Taking Risks

by Cassie Allee

  “I can’t even imagine what that boy has been through, Mar. He’s lived with those people his entire life! That woman tried to kill you tonight! When parents give their kids up for adoption they expect them to be loved and cared for. How have those creeps gotten away with it all of these years?”

  My heart broke for my friends. Gray was miserable, stuck in a place between worlds and all alone except for the small companionship that I could offer him. Risk was also a lost soul. He had grown up being despised, but he had so much love in his heart to offer someone. I didn’t even think he really knew what it was to be loved, but I was sure as hell going to make sure that he knew how I felt about him.

  “I don’t know Gray, but I intend to help him. We have so much going on right now that it’s impossible to prioritize it all. I feel like I’m drowning in responsibility right now and can’t seem to do anything right! That being said, I’m sorry that we haven’t talked much lately. I’ve missed you, dork.”

  That made him smile, and it was heartwarming to be reminded of how much he cared for me. Gray wasn’t grounded to one spot. He knew no hunger and never got tired. He could travel the entire world and see everything that it had to offer if he wanted to, but he stayed with me and was my best friend because it’s what he wanted. I knew something more had to have brought him to my little town to begin with. Maybe he lived here once or maybe he had visited and had a fond memory of the place, but he couldn’t remember why he was here and he only stuck around for me.

  Gray got comfortable on my bed and then his heart felt smile turned into a bad boy smirk after he saw the love of our friendship written on my face. Gray always got uncomfortable in sentimental situations.

  “I guess I’m keeping you from having a…good time, so I’ll let you get back to that. Before you go though, will you put some music on for me?”

  I rolled my eyes (which made Gray sigh annoyingly) and went to shuffle through my cd’s until he pointed to a Sublime album. I popped the cd in and said goodbye as Gray started to sing along. I walked as quietly as I could down the stairs and into the living room so that I could sneak up on Risk who I found sitting on the couch watching Golden Girls. I got as close as I could to his ear and just before I scared Jesus right out of him, he reached up and grabbed my arms and pulled me forward to flip me over the back of the couch. He started tickling me like it was his goal to make me pee my pants. After he had finally let up, it took me an entire five minutes to catch my breath again.

  “You should never try and scare someone who has a secret super power.” He laughed and leaned down to kiss me.

  “Super power?” I laughed at his reference to his gift.

  “Oh yeah. I like to think of it as my spidey-sense, like the thing that Spiderman has.” His green eyes twinkled and he looked like a little boy.

  I had no idea how anyone could not love this man. He was beautiful inside and out and he deserved better than that. I crawled into his lap and he wrapped me in his arms as I laid my head on his shoulder. It wasn’t long before my exciting day caught up with me and my eye lids started drooping. I fought the sleep that was threatening to overtake me as long as I could before I finally gave in.

  I woke up to Betty White cracking jokes on TV and felt cold and alone. I looked up and saw Gray sitting in the recliner next to the couch that I was sprawled out on. It was so funny to me that two of the most gorgeous men I had ever seen could sit around watching Golden Girls all night, not that Gray could change the channel, but he seemed pretty engulfed in the show.

  “What time is it?” I asked while trying to wipe the sleep from my eyes.

  He turned his head without actually looking away from the TV, “It’s a little after five a.m. Risk left about a half an hour ago. Go back to sleep, your mom should be home any time.”

  I couldn’t go back to sleep. I needed to know where Risk went and if he was okay, but I couldn’t text him at five in the morning. I would look like a crazy girlfriend. I knew he had to go tell his dad about what happened at Rocktop, but I seriously doubted that his dad was awake that early in the morning, and they couldn’t bail his mom out until she went in front of a judge. That wouldn’t happen until Monday morning, and it was Sunday. My inner self and I had an argument about whether or not I should text him until she finally gave in and I sent him a quick text.

  “Hey, I just woke up and I was cold without your arms around me. ;) Where did you run off to so late?”

