Queen of the City 2: The Life of a Female Rapper

by Tamicka Higgins

  I spun around and went back to my car, thinking for a moment where he could be. It’s Tuesday, I thought to myself, that muthafucka is down at the stash house on third. He kept his pattern of travel sporadic to keep niggas from jumping out on him because they knew where he would go but from the beginning, he told me where he would be on certain days, and I could only hope that he stuck to it. I pulled up to the spot and parked right behind his truck. A few fiends walked around the neighborhood like zombies as I waited for him to come outside. One of the dope boys walked up to my car,

  “Yo, what’s good, Lyric?”

  “Shit. Nas in there, ain’t he?”

  “Yeah. You want me to get him for you?”

  “Nah, you good. I’ma just wait on him myself.”

  “Aight then.”

  He walked away from my car, his pants sagging just below his ass. I switched my attention back to the door and after a few minutes, it didn’t appear that he was coming right out, so I got up and headed inside. He was in the backroom with Man-Man, making a count of the money they had back there. “Lyric, whassup Ma?” he said, reaching for a kiss. I put my hands on his chest and pushed him backward. He strumbled a little bit before he put his arm up, bracing himself against the wall, saying, “Lyric, what the fuck is wrong with you?” I stepped to him again and pushed him.

  “What you mean what the fuck is wrong with me?! You promised me you weren't gon’ do nothing to her! You promised me!”

  “Whoa, what the fuck you talking about? Shit. Calm yo’ ass the fuck down!”

  “Nah, fuck you, you bitch ass nigga! That woman is like a mother to me! She watches Prince, and you just gon’ fuckin’ try to kill her?! Bust her fuckin’ lip over some shit I told you not to even worry about?!”

  The surprised look on his face faded away and was immediately replaced with the glare he had before he committed a murder. It didn’t put an ounce of fear into me though because I had the same look. The same capability he dead and if it came to it, we would just be two dead muthafuckas in a stash house.

  “Look, I told you I wasn’t gon’ touch her and I didn’t. You got the wrong nigga right now.”

  “Bullshit, muthafucka! The nigga she described was Man-Man!”

  Nas looked over at him, then back towards me, “Look, and I’m trying to keep my peace here with yo’ ass, if some fucked up shit happened to that bitch, I didn’t have nothing to do with it. Man-Man didn't have anything to do with it, aight? You barkin’ up the wrong tree, and you need to take yo’ ass somewhere before I knock the shit out of you. Don’t fuckin’ come chargin’ me up about some bullshit that you think I did. Betta get the fuck from around here,” he said, brushing me off as he went back to count the money. I picked up a wooden board that laid against the wall and smacked him across the back of the head with it. He stumbled forward into the table the money was on as Man-Man came from behind me and snatched the board out of my hand, damn near knocking me to the ground. Nas rubbed the back of his head with his hand, checking it to see if there was blood. He slowly spun around to me, his rage boiling inside of him. He walked up to me as I squared up, “Bitch, if you ever in yo’ mutha fuckin’ life hit me with anything else, I will fuckin’ kill you.” Suddenly, before I could react, he reached and put his hands around my throat, choking me harder than he did when we had sex. I put my hands over him, trying to break free from his grasp but he was much too strong for me. He backed me into a wall, squeezing tighter as I felt myself blacking out. If it wasn’t for Man-Man coming to pull him off of me, I think I would have died right there. Nas let me go as I fell backward, smacking my head into the wall on my way down, gasping for air.

  Nas stood over me, shaking his head, “I told yo’ ass I didn’t have shit to do with that bitch, but if you wanna keep bein’ Captain save-a-bitch, you go ahead. I’ll tell you this, though, if you find yourself dead, don’t say I didn’t warn you.” He picked up the bag of money and walked out the room, leaving me against the wall. Man-Man had glanced towards me before he left, not saying a word. We were so much alike that it was crazy, and I thought that would be the glue that kept us together, but as time passed, I started to realize that being exactly like your partner is never good in a relationship. If one is crazy, the other needs to be mellow. If one is a serious, then the other one needs to be hilarious. It’s just how life works; opposites attract, and I was beginning to see how Nas would never be able to compare to Junie when the whole time, I thought it was the other way around.

