Sean

by Giulia Lagomarsino

  “Optional, of course.”

  I laughed and smacked his chest. “Stop. You know what I mean.”

  “Casual.”

  “Okay. I’ll see you at seven.”

  I really wanted him to kiss me, but I wasn’t good at saying what I wanted so I turned to let myself in the house. He grabbed me around the waist and spun me back into him, kissing me feverishly. I wrapped my arms around his neck, loving that he obviously wanted to kiss me just as much. When he finally pulled away, I felt dizzy with lust for him and had to pull myself together so I didn’t maul him.

  “I’ll see you in the morning.”

  I smiled as he turned away and headed to his truck. I unlocked the door, completely lost in the magical world that was now my life. It seemed I had greatly misjudged Sean.

  Sean

  I headed home and made arrangements for Lillian and I to go out on a friend’s boat tomorrow. It was going to be just the two of us. I was lucky enough to have connections that would show Lillian exactly how great life could be, if she just let go and have fun.

  I was replaying the day in my head, thinking of the way Lillian laughed with my friends or the way she gripped my hand on the rollercoaster. She was quickly working her way deeper into my life.

  The doorbell rang bringing me out of my thoughts. I walked over and was shocked when the devil herself stood at my door.

  “Vira. What are you doing here? We’re over. You shouldn’t be here.”

  “It’s Anna, actually.” She shoved past my stunned body and walked into the living room. “And you decided we were over. I never did.”

  Who walked into someone’s house and dropped a bomb like that on someone? After a momentary pause to wrap my head around what I just heard, I shut the door and turned to face Vira. Or Anna.

  Vira was wearing black dress pants and a black vest that most women would wear a shirt under. It had big silver buttons on each side of the vest and the V dipped down to the middle of her breasts, leaving quite a fair amount of cleavage showing. Her black hair had purple strands peeking out from underneath.

  There was no denying my attraction for her. I was getting hard just looking at her and it had been too long since I had touched her. Any thoughts of the anger I felt toward her the last few weeks were gone and all I could see was the woman I wanted standing in front of me.

  “What do you mean your name is Anna?”

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  Vira

  IT WAS NOW or never. If I didn’t try to open up to Sean, I was going to lose the one man that finally made me feel something after all these years. If Cece could do it, so could I.

  “It’s actually Anna Belle Covington, but I don’t go by that anymore and if you tell a single soul that my name is Anna Belle, I will cut off your balls and shove them down your throat.”

  “Why do you go by Vira Williams?”

  I snorted and looked to the side. I really hated sharing shit with people. I had kept it all in for so long that I didn’t really know how to share anymore. Not even Cece knew this stuff about me.

  “I grew up in the south and my family was very rich and pretentious. I didn’t want that life for myself, so I left and changed my name. Seriously, who names their daughter Anna Belle? Like I could ever be a wilting flower.”

  “Why do I get the feeling that you just glossed over a whole shit load of information?”

  “Because it’s not important. It’s not who I am and I never will be again.”

  He crossed his arms over his chest and stared me down. His gaze bore holes into me. “So why now? What made you finally come tell me this?”

  I took a deep, huffing breath and rolled my eyes, but I couldn’t look at him. “Because you needed more and you were going to leave.”

  “So you want more, too. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have shared with me.”

  I finally looked at him and narrowed my eyes. It was one thing to share. It was another to feel like I was being stripped bare. “I gave you that much. Don’t ask for more right now.”

  “One more question and I’ll let it go.”

  “What?”

  “Did you ever sleep with Sawyer?”

  That was not what I was expecting. I had never considered that he would be jealous of Sawyer. “No. He was a flirtation to get what I wanted.”

  “Does he know that you screwed him over? Because he’s a loose canon right now and if he finds out that you used him, there’ll be hell to pay.”

  “As far as I know, he doesn’t know a thing. I told him that Cece was getting back together with Logan and asked him to stop. Then his career went up in flames and we haven’t spoken since.”

  He walked toward me and pulled me into his arms. I almost sighed at the feel of being in his arms. Almost. But I kept up my armor, not quite ready to give everything to this man.

  “Well, it’s not everything I want to know, but it’s a start. Are you sure you want to do this? There’s no turning back from here. Once you’re mine, I’m not giving you up.”

  I nodded. I could do this. I would do this.

  Then his lips were on mine, ravaging my mouth and making me moan in pleasure. I had missed this with him. I needed to feel his arms around me, wrapping me in his warmth and protecting me from all the shit in the world.

  He grabbed me under the ass and lifted me in the air. I wrapped my legs around him as he carried me upstairs. He laid me down on the bed and kissed me as his hands caressed my body. I felt his fingers move to my vest and push the buttons through the holes. When he reached the bottom, he pulled back and slowly opened one side, revealing my breast. He leaned down and took my nipple in his mouth, his warmth sending chills down my spine. Then he opened the other side and repeated the process.

  This was beginning to feel too intimate. I didn’t do intimate. I fucked and Sean knew that. I grabbed him by the face and forced him to look at me.

