Worn Me Down (Playing With Fire, #3)

by Sivec, T. E.

  I’m in love with Austin.

  Chapter 25

  Austin

  Gwen’s going to kill me.

  I should feel bad about what I just did, but I can’t. The past two days have been nothing short of amazing – hanging out with Gwen and Emma, working together on some of the paperwork for her cases that she brought with her, playing Navy SEAL with Emma before bed and spending every night kissing every inch of Gwen’s body, showing her what I just can’t bring myself to tell her. I can’t regret the choice I made tonight while Gwen and Ellie gave Emma a bath. When I leave, I need to know Gwen and Emma are safe and that nothing will happen to them ever again. The only way to make sure that happens is to put William Stratford behind bars for a very long time.

  “You got all the pages I emailed over to you?” I ask, as I pace back and forth in my room.

  I can hear Mark shuffling papers through the line. “Yep, got everything – twenty photos and fifteen pages of notes. Jesus Christ, this guy is an asshole.”

  I close my eyes and do something I’ve never done – I pray that Gwen will forgive me for violating her privacy. When she was busy packing up Emma’s things to come and stay here with me, I went into her bedroom and took the file documenting her abuse out of her dresser and shoved it in the waistband of my jeans against my back and under my shirt.

  Looking through all of those photos again as I scanned each one and sent it off to Mark, convinced me that I was doing the right thing. She should never have to look over her shoulder ever again and I need to know there will never be another photo to add to that pile after I’m gone. The only way I’ll be able to walk out that door is by knowing she’s protected; that she and Emma can live a long, happy life.

  “I’ll start filing the report against Stratford this morning, but you know Gwen’s going to have to stop by the station in Nashville and sign off on it. I’ll make sure to send them a copy of it, so you’re going to have to convince her this is in her best interest and get her in there as soon as possible,” Mark reminds me.

  “I know, I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.”

  I hear a muffled voice through the line and Mark telling someone to hold on before coming back to me. “Shit, I gotta go, there’s a call on the other line I have to take.”

  I thank Mark for all of his help and end the call just as a knock sounds at my door. Pulling it open, I look down to see Emma standing there looking up at me with a smile.

  “Can you tuck me in, Austin?”

  Poking my head out of my room, I look down the hall and then back at her. “Where’s your mom?”

  Emma grabs my hand and starts to pull me across the hall. “She’s taking a bath and I’m sleepy. Aunt Ellie already fell asleep.”

  I smile as she tugs harder on my hand, following her to the bedroom. She scrambles up in bed and gets under the covers.

  She looks up at me expectantly and I’m at a loss. What the fuck am I supposed to do now? How do you tuck someone in?

  Leaning over her, I pull the covers up a little higher until they’re under her chin. “Uh, so… have a good night.”

  I start to turn away when she giggles. “Austin! You have to sit next to me until I fall asleep. That’s what mommy always does.”

  Scratching my head and looking behind me to the door, I wonder how long Gwen’s going to be in the bath.

  Emma pulls one arm out from under the blankets and pats the bed next to her. With a sigh, I sit down on the edge of the bed. “So, how long does it take you to fall asleep?”

  Emma laughs and shakes her head at me. “I don’t know, silly. Put your feet up and lay down like me.”

  Figuring I might as well do as she says or it’s going to be midnight before she finally falls asleep, I pull my legs up onto the bed. Emma scoots over away from me and pats her hand against her pillow, signaling me to lie next to her.

  Once I’m flat on my back, she moves closer to me, grabbing my arm and lifting it in the air. I hold it up for her with a confused look on my face until she slides closer and rests her head in the crook of my shoulder. I bring my arm down around her and wonder why this feels like the most natural thing in the world. I stare down at her face as she closes her eyes and wonder what she’ll be like when she’s ten, fifteen, twenty… I wonder if she’ll still be this sweet and trusting. I wonder if Gwen will have remarried by then and if the lucky bastard will cherish every single moment with these two women. I wonder if Emma will remember the man she lived with for a week when she was six who taught her how to create a diversion to get the innocent Barbies out of harm’s way.

