cardona felt he had to accept the country's verdict. The wounds had been healed, there was no use being bitter about the past, it was better to look toward the future. He continued to attack Montenegro during his first years in office, especially when he used force to suppress protests—"dictators never cease being dictators"—but his convictions waned.

  He was in his office late one afternoon, reviewing files on a criminal case, when his secretary knocked on the door and told him there was a call from the president's office. He was more than surprised. Why would Montenegro want to talk to him? Cardona answered. Montenegro's personal assistant told him that he had an appointment with the president the next day at five in the afternoon, and then hung up. He remembers how he left his desk, both nervous and elated, and approached his secretary to ask her immediately to book him on a flight to La Paz the following day.

  He recalls Montenegro's office, a hand-embroidered coat of arms framed on the wall, the gold in brilliant contrast to the red and green. Without leaving his chair, Montenegro looked up and held out his hand. Cardona sat down, unexpectedly humble before the power of that short man with a commanding voice.

  "It's a pleasure to meet you, general."

  He was a lap dog; all that was missing was for him to bow.

  "I've heard very good things about you, judge. We need someone of your stature to become part of our project."

  "I'm honored that you thought of me."

  "Tell me, can you see yourself as minister of justice?"

  "I see myself however you'd like to see me, general." At that moment he remembered his hatred, his promises of vengeance for what had happened to Mirtha. What would she say if she could hear him now? What could she say? She would probably understand that something that had taken place more than twenty years ago would not control his decisions now. What's the use in holding on to old resentments? One had to go on with life; that was that. He couldn't reject the offer. He's a different Montenegro, he's democratic; this Montenegro would never have his thugs kill Mirtha.

  There were mirrors on all the walls. On the desk was a newspaper with a half-solved crossword puzzle and photos from Montenegro's days as a dictator, as if to say to everyone Times have changed, but I'm not ashamed of my past.

  "Judge, my government is going to begin a sweeping campaign against corruption. At all levels. We simply cannot be ranked as one of the most corrupt governments in the world. In South America, only Paraguay is ranked higher." His voice was resonant and thick, his hands waved nervously in the air, his arms crossed and uncrossed.

  "I wholeheartedly agree, general."

  "So then, I can count on you?"

  If there had been even the slightest doubt, a hesitation. But no, the yes came so easily, the hands that reached out, the firm grip, the eyes that locked—if he only knew, or perhaps he did and was delighting in the ease with which the tempted fall into the sticky web of power. They might hate him, but they couldn't say no; the possibility of issuing orders, of meeting with Montenegro in the magnolia-filled gardens of the presidential residence, of trying to make their mark on the country's twisted destiny, was stronger.

  "You can count on me, general."

  The receptions at the home of the Peruvian consul, the parties at the American embassy.

  "I'm very glad to hear it. You've spoken poorly of my government on several occasions. Not to mention of me personally. There are attentive ears everywhere." To use a cane and hat, to feel, all of a sudden, at the center of the action. "But I knew you would accept, despite our differences. You're a patriot, and you know that the nation comes before all else."

  "Thank you for your confidence, general. And thank you for accepting that I have had small differences of opinion with you from time to time."

  Montenegro is a good person deep down, and he confides in me. He says he hasn't made a mistake with me.

  Cardona feels the room sway. He sees himself sitting down, smoking a cigar while he converses with Montenegro; lying on a bed with a tape recorder in his hand; wandering through the room rubbing at the spots on his face; drinking a few glasses of whiskey in order to find the courage to present Montenegro with his resignation, because the government is not what he thought it was. Or better yet, working for the government, he is not who he thought he was. He had believed, for example, that it would be easy to say no to the friend who asked for his help in getting in touch with the minister of the interior regarding bulletproof vests that he had for sale. He had believed that he could ask his friend to leave his office when he said that Cardona's take would be twenty dollars per vest and that he would take forty dollars. Twenty thousand vests were sold. The original price per vest was two hundred and fifty dollars; with all the surcharges—all the money going to people in the government so they would approve the deal—each vest cost the government seven hundred dollars. Cardona didn't have to do anything; he simply had to pretend he hadn't seen anything. And yet, and yet...

  Cardona now remembers that one day, in the garden of the presidential residence in San Jorge, at a reception to honor Montenegro's birthday, he saw two deputy ministers wearing British cashmere and Italian loafers, speaking to each other about a deal they had just concluded, and it reminded him of the vests. But later, when he left the residence, he was no longer thinking about them. He was remembering Mirtha, asking himself why he had ever agreed to work for such a despicable man.

