Zara's Game

by Jo Black

  ‘Which are?’ Zara inquired.

  Nish looked at Alex, he shrugged. ‘Rescuing you came at some cost to The Company, not just in financial terms.’

  ‘What happened?’ Zara asked. Nish looked at Alex. Alex looked at Nish. Zara looked at each of them then Alex.

  ‘We were warned off coming after you, by our sponsor. When we declined, we had to...adapt and improvise. We got the charter revoked. Our immunity and privileges will be lifted in around three to four days by my calculation,’ Alex explained.

  ‘Why? What interest do the Russians have in Smythe’s antics?’ Zara asked, confused.

  ‘A lot happened in your absence,’ Alex replied.

  ‘Clearly. So what’s the outcome?’ Zara asked.

  ‘The Company is broke Zara. Alex spent all the cash on the hardware and payoffs needed to recover you. Most of the boys have left, save the few loyal and ones with nowhere better to go. Trevor’s got us into all kinds of shit with Mossad and Gadaffi that really none of us can explain. And we’re knee-deep in the mire of whatever you got involved in,’ Nish said.

  ‘Wow. If I’d known you’d gone to that much trouble I’d have given you a blowjob honey.’ Zara kissed Alex on the cheek. Nish coughed to suppress his amusement. ‘So basically you’re fucked.’

  ‘Something like that...’ Alex said with a nod.

  ‘What about this place?’

  ‘We have immunity in Switzerland thanks to the Swiss Guard. This place is neutral for as long as we hold the charter. Without it, security will become very expensive, which is problematic, since without the charter we’ll be reduced to doing crap jobs for buttons,’ Alex said.

  ‘It doesn’t make any sense, why would he revoke your charter? You don’t threaten him politically.’

  ‘That’s what we don’t understand; we’d assumed he’d have a vested interest in the current status quo in the Middle-East. America running the shop in Iraq reduces the Kremlin’s sphere,’ Nish said.

  ‘Iraq?’ Zara asked.

  ‘You haven’t told her?’ Nish asked Alex.

  ‘You know what you were investigating?’ Alex asked Zara.

  ‘Yes. The Saudi Group traded off 9/11 to fund Al Qaeda in Afghanistan. We sent an S.A.S team to kill bin Laden, and that’s when I got grabbed.’

  ‘What was in the dossier?’ Alex asked.

  ‘Goldstein’s shell companies, bank accounts, payments, records. I assumed it would be the money trail that allowed us to find out who was funding Bin-bag Laden’s A.Q shenanigans.’

  ‘It’s a bit more complicated than that. I can get Osama on speed dial for you, assume he’s not hiding in his cave and can get a signal. He didn’t get the six-hundred and fifty million you were investigating, that’s for sure,’ Alex said.

  ‘Wait, you have Osama bin Laden, the world’s most wanted terrorist, on your fucking speed dial?’

  ‘Why wouldn’t we?’ Alex said with a shrug of his shoulders.

  ‘Because he’s a fucking terrorist!’

  ‘Christ on a bike Zara, don’t get judgemental on us. They’re all terrorists, even the elected ones. Our job isn’t to judge politics. It’s to broker peace deals, or put people who won’t agree to them out of commission. He was pretty much running the shop in Afghanistan, you couldn’t do a thing there without his approval,’ Alex said.

  ‘I think my point was you could have made my life a lot easier if you’d just invited the slippery fucker round to supper so my boys could chuck him down a staircase. As it stands, they all went missing or got killed trying to slot him.’

  ‘Who was that?’ Nish asked.

  ’S.A.S Bravo Seven. Tiger Lane, Mack, Woody, And Danny Archer.’

  ‘You want me to find out how they are?’

  ‘If you can.’

  ‘I’ll make a call.’

  ‘So what else?’

  ‘Hunter got car-bombed.’

  ‘Jesus! Is he alright?’

  ‘He survived, but then he got cancer.’

  ‘Fuck... He’s not having much luck.’ Zara shook her head.

  ‘You owe him your life; he’s the one who tipped us off on how to get you back. He got the dirt on Bishop and who was brokering the deal for you,’ Alex said.

  ‘Who was brokering the deal?’ Zara asked.

  ‘Gilad ben David.’

  ‘The Mossad clown? We ran into that fucker in Dubai. Why did he have a hand in it?’