  A sad laugh bubbles out of me when I think about how Emma screamed at the top of her lungs that the couch was on fire so I could grab the dolls and chuck them into the kitchen. Gwen came running into the room with a cup of water from the bathroom in her hand, shouting about how she’d put the fire out. Emma and I fell to the floor laughing until we couldn’t breathe and Gwen stomped out of the room angrily when she found out it was a false alarm.

  Emma shifts next to me trying, to get more comfortable, and brings her hand up to rest on my stomach. I can’t help myself; I wrap my large hand around her tiny one and hold on tight.

  “I love you, Austin. Can you tuck me in to bed every night?” Emma whispers sleepily.

  Closing my eyes, I don’t say anything in return. I’m afraid if I open my mouth now, I’ll cry like a fucking baby.

  An hour later, the feel of my phone vibrating in my pocket wakes me up. I slowly slide out of bed, trying not to jostle Emma too much. She doesn’t even stir when I pull my arm out from under her. I quickly exit the room and pull my phone out, not at all surprised when I see who’s calling. He approved me taking some personal time off, but I knew he wouldn’t be patient for very long.

  “Conrad, how’s civilian life?” Captain Risner asks.

  “It’s good, sir.”

  He gets right to the point. “I know you said you’d give me a call when things were wrapped up there, but we have an emergency in Kuwait that I could use you on. I need to know right now if you’re in.”

  I lean back against the wall and bow my head. “How soon?”

  “You need to be briefed before you fly out, so I’d need you here in Virginia by oh-eight-hundred on Wednesday.

  Two days from now.

  “Sir, things aren’t quite finished here yet. I’m not sure if I could make it to Virginia in time,” I tell him.

  There’s no way in hell I’m leaving Gwen and Emma before Stratford is behind bars.

  “Well, get it done, Conrad. If this mission goes well, I’ll be able to sign off on that Lieutenant paperwork you put on my desk three months ago.”

  Shit. I forgot all about that. It’s what I’ve been working my ass off for, the only thing I’ve ever wanted – to be in charge of my own team. Cole was our lieutenant until he decided to take a leave of absence and Risner assured me the job would be mine if I kept my head in the game and kept doing what I’ve always done – live, eat and breathe Navy.

  “I understand, sir. I’ll make sure I’m there,” I tell him before ending the call.

  I knew this moment was coming, I just didn’t expect it to be here so soon. I’ve been preparing myself to leave them from the moment I got here. This is the only dream I’ve ever had and I seriously can’t believe I’m standing here in the hallway wishing for something else, something I can never have.

  Without thinking about it, I place another call to Mark, telling him to get a BOLO out on Stratford immediately. This needs to be finished now so I can get on with my life the way I always planned.

  Tomorrow, I’ll talk to Ellie and get her advice on breaking the news to Gwen about the fact that I completely violated her trust and gave her personal file over to the police without her knowing. Tomorrow, I’ll shut everything off and make myself remember what I’m here for – to do a job.

  But right now, I’m going to spend one last night holding my girl close and memorizing the way she feels in my a
rms.

  Chapter 26

  Gwen

  As I lie in bed waiting for Austin, I think about the scene I saw a half hour ago on my way in here and my heart constricts – my baby girl, snuggled up next to Austin, his arm around her, holding her tight. She told him she loved him. She never said those words to her own father, always keeping her distance from him as if she instinctively knew what kind of man hid underneath the perfectly styled hair, three piece suits and expensive gifts he showered her with week after week, trying to make up for the fact that he knew nothing about being a father. In just a week, she trusted Austin more than the man she lived with for six years.

