Intoxicated

by Alicia Renee Kline

  “We weren’t really close until about this time in our lives anyway. He was a senior; I was a sophomore. I started dating his best friend, but that’s another story. Because of this, we started spending quite a bit of time together. Because he lost the scholarship, our parents refused to pay to send him anywhere but the local college. It wasn’t a huge disappointment for him, since that was where his friend was going anyway.”

  She cleared her throat.

  “So fast forward a couple of years. Matthew got a pretty decent job, and he moved out on his own. I was still dating his best friend. We were all going to school together, just kind of hanging out and having fun. Matthew was kind of a player; he dated a lot of girls. At the time, he was dating this chick and things were kind of stormy in their relationship. All four of us went to this party, and things got kind of wild. One of those deals where they take your keys from you as you enter the house. We were all drinking. Matthew and the girl got into this huge fight, and she ended up leaving. He found the keys to his best friend’s car and went after her.”

  I released a breath I didn’t realize I had been holding.

  “He had no business driving. But we didn’t know what to do. I mean, he took my boyfriend’s car. We weren’t any more sober than he was, and I was underage. Would it have made things better if we ran off after him? I don’t know; I wish I did. So we stayed, hoping that he would come back safely. But he never did.”

  The tears flowed freely now, and I reached over and gave her a hug. After she had composed herself enough to speak, she continued the story.

  “He got pulled over and arrested again. Maybe it saved his life, the cop catching him. He didn’t get more than a mile from the party. Since it was his second offense, it was a felony and he went to jail. He lost his license for two years.”

  She laughed, something obviously striking her as being funny.

  “You would think that having a lawyer for a father would be a blessing in a situation like this. It was the exact opposite.”

  She gestured to the binder. “Our dad was persecuted by the press. Add that to the fact that Matthew was obviously at fault, and you get made an example of. Instead of helping him out, my dad let the courts throw the book at him. I’m not saying that he didn’t deserve it, but it was rather tough love. Or no love at all. Our dad announced that he no longer had a son.”

  I shook my head in disbelief. I didn’t doubt her version of events, but I couldn’t imagine someone being able to disown their child. My father and I had such a strong relationship that I knew no matter what mistakes I made, he would stand by me.

  “My mother had to follow suit. My dad supported her; she didn’t work outside the home. It really didn’t seem to break her heart. But I couldn’t walk away from him. I announced that I wouldn’t give up on him, and my parents disowned me as well.”

  She shrugged. “I moved into his place and took care of it while he was gone. Once he was released from jail, I drove him around for the next two years. Ever since, we’ve been inseparable. And so, that’s our big secret.”

  “I’m so sorry, Blake,” I said softly.

  She dried her remaining tears and smiled weakly. “And I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you right away. You had a right to know and I kept that from you. It’s like some sick joke, really. Of all the people that could have answered my ad for a roommate, you gave me a call.”

  “It wouldn’t have changed anything,” I said with conviction.

  Blake looked shocked. “Really? If I had told you that my brother, who is a convicted felon, spends a lot of time here, you would have just signed the lease and moved right in?”

  “Well, after you told me the truth, yes. Not if he was an axe murderer or something.”

  “According to Matthew, he might as well have killed someone. He’s never gotten past it. He’s never stopped blaming himself for everything. And he’s done the whole counseling thing, but it didn’t help with the guilt.”

  “So that explains why he acted the way he did tonight. He thought that I would hate him because of what happened to my mom.”

  “He’s used to people walking away from him. The only people who have really stood by him are me and his best friend. I mean, he has some work friends and some of the guys on his football team keep in touch a little bit, but he is so guarded. When he does date people, he breaks up with them before they find out.”

  “I won’t walk away. I mean, I’ve only known you guys for a short period of time, but you already feel like my friends. Maybe I’ve read too much into it, but I thought that he was comfortable around me.”

  Blake nodded. “I noticed it, too.”

  “So what do we do now? Just give him time? I feel like I should talk to him; like I could help make things better.”

  “I don’t know.”

  I sighed. If only he had stuck around instead of running off. Then I could tell him that the two incidents were completely unrelated. That I didn’t blame him for what he had done.

  I lifted the binder from the coffee table, opening it and staring at the pages. I pored over the articles, imagining all the pain and agony that everyone had gone through during the ordeal. Blake excused herself, claiming a headache, and I was left alone with my thoughts.

  My cell phone caught my eye and I picked it up, turning it over and over in my hand. I wondered if Matthew would talk to me if I called him. My stomach was twisted with worry; I really just needed to know that he was okay, no matter where he was. Blake had implied that everything would blow over in time but I wasn’t so sure.

  After all, I was the one responsible for his pain.

  I stared at his text from this morning. Just hours ago, things had seemed so promising. Instead of calling, I decided to text back.

  Are you okay? I typed.

  His response came back quickly. No.

  I’m sorry. We should talk.

  Why? You wouldn’t like me if you knew the real me.

  I’m pretty sure that I would. Blake and I already talked about…things. I know what happened.

  My phone rang not more than two seconds later. I answered without checking the screen.