  My phone chirped about two minutes later. Risk had obviously still been awake.

  “Just talking to my dad. Let me know when you’re done with shopping and I’ll come over. We need to talk.”

  Oh shit, that didn’t sound good.

  “Sure! I can’t wait to see you!”

  “You too. Ttyl.”

  I started to freak out when our conversation was over. Hearing “We need to talk” was never a good thing, especially in a new relationship. I was just about to freak out to Gray when my phone chirped again.

  “I just want to let you know how completely in love with you I am. Everything’s going to be okay, I promise.”

  I giggled like a thirteen year old girl and stomped my feet in excitement. I sent a text back to Risk.

  “I love you too Risk. Always remember that.”

  We hadn’t actually exchanged the “I love you’s” yet. I guess he had said it to me before, but I had never actually said it to him. The only other time I had said that I loved him I had actually been talking to Gray, and I didn’t know if that counted or not. Boyfriend/Girlfriend stuff is so confusing.

  As I was just finishing up with telling Gray about the conversation word for word and grinning like an idiot I heard the key turn in the lock and Mom walked in. She looked at me in surprise, “Hey honey! You’re up…and happy…”

  “Golden Girls marathon is on tonight.” I was still grinning from ear to ear like an idiot, but I hoped that my excuse for my unusual behavior would work, not that anything I do is exactly usual. Mom just laughed after glancing at the TV and said, “Blanch is definitely my favorite. The stores open in about two hours, so let me go shower and I’ll be right back down.”

  Mom was in an exceptional mood. I hadn’t talked to her since she left, and I was expecting a lecture for not answering her many phone calls and texts. I supposed it was the fact that we were shopping or that we were shopping for prom dresses that made her giddy. “I could get used to that!” I whispered to Gray.

  I followed Mom’s lead and went upstairs to change out of my work uniform, which I had never taken off, and put on some comfortable shopping clothes. I wore my favorite flats and simple jeans with a nice shirt. After we were both ready to go we headed out to a strip mall that was in a town right next to ours. Gray was in the back seat of the car singing every song on the radio. He really was a great singer, but I hated to say anything to him about it because he would get all uncomfortable and start singing like an obnoxious moron. When we got to the mall I took a look around at all of the shops and sighed. I knew that my mother was going to have me run ragged by the time the trip was done.

  We went into the first store and I was already on overload from all of the pink sparkles. There was no way I was going to school looking like Glenda the Good Witch.

  After some browsing I headed to a dressing room to try on dresses that my mom had picked out for me. I even told her that I would at least try the pink sparkly vomit dress. After I had tried them all and modeled them for Mom we both agreed that they either made me look like a highly paid escort or like I was in junior high going to my first dance. We were definitely going to have to try a different store, but I was already sick of shopping. It had been a chore just getting the dresses on and off and it was also very time consuming.

  When we walked out of the store I spotted something that I hadn’t noticed when we went in. Right across the street was the institution where Dale Harper, Little Dirty Boy’s dad, still resided. I’d been neglecting the issue with Little Dirty Boy so that I could han
g out with Risk more, but I’d definitely been feeling more run down, and the only thing that seemed to make me look and feel less like a drug addict was an ungodly amount of sleep. My body was begging for sleep halfway through the day, every day, and I could tell it was getting worse. I was going to have to figure something out before it was too late, but before I could get over there to talk to Dale, I was going to have to get away from Mom first.

  Two doors down from the dress store we had just been in was a little boutique that had some cute things in the windows and I followed as my mom wandered into it. She loaded her arms up with big heavy dresses in every color for me to try on and I went in to the dressing room cursing under my breath. After I had tried six dresses, and still had the same problems as I did at the last place, we decided to call it quits for the day. I had tried every way that I could think of to sneak away from her while in the boutique but she was all over me with excitement as we did the most girly thing that we had ever done together. Finally, when we were walking out to the car, I paused before I opened my door.