  I hope to God Austin realizes the magnitude of what she said to him. I know I told him I didn’t expect anything from him, but at this point, how can I not? He’s wormed his way into both of our hearts and I fear that we’ll never be the same if he leaves. I can’t ask him to stay; I would never put him in that position. I know he has a job to do that is very important to him and I respect that about him. It would be nice to know he wanted to stay, though; it would be nice to know that even if he had to leave, maybe he’d come back to us. Austin thinks he has no idea how to be a father, but he has no idea that he’s already twice the father William ever was.

  I’ve spent all this time fighting the feelings I have for him because I was afraid he would try to change me like William did. The thought of losing my independence that I just got back and having no control over my own life petrifies me. Austin is protective, but he would never hold me back. He wants me to be strong and he wants me to be who I want to be. He gives me strength I never knew I had. I just hope I’m strong enough to let him go if that’s what he chooses to do.

  Closing my eyes and breathing in the scent of Austin on his pillows and blankets, I hear a muffled voice out in the hall. I drift off to sleep hoping that Austin can see what’s standing right in front of him.

  * * *

  Reaching over in bed, my hand pats against a cold sheet instead of a warm body. Blinking my eyes open and glancing around the room, I see that I’m alone. I felt Austin come to bed sometime in the middle of the night, sliding in next to me and pulling my body against his. I fell back to sleep immediately and had a dream where Austin kissed the side of my neck and whispered in my ear that he was sorry and that he loves me. It was a wonderful dream, but it’s sad to know that’s all it was.

  Hearing Austin and Ellie talking in the main part of the house, I roll out of bed and throw on a pair of jeans and a sweater. Ellie slept on the couch last night when she saw Austin and Emma curled up in bed together. After I took a bath, I tried talking to her again while she was busy making up her bed in the living room, but she brushed me off. She apologized again for getting upset, but I could tell she didn’t mean it. She wouldn’t look me in the eye and she immediately changed the subject. All she wanted to talk about was Emma – how beautiful she’d gotten, how much she’d grown, how lucky I was to have her. I know she needs time to process everything and I don’t want to push her. I just want her to be safe; I don’t want her to make the same mistakes as me.

  When I get in the living room, I glance in the kitchen to see Emma sitting at the table eating a bowl of cereal, Ellie on the couch with her head in her hands and Austin pacing back and forth in front of her.

  “What’s going on?”

  Austin turns at the sound of my voice and Ellie looks up from her spot on the couch. I make my way over to him and reach for his hands, but he quickly slides them into the front pockets of his jeans. “I just got a call from Mark at the police department in New York. The department in Bowling Green, Kentucky found William and they have him in custody.”

  My mouth drops open in shock. “His parents live in Bowling Green. What happens now? Did he confess to everything?”

  I can’t believe they found him and actually brought him in. Part of me wondered if he had so many connections in New York that he’d go back there and nothing would ever come of it. He’s been paying off the city of New York for so long that at this point, I wouldn’t put it past them to let everything slide.

  “I don’t know. All I know is that they put a BOLO out for him and a cop pulled him over just outside of the city and brought him in,” Austin explains.

  “Wait, how were they able to do a ‘be on the look-out’? I thought you said charges needed to be filed against him or something for them to be able to do that?” I ask in confusion.

  Ellie scoffs from over on the couch and I look around Austin to see her stand up and cross her arms in front of her. “Yeah, Austin, why don’t you tell her how the cops were able to bring him in?”

  Austin squeezes his hands into fists at his sides and clenches his jaw.

  “Why don’t you clue her in to the fact that you violated her trust,” Ellie adds.

  I look back and forth between the two of them and decide to go with Austin. Ellie is staring at him like she might rip his head off and I feel like I might get a straighter answer out of him.

  “Austin, what is she talking about?”

  I take a step closer to him and he takes a step back. He’s putting distance between us and it’s starting to make me nervous. I’m happy William is in custody, but I’m scared about what will happen next. I just want his arms around me, reassuring me that everything will be okay.