  “Blake told me everything. And it doesn’t matter. The arrest, the jail time, nothing,” I said quickly, not wanting him to interrupt my train of thought and put his own spin on the conversation.

  “Lauren?” Eric’s voice crackled on the other end of the line.

  Shit.

  “Eric? I’m so sorry. I thought you were someone else.”

  “Apparently so. And it sounds like you were ready for a rather interesting discussion.”

  “It was just with Blake’s brother,” I admitted, trying desperately to think of a good reason why I would be expecting his call.

  “Oh, really?” Eric sounded very interested to hear this explanation.

  “Yeah,” I said, grasping at straws, “he’s thinking about refinancing his house. He was worried about some, um, things in his past not making him eligible for a loan.”

  Hey, it was the best I could do in a short amount of time.

  “And so you were expecting him to give you a call at ten at night to discuss this?”

  “He works weird hours. And I’m salaried now, so a sale is a sale. Duty calls, you know.” I giggled, trying to make it sound casual. Instead, it rang a little hysterical even to my ears.

  Eric didn’t notice, or he was pretending not to care. “I think you need to come home. Don’t you care about your safety? I mean, my goodness, your roommate’s brother was incarcerated?”

  “It was a drunk driving charge, years ago.”

  “And that makes everything better? What would your dad think of that?”

  “Eric, I will be fine. And I don’t want to fight with you. So let’s just drop this and move on, okay?”

  “I don’t want to fight with you either. Actually, I was just calling to see how your first day went. Did you get the flowers?”

  “Yes,” I crossed my fingers behind my back and swal
lowed, “they are beautiful.”

  “I’m glad you liked them. And instead of you telling me over the phone about your first week in management, why don’t you tell me over dinner on Saturday night?”

  A smile spread across my face, even though it meant a drive back to Indianapolis. “Okay.”

  “Why don’t I pick you up about six?”

  “You’re coming here?”

  “Why wouldn’t I? My girlfriend’s in Fort Wayne, right?”

  “You don’t know how good that sounds right now. I’ll do some research and figure out where we should go. I’ll text you my address once we hang up.”

  “Perfect. Until Saturday, then?”

  “I can’t wait. I love you, Eric.”

  “Sweet dreams, Lauren.”

  The line disconnected, and I quickly sent him my new address. Maybe he wasn’t lying when he said that he would figure out how to make this work. He had instigated a road trip to see me without any coercion on my part. For him, that was almost as significant as admitting he was wrong.

  My good mood disappeared when I realized that Matthew never responded to my last text.

  Chapter Eight

  I was so busy at work the rest of the week that I barely had time to breathe. Mortgage rates were very favorable, and the applications seemed to be pouring in. I was learning the ins and outs of my position and the personalities of my team members. This was a blessing in more ways than one. Every spare moment I had was spent thinking about either Eric or Matthew.

  Eric’s upcoming visit filled me with renewed hope that he was serious about continuing our relationship. Deep down, I had had a fear that he would leave me upon my acceptance of the promotion. I had battled with that potential outcome more than I cared to admit to anyone. I had never given him a similar ultimatum at any point; instead I had tried to be as supportive as possible during our college years and thereafter. But my leaving him was a different story altogether. He hadn’t taken lightly to it, and I breathed a sigh of relief every time we had a conversation and he didn’t end it by saying he wanted to see other people.

  I wanted this weekend to be perfect. I had done a fair amount of research into where Eric and I should go for dinner. The obvious choice would have been the Italian restaurant that I had eaten at with Blake and Matthew, but I wanted something over and above the ordinary. Eric had discriminating tastes, and I wanted to impress. I needed to impress if I ever expected him to come back and visit me. Otherwise, I would be the one driving back and forth to see him. I settled on a highly touted restaurant just outside of downtown Fort Wayne. The place had some excellent reviews, and judging by the exorbitant menu prices I viewed online, it would be right down Eric’s alley. Even though I could afford someplace like that occasionally, paying that much for a meal had never made sense to me. Perhaps Eric would treat. He would definitely drive. His BMW would be right at home in that parking lot.

  I felt like a kid awaiting Christmas. For all of his faults, Eric was the only guy I had ever been with and the only person I had ever loved. He was comforting and calming, even when he was driving me crazy. Part of me didn’t know how to function without the turmoil in my life. His presence was a constant, kind of like an old sweatshirt that you kept bringing out of your closet even after you had new clothes to take its place. I was busy creating a new life here, yet I still needed him to feel grounded.

  The new life part was going well as long as I was at work.

  Matthew hadn’t come around since the night all hell had broken loose. He also hadn’t called or texted back, though I hadn’t exactly opened the lines of communication either. I suspected that Blake was going to his place after work, and I wondered if I had effectively destroyed any hope of a friendship between the three of us. I pleaded with her to tell him to call me, or come over again, or anything for that matter. She responded noncommittally that he would when and if he was ready.

  Blake didn’t seem mad at me, and for that I was grateful. However, the dynamic in our house had changed. Understandably so. She was going to stand by her brother, and if my presence made him uncomfortable, then she was going to eliminate the problem. I knew she wouldn’t ask me to move out, but I felt more like a lessee than a friend at this point. She had her life and I had mine. When she was home she was cordial enough, but she came home late and either went to bed or upstairs to work within minutes.

