“I do not want to live in the palace.” She kept building the picture in her mind. Perhaps a little wooden building, with plots in the garden where she could grow things, and animals that would come by to see her.
Animals she couldn’t touch.
She ached at that, heart growing heavier, tears stinging her eyes. Thanatos could have taught her how to master her power, she was sure of it. She would have been able to lure and pet those animals without fear of killing them. Gods, she didn’t think her heart could take it if she stroked an animal only for it to wither and die before her eyes, an innocent life taken by her cursed touch.
“Then we will not live there.” The Messenger picked up his pace as they crossed the valley, heading for the trees. “Where would my lady like to live?”
“Somewhere not like this. Somewhere not grim and dark. I want to live somewhere as verdant and beautiful as the Elysian Fields.” She looked at the gloomy valley around her, imagined that Thanatos probably lived in such a place, in his grand castle.
Alone.
The thought of him going back to that life hurt her for some reason. Because she had seen that he was lonely and she didn’t want him to subject himself to that life again?
No. It hit her that it was because she wanted him to be happy. She rooted for him to make up with his twin, had seen how important that relationship was to him, and as she thought about it, she realised how important her relationship with her own twin was to her.
She wanted to live in a beautiful, remote place far from the Underworld, but that would mean being far from her twin too. Six centuries apart from him had been torture, even when she had thought him dead. Now that she knew he was alive, time apart from him would be a pain far worse than that. Once or twice in their youth, he had been sent away from her to train with their father’s legions. That distance between them had torn at her, had made her ache every second of the time they were apart.
“But it must be in the Underworld. I want to be close to my brother.” She tried to think of any place other than the Elysian Fields that she had visited that had been as green and as beautiful, and couldn’t think of a single one.
“Your brother?” The Messenger frowned at her.
Odd. She frowned back at him and his features slackened, the hint of displeasure she swore she had seen in his eyes quick to disappear, making her feel she had imagined it.
Because Messengers didn’t feel emotions.
“Of course, my lady. Our home will be close to your brother. He will be able to visit whenever he wishes.” The male looked ahead of them again. “The edge of the realm is just beyond that tunnel.”
It was? She frowned at the yawning opening in the side of the mountain that rose to form one end of the valley. It looked dark, forbidding, and unsettled her for some reason.
She looked back at the distance they had already trekked, unable to spot the entrance to the cavern where she had last been with Thanatos. The urge to go back there was strong, but she forced herself to keep moving forwards. Maybe once she had been home for a while and had unburdened her heart to her mother, she could visit Thanatos’s castle. She was sure he would be home by then, that he had left her to continue his journey back there.
If he wasn’t, she would convince her father to dispatch a legion to look for him, and she would lead them.
Calindria followed the Messenger into the tunnel. This one had jagged teeth, huge spears of rock that rose from the ground or reached down from the ceiling. The sound of water dripping echoed along it, together with the chittering of creatures. The Messenger looked back at her and she swore she saw a flicker of concern in his mismatched eyes before he faced forwards again.
“We can find a small realm close enough to your family that they can visit, and there we can make it as green and beautiful as you desire, my lady.”
“We?” She frowned at his back as it struck her that he kept saying that. “Have the other Messengers who were assigned to me also remained loyal to me?”
His shoulders tensed slightly, enough that she noticed. He wasn’t talking about himself and other Messengers. He was talking about himself and her. Unease slithered down her spine and she slowed her pace. When she fell back, the distance between them growing, he pivoted to face her.
The barest hint of a frown shifted his eyebrows.
“I just need to rest a moment.” She pretended to rub her bare feet, making out they were tired, and used the time to run over everything that had happened since the Messenger had shown up.
She picked out several instances where she had noticed something was unusual about him, times where she had put it down to her reading into things, but what if she hadn’t been? What if Thanatos was right and Messengers could feel things?
If that was the case, then it possibly turned this male’s loyalty and devotion to finding her into something far more unsettling.
Obsession.
She set her foot down and continued walking, waving him on ahead of her as she formulated a plan, a way to test the waters and see if Thanatos was right about him, and her fears were right too.
They passed through a cavern filled with black winged creatures that watched her from the ceiling as she crossed the uneven floor of it, picking her way around enormous stalagmites that were all taller than she was. Some of them had joined together in places to form walls too high and sharp to scale.
When they reached a slippery incline of rocks that led up to a plateau a good twenty feet above, the Messenger held his hand out to her.
She tucked hers against her chest.
And there was that flicker of a frown again.
This time, his eyes darkened slightly with it, and if he had emotions, she would say he wasn’t happy that she had rejected his help, denying his touch.
“My lady?” He stretched for her.
“You shouldn’t touch me. I have a power I do not know how to control.” A valid excuse for wanting to keep her distance from him.
“I understand.” He straightened and pressed his hand to his chest, and went on ahead, picking his way up the rocks.