  “I told Ellie about something this morning while you were still asleep. I wanted her help convincing you it was the right thing to do, but obviously she’s changed her mind,” Austin tells me, shooting an angry look over his shoulder at Ellie.

  “Oh, please! You weren’t thinking about anything but yourself. You just wanted to be the hero so you could move on to something bigger and better,” Ellie accuses.

  Austin turns around to face her. “You know what? I’ve had just about enough of-”

  “Will you both cut it out?” I interrupt. “Tell me what the hell is going on!” I shout.

  “This ought to be good,” Ellie mutters.

  “Ellie, can you take Emma back to the bedroom please?” I ask her.

  She looks at me in irritation like I just told her to run over a cat. “You’ve got to be kidding me!”

  “Please, Ellie. Just for a few minutes,” I beg.

  I raise my eyebrows at her and plead with her silently to understand. I need Austin to talk to me and he’s not going to be comfortable doing that with Ellie in the room since she’s obviously angry with him about something.

  After a few seconds, Ellie huffs angrily, throwing her hands up in irritation. “Fine. Whatever.”

  She marches into the kitchen and scoops Emma up in her arms, grabbing the bowl of cereal and carrying them both down the hall towards the room.

  When we’re finally alone, I try again. “Okay, she’s gone so you have no one bitching at you. Now tell me what she was talking about and why she’s so pissed.”

  Austin doesn’t show any kind of emotion as he stands in front of me. No cocky smile, no softness in his face… nothing. It’s like he’s put a shield over his face to keep me out. “You’re right, the police couldn’t bring William in just because we suspected him of stalking you. They needed proof of criminal activity.”

  I stare at him in confusion for a few minutes until it clicks into place. Proof of criminal activity. There’s only one thing that would pass for that – my file.

  “Oh my God, you gave it to them?”

  Austin doesn’t say anything, he just continues to stand here staring at me.

  “That was my personal information, you had no right to share it with anyone!” I shout angrily.

  I know I’m being irrational, but I can’t help it. It was hard enough for me to show those things to him, and now God knows how many other people will see them. William is a very big deal in New York; the police aren’t going to be able to keep it quiet for long. Soon, everyone will see those pictures: my parents, Brady… everyone I’ve ever known will see just everything I let William do to me for so many years.

  “Ho
w did you even get it, did you go back to Brady’s place since we got here?” I demand.

  He shakes his head and finally speaks. “I took it when you were packing up Emma before we came here.”

  He says it so casually, like he didn’t completely violate my privacy and my trust by taking that file and giving it to someone else. I turn away from him, not wanting to look at his face, so cold and business-like.

  “You can’t be mad about this Gwen, it had to be done to make sure he stays locked up for a long time, and there was no other way.”

  I whirl back around angrily. “How about talking with me about it first? This isn’t something you just take upon yourself because you think you’re doing the right thing. This is my life, my past and now it’s going to be broadcast all over the place for everyone to see. Oh, my God, Emma could see it! Did you even think about that when you handed it over?”

  At the mention of Emma he winces, but it doesn’t stop him from trying to plead his case. “Gwen, this is my job, you know that. I do whatever is necessary to get it done, even if that means pissing a few people off.”

  His words are like a punch right to my heart. I’m just “people” now to him. Maybe that’s what I’ve been all along.

  “Well, lucky for you it looks like the job is finished and you can be on your way to help out more people.”

  His face remains like a piece of stone – no emotion or reaction at all. “You knew this was going to happen from the very beginning. You knew I would be gone as soon as this was finished. I’m not the type of guy who stays in one place long or has a family.”

  “God dammit, I am so sick and tired of you always going back to that! You’re not the type of guy who’s a father, you’re not the type of guy who’s a husband… did it ever occur to you that you are EXACTLY that type of person, but you’re too fucking scared to admit it? I’ve seen the way you are with Emma, I’ve felt the way you are with me. How can you not see it?”