  ‘Well, the claim was the money was for a missile defence system for Israel,’ Nish said.

  ‘Get fucked. They bought an off the shelf Patriot system years ago. Why the fuck would the Saudis buy the Jews a missile defence system? It’s like asking your priest to lend you a hundred quid to go and get coke and hookers. That’s clearly bullshit.’

  ‘Well clearly...’ Alex said.

  ‘So it’s not A.Q money, the Israelis are involved, along with the Saudis, complicit with that sun-tan dodger from the State Department Clark Sanders, Smythe means our mob are in it. Just what the actual fuck is being cooked up....’ The penny dropped. ‘But of course. They’re going after Saddam.’

  Alex smiled at Nish. ‘That’s why she’s at M.I.6.’

  ‘Was...’ Zara said with a mock sulking bottom lip. ‘So you want to start an illegal war with a sovereign nation without getting U.N fucked with sanctions. How do you do it, when the country is on the other side of the world and doesn’t threaten you in any way?’

  ‘Say they have W.M.D,’ Alex and Nish said in unison.

  ‘It’s the only thing 650 million of under the counter money pays for, that couldn’t be bought through legitimate channels,’ Zara said.

  ‘Wait, you’re suggesting the Saudis, the Israelis, the Brits and the Yanks had a club together to buy Saddam the bomb?’ Nish asked.

  ‘That’s exactly what I’m suggesting, I just don’t think they are actually going to gift-wrap it and say, here chap, here’s a nice nuclear warhead you can go fuck up Tel-Aviv for the next thousand years with. No, the bomb’s not for Saddam. It’s so they can point at it after they’ve butt-fucked him and say: look. We dun good boys,’ Zara said in her best mock-Texan accent. ‘We done fucked the bad guy reeeeal guuud. Now fucking pay us or we kick your door in next.’

  ‘This is a lovely conspiracy theory Zara, but we ain’t got a shred of proof,’ Alex said.

  ‘We might have if you hadn’t given Smythe my dossier.’

  ‘Then we wouldn’t have you back, would we?’

  ‘No, well. What’s done is done. The question is what we do now.’

  ‘I wasn’t planning to do anything,’ Alex said with a shrug of his shoulders.

  ‘Me neither,’ Nish added with a blank look and shake of his head.

  ‘You can’t be serious? You just got royally fucked by all concerned, and you don’t want to get some payback?’

  ‘I’d like to my darling, unfortunately we couldn’t start a bar fight with our current bank balance, let alone a war against that cabal of supremely well-financed co-conspirators,’ Alex said.

  ‘How much do you need?’ Zara asked.

  ‘To do what?’

  ‘To shut it down. The Goyim Know!’

  ‘I don’t know. Depends how you want it shut down. If you want us to start sinking cargo ships in mysterious circumstances then that’s expensive. We don’t even know what he is shipping, where he is shipping it from, where he is shipping it to. Without the intel we can’t even price up an expedition, and even with the intel the point is academic because we don’t have a sponsor for it,’ Alex said.

  ‘Saddam.’

  ‘What about him?’ Alex asked.

  ‘You don’t think he spent all that oil money on tins of Quality Street and silly hats do you? He’s got pots of cash under the mattress, and if someone doesn’t pull his nuts out of the fire then not much opportunity to spend it,’ Zara said.

  ‘You want us to do a deal with Saddam Hussein? You were just criticising us for talking to bin Laden, and now you want us to do b
usiness with the dictator in chief?’ Alex asked.

  Zara shrugged. ‘The enemy of my enemy. Look, I want to stop this thing. Not because I want keep Saddam in power, but to stop the dis-orderly power vacuum removing the Baathists from power will leave. The minute that dictatorship falls, you will have a Sunni/Shiite/Kurdish bloodbath on your hands. If it kicks off in Iraq then it’ll be round the region before the following Eid. I’ve spent my life working trying to stop that house of cards Eden and his idiots created from toppling over. We have to stop this or it’ll be the clarion call for every Islamic fundamentalist across the globe to kick off. You saw how pissed O.B.L got just because the Yanks parked their trucks on Saudi soil to liberate Kuwait, now imagine what he’ll do when we go all the way to Baghdad. Nine-eleven was just the taster. We pull the pin out of Iraq...there’ll be no stopping it.’

  ‘I agree with you Zara. But that doesn’t put the baby in the bath, now does it?’ Alex said.

