Clowders

by Vanessa Morgan

  He gave CPR all over again until, after seven minutes, the seizures stopped, and the cat returned back to normal. Afterward, the cat's owner thanked him abundantly, repeatedly claiming Aidan was a good person for having saved the cat's life.

  Am I? Aidan thought. I have a wife and a kid, and I'm fantasizing about a woman I hardly know. I am anything but a good person.

  He wasn't unhappy, so why was he on the brink of doing something stupid? He had always had to deal with a fear of commitment, the need to break free from whatever he had for more than a few months. He suspected it had something to do with his desire for perfection and adventure. The idea of something even better being out there for him had often made him doubt what he had. But he never felt that with Jess before.

  No, he told himself. He should put his act back together. He wouldn't let anything or anyone distract him from the happiness he had found with Jess. And maybe the best way to do that was to spend more quality time with her.

  ***

  “Let's binge-watch a show tonight and order Greek meze. Like old times,” Aidan had suggested on the phone this afternoon. It had been one of their rituals before Eleonore had been born – an entire night of Netflix or HBO coupled with a giant plate of spare ribs, fried calamari, tarama, tzatziki, stuffed wine leaves, hot peppers, salad, and feta cheese. And wine. Lots of wine.

  She wandered toward the kitchen, wondering if they still had the flyer of that Greek take away hidden in the drawers somewhere.

  Despite her anxious mood of the past few weeks, a shadow of a smile crawled across Jess' lips. Though they've had their troubles lately, she was still willing to forgive him and put effort into trying to understand him and make their marriage stronger. It would also be an opportunity to take her mind off what happened at the bakery this morning.

  Before Aidan arrived from work, she prepared Eleonore’s favorite ham, penne and peas dish. Then Jess bathed her daughter while Aidan rang the Greek restaurant and cleaned up the living room table.

  The first thing Eleonore noticed when her mom tucked her into bed was that her precious cat wasn't at her side. “Where's Avalon?”

  “I don't know, E. I think he's still outside.”

  “Why?”

  “Maybe he likes to hunt in the forest or play with Romero from next door.”

  “But I don't want to sleep without Avalon.”

  Jess didn't immediately know what to reply. Then she said, “You know, if Avalon is sleeping too, you can see each other in your dreams and cuddle all night long. So the faster you fall asleep, the sooner you'll find him.”

  Eleonore closed her eyes, a smile appearing on her face.

  “Say hi to Avalon from me when you see him in your dreams,” Jess said.

  It only took a few minutes for Eleonore to fall asleep.

  As Jess arrived back in the living room, she looked out the window over Clervaux. A glowing moon spilled a silvery light over the wet streets. A car bearing the name of the restaurant parked in front of their door, and a smile appeared on her face.

  By the time the delivery man rang the door, Aidan had already popped on the TV show. With the fairy lights throwing blue shadows across the room, she tried to relax and forget all that had happened in the past couple of days.

  The meze in Luxembourg was delicious, much better than the one they always ordered at home in America. Was it because they were situated closer to Greece that restaurants were so much better at it here, or were they only lucky to have picked a good one?

  Spending quality time with Aidan also boosted her happiness levels to the top. She even started to feel hopeful again. They cuddled, shared a few jokes, it was great.

  After dinner, Jess stood up, took the empty wine glasses from the table and went to the kitchen. She washed the glasses and cutlery and grabbed a towel to wipe them dry. As soon as she turned off the faucet, she heard it - the sound of tiny claws scurrying across the hardwood floor.

  “Aidan, can you come here for a second?”

  He didn't hear her.

  “Aidan?”

  The clicking of claws persisted. When Jess was about to go back to her husband in the living room, he entered as well.

  “Do you hear this? What do you think it is?”

  “I believe we might have rats,” Aidan said. He swept the kitchen with his eyes, searching for the intruders.

  “It's getting worse,” Jess said. “When we arrived here, I only heard it once in a while, but now I'm hearing it almost constantly. Eleonore doesn't sleep anymore because of it.”