  He sees himself walking into the Presidential Palace, being led to Montenegro's office. He would like to yell at his former self, block his path, tell him not to make that mistake.

  He turns on the tape recorder. He doesn't hear the woman's words or his own, which angrily take possession of the room. The last thing he sees before falling fast asleep is
an image of the hand-embroidered coat of arms in Montenegro's office.

  The words on the tape recorder, not knowing what else to do, speak to one another.

  "Let's begin with your name."

  "Ruth Sáenz."

  "And you are..."

  "A historian. Professor at the Private Central University of Rio Fugitivo."

  "Louder, please. If you'd like, you can move a little closer to the table. You were saying. A specialist in..."

  "World history of cryptanalysis."

  "Rather pretentious, one might say."

  "It's my father's fault. He was fanatical about secret messages and passed on his interest when I was a child."

  "Married."

  "Wife of Miguel Sáenz. Currently head of the archives at the Black Chamber."

  "You worked there as well."

  "A long time ago. During Montenegro's first government."

  "During the dictatorship."

  "There was a gringo adviser they called Albert, although I'm not sure that was his real name. Albert had persuaded military leaders that a national service needed to be created for intercepting and decoding messages. That it was the only way to strengthen the dictatorship. Marxist movements in hiding were slowly regrouping. The government had to stay one step ahead of them, intercept their messages, decipher them, and take action. A cousin of mine in the military offered to put us in touch with Albert so we could join the service."

  "And you accepted."

  "It was a very good offer."

  "But you didn't stay long."

  "The information we deciphered was used so that groups of paramilitaries could arrest young leftists and send them into exile or kill them. It was difficult for me to do my work impartially, to wash my hands of the end that was brought about by our means."

  "Your husband stayed on."

  "He's one of those rare apolitical beings. He could distance himself from what was going on around us. Simply concentrate on his work, obey orders."

  "You didn't object to his continuing to work for the service."

  "I did. Weakly. I justified it by saying that it was sufficient that I didn't dirty my own hands. That he did was another thing. And I used him as a source of information."

  "Explain what you mean."

  "I told myself that one day I would write a book that would justify my actions. In it I would reveal everything I knew about the dictatorship. So I started to take notes, patiently, of all the cases in which Miguel had taken part. When they began, when they ended. What specifically Miguel's job had been. What the final outcome was. The dates, names of those arrested, those murdered, those who disappeared. In many cases, concrete proof. In others, merely conjecture."

  "A sort of black book on the dictatorship. Or rather than a book, a chapter. Could you give it to me? To use as evidence."

  "Yes. So many years have passed. I can't lie to myself any longer."

  "There will be very serious consequences. For your husband, perhaps even for you. You may regret it."

  "Perhaps. But that comes later, and right now I'm only concerned with the present."

  Chapter 14

  RUTH SÁENZ'S HEELS echo on the pavement. She walks with a cigarette between her fingers, glancing left and right every now and then, making sure that no one is following her. She has done so ever since she left the hotel. The military and a vociferous group of young protesters brandishing signs insulting the government and GlobaLux were arriving just as she was leaving. She had been lucky—a few minutes later and she would not have been able to leave the plaza. She holds on tightly to her purse, which contains tranquilizers that have no effect on her, a cell phone that rings but that she never answers, a worn photo of Flavia, tubes of lipstick, and pens.

  She has no idea where she is headed. Her path has been erratic, determined by which streets are still open. Rio Fugitivo is a city under siege; the blockade called for by the Coalition has begun. Stones, chairs, and corrugated iron have been piled on streets and avenues to cut off traffic, which has begun to back up. It is still moving freely on very few roads. Armored jeeps and army trucks patrol the streets, and military police are on the bridges, camouflaged and in combat position. Those behind the barricades heatedly chant protests and insult the soldiers, who are avoiding direct confrontation—at least for now. Tension in the city is rising, and everywhere the whir of helicopter blades can be heard overhead.

  Ruth is sure of one thing: she does not want to go home. After leaving her voice on the tape recorder, she felt empty; she had no desire to see Miguel again, to act as if everything were continuing as usual. Miguel would soon hear about her conversation; she is sure that the government knows of Cardona's plans to bring Montenegro to justice. Cardona told her that he had not spoken of the matter with anyone, but this is a small country, and plots and insurrections come to light sooner rather than later. Truth is fabricated in whispers, late at night and early in the morning in the persistent drizzle.