  ‘Bugger,’ Zara replied. She got up and walked over to stare out to sea, looking thoughtful.

  ‘So what’s your plan now?’ Nish asked Alex.

  ‘Take Ludmila back to Mikhail. See if I can get reasonable exit terms for us. Get Sooty to pack the kit up in Libya.’

  Zara turned round. ‘If I can get you the intel and the money, will you help? I can hire you right? You’re mercs. This is what you do?’

  ‘Zara, we just broke The Company’s back to get you out, and you want to jump straight back in?’

  ‘I can’t let this go Alex, now I understand why they took me. Why all of this happened. If we let them get away with the greatest lie ever told, who is next?’

  ‘You think you can stop this war?’ Alex asked.

  ‘Maybe not, but we can make sure they end up with so much egg on their faces afterwards then just maybe the electorate will be much less willing to let them start another one in the future. How much cash do you need to get started?’

  Alex looked at Nish. Nish shrugged. ‘Ten...to twenty — Swiss.’

  ‘Twenty grand? You can put that on a credit card.’

  ‘No twenty million,’ Alex corrected her.

  ‘For fucks sake! What do you spend your money on? I thought the Ministry of Disasters was bad with its seventy quid a paperclip contracts. Aren’t you supposed to be the economy option?’

  ‘It’s not that simple to operate clandestine military operations out of jurisdiction Zara. To put those twelve guys on foreign soil somewhere means a whole slew of people pulling strings, getting permits. We’re not criminals, we do have to operate within frameworks,’ Nish explained.

  ‘Okay. I get it. You waste a shit ton of money on admin. So Bishop. You told me he buggered off with Ben Kaminski’s moolah.’

  ‘Yeah, he took off after they came for you. Went to Cuba to bang under-age girls,’ Nish said.

  ‘What?’ Zara frowned.

  ‘He’s a peado,’ Alex said.

  ‘Really? Jesus. How young?’

  ‘Fourteen.’

  ‘The dirty old sod. So he’s got the cash still?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Right then. That’s your pay check. I expect a family discount by the way.’

  ‘There’s no point. He won’t part with it,’ Alex said.

  ‘Yes he will.’

  ‘No he won’t.

  ‘Yes he will. Joint enterprise. He’s burned my career as well, so sixty million of the loot is mine by rights.’

  ‘We already asked. He told us to go fuck ourselves,’ Nish said.

  ‘You let me worry about that.’

  ‘We still don’t have the intel.’

  ‘The dossier had shell companies in, bank accounts, and so on. I don’t remember them all, but I remember enough to at least get a start. If we can figure out where the shipments are coming from, then you guys can do your thing, track them and do something about it. Whatever it is you do.’

  ‘Since you don’t have M.I.6, how you going to break that veil of secrecy? They’re shell companies for a reason...’ Alex said.

  ‘The Frenchman. He has sources.’

  ‘For a price.’

  ‘I better get Bishop to cough up the money then, hadn’t I?’

  ‘Zara, far be it from me to tell you what to do, but you already got taken for getting your nose caught in this trough once, they’ll not take kindly to you repeating the offence. We might not be so lucky next time,’ Alex said.

  ‘Well there won’t be a next time, will there? I didn’t see them coming, and didn’t have anyone looking out for me. Now I know who the enemy is. And I’ve got you for protection. Let them try. I don’t understand the rules you work by. But if you have a contract, you can pursue it right?’

  ‘Yes, but we can’t take your contract, your immunity is based on being a related party. It’s a conflict of interest. That contract has to come from someone neutral,’ Alex said.

  Zara looked thoughtful for a minute. ‘Who would be the ideal client?’

  ‘Someone with a death wish and nothing to lose?’ Alex said sarcastically.

  ‘I think I know just the guy. Can I borrow the car?’

  ‘Where are you going?’ Alex asked.

  ‘Cuba.’ Alex and Nish looked at each other. ‘You guys need cash. I need a resolution. This suits everyone’s interests. If I can get you the cash to get the proof, you can take it to Saddam, he’ll pay you a king’s ransom to humiliate his enemies in the world’s court. If we’re right then you’ll get enough cash off him to buy a small country, let alone an army.’

  ‘I have to admit the girl’s quite smart. Saddam would give his right ball to butt-fuck The White House in front of the U.N,’ Nish said.