  Even though she had initially indicated an interest in meeting Eric, she informed me that it wouldn’t happen during this visit. She had a client meeting during the day on Saturday, and a date with some guy that night. She told me that since Eric would be coming over, she would give us our space and just change at her store. Maybe that was for the best anyway.

  Since I had inadvertently told Eric about Matthew’s arrests and subsequent jail sentence, he had the upper hand there. The one question that he had posed to me rang very true. What would my father say? I liked to think that he would be open-minded, that he wouldn’t hold everything against Matthew, but I really wasn’t sure. I wanted to speak with my dad about my dilemma, but I didn’t feel right exposing Matthew’s not so well kept secret without his knowledge. I wasn’t in a position to be asking for permission at this point. I only hoped that I could convince Eric not to share this news with him before I had brought up the subject.

  I hadn’t mentioned it to Gracie, either. I didn’t know how to broach the subject and instead decided to pretend that nothing was wrong. I kept hoping that she would see through my charade, but she didn’t. If she would ask me what was wrong I would gladly tell her, but I didn’t want to burden her. She did, however, laugh heartily when I told her about the roses. It seemed that everyone knew about my hatred of the blooms except for Eric. I gushed to her about this weekend, and she reluctantly wished me a good time.

  When Saturday rolled around, I ended up sleeping in far longer than I was used to. In fact, Blake had already left the house by the time I came downstairs. I checked the time on my cell phone, verifying that I had several hours before Eric was due to show up. Since it was already almost lunchtime, I chose not to spoil my appetite for dinner by eating anything substantial. I grabbed an apple to curb my hunger and went outside to the deck.

  The day was shaping up to be picture perfect. The sun was shining, the air had just a bit of a chill to it, and the leaves were beginning to change color. I finished the apple and decided to take a dip in the hot tub before I showered and got dressed. The water was relaxing, and I closed my eyes as the jets bubbled around me, sinking lower and lower until only my head remained above the surface.

  I thought of the only other time I had been out here, when Blake and Matthew had sat with me and we had discussed life in general without a care in the world. That seemed so long ago, even though it had only been two weeks’ time. I remembered how Matthew’s leg had brushed against mine, and how his touch had sent tingles through my entire body. Maybe Eric would be open to coming out here when we got back from dinner. I couldn’t remember if I had mentioned the hot tub, or if he would even think to bring swimming trunks if I had. We could always stop somewhere and pick up a pair, I supposed, even though it wasn’t exactly the right season to purchase such an item. I wanted to try the experiment with him, to see if the warm water led to a higher sensitivity to touch. If so, I definitely understood why all those reality dating shows included hot tub scenes.

  A nagging feeling inside my stomach suggested that I wouldn’t receive the intended result.

  When I resembled a prune more than a human being, I decided it was time to hop out and go back inside. I had only killed an hour or so, so time was still on my side. Actually, it was dragging. I realized that I didn’t much like being alone, especially not in a new place when I was trying to stave off anticipation.

  I had gone shopping for a new dress just for this occasion, and I was very proud of my selection. Ironically enough, it was a deep blood red color that matched those roses perfectly. I reminded myself that I looked good in red with my pale
skin and dark hair. The dress itself had a halter style bodice and a floating, knee length skirt. A thick black sash crossed the middle, separating the clingy top from the full bottom. I had also found a killer pair of red platform heels to go with it.

  Reenergized by the idea of actually getting to wear my purchases, I stepped into the shower and began my transformation. Getting ready was the fun part. I took my time, standing in the shower until the faucet only sprayed lukewarm water, then snuggled into my robe and sat down at the vanity. In a bathroom like this, with the tools of the trade, I imagined that I was some celebrity getting ready for an awards show. I lost myself in the dramatization, spending a good hour and a half on hair and makeup alone. When I slid on my dress and shoes, I nodded at my reflection, sufficiently pleased.

  I would take Eric’s breath away. Tonight, I looked like the trophy girlfriend, just the kind of girl you expected to hop out of the passenger seat of a BMW and glide across the parking lot of a swanky restaurant. The dress fit perfectly. My hair and makeup was immaculate. I had kept the jewelry to a minimum, choosing to wear only a pair of tiny diamond studs. Satisfied, I walked down the stairs, carrying my shoes. No sense in putting them on now; he wouldn’t be coming for another half hour, and my feet hurt just looking at them.

  I settled onto the couch, turning on the television to pass the time. I flipped through the channels, nothing catching my eye. Who was I kidding? I was way too excited to be able to entertain myself. I couldn’t wait to open the door when he arrived, to see his face, to witness his expression when he saw me again.

  My cell phone rang about fifteen minutes before I expected him to show up. Of course it was him; just in case, I had checked the caller ID prior to answering. I smiled to myself, wondering if he had made a wrong turn or if he was just that eager to hear my voice.

  “Hey, hon,” I greeted.

  “Lauren,” he began. I noticed immediately that he sounded far away. However, considering he was using Bluetooth, that made sense. “I’m really sorry.”