She followed the path he had chosen, slowly working her way up the incline on her hands and knees, slipping a few times, and was a little shaky when she reached the top. If Thanatos had been here, he would have flown her up here with a single beat of his wings.
She sighed.
The Messenger looked at her and she didn’t like the heat in his gaze as he lowered it to her body.
Calindria rubbed at her arms, trying to convince herself she was imagining it because Thanatos had put it into her head that this male wanted her.
“I am cold. Would you lend me your tunic?” She eyed it and smiled, all sweetness that she hoped would disarm him and make him feel obliged to hand it over.
He nodded and unbuttoned the long black jacket, removed it and held it out to her. She was careful not to touch his hands as she took it, was quick to slip her arms into it and button it, concealing her body from view. The tunic swamped her, reached her knees, but it was warm and it was nice to have something proper to wear.
The Messenger reached into his back pocket, his bare chest flexing as he stretched behind him, and pulled out a pair of leather gloves. He slipped them on and started walking again, glanced back at her when she didn’t move, just stood there staring at his hands.
“I do not want them to get cold, in case I have to fight.” He looked at the chittering creatures suspended above them. “There are things in this realm that I have discovered have a tendency to want to eat those who pass through it.”
She nodded. “Believe me, I have met with my fair share of them. Even these beasts are not as innocent as they appear. They came to my cage from time to time to attempt to get to me.”
“I will keep you safe from them, my lady.” He pressed his gloved hand to his bare chest and bowed his head. “It is best we keep moving.”
She followed him this time, heading for another tunnel, this one far narrower than the las
Her heart clenched at the thought, flooding her with a need to go back to him.
“Come, my lady.” The Messenger’s voice echoed along the tunnel, sending a chill skating down her spine. “You must forget the god.”
“Must I?” She frowned at the male’s back. “Who are you to say what I must or must not do?”
“I am the one taking care of you now.” He looked back at her, his frown unmistakable this time, together with the sharp edge to his mismatched eyes. “You will do best to obey me.”
“Obey you?” She scowled at him now. “I obey no one, especially not a servant.”
“Servant?” He scoffed and turned on her, a wild look in his eyes. “I am the one who saved you from this place. I am the one who has searched for you for centuries. I am the one you will be grateful to and not that god.”
She backed off a step, her pulse picking up speed as she stared at him. Thanatos had been right about this male. He wanted her for himself, but she didn’t want him. She wanted Thanatos.
She loved Thanatos.
Gods, she had made a terrible mistake.
“Do not come near me, fiend,” she spat and held her hands up.
His expression blackened, a glow lighting his one green and one blue irises. “She promised we would be together if I got you away from that god of death, and we will be together.”
“She?” Calindria swallowed hard and started backing away from him as he advanced on her, bumped into a rock and edged around it, her breaths coming faster. “Who is she?”
“You will meet her soon enough.” He chuckled, the sound holding a crazed edge. “Although, you met her already… around six hundred years ago. I should have done things this way sooner. You could have been mine all this time.”
“Yours?” she barked. “Never. I will never be yours.”
He bared his teeth at her and lunged for her, and she twisted away from him, shrieked as he caught hold of her hand. She threw a panicked glance over her shoulder as her stomach somersaulted, sure her touch would be harming him.
Only there was no trace of pain or fear in his eyes. Only anger and lust.
She looked down at his hand.
His gloved hand.
A shiver traipsed down her spine. She needed skin contact for her power to work. That was the reason he had put the gloves on. He knew about her power. He was with the enemy, a traitor, just as Thanatos had warned her.
Gods, she had been an idiot to trust this male.
He twisted her arm behind her back and she yelped as her shoulder burned, trembled as he pressed against her back and brought the waterskin that had hung from his waist to her lips.
“Drink,” he growled into her ear, bringing her arm up higher against her back, ripping a pained cry from her. He tried to tip the water into her mouth and she closed her lips, pressing them firmly together. “I will make you forget that god. You will be mine.”
He released her arm and grabbed her jaw, squeezed his fingers between her teeth and attempted to prise her mouth open. She couldn’t let him do it. She couldn’t let him drug her. She wouldn’t be strong enough to stop him from hurting her then.
She reared her head back as hard and fast as she could.
He bellowed as her head connected with his nose and lost his grip on her. She turned and kneed him hard between his legs, and screwed her face up and denied the guilt as she placed her bare palms against his cheeks.
He jerked backwards, falling against the rocks.
Calindria turned and ran.
Didn’t look back as his screams of rage and pain tore through the tunnel.
Chapter 21
Calindria didn’t slow even as she made it to the cavern. She skidded and slipped her way down the incline that led from the higher section of it to the lower one. Her bare feet hit the dirt and she pushed off, breathing hard, every limb trembling as the agonised sounds continued to echo along the tunnel behind her.
Had her touch worked?
