Edge of Mercy (Young Adult Dystopian)(Volume 1) (The Mercy Series)

by Marks, C. C.

  A humorless laugh was his first answer. After a moment though, he said, “Why would he ask me anything? He already knows it all, right?”

  Frustration welled up in my chest, and my heart clenched. I hoped Victor wasn’t crossing into a state of crazy. I really needed his help, and I didn’t need to lose this opportunity to tap his knowledge. I needed to assuage his hurt feelings or ego or whatever Zeke’s snubbing had caused. “That’s just the thing. He’s too proud to ask for help. That’s why I’m here. You can talk to me, and I’ll pass it on to him.”

  He shook his head and looked at the floor. “The Draghoul won’t kill him. His pride will.”

  We were getting somewhere. I could feel it. “Exactly. How can I help him?”

  “No, you don’t get it. He’s too noble, too much a hero. A freakin’ white knight and all that. But, out there, it’s every man for himself. You can’t have pride. You can’t save others. You have to save yourself. Otherwise, you might as well just sit down in the middle of the forest and wait for certain death. Those are the choices.”

  So far did my heart fall, I thought I probably could’ve felt the beat of it in my feet. He wasn’t going to tell me anything. Apparently, I’d wasted my time coming here.

  Yet, I knew his family’s history. Maybe I could use it to persuade him to forget his skewed view of pride and heroism and help out another human being. “Do you think your mother or your sister would be proud of that attitude? What about your father?”

  The minute the words fell out of my mouth, I wanted to swallow them back up. His face splotched as red as the tomatoes in the fields, and he launched himself off the miniature chair, his fists tightened at his sides. I wanted to throw my hands up in front of my face as he came closer, but I held my ground, and he stopped a foot away, his chest billowing hard and fast, in and out. I met his angry gaze, instinctively knowing he’d respect that more.

  “Don’t you ever speak of them. You think you know, but you can’t even imagine what we went through.” As if someone yanked him down, he collapsed onto his knees, bowing his head to the floor. “You have no idea. No idea.”

  Maybe it was a foolish risk, but I slipped down to the floor with him and covered his hand with mine. His head lifted, tears streaming down his cheeks, and he met my gaze, his tense muscles easing. “Help me understand.”

  He pulled his hand free, and for a moment, I didn’t think he was going to say any more as he wiped his cheeks. After a few quiet moments, I thought to rise and go, but he grabbed my wrist, his grip almost painful in its tightness.

  “My father fought for them. He refused to let them go, and on the morning the guards walked my mother and sister through the gates, my father ran after them. He’d been warned, but his hand squeezed mine and held it tightly as he sprinted toward them.” He paused and stared past me, like the whole scene was unfolding right behind me. He cocked his head to the right, his words coming in a whisper, “I didn’t really know what’d happened. One minute we were so close to my mother, and the next, we were on the ground. Even as a red circle bloomed on his shirt, I pulled at him and begged him to get up. I screamed that mom and Cassie were through the gate. We needed to go now, or we’d never see them again. But no matter how hard I prodded him, he just lay there, coughing, blood running from his mouth, until he just didn’t move any more.

  “By the time I stood up to find my mother, the gates were closed, and she was gone forever. I had no one. They shot my dad, like they said they would, and they put my mom and my sister on the other side of the wall, like they said they would. I was alone.”

  Down his face, unending rivulets fell unchecked, and I fought the urge to gather him into my arms. My own eyes brimmed with unshed tears, and I questioned whether a show of emotion would be acceptable, in this situation at least. “I’m so sorry.” My voice sounded scratchy and unfamiliar to my ears.

  “That’s why the first chance I got, I volunteered for the Choosing. I went to find my mother and my sister, not to help this broken community. It’s beyond help.”

  “You were so brave to go after them.”

  “No, I wasn’t brave at all, but I made it to Mercy anyway.”

  “Were they there? Your mother and sister?” So badly did I want for him to have found them, I clenched my hands into fists, cutting half-moons into my palm. Yet, he was here now, and they weren’t. I couldn’t bear the thought of what he might have or might not have found.