  “Sean, fuck me. You know how I like it, so give me what I want.”

  “Anna-” I flinched at the name. I didn’t ever want to hear that name again, but he just stared at me, waiting for me to accept it. “Anna. Let me love you. That’s all I’ve ever wanted. Just give me this.”

  His lips brushed mine softly and for a moment, I felt tears building inside. I swallowed them down and closed my eyes, just feeling his hands and mouth on my body. He licked his way down my waist and when he reached my pants he slowly undid the button and lowered the zipper.

  My breathing accelerated as he pulled my pants from my body, sliding them over my heels. I laid on the bed in my black panties and heels as his gaze burned over my skin.

  “You are so damn sexy. I tried to push you out of my head, but you were always there. You were under my skin from the moment I met you and I don’t think there’s any way I could ever work you out of my system.”

  I didn’t know what to say. I needed Sean and I was willing to bend for him more than I cared to admit, but I wasn’t sure how deep my feelings were. I hadn’t allowed myself to care about anyone else in so long, that I wasn’t sure I would know love if it smacked me upside the head.

  I wasn’t sure if he had taken my panties off or if he had just moved them to the side. I didn’t realize that he had even gotten undressed. I was so lost in my thoughts that I barely registered his presence next to me until he thrust inside me in one long thrust.

  “Oh, God. Sean.”

  His thrusts were long and slow. This wasn’t our normal way of fucking. He was making love to me. This was the first time I had ever made love with someone and allowed this level of intimacy. I couldn’t move my eyes from his. Even when my eyes slid shut, I forced them back open so I could see his intense eyes staring back at me.

  When he pushed me over the edge, he came moments later and then kissed me lovingly before wrapping me in his arms.

  “I love you, Vira. I’ve been waiting for you for so long.”

  It was all too much. I couldn’t think. I couldn’t breathe. I needed to get away and pull myself together
, but I didn’t want to hurt Sean.

  “Sean-”

  “Don’t say anything. I know it’s a lot for one day.”

  I laid there and tried to stay calm when all I wanted to do was run, and that’s exactly what I did in the early morning. I couldn’t stay here with him. He would wake up and want commitment or to pretend we were now some couple. What had I been thinking coming here and offering more?

  I slipped out of the house and headed for Logan and Cece’s house. I knocked several times and finally Logan answered the door in a pair of low hanging jeans with a cloth draped over his shoulder. I pushed passed him, only briefly checking out his sculpted abs before I looked around for Cece.

  “Where is she?”

  “Well hello to you too, Vira. It’s a pleasure as always.”

  “Oh, shut up. I need to talk to Cece. Where is she?”

  “She’s nursing Archer.”

  “That baby’s still on the tit?”

  “Plenty of mothers breastfeed until the baby is a year old, sometimes longer.”

  “You’d better get used to saggy boobs then.” I headed toward the baby’s room and opened the door without knocking, relieved when I saw Cece sitting in the rocker.

  “I am such a bad person.”

  “What’d you do now, Vira?”

  “I offered Sean more and then he made love to me and told me he loved me and I ran.”

  “You did what?” I heard from the doorway. I turned to see Logan standing in the doorway with his arms crossed over his chest. He looked pissed.

  “This is none of your business, Logan.”

  “You’ve been dragging Sean around by his balls long enough. How could you do that to him? You had to know that he felt more for you.”

  “I didn’t think he was going to tell me he loved me! I thought we were just going to take baby steps. He acted like I was all the sudden going to commit to him and we were going to get married.”

  “What exactly did you offer him?”

  “That’s not-”

  “Goddamnit, Vira!” Logan had never raised his voice to me. I looked at Cece who looked equally as shocked, but didn’t say anything.

  “I told him my real name.”

  “Your real name?” Cece looked at me in confusion.

  “Look, it’s a long story and I’ll tell you another time. Right now, you have to tell me what to do.”

  “Jesus, Vira. Did you really think that giving your real name, that you’ve been hiding from everyone, is a small piece of information? Of course he assumed you were offering him more. A lot more.” He huffed out a breath and took a deep breath. “You really are a bitch sometimes.” Then he walked away, leaving me alone with Cece. I turned to see her still stunned and staring where Logan had stood.

  “Cece, say something.”

  “I’m still trying to get over the fact that you have another name and you never told me. Why?”

  I sat down on the floor, leaning against the dresser and let out a sigh.

  “I came from a very rich family. I hated everything about them, so I left them all behind along with my name. I became someone else.”

  “And you didn’t think I’d understand?”

  “I didn’t think it would matter to you.”

  “It doesn’t, bitch. Which is why you should have told me.”

  “I’m sorry. I left that girl behind a long time ago.”

  “So, is that why you don’t have relationships with people?”

  “Initially. That had more to do with the fact that my parents wanted me to marry an abusive asshole for his money and what his connections could do for us. I guess I figured that if I never had a relationship with anyone, no one could ever use me in that way.”

  “You know that Sean would never do that to you.”

