Beautiful Illusions

by Annie Jocoby

  “Why hurt him?”

  “Didn't I make that clear? He hurt me. He devastated me, in fact.” Her face contorted. “I haven't been able to look at another man since he left. That was twenty-fucking years ago.”

  I knew that what I wanted from this encounter was to see the humanity in this woman. That would make her less scary. It might also help me forgive. So far, it seemed like I was on a good track.

  “Go on.”

  “What is there to tell? We were in love.” She shook her head. “Nah, that sounds pretty silly right now. He was only 14 at the time. But he told me that he loved me. I guess I believed it.”

  “Why would you do that to a 14-year-old boy?”

  “I was mixed up. My husband was beating me before I left him. My fucking kid went to live with him, willingly. Willingly!” She looked disgusted. “Fucking ungrateful bastard still won't talk to me. Huh. Talk about giving someone life, and in return they give you hell.” Then she smiled. She had a few missing teeth. “I broke my dental bridge in this hellhole in a girl fight,” she explained. I figured that she lost her teeth to meth, which was common.

  Then she looked at me. “Ryan had all the qualities my dickwad husband and bastard son didn't. He was kind and loving. Not a mean bone in that boy. And I fell hard for him.”

  She paused. She looked like she could use a cigarette. “So, well, as I told you, uh, before, I have followed him for years. Surreptitiously, of course. I pretty much hired people to tail him. I knew that he and Alexis would not stay together. My people tailed her, too. That woman got more ass than Dennis Rodman.” She laughed. “Anyhow, Ryan broke up with her, like I knew that he would, after Alexis and Paul were caught together.” She looked at me. “Paul was one of many, by the way. Ryan was being cuckolded right and left, and had no fucking idea.”

  She shook her head. “That is why I am in love with him. He is still so pure, even after all these years. That was why he had no suspicions about his slut wife. He just couldn't imagine that she would do that to him.” Then she smiled slyly. “Of course, he always had his boy on the side. But Alexis knew about that the whole time. What fun is that?”

  She continued. “Anyhow, after Ryan and Alexis broke up, Ryan started dating these women. These beautiful women. He would go out with a different one every night, I swear. So, I felt safe.”

  “Safe?”

  “Yeah, safe. Safe that he wasn't settling down, and maybe I still had a chance with him. I was waiting for the right time to make my move.”

  Delusional woman. Next stop, Crazytown. But I let her go on. This was very therapeutic for me.

  “Then you came along.” She snorted. “Somehow I knew when he met you that he had found the one. It was just like Ryan to want to settle down with somebody who is, shall we say....I mean, no offense, but you are not exactly a runway model.”

  “No offense taken. Go on.”

  “Well, my hunch was right. My people didn't see him juggling one supermodel type after another anymore, he stopped messing around with Nick, and he pretty much settled down with you.” She snorted again. “Not 'pretty much' settled down. He did settle down. All the Giselles and Heidis were gone after you came on the scene.”

  “Were there Heidis and Giselles at the time that he met me?” Now I was curious.

  “God, yes. He had a regular rotation going with about five of them. He met you, and they were all gone. Like they were in the witness protection program or something.” She laughed at her own joke.

  “Anyhow, I knew that he was serious about you,” she continued. “But I still felt that maybe there was a chance that you would go the way of all the others, and I could still get in there, under the wire.”

  She shook her head. “But no. He bought you this incredible rock, and I was out of my mind when I found that out.”

  She looked me right in the eye. “So I kidnapped and tortured you. I'm not proud of it, but I figured that was the best way to kill him slowly.”

  I raised my eyebrows. She didn't exactly seem filled with remorse. Yet, I was seeing the humanity in her, so I could feel myself relaxing.

  After a pause, she asked “So, did I answer all your questions?”

  I nodded. “But I said that I wanted to say my piece, so I am going to say my piece. And you are going to listen to it, because where you gonna go?” I looked up at the camera, knowing that what I was saying was being picked up by the guard's station. If Alexis wanted to leave, she could leave. All she had to do was ask.

