“Not really,” I began as I climbed onto his back and rubbed my slippery sex against the small of his back. “You weren’t sharing me with anyone—”
“Promise me you’ll make him wear a condom. Even if it is a lambskin one…I don’t want him getting every inch of you…does that make sense?”
“I can’t believe we are considering this at all. Nothing good can come of this and we both know it.”
“It’s not about that. Retribution…revenge—call it whatever the hell you want—this about not allowing them to get away with anything. You need to show them they haven’t gotten the best of you and they never will. Until you do that, your mom will continue to use you as a pawn. You may be her daughter but since when did she think that her job as your mother included being your madam? This is about showing her once and for all you won’t be used by her, and you won’t allow her husband to believe he can get away with it either.”
Finn was right of course.
My mother and Etienne needed to be taught a lesson but I couldn’t help but think perhaps this whole situation could backfire on us in the most malicious of ways.
Despite my reservations, we sealed the deal that night before we made love again and fell asleep in one another’s arms.
“Okay, let me get this straight because I think something has been lost in translation. You and Finn have decided to set your mother up by having you sleep with her husband? Are you sure you two have a clue what it is you’re doing because frankly, that is the craziest plan I have ever heard.”
The speaker was Monika and it was just the two of us.
We had met up for our usual Sunday brunch since we had a month until school started. Afterwards, we usually went clothes shopping but I doubted we would get to it that afternoon.
I was nervous enough because I would be seeing Amaani again in a couple of weeks and how did I break it to her in the kindest of ways that we would no longer be conducting our sexual relationship with one another? She knew I had always batted for both teams but how would she take it now that my boyfriend was in town, and I’d moved her from Boston University to UCLA?
It hadn’t been easy but I was more than able to pull a few strings and work out her transfer. I felt pretty good about what I had done for Amaani but the longer I spoke to Monika, the more my good feelings disappeared. Now my best friend had succeeded in making me feel like I was some kind of lower life form because I wanted to seek revenge against my mother.
“You’re forgetting she gave Etienne permission to sleep with me, and if that weren’t screwed up enough, she confessed to her boy-toy he would always come first. If it was between him and me, I would be the first to go. How screwed up is that, Monika?”
“Two wrongs don’t make a right, Evie.” She carefully sliced into her egg-white tofu sausage and mushroom omelet before placing the piece in her mouth.
I’d ordered pancakes, real pork sausage and two scrambled eggs on the side. Half of my food was gone but I’d lost my appetite the more my best friend spoke. “True but it sure will make me feel better.”
Monika placed her utensils on the plate and looked at me, her ice blue eyes full of contempt. “Listen…I know about your history with Finn. Dylan told me about your relationship, and the son you two have together that is being raised by your aunt and uncle. I can’t help feeling you two bring out the worst in each other, and maybe it’s time you think about severing your ties with him for good. I know all about young love and what not but…you two are oil and water. He shouldn’t be encouraging you to do this and if he was any real man, he would tell you to drop it. No good can come of this and you have to know that.”
My heart beat fiercely in my chest and although I didn’t need the extra caffeine, I finished my coffee anyway. “Dylan had no right to tell you anything. I can’t sever my ties to Finn when he is the only man I have ever truly loved. You’ll never know what that’s like but there is only one man for me in my life, and that is Finbar Reilly. Everyone else is just window dressing—”
“Including Etienne?” Monika raised a perfectly shaped pale brow. “I know how close you are to him, and what you two have been for one another. Now all the sudden Finn has come back into the picture and you can honestly declare you have no feelings for him?”
“I may have feelings for him but how twisted is that?” I brushed my hair from around my face with nervous hands. “Everything that has happened between Etienne and I was made possible because Finn wasn’t around. I shouldn’t be lusting after my stepfather, and my mother shouldn’t have given him carte blanche to have his way with me. I will never forgive her for choosing her husband over me, especially when he is a thirty-year-old model who obviously is with her only because of who she is—not because he loves her.”
“That might be true but you don’t know that for certain. I mean did it ever occur to you that he could have feelings for both you and your mother? Men can feel completely different emotions for different women you know. Just don’t do this because all it is going to bring is a world of hurt for the people around you, and do you really need to sink down to your mother’s level? If you do then you are no better than her.”
Monika’s words haunted me well after our brunch ended and we went our separate ways. I decided to shop but didn’t find anything I wanted; I was due at Finn’s later that evening therefore I went back to my guesthouse and decided to kill time by listening to music and reading the latest dark romance novel I had started on my iPad.
My peaceful reprieve was interrupted by a knock at the front door before a key was placed in the lock and the door opened. I walked from my sitting room to the hall, and came face to face with Etienne. He looked casual and cool in a pair of dark blue jeans and a white, silk short-sleeved button down shirt.
“Hey,” he greeted. “I saw your car in the driveway and decided to come over. How have you been?”
“You mean since earlier this week when you confessed my mother would choose you over me?” I inquired sarcastically. “Just peachy. What are you doing here, Etienne?”