  “What’s wrong, Mar? Are you upset that we couldn’t find a dress? Because I know this great place…”

  “Actually Mom, I just remembered that I have something I need to do while we’re here. If you wouldn’t mind going and getting your nails done or something for a little while, I’ll only be about an hour.”

  She glanced across the street at the institution and narrowed her eyes. “Do I even want to know?” She asked and I shook my head no and hoped that she wouldn’t ask me any more questions. She just rolled her eyes and pointed at a salon before walking away. I was so happy that she decided not to fight me about it. It was extremely important and I didn’t have the energy to argue.

  When Mom was out of ear shot Gray said, “What the hell was wrong with the green dress?” He started laughing at me as I remembered the one that he was talking about. It was a pretty green, almost the color of Gray’s eyes, but it was cut so low in the front that the slit passed my cleavage and nearly showed my belly button. There was also a slit in the leg that went all the way up my hip. If I moved the wrong way or stumbled I would have fallen out of the damn thing completely. I rolled my eyes at him and he glared at me as we crossed the street to the institution.

  The receptionist greeted us at the front desk and I asked her where I could find Dale Harper. She eyed me for a minute before asking me why I needed to speak with him and if I was family. I fed her my story about being a long lost niece that had only just learned of him, and I wanted to meet him. I told her that I had traveled from Kansas and that he and my mother were estranged. She smiled at my story and graciously told me that Dale Harper had been at the facility for quite some time and had never had a visitor before. She seemed pleased that someone had taken an interest in him.

  She skipped a bit as she led Gray and me to Dale’s room where we found him sitting in one of those old wooden rocking chairs with the wicker seat and backrest. Dale was covered in an afghan and rocking slowly back and forth. The room was a nice size and it looked as though he had a roommate because there was a second bed with someone’s things on the other side of the room. It was kind of hospital-like with white walls and generic pictures. Sitting on the dresser, on Dale’s side of the room, were old photos in dusty frames. There was a black and white photo of a beautiful woman with short, dark, curly hair and she was smiling brightly, exposing perfectly straight teeth. She looked happy and loved. There was another photo of an old car, though I’m not sure what kind, and to the left of that was a picture of a young boy standing with his parents. They all looked happy in that picture.

  The receptionist told Dale that he had a visitor and his expression didn’t change. He continued to rock as if no one had spoken to him. She turned and left the room, shutting the curtain that separated the room on her way out. Dale never turned to see me, he only kept rocking in his chair and staring out of his window to the court yard below. I went to his side and sat on the bed.

  “Hello Mr. Harper, my name is Marlee Chase.” Dale still didn’t respond. I decided to treat the situation like a Band-Aid, hoping that he wouldn’t freak out when I ripped it off. I was prepared for him to jump up out of his chair and chop me in the throat, ninja style.

  “Mr. Harper, I’m here to talk with you about your son…about what happened to him.”

  That got his attention. He slowly turned his head towards me and I saw that his eyes had gone wide. I glanced at Gray nervously as he eyed Dale.

  I cleared my throat and prepared to add another lie. “I’m a senior in high school and I’m doing a project on local history. Your name was given as a possible assignment piece. I believe the school contacted you?”

  He finally spoke to me, in little more than a whisper. “My son? He’s dead.”

  I was nervous to proceed and my heart ached for him as I brought all the bad memories to the surface, but I had to know what happened to Little Dirty Boy.

  “I know sir. I was wondering if I could get your story of what happened that day…”

  I had gone through the local newspapers to try and find a story on it so that I wouldn’t have to ask Dale all of my questions, but apparently it was something that was swept under the rug in our small town. It was really no surprise to me either. Small towns were notorious for covering up anything ugly that happened. Mr. Harper looked away from me and nodded. I watched as his lip quivered slightly and patiently waited for him to speak.