  Aidan pressed a gentle forefinger against her lips, silencing her. “Let's not think about rats right now. I'll take care of that tomorrow. For tonight, I have other plans.”

  He kissed her. At first, Jess was a little backed away, still thinking about the possibility of her husband having an affair, but then, slowly, her hands reached behind his back, and she was hugging him tightly, pressing herself against him. After a few seconds, she let it happen. She wanted to let it happen and pretend that she had been wrong. Tonight, Aidan would be all hers again, just like before.

  ***

  When Aidan and Jess went back into the kitchen at the end of the evening, the rest of the meze was spilled all over the floor. The meat, fish, and cheese were gone, but the salad and hot peppers remained. Everything was scattered and torn apart. What upset her was that the kitchen window was open. She was confident that she'd closed it. With everything that had happened lately, she didn't want to risk a feral animal coming inside the house and attacking her daughter.

  “Stupid cat!” Aidan shouted.

  “Shush. You'll wake up E.”

  Sighing, Aidan kneeled and assembled all the pieces of leftover back onto the tin tray. Jess did the same.

  “Did you open the window this evening?” she asked.

  “No. Why?”

  “Avalon didn't come home tonight. And even if he did, he couldn't have eaten this, could he? Avalon would have started with the peppers instead of keeping them for last.”

  Aidan seemed to ponder this. He couldn't deny it because he knew that, contrary to other cats, hot peppers were some of Avalon's favorite food.

  Jess furrowed her eyebrow and shook her head. “Whatever.” She didn't want to upset him too much now that the evening was going well. This time, she made sure the window was tightly closed. But she knew for sure that something was out there that wanted to get back inside at all cost, and that something wasn't Avalon.

  CHAPTER 14

  “Where's Avalon?”

  It was the first thing Eleonore asked that morning. She used to wake up every day with her cat sleeping in her arms, but this time the animal had other plans for the night.

  “You said I would see Avalon in my dreams, but I didn't, so I waited for him to come back.”

  “Does this mean you didn't sleep at all?”

  Eleonore nodded her head while pouting her lips.

  “He'll come to his senses,” Jess said. “Avalon's way too dependent on you to stay away for long.”

  She was wrong.

  Three days passed and Avalon didn't come home.

  It was time to report Avalon as officially missing.

  Jess and Eleonore went to the local print shop where they got 200 flyers made featuring Avalon's picture and the words “Lost Cat. Avalon. Turkish Van cat with a pink collar. New to area. Could be trapped. Please check your garages and sheds. If you see him, please call day or night. Reward.”

  They stapled the flyers to electrical poles and asked shopkeepers in and around Clervaux to put the black-and-white printouts in their windows. She also posted Avalon's disappearance on a European Facebook page dedicated to missing animals and contacted all shelters and veterinarians in Luxembourg to keep an eye out for an obese Turkish Van cat.

  On Saturday, as soon as they saw that their neighbors were pulling up the shutters and appearing on the streets, they showed everyone in town Avalon's picture, asking if they'd seen him. It was raining heavily, and
within minutes, Jess and Eleonore were dripping wet.

  Marie, who owned the chocolate shop a little further down their street, had offered them both a cup of hot cocoa; such a sweet gesture. Another neighbor, an elderly lady who looked at them with her glasses slid down her nose, seemed so happy she could finally talk to another human being that Jess felt rude to leave directly, so they stayed for tea and cookies.

  After they had interrogated everyone in the center of Clervaux, they went to the camping site as Avalon could have followed the smell of barbecued meat, went on a scavenger hunt, and didn't find his way back home.

  When the trip to the camping ground turned out fruitless as well, Jess suggested heading homeward. “Sometimes, you have to send your wish into the universe and believe that Avalon will come back to you on his terms,” Jess told her daughter.

  “But if Avalon fell into a pit or got stuck in barbed wire, he may not be able to come home,” Eleonore said.

  She had a point.

  “So what do you suggest?” Jess asked.

