Tiny Bites

by Stacy Claflin

  "That makes sense." She looked to the side and rubbed her temples. "Is there any way to break free?"

  "Of course."

  Her eyes lit up. "Even for someone my age?"

  Allen smiled. "Even for someone as young as you."

  Pink crept into her cheeks. "But how?"

  "You want out of the cycle, right?"

  "That's why I'm here. I've been sober for nearly three years now, but I'm beginning to see that's only the beginning."

  He nodded. "You've already taken the first, and most important, steps. I'm not saying the rest will be easy, but seeing the need for change is something many in your shoes never do. It's often too hard to pull out of the blame game."

  She let out a slow, long breath. "I spent too many years there. I regret everything I put my kids through." Tears filled her eyes. "Jasmine turned out so well despite us, but Carter…"

  Allen handed her a box of tissues and focused on his cold coffee, giving her the time she needed. He didn't know much about Jackie's family, but he did know that her son had died. Her daughter and his were sisters-in-law, but his previous conversations with Jackie had never gone deeper than discussing their joint family.

  "Have you ever lost anyone?" Jackie asked.

  "I have." Allen set his mug down. "My wife was killed a few years ago."

  "Right. I'm so sorry."

  "And I'm sorry for your loss. I can't imagine losing a child."

  Her eyes shone with tears again. "I wish I'd have been there for him. If I had, he wouldn't have made the choices he did."

  She rested a hand on his desk. Allen gave it a quick pat. "I live with regret myself. But we'll drive ourselves crazy if we play the 'what-if?' game. There isn't a way to win. We can't change the past."

  "What, then? How do I move on?"

  "That's a loaded question. Let's start with this. Have you forgiven yourself?"

  "What?" Her eyes widened. "How could I?"

  "It's the only way you can move on. I sense you carrying a heavy load of guilt and blame, much of it placed on yourself."

  She slumped into the chair. "There is no forgiveness for me."

  Allen tilted his head. "Explain that."

  Jackie dabbed her eyes with a tissue. "My actions led directly to Carter's death. Had he not been doing drugs… Or had I told him not to go to that party, he'd still be here."

  "He made his own choices."

  "But don't you see?" Jackie yelled, sitting up. "It's because of me. If I'd had myself together and raised him better, everything would have been different."

  "Maybe."

  "No! It would have."

  "I've seen kids who grew up in 'perfect' families turn to drugs. Hurt themselves. Make horrible decisions."

  Jackie's eyes narrowed. "I'm to blame."

  "Look at Jasmine."

  She flinched.

  "Both Jasmine and Carter grew up in the same home with the same parents. They both had choices and free will. Jasmine has done really well for herself."

  "Not because of me."

  Allen let silence sit between them for a minute before speaking. "So, you're responsible for Carter's outcome but not Jasmine's?"

  "Right."

  "Why?"

  Jackie stared at him. "Because I screwed him up, and she did good for herself despite me and my husband."

  "Either you're responsible for both of their choices, or neither."

  "How can you say that?" she demanded.

  "Because it's the truth. And you need to forgive yourself, or you're going to be miserable for the rest of your life. Do you think Carter would have wanted that for you?"

  Her eyes shone again, but she sat quietly, seeming to stare out the window behind Allen.

  "Do you think Jasmine wants you to be miserable?"

  "I know she doesn't. She's told me as much."

  "If you can't forgive yourself for any other reason, do it for her. And your future grandchild."

  Jackie stared into his eyes. "That's exactly why I'm here, Pastor. I can't let myself ruin another kid."

  "Then you need to forgive yourself."

  "Have you ever had to do that?"

  "Of course. I'm far from perfect."

  She arched a brow.

  "Just ask Talia. She'll tell you."

  Jackie cracked a smile. "Kids know our every fault, don't they?"

  "They sure do." Allen glanced at the clock behind her. "I need to get ready for a meeting. Would you like to come back in a few days and we can discuss this some more? I'd be happy to offer more counsel."