  “Yes I can tell you dear. There was an awful accident that day…” His voice trailed off as he was reliving the memory. “Joey and I went out back to the pond to do some fishing. We always loved to fish on pretty days.” Dale looked down at his hands and smiled for a second before his face fell into a frown again. “I was picking up a lot of extra shifts because Roletta and I wanted to have another baby. I was so tired and the sun was so warm…I guess I fell asleep, leaning against a tree. Joey should’ve been alright around the water by himself. He knew how to swim…”

  That’s when Dale lost control of his heart ache, and I knew I didn’t need to be upsetting him anymore by asking more questions. I could piece the rest together on my own. Dale had his head in his hands as he sobbed uncontrollably and I went to him and put my arm around him and try to calm him down. I felt so bad for having to bring these things up, and I was beginning to think that it wasn’t such a necessary task after all. I waited for his sobbing to slow before speaking to him again.

  “I’m so sorry Mr. Harper. I’ll leave you alone now.”

  Dale put his hand over mine to stop me. “No, no, no. It’s nice to talk about my family. People are normally too afraid to ask. Could you go and get that picture of us for me?”

  I went to the dresser and got the picture he had pointed to. He had stopped crying and was looking at the picture and smiling. Gray, who was now standing between the window and Dale, was smiling now too. He must’ve known the love of family at some point in his life. He was always so fond of any warm fuzzy feelings that family could dredge up, but I could never let him know that I noticed or he would get weird about it.

  “My wife, Roletta, was the light of my life. You could never have met a more kind hearted soul, and Joey, well he was a rascal.” Mr. Harper laughed to himself. “He was always falling out of a tree or rolling in the mud. Roletta would have to holler at him and chase him down with the garden hose once a day. He was always so dirty. Joey was a good boy and when he died, I swear he took Roletta with him. She was never the same after that. She was angry and hateful, and never found love or humor in anything ever again. She was so lost that after two miserable years of drowning in her own sorrow…she took her own life. I don’t remember her like that though. I remember her like this.” He pointed at the picture and my eyes overflowed with tears. “I’ll never forgive myself for what happened to Joey. I’ve always known that it could’ve been prevented, and that if I hadn’t fallen asleep…” Dale couldn’t speak anymore through his own tears, and I kneeled beside him and tried my
best to calm him down again, even though I was crying too.

  I was about to tell him the truth about my visit when a nurse came in. She didn’t even try to hide the fact that she was pissed at me for upsetting Dale, and she hurried me out of his room without even letting me say goodbye. When I was out of the room she slammed the door behind me and Gray appeared at my side. I was still crying and the workers and residents were all staring at me. I tried to get myself under control, but Gray’s attempt at comforting me was only making it worse. I dried my eyes enough so that I could find an escape and when I found a door I bolted out of the place.

  Once we were outside I ran until I knew no one from the institution could see me and Gray waited patiently while I gathered myself.

  “It’s okay Marlee. We’re going to fix this. It’s what we do.” He said and I nodded at him. I furiously rubbed my cheeks to rid them of mascara rivers and Gray directed me so that I could get every trace of my crying. I didn’t want to meet back up with my mom only to have her start asking questions. I knew she would grill me for answers if she saw that I had been upset.

  After Gray assured me that my face was clear I took a pair of oversized sun glasses out of my purse and put them on to hide any puffiness. Even though the sky was gloomy it was still bright enough to require sunglasses if you had sensitive eyes, which I did.

  Gray and I met back up with Mom and after she showed off her pedicure we headed back home. The entire car ride I listened intently to Gray as he walked me through a plan to fix things. I couldn’t give him any input because Mom was in the car and she would freak if I started talking to myself on our very special mother-daughter day, especially since I had just disappeared on her for an hour without any explanation.

  By the time we got home, I had accidentally ignored two of my mother’s questions and attempts at bonding because I was listening to Gray’s over-animated ideas. He would stop talking for no more than a few moments to inform me that she was trying to speak to me, and then he would start his rambling again. It was almost impossible to concentrate on either conversation so I blocked them both out and lost myself thinking of Risk and what he wanted to talk to me about.