She felt sick at the thought it might have, that the Messenger was being consumed by the same ashy darkness that had spread from her handprints on the guard. No, she couldn’t feel bad about this. It had been him or her. If she hadn’t unleashed her power on him, then he would have done terrible things to her, would have forced her into another cage, keeping her drugged so she would serve him. So they could be together.
If she had unleashed her power.
She hadn’t even paused to see if she had left any black on his face, so she couldn’t be sure whether she had hurt him or not. His roars could be of rage and the pain she had caused when she had broken his nose and his balls.
She sprinted through the cavern and into the tunnel that would take her back outside into the valley, her legs tiring now. She couldn’t slow. If she hadn’t delivered a death touch to the male, he would be coming after her.
Gods, she had been a fool.
She had refused to trust Thanatos, had kept him at a distance for days until he had earned it, but she had trusted the Messenger right away and look where it had gotten her. She had been reckless again when she had sworn she wouldn’t be.
Calindria paused at the mouth of the tunnel and braced her hands against her knees, her senses and the connection she had with the earth telling her that the Messenger wasn’t following.
She had killed him.
She peered back over her shoulder, part of her still feeling bad about that even when he had deserved it. It struck her that Thanatos was right about her. There was still light within her, a shadow of the girl she had been. That gentle, caring female still existed inside her, concealed beneath the layers of darkness, and no matter what she did, she would never be able to kill it. She would never be able to harden her heart enough that it didn’t hurt whenever she harmed another.
On a heavy sigh, she started across the valley, sticking to the cover of the dead trees and stretching her senses out around her, cataloguing everything. There were creatures in the valley, in contact with the ground, but they didn’t feel malevolent, not as the Keres had. She steered well clear of them though, heading for the tunnel that would take her back to the crystal cavern where she had last been with Thanatos.
Once there, she would figure out what to do.
It didn’t take long to reach the cavern and she sank before the still-burning fire, stared at the charred meat suspended above it as she struggled to catch her breath. Thanatos hadn’t returned and she couldn’t sense him nearby. Where had he gone?
Had he really left?
She would deserve it if he had.
She wanted to pull her knees up to her chest and sit there staring at the blue fire, but she denied that urge. If she stayed here, Thanatos would only be getting further and further from her. She had to go after him. He knew the way out of this realm and she was sure he was heading in that direction. If she could catch up with him and tell him what had happened, and ask for his help, maybe the sense of loyalty she knew he had would kick in and he would lead her home. She didn’t care if he was angry with her the whole time they were travelling.
She just wanted to get out of this wretched place.
Calindria forced herself to stand and walked to the pool, stilled as her gaze caught on something. One of Thanatos’s daggers. The one she had taken from his vambrace and used to fend off the Keres. She diverted course and went to it, stooped and picked it up, and weighed it as she stared at it. Maybe returning it would go some way towards convincing Thanatos to help her.
By help, she meant forgive.
He had asked for her forgiveness and she had denied him though.
If he denied her, then she would deserve it too.
But deep in her heart she knew he was better than that. Deep in her heart she knew that he would never turn his back on her.
Because she wasn’t the only one falling in love.
That look that had been in his eyes when he had come around with his head on her knees had been happiness, but it had been happiness born of a deeper feeling. Love. She didn’t need to break down his barriers. She had already slipped through the cracks in his defences and claimed his heart. She was sure of it now.
Calindria picked up her waterskin and filled it, and then scooped some water into her mouth too, swallowed it down and stood. She wrapped the strap of the waterskin around her waist and slipped the ring on the end of it over the hook near the stopper. Palming the dagger, she gathered her courage. She wasn’t sure what was out there in the valley, but that wouldn’t deter her. She would find Thanatos.
She would find the male she loved.
And she would make him forgive her.
And then she would tell him what the Messenger had revealed to her—that a female was behind her captivity. His sister, Eris? Or was someone else involved in this plot against her father and the Underworld?
She was sure that Thanatos could help her find out.
Calindria strode down the tunnel that Thanatos had used, stretching her senses around her as much as she could. The tunnel was wide and opened out into a narrow canyon that broadened ahead of her. She followed the jagged walls that hemmed her in on both sides and tilted her head back, gazing at the black clouds that billowed across the sky, tinged with orange from the volcanoes.
If Thanatos had flown up there, she would never find him. As it was, it was going to be difficult. Any time he wasn’t in contact with the ground, she wouldn’t be able to sense him. She focused and reached further with her senses, felt a few beasts roaming the canyon plateau above her, all of them small.
She hurried forwards, picking her way over boulders that had fallen down into the canyon, grunting as her muscles cramped and protested. The heat in the canyon was intense, as if it had all fallen to pool in the ravines. She swigged her water and wiped the back of her hand across her damp brow, kept marching forwards. Ahead of her, the canyon opened up again, the distance between the towering black walls spreading to what had to be almost forty feet.
-->