  After a few moments, I got up and left the stash house. I was headed back to Mrs. Butler’s house before I got the urge to stop at Big Mama’s cemetery. I hadn’t been there in a while because her room was just the same to me. I stopped to pick up a few flowers on my way, knowing that the ones I dropped off a while back were no longer good. The cemetery was quiet when I showed up, not another car in sight as I walked to her grave somberly as if I was reburying her myself. A gust of wind blew as soon as I stopped at her headstone, “Hannah Big Mama Tucker,” I said to myself with a smile. The headstone was cold against my back as I sat down on it, placing the flowers next to me.

  “Hey, Big Mama. Stuff has been crazy these past few months, but I know you see it. I… I just want to apologize for what I did to Uncle Stew. I just…”

  “Baby, he is a grown man. You can’t hold yourself accountable for what he did.”

  The voice was so clear that it caused me to jump and look around to see if anybody was next to me. That’s how real it felt when I heard her voice. Maybe it was my imagination placing her there with her voice, but whatever it was, I listened.

  “But Big Mama, I put the drugs there.”

  “Yeah, you did. And I can’t believe you had the nerve to have drugs AND a gun in Big Mama’s house. What is wrong with you, girl?!”

  “It’s just… it’s just my life right now, Big Mama. I didn’t expect it to be this way; it’s just where I am.”

  “Listen, Stewart is capable of handling himself so you can’t allow that to weigh you down. Yes, you had the drugs in my house, but you didn’t force him to take them. He did it on his own, and he will be held accountable for his actions, not you. But I’ll tell you this, that boy Nas? You need to get away from him. Just look at your life. You were rapping and doing something positive before he came along. Let me ask you, when was the last time you performed on stage?”

  “I don’t remember.”

  “Umm-hmm, ok. And when was the last time you did something for Nas?”

  “Like every day.”

  “You see there? I don’t even have to point it out. That boy has you wrapped around his finger, and it’s a shame what he did to Mrs. Butler.”

  I stood up as if she was right in front of me, “You know he did it?” I asked anxiously. “Child, even you know he did it. That boy is dangerous, you hear? Just be careful down there, Lyric. The Lord has patience for you, but you won’t even reach your potential if you die before your time because of foolishness. The Lord can hear and speak to you just like I can; you just have to put yourself in a position to understand him.”

  “Ok, Big Mama,” I said, “Do you think I should let Mrs. Butler adopt Prince? Big Mama?”

  A gust of wind swept over me as I waited for an answer that would never come. I don’t know if I imagined the whole thing or if it happened, either way, I knew something had to change between Nas and me. Something had to give because, at the rate we were going now, one of us wasn’t going to make it out alive, and I was damn sure the person left breathing was going to be me. I kissed her headstone and made my way back to my car as the sun occasionally peeked through the thick, white clouds above. I sat in my car for a few moments, thinking about my next moves. I remembered when Nas mentioned he wanted to get out of town. Maybe I could leave without him, I thought to myself. Just then, I got a text from Mrs. Butler,Hey, sweetie, can you let me know when you’re on your way? I want to get something to eat, but your dad won’t let any of us leave the house right now. He’s got us a
ll on lockdown, lol.

  Sure Mom, just tell me what you want. I’m on my way right now.

  If Nas was going to hurt either one of them, he was going to have a fight on his hands, but I prayed that it didn’t come to that point. I prayed with everything I had in me and if God were as real as Big Mama said he was, then right now would be the perfect time to show me.