  "I'd like that."

  "Mind if I give you some homework?" he asked.

  She chuckled. "I haven't had homework in over thirty years."

  "Then this will be good for you." He smiled. "Three things. Do you want me to write them down for you?"

  "Probably should, if I'm going to remember them."

  Allen pulled out a pen and a pad of paper. He wrote as he spoke. "First, I want you to talk with Jasmine about the topic of forgiveness. It would be good for both of you." He glanced up at her.

  Jackie swallowed, but nodded.

  "Then I want you to get a journal and start writing. Don't show it to anyone—just get all of your feelings out. Dig deep and say anything you feel."

  She took a deep breath. "Okay. And what's the last thing?"

  Allen wrote his last note and handed her the paper. "Come to church on Sunday. Listen to the message and take it to heart." He had a feeling that the sermon he'd just written had been divinely planned. It was exactly what Jackie needed to hear—a message about how much God loves each person.

  She cleared her throat and placed the note in her purse. "Okay. I'll do all that. When can I come back?"

  "Give me a call after you've done everything on the list."

  "I will. I promise." Jackie rose and held her hand out.

  Allen stood and shook her hand. "I'm glad to hear it. And I'm also glad you came in. Thank you for trusting me with your secrets."

  She smiled wide. "You're thanking me? I can't thank you enough for taking the time."

  "Of course. I know how hard it can be to forgive."

  "Really?" She tilted her head to the side. "Isn't forgiveness your life?"

  "It is, but that doesn't make it easy. I'd be lying if I said my faith hadn't been severely tested after my wife's death. But I followed all the steps I'm giving you, and was truly able to forgive the one responsible."

  "I hope I can do this."

  "You will. And if you have any questions about anything, call me anytime. Do you have my number?"

  "No."

  Allen grabbed a sticky note, scribbled his cell phone number, and handed it to her.

  "Thank you, Pastor."

  "Allen, please."

  Jackie smiled, a new light in her eyes. "Thank you, Allen."

  Seaside Treasures

  Chapter Two

  "Amen." Allen opened his eyes and looked out over the full pews.

  "Amen," repeated the congregation.

  "Have a wonderful week," Allen said.

  Talia, Cruz, and Tiffany came and started the closing song. Allen went off the stage and to his spot on the front pew, singing and clapping as he went.

  After the song ended, someone tapped his shoulder. He turned around and saw Jackie. She smiled at him.

  He shook her hand. "I'm so glad you made it."

  "I did everything you asked."

  "Already?" he asked, impressed.

  Jackie nodded. "Jasmine and I had a really long heart-to-heart the other night, and I've been journaling every day. Sometimes twice a day. Now I'm here."

  "And how do you feel?"

  "Better. I don't think I've forgiven myself yet, but I'm getting there."

  "It can be a process. What did you think of the sermon?"

  She arched a brow. "Did you plan that for me?"

  "I have to admit that I didn't. It was all laid out before you visited me."

  "If you say so," she
said with a teasing tone in her voice. "I don't suppose you have time for a counseling session today?"

  "My day is packed," Allen said, "but I do need lunch. Care to join me?"

  Her eyes widened. "I don't want to impose."

  "Nonsense. I was going to eat by myself, anyway. Why don't we go to a restaurant and chat over pasta?"

  "I can't really afford—"

  "My treat."

  "If you insist." Jackie smiled widely, showing a beauty Allen hadn't noticed before.

  "Let me greet everyone as they leave, and then I'll meet you outside?"

  "How about I go to the restaurant and reserve the table? Everywhere is always so busy this time of day."

  "Sounds like a plan." They discussed the details, and then Allen wandered around the foyer, speaking to everyone before locking up the building after it finally cleared. He loved that everyone enjoyed staying after to talk to one another. Even after closing everything up, some kids chased each other in the courtyard while their parents talked and laughed.