  “We haven't looked into the forest yet.”

  Her daughter obviously had no idea of the size of it. And, honestly, Jess wasn't convinced they would find Avalon if he were hiding out there. It was more than possible that a hunter had accidentally shot their cat, or even worse, that a wild animal had half devoured Avalon. She doubted Eleonore would be emotionally strong enough to stomach such a sight. She was way too young to confront this type of situation.

  “We'd better search the forest when it has stopped raining. What about some television and hot milk now?”

  “No!” the five-year-old ordered.

  “Eleonore,” Jess said, shocked. “Since when have you become so disobedient?”

  “I'm not going home without my cat,” she weep-yelled.

  Bystanders were looking at the scene Eleonore was making.

  “I'm your mother. I still have the final word in this, remember?”

  “I don't care! I want my cat!” Eleonore screamed. “If he's injured, we need to help him.”

  One of the locals who had been listening to the conversation filled in: “Your daughter may be right. If your cat is injured and you don't come to his aid, his death will be upon you.”

  The frankness of this reply shocked her, but it rang true. Of course, she didn't want to be responsible for Avalon's death.”

  “Good,” Jess said. “But let's go put on our boots first. The paths will be soggy.”

  They dressed, threw on mud boots, and started out, exploring the forest around Clervaux, whistling and calling Avalon's name. The undergrowth was damp and humid. It rained so hard even their hoods and umbrellas weren't enough to protect them against the rain, and the wind seemed to blow in all directions at once. The paths led upward and were so sodden Jess had to be careful not to fall. Eleonore, on the other hand, was agile in keeping upright.

  Whenever they passed a hotel or a house – which didn't happen very often – they showed Avalon's picture to its owners and enquired if they had seen him. Jess had learned a few phrases by heart to do this in French, hoping it would increase their chances of someone eventually telling them where Avalon hung out.

  They arrived at a crossroads. They ignored the left road that descended back into town and climbed the cinder track on their right, to the northern viewpoint.

  As they moved deeper into the forest, they eventually reached the highway after which a whole new stretch of forest started where the trails were overgrown, wretched for hiking. There was little chance that Avalon would have crossed such a busy road and ventured even farther away.

  Jess had to catch her breath. Her teeth chattered as she pulled into herself for warmth. The chill made her muscles hurt. She sat down on one of the benches near the side of the road. From there, she could overlook the valley in which lay Clervaux, with its church, and then, to the right, the ruby-colored abbey that towered above the wooded landscape.

  “Come on, mom,” Eleonore said. “We have to find Avalon.”

  “What if we don't find him?” Jess asked.

  Eleonore didn't answer, probably because it still wasn't an option for her – of course, they would find Avalon.

  But they didn't.

  Soon, darkness would descend and all they could do was go home.

  At night, Eleonore and Aidan had insisted they'd leave the windows ajar in case Avalon wanted to come back, which didn't please Jess considering the possibility of a wild animal sneaking inside and attacking her daughter. But she couldn't resist Eleonore's plea for help, so Jess tried to stay awake the entire night to make sure everything was safe. It was getting colder by the day, and Jess wondered how much longer they'd be able to keep the windows wide open at nighttime.

  The following morning, Eleonore cried herself awake. It started softly, almost inaudible at first, but it became increasingly louder, and she didn't seem to be able to stop. Heartbreaking.

  “Shush,” Jess said as she hugged her daughter. “I'm sure we'll find your cat. After a while, he'll miss both you and his Almo Nature food too much, and he'll come back home and pretend nothing ever happened. You know how cats are; eventually, they always find their way back home.”

  “But Avalon never runs away,” Eleonore wailed.

  Once is enough, Jess thought, but she didn't say it out loud.

  She did wonder what could have happened to him, though. Jess knew animals could sense danger. It's why birds disappeared before a storm and why forest animals fled areas before earthquakes. Maybe Avalon had sensed the same invisible danger she and Eleonore had felt, too - something stalking them - and had decided to flee the family he loved out of self-protection.