  But she didn't. She stayed rooted to her seat.

  I took a deep breath. “You have ruined my life. But I am not going to let you keep ruining my life. I am not going to give you any more satisfaction in telling you how much you hurt me. But know this. Ryan and I are doing great. And, after today, we will be doing even better. Because now I have closure on what you did to me. I needed to confront you, and that is exactly what I did. Confront you. Now I can put this behind me.”

  It was my turn to look her in the eye. “You may have thought that you were getting what you wanted when you did all that you did to me. But it backfired. Ryan and I are closer than ever because of this. Your actions have made us stronger.” I paused. “I guess Nietzsche was right after all. What does not kill you makes you stronger.”

  Some of that was a lie – Ryan and I were not stronger together. We were falling apart.

  However, I felt that would change after today.

  She looked at me, her face defeated. “What the hell, I wish you luck.”

  I looked at her quizzically.

  “Sure, sure, I wish you luck. I mean, it's not like I am going to get him back now. Shit, I am going to be lucky if I ever get out of the joint.”

  My face was impassive. I went up the guard's station. “Uh, I need to leave.”

  At that, another guard came out and took Rochelle back to her cell. The guard behind the window pushed a button to let me out.

  I felt like a 1,000 lb. weight had been lifted off of me.

  As I walked out, I saw Ryan leaning against a lightpost. I was surprised to see him, yet not surprised at the same time.

  At any rate, I was extremely glad to see him.

  “Hey,” I said.

  “Hey.” He looked sheepish. “Um, I hope that you don't think that I have suddenly become a stalker.”

  “Of course not,” I said with a smile. “But I'm curious as to how you knew that I was coming here.”

  “I, uh, had a tracer put on your phone.”

  “A tracer? Why? You don't think that I'm fooling around?”

  He shook his head violently. “No, no, no, no, no. Nothing like that.” He paused. “Um, after what happened to you at Rochelle's, I vowed that would never happen again. All I could think was that I should have gotten there sooner. I almost lost you. You went through torture. All because I didn't know that you were missing for a few hours, then I had to figure out where you were the old-fashioned way.” He visibly shuddered. “So, I put a tracking device on your phone.”

  “So, I am microchipped, like a dog?” I was smiling to make sure he knew that I was not angry about this.

  “I hope you aren't angry?”

  “No, of course not. But I'm curious as to why you didn't tell me about this earlier?”

  He took a deep breath. “I didn't know how to tell you that I've suddenly become paranoid and overprotective.”

  I punched him lightly on the arm. “I kinda like paranoid and overprotective these days.”

  “Anyhow, I found out that you were here, and I, uh, kinda freaked out.”

  “That's why I didn't tell you I was coming here. I figured that you would try to talk me out of it, or insist that you come with me.” I saw his hurt face. “No offense, but this was something that I really needed to do alone.”

  “I understand.” He wrapped his arms around me. “Are you okay?”

  I nodded. “Better than okay. I feel free.” It felt so good to be in his arms. I buried my head in his chest. His heart was p
ounding like I had never heard it before. It sounded like the drum solo at the beginning of the big band classic Sing Sing Sing.

  “I'm sorry for scaring you,” I said.

  “It's ok. Just please don't do it again.”

  I said nothing, just nodded my head into his chest.

  We walked across the street to a little bar and grill for lunch.

  “So, tell me about the visit,” he said over a grilled chicken sandwich and salad.

  “I wanted to see her, to put a face to my misery. I wanted to see that she was a human being, and not a scary monster.”

  “And?”

  “Mission accomplished. She was surprisingly not scary. I mean, she's missing several teeth. Did you know that?”

  He laughed. “I had no idea.”

  “True story. She apparently had some kind of a dental bridge, but she broke it during a girlfight in jail.”

  We both laughed at this for awhile.

  I continued “It is hard to be fearful of somebody who looks like a backwoods hillbilly.” More laughter.