  ‘Great. Mossad already think we’re up to our nuts in Gadaffi’s arse, now we’re getting into bed with Saddam,’ Alex said with a sigh. ‘Do you think what’s left of The Company will buy in?’

  ‘Right now they’d do anything that doesn’t involve touching shit with their hands,’ Nish replied.

  ‘Here’s what we’re going to do. Harry, you’re going to take personal responsibility for keeping her out of mischief. And you, my darling, are going to stick to Harry like glue. You understand?’ Alex said.

  ‘Yes daddy.’

  ‘I’m going to try and straighten things out with Mikhail and sort Trevor’s cluster-fuck in the desert out. The only way we’ll likely get an audience with Saddam is through Gadaffi.’

  ‘So you’ll play?’ Zara asked.

  Alex sat back in his chair. ‘So much for an early retirement.’ He eventually nodded his head. ‘You tread carefully my angel. I don’t want even an eggshell to break under you and alert the wolf that you’re burgling his house again.’

  ‘I’ll dance on air.’

  ‘Make sure you do.’

  Zara walked over then hugged and kissed Alex. ‘I think I like having a private army. I don’t have to even fill out paperwork. This is much better than Six.’

  ‘You still need to keep your receipts. This isn’t the bloody mafia, I’ve got tax records to keep.’ Alex looked at Nish. ‘You can take the 604.’

  ‘What will you do?’

  ‘Take the fucking Mig I suppose.’

  ‘You own a Mig? Like a fighter plane?’

  ‘Yes, not for much longer.’

  ‘You found a buyer yet?’ Nish asked.

  ‘Working on it. Might get a good price out of Saddam, sounds like he’ll need it...’

  47

  Zara breezed through the room and plonked herself down on the sofa. ‘Hello Bishop, hope we’re not interrupting your afternoon under-sixteen’s fuck party.’

  Bishop looked at Nish. Nish shrugged it off and sat down next to Zara. ‘Why am I not surprised to see you Zara...’

  ‘I’m fine thank you Bish’. Thanks’ for asking. The C.I.A hospitality in Tunisia leaves a lot to be desired, the afternoon waterboarding in the basement spa isn’t something that’ll give it a good sell to the Rendition Chic tourist crowd, and the food was pretty shit. I�
�d certainly avoid it if I were you.’

  ‘What do you want Zara?’

  ‘Oooh. Take a wild fucking guess. Let’s start with sixty million bucks you purloined from Ben Kaminski’s piggy bank and go from there shall we?’

  ‘I told your boyfriend-’

  ‘Husband...don’t drag me into your immoral world of dysfunctional relationships.’

  ‘And I’m telling you. Not a chance.’

  ‘Oh Bishy. And I thought we’d really bonded over the Starbucks and pastries.’

  ‘Things change.’

  ‘They seem to, so much for your modest retirement ambitions. Very Colombian drug lord. You know what we dug up?’

  ‘No. And I don’t want to know. I’m out.’

  ‘You know better than that. You’re never out.’

  ‘I would have thought you’d had enough.’

  ‘We’ve upset the applecart Bishop. And all the king’s horses and all the king’s men ain’t putting that shit back together again.’

  ‘That was an egg. You are mixing metaphors.’

  ‘I don’t think it matters. How the fuck is a horse going to stick an egg-shaped person back together? They haven’t got thumbs, let alone surgical skills.’

  ‘Is there a point to this?’

  ‘How long do you think you have? These guys are putting an immense amount of work to keep the cat in the bag, you really think they’ll trust you to keep your mouth shut down here?’

  ‘I’ll take my chances. Getting involved in whatever you are up to is not going to improve my odds.’

  ‘It might. You haven’t listened to what I have to offer yet.’

  ‘And what would that be?’

  ‘A solution. To both our problems.’

  ‘Well, let’s have it then.’

  ‘He’s not going to stay in office forever, if we pull the rug out from under him then he’ll stay in office a very short amount of time before someone starts mentioning congressional inquiry and impeachment.’

  ‘Over some bent funding by the Saudis for A.Q? Nobody will give a shit. Everyone knows the Saudis are up to their nuts in Islamic extremism filth.’

  ‘It’s not going to A.Q. It’s certainly not funding the Israelis’ counter-firework system. This is much bigger, and much dirtier. This is about deception on a global scale to the point of breaking just about every international law imaginable.’