“I suppose everything worked out between you and Finbar if you are treating me this way. You must understand, Evie, the feelings I have for your mother do not contradict what I feel for you. I still care very deeply for you and surely you know if anything happened between the two of you, I would take care of you.”
I laughed at this remark. “How sweet of you to want to take care of me with money that is supposed to be mine in the first place. I don’t know where my mother found you and I don’t care if you are a model or not because when it all comes down to hard facts, you are nothing but a con artist. You must feel pretty proud of yourself and how everything has worked out. How long do you plan to stay with the old bat? One year? Two years? Five years? You’ll still look good at thirty-five, and not only will you have a pot load of money but you’ll be able to have that family you’ve always craved.”
His blue-green eyes hardened before he grabbed me by my wrists and pushed me against the wall. “Don’t you dare talk to me like I’m some common gigolo! I love your mother very much but it’s you who I want to fuck so don’t get it twisted, chérie. I wouldn’t want to be in another relationship but that doesn’t mean I am not a man, and don’t have desires for other women. I very much lust after you but that is all I feel for you because you aren’t capable of inspiring a man to feel anything else.”
I tried to twist away from his grip but his hands held me too firmly. “You’re so full of bullshit, and the worst part of this sad situation is both of us know it.”
“Am I?” He applied more pressure to my wrists until I squealed. “You’re nothing but a beautiful shell, Evie. All looks and absolutely no fucking substance. You aren’t half the woman your mother is, and that is what really burns you, doesn’t it? You want me to feel something for you I cannot and never will be able to—not for a twenty-year-old kid. How could I ever want a Honda when I am driving around…in style with a BMW?”
Something inside m
e broke and I pushed him away from me. He finally let go of my wrists to break his fall but when he slowly stood, he laughed. He expected the reaction he received out of me and I actually was aiding him in his sick, twisted behavior. What was wrong with me, and why did I ever want to seduce this man to begin with? He and my mother deserved one another.
“Just go,” I said quietly before I turned away from him and walked into the sitting room.
However, Etienne didn’t leave. He merely grabbed a drink from my refrigerator and walked into the sitting room to join me. I looked at him with an expression of resignation and annoyance as he sat across from me and drank a Heineken in long, cool swigs.
“This relationship…and supposed seduction between the two of us would go so much smoother if you didn’t fight me at every turn. Aren’t you tired of running around with boys when it is obvious you need a real man? I could show you the ropes and teach you to be an excellent lover, and a woman of substance, Evie. Eventually, you would live up to your given name, and you would no longer have to use a kiddie nickname because you aren’t woman enough to acknowledge who and what you truly are,” he explained in a clear and calm voice.
“I have a real man in my life, Etienne. Why don’t you just go back to my mother? Shouldn’t you be entertaining her?” I inquired out loud.
“Finn is not a real man. He is a childhood crush, a first love you’ve become stuck on because you two had a child together a lifetime ago. You don’t owe him anything but somehow he’s convinced you if you’re not with him then you aren’t whole. You know this to be false so why do you continue to allow him to perpetuate this myth about what you two truly are to one another?”
I shook my head in anger. “Finn is the only person I have ever been able to depend on so excuse-fucking-me if I can’t just dump him because his presence is no longer convenient for you and your pseudo-Casanova charms. You have absolutely no idea what my childhood was like so don’t pretend you understand or care. You don’t know about the relationship I have endured with my parents. All you know is what I have told you, and perhaps tidbits of what my mother has disclosed to you in between bouts of her giving you head.
“What ever was between you and me has now come to an end because I want no part of it. I don’t care what my mother promised you but you’re not getting anything from me. Please, if you have any morals at all, just leave and agree to never see me unless I am having dinner with my mother and you. I don’t want anything beyond what our relationship should consist of and that is all.”
Etienne stood, finished his beer and set it on my glass table. “Fine. Be a child. It’s your loss, not mine.”
I watched him leave and when I heard the front door open and close, I breathed a sigh of relief.
“I can’t believe he would talk to you that way. He’s really convinced himself that nothing will come of his behavior, no matter what he does.”
I lay in the warmth of Finn’s arms on his large, welcoming wrap around sofa in the living room of his apartment and wished I could block out that earlier afternoon with my stepfather.
“Well, he feels empowered. My mother allows him to get away with this shit so he feels he’s unstoppable and I can’t exactly say he’s wrong in believing it. Take two people and combine them along with oversized egos, and this is the havoc you wreak. I don’t know…I have to stay there but the more I think about, I am second-guessing everything. Even the money.
“I can wait twenty years if that’s the stipulation she puts forth toward my trust fund but that doesn’t mean I won’t get a comfortable allowance. It’s one hundred and twenty thousand dollars a year—plenty of people survive on far less. Besides, if I have to sell my soul to get it then was all of this really worth it? I don’t even want to go through the whole seduction routine anymore. It just seems so immature and useless,” I explained in a quiet voice before I wrapped my arms around Finn’s waist.