  “I spoke to some people who remembered a few women coming to the city around that day. A few? I didn’t dare hope my mother and sister were among them, but then someone described Cassie and used her name.”

  “Did you find her?” I imagined my hands were bloody with my anxiety.

  “No. The city officials gave me the supplies I’d come for and put me back into the Dead Forest. They didn’t even listen to my pleas. My sister’s there, but the city isn’t any better than here. The whole world has gone crazy.” The irony of his words wasn’t lost on me. The community thought he’d gone insane. At this point, I couldn’t say for certain just who the cracked one really was. Nothing and no one seemed sane to me anymore.

  Yet, he was finally talking about his time in the forest, so I wanted to hear more. “How did you make it back alive? What kept you safe?”

  His unfocused eyes still seemed to be in the past, but he answered, “I found a family in an underground bunker. A father, mother, and their daughter. They took me in, and I thought I was finally out of danger, but they weren’t good people. They wanted to use me, wanted to steal my supplies and put me out into the night. When I saw a chance to escape, I took it. I can still hear their screams as the Draghoul tore them apart. I left them to die, but it was either them or me, so it had to be them.”

  I knew my horror showed on my face because he rushed to assure me, “No, don’t look at me like that. They had to die, and so did the others. It was the only way I could make it back.”

  With a hard jerk, I pulled free of his grasp and rose, backing to the bed. When I felt the cushion of the mattress, I scooted across it, scrambling to get away from the dreadfulness he’d just described. He’d lived by feeding others to the monsters. My stomach churned, and I could feel my bowl of mush rising. I gagged a few times before pulling myself over the side of the bed and putting weight on my feet.

  Before I could fully rise though, he dove across the bed and grabbed my arm, pulling me backwards onto the bed. He twisted over me until he covered my body with his own. I turned my head sideways to escape his face, mere inches from mine. His breath was foul, and he pushed my arms down hard on each side of my head.

  “You’re nobody special, just a thief and a liar. Don’t pretend you didn’t sneak in here and take my sister’s diary. I’ve been watching you. I know a lot about you.”

  “You don’t know me!” I kicked out at him, but he trapped my legs between his own.

  “Don’t pretend you wouldn’t have done the same out there. You’re no better than me. You would have done the same.” His spit sprayed in my face as he spoke. To think I’d felt sorry for him. He was more a monster than the Draghoul.

  I fought to break free, but he was slightly bigger and stronger. Though I knew it wouldn’t help me, I couldn’t help denying his accusations, “I wouldn’t have killed others. I couldn’t live with myself, if I did that. How do you live with yourself?”

  He answered with a slap across my face, sending my brain into a daze for a few seconds. But before he could pin my right arm down again, I pulled it back, feeling time slow down as I swung and punched him square in the nose.

  He howled and covered his face with his hands, pulling back off the bed, and giving me a chance to break free. I didn’t waste the opportunity. I jumped up off the bed and made a straight line for the door. He yelled, but I didn’t think he chased after me. Yet, in the dark, I couldn’t be sure.

  I did my best to calm my breathing and rushed through the dark toward the hallway where the guards stood. Though they’d pr
obably ignore me, I didn’t think Victor would be bold enough to attack with them there.

  As I took a turn down the wrong hall, I thought I heard a sound behind me. I froze, trying to slow my rapid heartbeat and finally feeling the throb in my knuckles where they’d connected with the bones of his face. I couldn’t see anything, had felt my way along these corridors before and knew if I took too many wrong turns, I might never find my way back to safety.

  My head was spinning as I backed up, ran my hands along the walls, and found the chunk where part of the wall was missing. It reminded me to turn left, but as I hurried along before, I’d missed it. A few more turns, and the light at the end of the hallway beckoned me forward. Just as I was a few feet from the safety of the light, a hand grabbed my shoulder, and I screamed, throwing a wide right hook.