  Chapter 8

  It was nearly 1 am when he walked through the door. I heard him rustling around downstairs before he made his way up to our room. He had a glassy look in his eyes as he stumbled on his way to my bed. When he flopped down, I smelled the liquor on his breath immediately. His hands began roaming over my body as I laid there, motionless. Moments later, he ripped my underwear down off my waist and stripped naked, pushing himself inside of me. “Wait,” I said as he pushed into it deeper, but he disregarded my plea. I looked over at Prince as he lay asleep on the other side of my king-sized bed. I was completely detached to Nas as he fucked me and this was the first time it had ever been that way. After what he did to Mrs. Butler and the way he choked me back at the stash house, I couldn’t understand how he could make his way over here like nothing was wrong. “Ohhh, shit Ma,” he said as he stroked me fast with my legs wide open. I did my best not to move as much so we wouldn’t wake up Prince. I was grateful that he finished a few moments later and slid off of me. I wrapped myself up in the cover and slid next to Prince until Nas decided to leave. Since I’d been living in this house, I could count the number of times on one hand that he stayed a whole night with us and tonight, I had no reason to think things would be any different. His speech was slurred when he decided to speak,

  “Why… why you actin’ like that, Ma? Why are you bein’ like that to me, huh?”

  “You’re drunk, Nas. You shouldn’t have even brought yo’ ass over here if you was gon’ be like this.”

  “Drunk? Shit, I had one… maybe three drinks and shit, how the fuck am I drunk?”

  “You tell me. Yo’ ass the one stumbling up the stairs and slurring all yo’ words together.”

  He stood up, struggling to keep his balance, “you know what, you gon’… you gon’ get enough of talkin’ to me anyway. Like I’m some fuck boy or some shit.”

  “Then you need to stop actin like one, nigga.”

  “What?”

  I flipped the covers off of me and stood right in front of him. Outside of my bra, I was completely naked as his attention shifted from my face down to my body. “Damn,” he said, “are you gettin’ thicker? Got-damn!” He reached out to try to touch my ass, but I smacked his hand away, “You need to go, nigga. You come in here actin’ like that, and Prince is tryin’ to sleep. Get the fuck out.”

  “This… this is my house! I pay the mortgage in this bitch, the fuck you mean get out? No, you get out!”

  “Muthafucka, you ain’t paid shit since me and Prince been in this house. I’m the one, nigga. Me, not you. Take yo’ silly ass up outta here.”

  “Fuck you, Lyric. Fuck you.”

  “Yeah, fuck you too, muthafucka.”

  He turned and headed back down the stairs when suddenly I heard a crash. He got halfway down the stairs before he tipped over and fell the rest. I went over and stood at the top stair to check on him, “Nas! Nas, you alright!” He laughed, “Shiiiit, I’m good, Ma. I just tripped over a penny and shit.” Moments later, Loc walked to the stairs and helped him up and just like that, the both of them were gone. I turned the lights off and snuggled back into the bed next to Prince. I still loved Nas; I loved him to shit, but Big Mama was right when I went to the grave earlier. I needed to get away from him somehow, but the problem with that was I wasn’t sure if I wanted to. I think I was addicted to the danger aspect he brought into my life, and if that was cut out, I think I would have begun to feel sort of lost. Prince stretched out next to me as I patiently waited to see if he would wake up. He turned over and went back to sleep as I laid there, watching him sleep peacefully for the rest of the night.

  Chapter 9

  I sat in the visitor’s room, waiting for him to come to the front. It all happened so quickly. Last night, he was drunk at the house and this morning, he was locked up. I got a call from Man-Man, letting me know what happened. It turned out that he got into a fight with some off-duty police officers after he left my house. He had two unregistered pistols on him and a few bags of coke so they arrested him on the spot. The gun and possession charges were serious in our city, so this wasn’t something he could just post bail on and get on with his day. He finally came out into the room dressed in a dark green jumpsuit with his hands cuffed in front of him. He smiled when he saw me and they unloosened his cuffs so he could sit down and talk. I grabbed the phone as we looked at each other through the thick-plated glass that separated us.