My not-yet-again boyfriend breathed a deep sigh of relief. “Thank God for small favors. Can I tell you I was absolutely terrified of you sleeping with him? Not so much because I think he would be a better lover than me but because if this summer has taught me anything, I don’t want to lose you again.”
He tilted my head up to meet his crystal blue eyes. “The head and the heart are two separate instruments that aren’t always in conjunction with one another, Evie. You might try to deny how you feel for Etienne but I am a man, and I know you have some kind of emotional connection with him. I am only too happy neither of you have acted on it yet but you’d be a robot to feel nothing for him. He was there for you in ways I couldn’t be, and I don’t begrudge you or your desire for him but I was scared to death of losing you…for good this time.”
I turned my body toward his, and pressed myself against him to absorb his body heat. “Finn, attraction comes and goes. Yes, you’re right, I did start to feel something for Etienne but what exactly, I’m not too sure. To be honest, I don’t know what I wanted from him but perhaps the only reason why I craved any sort of sexual gratification was because you weren’t around, and it was very, very hard to be away from you.”
I sighed out loud and breathed in his scent of citrus, sandalwood and mint. “I didn’t even have you for moral support because I refused to talk to you after that whole incident at Trevor’s house but the more I think about it, the more I know I was just being a silly fool. We are all human and everyone makes mistakes. I understand now I placed too much trust in the unknown, and although he is my mother’s husband, his loyalty is going to be to her first. She is the one who controls the purse strings, after all.”
Finn’s fingers from his left hand interweaved through tendrils of my silky hair. “I’m just happy we don’t have to test the bounds of our relationship any more than they are already tested. If you are no longer interested in having anything to do with Etienne then it makes my life all the more pleasant. I don’t feel so bad about going back to Boston for a few weeks.”
I almost felt my heart stop beating at this tidbit of news. “Why do you have to go back? I thought you said Brandon had everything handled.”
“That’s part of the problem, Evie, Brandon has been handling everything. We have closed down almost all our connections except the ones that we can’t and Rich is one of those. It’s back to school for most of the university crowd, and Rich needs double the amount he has been asking for all summer. That requires two cars and since Dylan is out, that leaves one person: me.”
I sat up suddenly and glanced down at Finn. “How long will you two be at his beck and call? When can you sever your ties with the drug world for good? You’ve said it yourself…you have made plenty of money, and you guys don’t have to do this. You can leave and make a life anywhere in the world for yourselves. So why are you guys still involved.”
Finn sat up as well before he stood, and walked to the kitchen. He came back with a bottle of Jack Daniels, two whiskey glasses and two freshly opened bottles of Guinness. After he poured us each a shot of Jack, I took mine, we clinked glasses quickly and downed them.
I followed the fiery taste of JD with the coolness that was Guinness and allowed it to slide down my throat.
“Listen, when I left, Brandon told everyone we were out of the business but we need to give our major clients time to find and make connections with other dealers they like and trust. It isn’t an easy transition, and they can’t just start off another crew running drugs for them. What if they are part of some kind of DEA-FBI joint task force? A lot of the agents have infiltrated biker gangs and most of the South American drug cartels. We can’t be sure of anything anymore and neither can they. That is specifically the reason why they trusted us. We were just three rabble rousers from Boston, and there was no way any of us were recruited by any agency—especially Brandon and I.”
“So, you’re going to be gone for a few weeks, and then you’re coming back here? For Good?” I hated the sound of desperation in my voice but I had to hear it from Finn.
“Yes, for go
od. I promise I can’t live without you and the heart wants what the heart wants. Everything I have ever wanted has revolved around you, Evie. I’ll do anything to be by your side for the rest of our lives. There’s no other way.” He kissed my lips gently, his mouth lingering longer than necessary.
“Don’t make promises you can’t keep,” I replied before I swigged from my bottle of Guinness again.
“Believe me, I don’t plan to.” He grasped my face tenderly while placing a placing a passionate kiss on my lips.
Finn smiled at me as he pulled away but somehow we both knew it would be a lot more than “just a few weeks” before I saw him again after that night.
It was a feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach that refused to let go. I couldn’t shake it no matter how hard I tried or how much booze I consumed.
The overwhelming question became would I see him again or had he pushed his Irish luck a tad too far, and wind up dead or worse?
University had been under way for exactly a week and Finn was still gone. He’d left approximately three weeks before UCLA’s autumn quarter started on the nineteenth of September, and he still wasn’t back. I suddenly hated how calm I’d been with him at the airport because it truly was hell without him.
Of course I had Monika and Dylan to hang around and with school in session Amaani and I spent time together as well. I had no choice but to tell her why I broke off our sexual relationship, and she was extremely understanding given the circumstances.
“Evie, I might be Muslim by religion but I am very modern and believe that human sexuality is fluid. If I hadn’t fallen for you then I would still be a virgin because I still haven’t found the right man. It certainly isn’t because I am waiting for a ‘sign’ from Allah,” she said before we both burst into laughter at her finger quotes around the word “sign”.
Dangerous Games Page 17