  Chapter 12

  My fist swung into empty air, and I struggled as a tall silhouette pushed me toward the lighted corridor. Once in the well-lit hallway, the familiar face of John, one of the guards registered in my field of vision. I breathed a sigh of relief and nearly collapsed to the floor, instead propping my elbows on my knees and lowering my head to slow my out-of-control panic.

  “Charlie? What’s wrong? You look like you saw a Draghoul?”

  As I worked to settle my racing mind, his words finally penetrated my thoughts, but I realized there was only one person I wanted to talk to, and I knew where I could find him.

  “I…I just lost my way in the dark. I’ll be okay. Just a little scared, is all.”

  “Are you sure? I’ve never seen anyone so freaked out. Did you hear or see something? Should I go look around, just in case?”

  I shook my head sharply. “No. I didn’t see anyone.” Calm enough now to move, I straightened and headed toward the stairs. “I’ve got to go. Thanks.”

  One quick glance behind me showed both guards’ faces screwed up in confusion, but I didn’t pause for any more explanation. Instead, I ran past the stairway and down the tunnels I remembered leading to the fourth tower. The one person I needed to help me make sense of what just happened would be there. He was the only one I wanted to see right now.

  I didn’t analyze why I sought him out first, but the minute I breached the trapdoor and saw Thomas standing at the window, my tension slipped away.

  He whipped his head in my direction, set down his gun, and I gave a quick look around the tower to make sure we were alone. I raced across the room and wrapped my arms around him. He didn’t say anything, just squeezed me with a gentle grip.

  After a few moments, he asked, “Charlie? Has something happened? You’re as white as Beech tree bark.” He set me away from him, worry etched on his face.

  “Shouldn’t you be getting ready for the dedication ceremony?” He gripped my chin and raised my gaze to meet his. “Where’s Star?”

  “I…I had to…in the laundry room, with Michael.”

  “What’s going on?”

  With a deep sigh, I stepped away from him and looked at my hands. “I thought Zeke would need information, you know, about the forest. So, I went to the person who’d been there and come back.”

  He gripped my shoulders and turned me toward him, running his hands up and down my arms to check for injuries. “Are you crazy? Did he hurt you?”

  “I’m fine. He slapped me, and I think I have a couple scratches on my arm.” I felt his muscles tighten, and I rushed to assure him, “But I punched him in the nose, just like you showed me. He yelled and I think he was bleeding. Then I ran, and the only thing I could think was to get to you.”

  His eyes widened. “To me? Why me? Why didn’t you go to Zeke? I thought he was your best friend?” His voice held a sulky tone that surprised me a little. Was he jealous of his cousin? Over me?

  But he raised a good question. Why had I come to him? It wasn’t really even a choice. I’d wanted Thomas, and no one else, not even Zeke had come to mind. Somehow he’d become the person I most trusted, my confidant, my friend, and maybe something more.

  It was time to drop that line of thought. Not sure I’d like what my actions revealed about my feelings for Thomas, I didn’t want to analyze it too much, and thought it best just to ignore his question entirely.

  Besides, I had one of my own. Quillen and Thomas knew my true identity, and the situation with Victor showed danger, especially of discovery, loomed constantly. I needed to know who was really on my side. Thomas had known from the beginning I was here against the Council’s rules. He’d kept that secret all this time. I wanted to know why.

  “I need to ask you something.”

  For a moment, he just watched me, and I thought he would insist I answer his questions first. But with a shrug of his shoulders, he said, “Ask.”

  “Why didn’t you tell anyone about me?”

  “You mean, why didn’t I tell the Council you’re actually a Charlotte instead of a Charlie?”

  I nodded and felt the searing heat of his hands still holding my arms. Once again, silence filled the air between us and his greedy gaze searched my face. I could see him attempting to form his thoughts into words.

  He pulled back and dropped his hold, pushing his hands into his pants pockets instead. “I was going to, at first. My duty as a member of this community to out any rule-breakers, you know. But then I watched you with your sister. She’d just been born, your mother…was gone, and the way you cradled Star reminded me of a mother—my mother.