  Allen waved before climbing into his car and heading for the restaurant. Jackie was already sitting when he arrived. The waitress came over and ordered their drinks as soon as he sat.

  "Just water," Jackie said.

  "Get whatever you want," Allen said.

  "Are you sure?"

  "Of course."

  They made small talk over bread and soup as they waited for the main course. After the pasta dishes arrived, Jackie smiled wide. "I can't thank you enough for everything." Her eyes shone, this time with excitement. "Jasmine and I had the best talk the other day. It really helped to hear that she'd forgiven me."

  "Did you need to hear that before you could forgive yourself?"

  "Before I could even consider it."

  "I'm really happy for you. I can't wait to see how far you're going to come."

  "Really?" She pulled a wisp of hair behind her ear.

  Allen nodded. "You're going to have quite a story to tell."

  Her face lit up as she told him about her conversation with her daughter. Allen found himself more intrigued by her expressions than the words she spoke. She already seemed like a different person from the one who had come into the church just a few days earlier. Jackie sat taller and exuded more confidence. She'd even put on some light makeup and her nails were now painted pale pink.

  "I don't think I've ever seen anyone make so much progress in such a short period of time," Allen said as he rose from the chair.

  She stood and then placed her hand over her heart. "You haven't?"

  "You're clearly serious about it. A lot of people are resistant to change."

  Jackie shrugged. "I've spent long enough where I'm at to know it isn't getting me anywhere."

  Allen's phone buzzed in his pocket. "Hold on a sec." He checked his text message. "It looks like my afternoon appointment has been canceled. If you want to continue talking, I'm all ears."

  She hugged him, squeezing tight. Allen's eyes widened. He didn't know what surprised him more—the hug itself or how nice it felt. Other than his daughter, he couldn't recall a feminine hug in a long time.

  Jackie stepped back. "Thank you, P—Allen."

  They walked to the front of the restaurant and waved goodbye to the greeters. The late-spring sun warmed him as soon as they stepped outside.

  "It's such a nice day. Do you want to walk down to the beach?"

  "I'd love to."

  They strolled in a comfortable silence the short walk to the main beach in town which would soon be filled with tourists. It was already busier than in the colder months. Birds sang from the trees and the sounds of the ocean waves grew louder with each step they took.

  He stopped when they reached the shore. The water lapped just a few feet in front of them.

  "This is really relaxing." She turned to him.

  "It is. Do you want to sit on a bench?"

  Jackie looked around. "I'm happy here."

  "Nature has a way of bringing us closer to where we should be. Just getting away from the stresses of life."

  She nodded and stepped closer to him. Only an inch of air kept them apart as they stared out over the water.

  "How did Jasmine feel about your discussion?" he asked.

  "She was glad to get some things off her chest. I think she was worried about me being angry from what she said, but how I could be? It was all true."

  "It sounds like it was good for both of you."

  Jackie turned to him. "It really was."

  He smiled. "How has your journaling helped?"

  "I thought—"

  "You don't have to tell me anything you wrote. I'm only curious about the progress you're making."

  "Actually, I was surprised at how much I'm feeling goes back to when I was a kid. You know, when dinosaurs roamed the earth."

  Allen laughed. "It's great to see your sense of humor coming out."

  "I thought I'd lost it, but I guess it was just buried."

  "Just like a treasure."

  She turned away. "I don't know about that."

  "I do."

  Jackie faced him, blinking and gazing at him with focus. "What makes you so sure?"

  "You wouldn't have asked for help otherwise. Deep down, you know you can do better than you have been."

  "Maybe sitting on the bench isn't such a bad idea."

  They wandered over to a nearby bench and sat. Allen waited for her to speak.

  "This is all so strange," she finally said.

  "What, exactly?"

  "Facing my past… and the emotions that go along with it."

  "It's not easy, that's for sure. You're braver than most."