  “I know. I’m just stuck in my ways at this point. It really doesn’t even have to do with my family anymore. I’ve been living my life this way for years and I really like it. I don’t want Sean to leave, but I don’t know that I can give him what he wants. That was what I was hoping we would talk about, but then he pulled out the L word and it was just too much. Before he woke up this morning, I ran.”

  Cece sat there nursing her son and didn’t say anything. It was starting to make me nervous. Cece and I never judged each other, but I was beginning to think that her personal relationships had changed her attitude toward me.

  “Say something. Do you hate me?”

  “Of course not. How could I judge you? You do remember what I did to Logan, right? I was just thinking about how this would turn out for you.”

  “And?”

  “And I think you have to go back to him. Tell him it was too much.”

  “That would hurt him.”

  “And what do you think will happen if you keep seeing him, but push him away? Either way, you’re going to have to tell him what you think about his declaration. It’s not fair to drag him along for a ride he may not want to take.”

  “You think I should have stayed away.”

  “If you really wanted to make something with him, then you know I’d be behind you one hundred percent, but you can’t keep him as your play thing forever.”

  “Shit. I hate it when you’re right.”

  I walked over to her and gave her a side squeeze and then headed to the door. Time to pay the piper.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  Sean

  IT WAS LIKE a bad dream. I knew it when I said the words to her last night that it was over. I felt her tense up and knew that she didn’t feel the same way and wasn’t ready for what I had to give. I felt like an idiot as I laid here in bed, the same bed that she snuck out of forty-five minutes ago. I felt her get up and I snuck a peek. I saw her eyes and how frantic she was to get away.

  As mad as I was at myself, I was even more pissed at her that she would come here and offer something only to run away. I told her she would be mine and she didn’t tell me no. I had to be done with this. I couldn’t take it. No matter how many times I let her back in, it always ended the same way, with me being the jackass that couldn’t accept the person she was and always would be.

  The doorbell rang downstairs and hope flared in me that she hadn’t actually left me. Maybe she just ran out for breakfast. I quickly threw on pants and ran downstairs, flinging the door open with a grin on my face.

  Lillian was standing in front of me with tears in her eyes that she was desperately trying to hold back.

  “Lillian, what’s wrong? You look like you’re about to cry.”

  “Can I come in for a minute?”

  “Of course.”

  I opened the door wide for her and stepped to the side. I followed her into the living room and took a seat next to her. I reached for her hand but she pulled away.

  “I need to ask you something and I need you to be honest with me.”

  “Sure. Anything.”

  “I came here this morning for our date..”

  Fuck. I closed my eyes and my head dropped back. I had totally forgotten about Lillian. I glanced at the clock and saw that it was almost eight o’clock.

  “I saw Vira run out of the house as I was pulling up to your house. She didn’t notice me, so I pulled over and waited. I kept telling myself that I needed to talk to you first before I assumed that she spent the night here. I mean, I know we’re not in a committed relationship or anything, but I didn’t think you assumed that I would be okay with you sleeping with other women while we were dating. So, I need you to just be honest with me and tell me if you slept with Vira.”

  I had fucked up so bad. There was no way Lillian would ever forgive me for this. Now that Vira was gone, I wasn’t sure why I had even given in to her last night. I was so stupid to assume that things would be different between us. Now Lillian, the one woman that had ever really made me really happy, was sitting here on my couch and I was going to have to hurt her because I couldn’t lie to her.

  “Sean. Please, just tell me the truth.”

  “Y
es, I slept with her.”

  A few of the tears in Lillian’s beautiful eyes fell down her cheeks, leaving glistening trails that I wanted to wipe away. I couldn’t do that though. I was the one that hurt her and I knew she wouldn’t accept comfort from me.

  “I don’t understand. Did you ask me to come here so that I would see her leave? Did you plan this?”

  “No. I swear I didn’t. It was all a horrible mistake.”

  “A mistake? I don’t understand? You dropped me off yesterday and kissed me like you needed me to breathe and then you went home and had sex with another woman hours later. How does that even happen? Am I really that forgettable?”

  “No! You are not forgettable.”

  “Yet, you forgot about me.”

  “It wasn’t like that. Do you remember that day that we went skydiving and we were asking each other questions in the car?” She nodded. “You said that I didn’t mean anything to Vira, but I didn’t look for someone who would truly care for me.”

  “I remember.”

  “The reason I kept going back to Vira was because I loved her, or at least I thought I did.”

  “Why would you date me if you were in love with another woman?”

  “I wanted Vira, but she kept pushing me away. Then I met you and you were just so much different. You were open with me and I was attracted to you. I wanted to know more about you. I didn’t think about Vira at all when I was with you.”

  “Gee, that’s comforting.”

  “What I mean is, if I was forgetting about her then maybe it wasn’t love.”

  “But you still slept with her when you were dating me. All it took was her coming over here for you to decide I wasn’t worth it.”

  “She told me she wanted more. I thought I finally got through to her. I thought she really wanted me.”

  “Well, I hope you two will be happy together.”

  “You don’t understand. I told her I loved her and she ran. I don’t think she would ever accept what I wanted to offer her. It’s over.”

  “How can you be sure?”