  After a little bit, I continued. “Anyhow, I found out some stuff that makes me feel her humanity. When I was a public defender, I always saw the humanity in my clients. That was how I was able to defend them, no matter what they did. I figured that if I found her humanity it would help me to forgive.”

  He had that look on his face, the look that always makes me melt. The look of sheer, unadulterated love.

  I drew a breath and went on. “She told me about her abusive husband and her son who won't talk to her. Not that I blame the son. She's pretty wackadoodle.” I looked pensively out the window. “She isn't remorseful for what she did. I think that she justifies it in her cray-cray little head.”

  I looked at him. “But I don't hate her. And she now knows that she didn't break me. I made sure that she knew that I was stronger because of what happened. That we are stronger because of what happened.”

  He grabbed my hand, looking me in the eye. “I love you. I love you more than I ever thought that I could love anyone. And I have never loved you more than I love you right now.”

  I smiled. “I love you, too.” It was easier to say those words now, getting easier every day.

  After we finished our lunch, I told Ryan that I had one more thing to do while I was downtown.

  Go to the prosecutor's office.

  “Can I come with?”

  “Sure, you can wait outside the office while I talk to Cindy. But I really need to do that alone as well.”

  Cindy was Cindy Johnson, the lead prosecutor on Rochelle's case. I needed to have a few words with her.

  We made our way to the prosecutor's office. As I entered the main suite, the receptionist greeted me. “Iris, hello!” She came around and gave me a big hug. “We missed you around here. What a pleasant surprise!”

  “Hey, Katherine. Is Cindy around?”

  “Sure, go on back.” She turned to Ryan, her eyes lighting up. “You must be Ryan. Uh, can I get you anything while you wait?”

  “A water would be great!” Ryan said. I turned around and saw Ryan take a seat and start flipping through magazines. He looked at me, giving me the thumbs up and a wink.

  I knocked on Cindy's door. She was busy at her computer, files piled up on her desk. I started feeling anxiety, not because of what I had to say to her, but mainly because seeing files piled up made me remember my own law days, not so long ago.

  She looked at me, her blue eyes big. “Iris!” She, too, gave me a big hug. “Come in, come in. Have a seat!”

  “I hope that I'm not interrupting?”

  “Not at all. I mean, I got a PV docket in a couple of hours.” She motioned to her files on the desk. “So I can talk for a little bit.”

  PV dockets were probation violation dockets. There were typically about 50 cases on these dockets, but they generally went pretty quickly.

  “So, what can I do for you?” She asked, after I sat down.

  “Uh, I understand that you have the Rochelle Anderson case?”

  She gasped. “Oh, of course! Stupid me, of course that's why you're here.” She looked sheepish. “Uh, I know what happened. How are you, uh, holding up?”

  “Fine, fine. I wasn't ok, but I'm better now.”

  She nodded. “So, what would you like to talk about?”

  “Well, I know that she's charged with various counts of assault one, and kidnapping one.”

  Cindy nodded. “That she is.”

  “I wanted to let you know how I feel. I know that it is your job to cut deals, but I also know that assault one and kidnapping one are both 85 percenters.” This means that anybody convicted of assault one or kidnapping one are required to serve 85% of their sentence.

  I continued. “I don't want you to cut a deal where she pleads down to an offense that is not an 85 percenter. I don't want her being sentenced to 20 years, getting out in three.” This was important, because lesser offenses typically result in the defendant only serving 15% of their sentence.

  Cindy spoke. “That's not what I want to do, either. And there isn't a reason to cut a deal like that. I mean, we have her dead to right.”

  I nodded. “Who is on the other side?”

  “John O'Donnell.”

  I groaned. I knew O'Donnell's reputation. He was one of the highest-priced attorneys in the area, and definitely one of the best. His courtroom flourishes and dirty tricks were legendary.

  “John O'Donnell. What, Gerry Spence wasn't available?”