  She has left downtown, is walking along a street stained by the resin from pepper trees. Like the spots on Cardona's cheeks.

  "Let's talk specifics." Cardona's irritable voice, at last getting down to what really interests him. "September of 1976, for example. The Tarapacá plot, young officers who wanted to overthrow Montenegro. Do you remember?"

  "I'm a historian. It's my job to remember dates."

  "After the dictatorship intensified in 1974, a group of officers planned to surprise Montenegro on one of his frequent visits to Santa Cruz. It was a plan that had taken many months to organize, down to the last detail—perhaps the one that came closest to overthrowing Montenegro. Days before it was to be put into place, in the most mysterious manner, chilling in its effectiveness, all of the conspirators who had anything to do with the plan, both military and civilian, were eliminated."

  "I know the details."

  "Was your husband involved in any way?"

  "So many things happened during that decade. Why does that one in particular interest you?"

  "There may be both ethical and personal reasons at once. So you won't talk?"

  Walking under the pepper trees, Ruth remembers that instant, which already seems remote to her. Her last opportunity to keep quiet and burn her manuscript. You don't talk one day, don't talk another, and soon months and years have gone by without talking, and silence is no longer an option, becoming instead the dark side of your personality. Habit is often stronger than conviction.

  "And will everyone know of your personal reasons?" she asks, trying to gain time. "Doesn't that discredit you? Aren't you the least appropriate person to carry out an impartial trial? Perhaps the Argentine judge who's interested in extraditing Montenegro is the right person for the job."

  "I would also be discredited for having been a minister of Montenegro's," Cardona says, continuing to look at her fixedly, as if to intimidate her, to prevent his prey from escaping at the last moment. "The way things are, or better yet, the way things are here, there's no one better to see this through. Everyone, one way or another, is discredited. If we wait for that impartial person, history will hand down its judgment long after we're gone. And Montenegro should pay for his crimes in life, he should be judged by his peers."

  "You'd better hurry. Rumors say that his lung cancer is in its final stages."

  "Let them not say we were cowards who let him do whatever he wanted. Let them not say we were afraid and forgetful, and that as a prize we democratically elected him president. Well, let them say that, but not only that. Cancer. I didn't know. Other rumors say he's senile."

  "The fact of the matter is that he's sick and won't be with us for long."

  "Which would be a shame. That is, if he dies of natural causes before we can accuse him."

  "Aren't you afraid?"

  "I'm afraid." His voice quavers. "Very afraid. Of everything. Of the dark and the light of day. Of my enemies and my friends. Of big gatherings and empty rooms. Of busy streets and quiet ones. I'm even afraid of myself. I've alway
s lived with fear. I was afraid of spiders and bees when I was young. I'm afraid of being afraid. I've been afraid since long before I met Montenegro. I've been much more afraid ever since I met him. I simply want to do one thing in my life that is free of fear. One thing will be enough."

  Ruth contemplates that aging face in the semidarkness of the room and for the first time thinks of Judge Cardona as a person. She knows what circumstances brought her to this grave moment, but what led him here? What events? He had been Montenegro's minister of justice. Had he come to know him so well that he had discovered the truth in what they said about him? What the hell had the man done to make Cardona so eager for vengeance? She has her suspicions, but the truth is evasive. Ruth puts her hands together, interlacing her fingers—adorned by nothing more than her wedding ring—feeling the sweat on her palms. She observes the gray day through the white, partially opened curtains. The sky is weighed down by heavy, threatening clouds—it will start to rain at any moment.

  Perhaps something unites them after all. Perhaps both of them want to redeem an entire life of lies in a single act. Perhaps both of them think that redemption is possible, that one act can erase the past.

  She throws her cigarette on the ground. Her left breast aches. Or is it her lungs? Should she go back and speak to the doctor? Or is it just a trick of her imagination? Her friend's brother, who was not yet fifty years old and led a healthy lifestyle, had complained of aches all over his body and had gone to the doctor. They could not find anything and advised him to go to Chile for a general checkup. In Santiago, they diagnosed him with leukemia and gave him three months to live. His blood had been contaminated by radioactive elements. It was a mystery how and when that had happened. But that was fate, that was life. You could start on the road to death when you least expected it.