  She pulled her sweater tighter around herself. "I don't feel that way."

  "You will."

  Jackie turned back to watching the waves. Allen studied her profile. She appeared deep in thought, and again, he was struck by her beauty. She seemed to have an elegance fighting to escape.

  He pressed his palms against the seat on either side of him and took a deep breath of the fresh, ocean air.

  Sighing, Jackie released her hold on her sweater and leaned back against the bench. Her hand fell on his.

  Allen's eyes widened. It was such a simple touch, but he couldn't help being surprised.

  "Sorry," she exclaimed, her pretty brown eyes wide.

  "No, it's okay." His heart fluttered. It really was.

  Jackie stared into his eyes. "Really?"

  He nodded, remembering the warmth of her embrace back at the restaurant.

  She put her hand back on top of his and squeezed.

  It was his turn to offer an insecure smile. The corners of her mouth moved up slightly, and then she turned to look at the ocean again.

  Allen's pulse raced. He didn't know what this meant, but he liked it—and her.

  He flipped her hand over and returned the squeeze. She turned back to him, her eyes soft, filled with an inner glow. She smiled, holding his gaze.

  Whatever happened between them, he would make sure to take it slowly. She had deep wounds that would need time. More than likely, she would need a friend. He was more than willing to be that for her. And he knew that friendship was one of the strongest foundations of a strong relationship.

  He would also need time to adjust to the idea of possibly caring about someone other than his late wife.

  This was a great place to start, and she was a wonderful person to start over with. He could see through her rough exterior, down to her heart of gold.

  Other Story Worlds

  The following three stories stand completely on their own. If you would like to see more of those characters or worlds, please let me know. Either use the contact form on my website or join my newsletter and reply to any email.

  Monsters

  Snap!

  Dex Sheahan sat up straight. His teacher, Alethea Heller, stared at him, her dull eyes narrowing as she clutched the pointed stick she'd just used to thwack on his desk. Her wrinkled knuckles were
turning white.

  "Falling asleep in class again?" she squawked.

  Some of the other kids giggled.

  "I couldn't help it." Dex rubbed his eyes. "The scratching on the walls—it kept me up all night again."

  "Have you tried sleeping in another part of your house?"

  "Doesn't help."

  "Then you need to figure something out. You can't be dozing off during my lessons."

  Snap!

  He jumped.

  She walked back to the front of the living room to the chalkboard.

  "Too bad there isn't another class I can go to," Dex mumbled.

  Shay glanced over at him and smiled. Even though she lived in the middle of town and never heard the scratching, she had pity on him. She turned back to the front of the class, dark curls bouncing over her shoulder.

  Dex tried to focus. Did math really matter? He was going to be town deputy like his dad when he grew up. That was why they needed to live by the walls. Those in law enforcement had to be right there in case the monsters came in.

  They never had, but as his dad always said, that didn't mean they couldn't.

  It hadn't always been like that—the constant scratching all night. When Dex was little, he'd never heard anything. Not even at night. It was only recently the monsters had been so close.

  Mrs. Heller's screechy voice brought him out of his thoughts. All the other kids were writing on paper. He glanced at the chalkboard and found the problems he was supposed to do. Subtracting fractions. Lame. That was what the girls needed for cooking.

  He didn't want that stick snapping his desk again, so he got to work. His eyes were so heavy. Maybe he could get some sleep later, before dinner. Sure, he'd miss hanging out with his friends during free time, but he couldn't keep going like this.

  Somehow he made it through school and left Mrs. Heller's house with his friends.

  "Right, Dex?" asked Axel.

  "What?"

  "The monsters are really keeping you up?" Axel titled his head, making his red bangs fall into his eyes.

  Dex yawned. "It goes on all night."

  "What do they sound like?" asked Arjun.

  "They just scratch."

  "Tell your parents you want a sleepover," Axel said. "I want to hear it."

  "I'd rather sleep at your place."