  “I thought of my mother, my aunt, my baby cousin—all gone because of the Council’s rules. Not since the day my mother went to the other side had I questioned council decisions, but then there was your sister…and you, and I couldn’t imagine going through that agony again. I didn’t want to think about you out there alone. The Council sent volunteer guards with the community’s women. At least they had a chance. But you wouldn’t have guards. You’d be out there with the monsters, by yourself. I couldn’t live with myself if I let that happen.”

  Earlier I’d said those exact words and took a slap because of them, but now I knew, in this community, a line was drawn. For me, at least, there were two groups—those I could trust and those I couldn’t. If they ever discovered my secret, most in this community would see me as someone to hurt, use, abuse, or cast out. Thomas and Zeke were it for me. They would defend me to the end. But how long would that last?

  Zeke was leaving tomorrow at dawn. Thomas would soon become a member of the Council. It wouldn’t be long before he had to make one of the hard decisions, and, as time went by and more and more decisions had to be made, I doubted he could always protect Star and me. There was no way around it. Eventually, he would betray us. He’d be forced to.

  “You might damage your chance for a council position if anyone finds out you knew and didn’t tell.”

  His gaze hit me full-force, disbelief etched over his face. “You seem to think I have some hidden ambition. I don’t have any desire to lead this community. Never did. My only motivation in ending my apprenticeship with Quillen, becoming a guard, and eventually a member of the Council was to protect you.”

  I couldn’t have been more floored if the tower around us crumbled to the ground in that moment. Impossible. No one did that for someone else—completely changed their life choices—unless they wanted something in return. Or, maybe they would if they cared strongly for someone. Was that what Thomas was admitting?

  “If it’s about me, leave with Star and me. Let’s get away from here. We could go with Zeke to the city. We don’t have to stay here.”

  A frustrated growl rose from his throat. “I can’t protect you out there. I don’t know what to expect. Here, at least, I have some power, some control of the situation.”

  “In the end though, if the Council made a decision, you’d have to live by it. Would you stand by, let them hurt Star and me? I know the danger waiting for me here. Out there though, we might find a place where we aren’t constantly afraid. I want to be somewhere I don’t have to hide who I am or hide at all. Maybe that place is
out there.”

  He stared at me, emotions playing across his features. For a moment, I glimpsed intense longing in his dark eyes, like he wanted to say yes, like everything in him wanted to escape with me. But in the next moment, it was gone, replaced with a heated fury. With a tightening of his jaw, he shook his head hard. “Forget it. Go to Zeke. I know your heart is breaking because he’s leaving. If it were me, you probably wouldn’t even show up to my dedication ceremony. You’d have a book to read or laundry to do.”

  I felt slapped again. He hadn’t laid a finger on me, but his sharp words stung. I expected anger to rise within me, but it didn’t. Instead, I was hurt. I’d come to him, not Zeke. The significance seemed lost on him. Maybe I’d been wrong. This was a mistake. Thomas was right. I should have gone to Zeke.

  “You’re wrong. I wouldn’t show up to your dedication ceremony because you wouldn’t have one. You know why?” I stomped toward the trapdoor, my hurt manifesting as fury. “You wouldn’t have volunteered to leave the community. You’ll never leave the community, even to protect me, because you think you’re the key to its survival. You don’t think anyone else can lead the people here, but you. You say you chose to become a council member for me, but the truth is, you want to protect everyone, and that means, if it came down to it, you’re decision concerning me would be what was best for the community, not Star and not me.”

  With no more tears to shed, I climbed down the ladder, ignoring his insistence I come back. Things were clearer now more than ever. I’d relied on others to protect me for too long. Now it was time I took control of my own fate. Zeke didn’t know it yet, but he was taking Star and me with him, and I wasn’t taking you’d be safer here for an answer because clearly I’d never be safe here again.

  Chapter 13

  After some time, I found Zeke sparring outside in the waning daylight. I should have known he’d use every last minute to prepare for tomorrow. The problem was, no matter how much preparation, he would never be ready to face what was out there. I knew from my own experience, you needed luck more than skill if you were going to survive. Of course, Zeke had always been pretty lucky, so maybe he had what it would take after all.