  “You aight?”

  “I’m good, shit. Jail ain’t shit to me, you know what I’m sayin’. I’ll be out this bitch in a minute.”

  “How did you even get caught with that shit on you?”

  “One of the muthafuckas had sticky fingers so I handled it and just forgot that it was on me. A lot of shit was going on that night, and it just slipped my mind.”

  “Damn, Nas. So now what?”

  “Shit, I got my lawyers on it and them doin’ what they can to get me out this muthafucka as quick as they can. Shit, I’m payin’ them $150 an hour, so I know they better get this shit squared away for me or they gon’ have another problem on they hand.”

  “Nas, you might wanna calm that shit down. You know they are listening.”

  “Fuck them!” he said out loud, causing the guards to focus their attention on him. The room went silent for a few moments before he spoke again,

  “I’m runnin’ shit in here anyway. Muthafuckas in here know me, so I’m Gucci, you know what I’m sayin’. This is why I’m King.”

  “Aight.”

  He looked at me through the glass as if he was struggling to say something. As his mind was moving one hundred miles a minute and he just didn’t know how to get the words out.

  “Say it, Nas.”

  He laughed, “I love when you do that shit. It’s like you already know I got somethin’ I need to say. But yo’, I think you need to get out of the city for a while, you feel me? I believe it would be best for you and Prince.”

  “What? Why?”

  I was surprised that he even said that, especially since Big Mama spoke through me at the graveyard. I guess God was real because this was the prayer I specifically sent to him but even though he gave me what I wanted, I still wasn’t ready to accept it.,

  “Why do we need to leave the city, Nas?”

  “Because. We finally got some competition now. An OG nigga they call Blood. I don’t even think I need to tell you why the call him that but shit, he doesn't fuck around.”

  “Is that supposed to scare me?”

  “This ain’t about you, Lyric,” he said, a scowl appearing on his face, “This is about y’all. Us. This is about y’all being my weakness. If y’all is out of the city then the muthafucka can’t do shit to me, but if y’all are here, then he got me to my knees if he gets his hands on y’all, you feel me? I can’t risk that shit. Now, Man-man is—”

  “Fuck that.”

  He paused, shooting daggers at me through his eyes.

  “Lyric, this shit ain’t up for discussion. I just got the drop that the nigga been watching us for a minute. He probably had something to do with that bitch almost getting murdered, but like I said, I am not takin’ no chances. I need y’all gone until I can figure out how to handle this nigga.”

  “Fuck. That.”

  “Lyric!”

  “Fuck that! I have never been the type of bitch to run from nobody, and you expect me to let some nigga run me and my family out my fuckin’ city? Fuck that, Nas. You can keep that shit.”

  He was silent for a moment as he held the phone in his hand, peering back at me with enough venom foaming from his mouth to kill me with one bite. Suddenly, he sl
ammed the phone onto the table, breaking the receiver and ripping the cord out of the wall. He yelled through the window, and I could barely hear him, but I knew what he was saying. “If something happens to my son cuz of you, then you gon’ have to answer to me, bitch! You hear me!” he yelled as the guards came to restrain him. “You hear me! You betta hope and fuckin’ pray that nothing happens to him!”

  They drug him out of the room as I sat there with the phone still in my hand, thankful that the animal was caged for the time being. It was crazy how, almost immediately, everything was setting up for me to make my way out of the city and away from Nas but I still rejected it. It was a classic case of somebody drowning in the lake and being tossed a raft just to end up pushing the raft away. I couldn’t explain it, but that’s just how I was. I didn’t want to get in the raft.

  I drove to Big Mama’s house when I left. I remembered Vinny telling me he had the day off so I wanted to go by there to see if anything was going on with Uncle Stew. When I pulled up, his car was in the driveway, and the front door was cracked open. He walked out moments later.

  “What’s good, Sis?”

  I walked up to the porch and took my regular seat.

  “Shit. I’m aight I guess.”