  No, she thought, almost scoffing at her reasoning. She was overthinking this way too much.

  “Avalon may be stubborn, but he never ventures far outside the house,” Eleonore said. She was right. Avalon was never far away. Mostly he was only taking a breather on the rooftops next to their house or snoozing next to Romero in front of the bakery. For the rest, he was too lazy to go far.

  “I made a pact with God,” Eleonore said. “I told him he could make me unhappy for the rest of my life as long as he brings Avalon back to me.”

  Eleonore's answer endeared her. “Oh, E. I hope he doesn't listen to you.”

  “Does it sometimes happen that God doesn't listen to my prayers?” She sounded genuinely worried.

  “I don't know,” she said. “I never asked for anything so extreme, certainly not in exchange for a cat.” She noticed the blue circles under Eleonore's eyes, the consequence of way too many sleepless nights. “I promise we'll do anything to find Avalon.”

  That remark was enough to make Eleonore jump out of her bed. “I have a feeling we're going to find him today,” she said.

  It was to no avail. Despite all the efforts, Avalon was nowhere to be found.

  ***

  That night, Aidan awoke with a start. Eleonore stood beside the bed, nudging her father's shoulder as she tried to pull him out of his sleep. Aidan mumbled something and then pulled the comforter further over his head.

  “Daddy,” she whispered hoarsely. “Wake up.”

  Rolling onto his back with a muffled groan, he released a tired sigh under Eleonore's continued prodding. “What?”

  “I keep hearing something,” she whispered. Despite the darkness around them, Aidan could see her silhouette.

  “It's animals,” he told her, turning onto his side. “Block it out.”

  “I can't,” she huffed. Her words were but a whisper, but against the silence, they sounded like a scream.

  She jostled him again. “Daddy?”

  “Please, Eleonore.”

  “But, daddy,” she hissed. “What if it's Avalon who tries to get in? He's probably cold outside.”

  Aidan inhaled controllably. “You were dreaming, Eleonore. Go back to bed.”

  “But the outside lamp illuminated, daddy. That means that...”

  “That probably means a cat passed.�
��

  “Come have a look,” Eleonore pleaded. “I want to be sure it's not Avalon. Maybe he thinks he's not allowed to be home anymore.”

  “The kitchen window is still open. If Avalon wants to come inside, he can.”

  “But what if he hasn't seen that the kitchen window is open?”

  Aidan muttered a curse under his breath. “All right. You're winning.”

  After pulling himself out of bed, he pulled open the door to the balcony at the back of the apartment. The cold outside air cut through his skin. The outdoor lamp downstairs was out again. It had a motion sensor with timer, so if something had moved before, it was now definitely gone.

  “It's too dark to see anything,” Aidan said.

  “Avalon!” Eleonore yelled. “Avalon!”

  “It's the middle of the night, Eleonore. You're going to wake the entire town.”

  “I don't care. I want Avalon to hear me.”

  A feline yowl reverberated through the streets, the kind that denoted worry and territorial concern. It came from the left, somewhere from one of the surrounding gardens.

  Eleonore cocked her head and listened. “That's Avalon!” she yelled.

  “You can't know that. It didn't sound like Avalon,” Aidan said, and he wondered whether it was possible to recognize a cat by its meows.

  This time, the meow stretched out to a high, almost ghostly howl. It chilled Aidan to the bones.

  “Listen. That is Avalon,” Eleonore said.

  She promptly walked outside and perched over the railing of the balcony to look for her cat.

  Aidan followed suit. The damp cold struck him like a sledgehammer. It was only three or four degrees out, and the wet leaves that covered the tiles made the cold spread from his ankles over his entire body. During the day it had been warm, but as soon as the sun had disappeared behind the wooded hills, an unpleasant chill had settled over Clervaux and announced that the mild days were coming to an end.

  Aidan trembled uncontrollably. He gripped around his waist and rubbed himself warm. It barely helped. “Let's look for your cat when it's light out. You're going to catch a cold.”