  Cindy smiled. “I know, I hate going up against him. He could've gotten Ted Bundy off on a technicality.”

  “Well, don't succumb to pressure. I need that woman locked up for a long, long time.”

  She nodded. “It's good that you're here. I was going to call you when the time was right. I need to prepare you if this thing goes to trial, which, hopefully, it won't.”

  “That'll suck, having to tell this story to a jury. But, if it has to happen, it has to happen.”

  Cindy hesitated. “So, how are you, really?”

  “Fine. Getting stronger every day.”

  “I heard that you closed your practice.”

  “Yeah, well, that had to happen. I was, uh, not exactly equipped to deal with my clients for a few months.”

  She nodded.

  “And, besides, I can't go back there. That was where I was, uh, attacked.”

  “Are you going to come back? I mean, I understand that you don't want to go back to that particular office, but are you going to get back into law?”

  “Not sure. I'm taking a break right now, trying to plot my next move.”

  “Yeah. I hear you got a nice boyfriend to help you out, too.”

  I nodded. “What do you know about that?”

  “Well, the word is that you are dating Benjamin Whitney's gorgeous son.”

  “The word is correct. How do you know about his being gorgeous?”

  “He was in the society pages a lot. I guess that you don't pay much attention to that.”

  “No, never have paid attention to that.”

  “He was like our very own JFK Jr. Before the crash, of course.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Before he got married, he was considered the most eligible bachelor in the area.”

  “Where have I been? I’ve never even heard of the guy before I met him.”

  “Living under a rock, I guess.” She paused. “Anyhow, I guess you got set up pretty well, there.”

  I wondered if that was a subtle dig. “Yes, well, I'm not going to be a kept woman. I'm just taking a break right now. I need to recover mentally and physically before I decide what my next move is.”

  “Of course. That's perfectly understandable.” She smiled. “Well, I have to get ready for my docket. Is there anything else?”

  “No. I just want you to keep me in the loop on this case. Please don't cut a deal without notifying me.”

  “I promise.”

  “Thanks.”


  I walked out into the waiting area. Ryan and Katherine were chatting. Katherine was saying “She's such a sleaze. I mean she was married to that guy for like 70 days or something, after having that big televised wedding!” I smiled at Ryan engaging in conversation about Kim Kardashian.

  Ryan saw me and stood up. “How did it go?”

  “Ok, I guess. Rochelle got a lawyer who would rival Johnnie Cochran himself.”

  “I figured as much.”

  “I apologize, Ryan. But I now need to make one more visit while I am on a roll right now.”

  “Sure. Who you going to see?”

  “John O’Donnell.”

  “You want me to drive you there?”

  “Could you?” I had to admit that I was silly not wanting him along. His presence comforted me, calmed me down. Once I broke down my walls, and admitted that I was in love with him, I found that his presence brought me peace.

  And peace was exactly what I needed right now.

  We made our way to his Porsche, which was parked in a garage. Ryan asked “Now, what is this guy’s name?”

  “John O’Donnell.”

  He looked at his iPhone, talking into it for John O’Donnell’s address. Siri spit out the address within a few seconds, and Ryan programmed the address into his GPS.

  “Looks like he's in Parkville.”

  It figured. Parkville was the area that was up and coming, and it also had some amazing nouveau riche mansions. I guess I figured that a high priced guy like O’Donnell would be located in one of the enormous office suites downtown, but Parkville made sense as well.

  “Hold on a sec.” He looked at his iPhone again. “Uh, looks like he also has an office downtown.” At that, he called the downtown office.

  “Hello?” The receptionist answered the phone.

  “Mr. O’Donnell, please,” Ryan said.

  “One moment, please.”

  After a few minutes, there was another voice on the phone.

  “Mr. O’Donnell is busy right now. Can I help you?”

  Ryan looked at me.

  I talked into the phone. “Uh, this is Iris Snowe. Could I make an appointment to see him?”

  “Could you hold please?”

  After a few minutes, the woman came back. “When can you be here?”