Deep Diving

by Cate Ellink

  With gazes still in contact, we step closer together, our hands meet, fingers entwine. His eyes darken. Lips soften and bend upwards. His body bends slightly towards mine. His lips hover so close I could kiss them if I stretched but his breath touches my parted lips and I hesitate.

  ‘I should shower before dinner.’ His voice is husky and rich. ‘And since you need to eat chowder…’ He grins as he throws my words back at me. Heat pools between my thighs. I wish I hadn’t been quite so adamant. My lips tingle, wanting to smile, wanting a kiss.

  ‘I’ll meet you there,’ he says.

  I’m trapped in the intensity of his gaze, the curl of his body towards mine, the deep timbre of his voice, and the thought of him showering. I should be used to him, used to this feeling, but it still rocks me. Still drowns me. Still has my heart thumping, stomach knotting, and moisture pooling south.

  His free hand curls around my cheek, turning my face and tilting it upwards. He holds my cheek cupped in his palm, then he takes my bottom lip between his.

  It’s when he sucks on my lip, nestling it between his own, rubbing and exploring with the tip of his tongue, that’s when I fall into him. When I moan. When I writhe against his body. That’s when I know I am a woman in lust.

  I’m just terrified it’s the more fatal version, called love.

  Before I make a complete spectacle, he releases my lip, sweeps across it with the flat of his tongue and winks.

  ‘See you in 40 minutes at the chowder place?’ The lift of his voice and eyebrow tells me he’s checking it with me and so I nod, hopelessly incapable of anything more strenuous.

  He jogs away and I watch. Lord almighty. His butt gets better each time I look at it. Tighter, more deliciously plump, swinging that rhythm of sex. And his legs. Yum. Thighs straining, hamstrings tight, calves bunched, tapered ankles. A T-shirt covers the muscles of his back but as his arms pump, his shoulders swing, biceps curl, forearms vein up, hands clench.

  I can’t believe I’ve been able to spend every moment with this hunk. I can’t believe I’ve wanted to spend every moment with him.

  I shake myself, physically and mentally. I have a dinner to prepare for.

  After a shower, I apply lavish amounts of jojoba oil, the perfect moisturiser, all over. I walk through a mist of perfume. I swipe on mascara that I forgot I’d brought, and a touch of coral lipstick. I dig out white lace underwear and slip into a sky blue and yellow sundress. A shell necklace, strappy sandals and I’m set, with five minutes to spare.

  When I get across the road, Cooper is three steps away and my breath stops at the same moment his feet do. Tan chinos, white shirt, hair wet but spiked up, wide grin. He’s stunning.

  A wolf-whistle splits the air.

  But it’s not my whistle.

  ‘You look amazing, Sam.’ The words come as he steps towards me and sweeps me into a hug.

  But my hand on his chest stops him.

  ‘Did you just wolf-whistle?’

  That stomach-flipping, knee-shaking grin does its thing. Damn, I’m hopeless. I should be immune to it.

  ‘Indeed I did.’

  A frown burrows into my forehead. ‘You made a crass, rude wolf-whistle?’

  He laughs. ‘I learned from this sexy smart chick that sometimes it’s more effective than words.’ He grins and when I return the gesture, he sweeps in for a kiss. A quick one, thankfully. A mere brush of lips.

  ‘I’m starving,’ he says as he pulls away.

  Hands wrapped together, bodies close, both laughing, we enter the restaurant. The waitress does a double-take upon seeing Cooper. The same waitress as before. Inwardly I roll my eyes. Here we go again.

  She takes us to a table secreted in the corner of the restaurant where only a little candlelight and shadows disturb the privacy. We order two bowls of chowder right away; we don’t need the menu.

  ‘Enjoy your night,’ she says politely to both of us.

  Cooper rearranges the seating so he’s closer, right beside me. He pours my water and hands me bread, keeping his thigh tightly pressed to mine. He eats with one hand so he can curl his fingers around my hand on the table. Inside I’m melting at the sweetness, secretly gloating at the public display of affection. I sip my water to hide my grin before Cooper can comment on it.

  The waitress arrives with two steaming bowls of chowder. Carefully, she lays mine on the table before me, then with the same proficiency, places Cooper’s down. After wishing us a good meal, and shooting the briefest dirty glance at me, she leaves. I guess a jealous look is better than my dinner landing in my lap. Inwardly I’m joyously grinning for me, and feeling the teeniest, tiniest bit of sympathy for the waitress. Cooper is everything she could possibly imagine.

  Cooper leans over and presses a kiss to my mouth. A hard, passionate kiss that promises much but lasts only seconds. Grinning at each other, we dig into the chowder. Smooth broth. Sweet vegetables. Succulent seafood. A hint of salt with the thickness. Delicious.

  And all the while a warm thigh rests against mine. A solid arm brushes mine. A smile is bestowed when I murmur my appreciation for the food, for Cooper allowing me to eat. A kiss is given when I break for bread. The evening is magical.

  I’m eating the most divine chowder in the world, with the most divine man as my companion. I look up and we’re alone. No waitress watching us eat. I smirk. The waitress knows now she has no chance with him.

  My spoon rattles against the edge of the bowl when it drops suddenly from lifeless fingers.

  ‘Sam?’

  I jump as if guilty of something. And I am. I’m guilty of extra juicy thoughts taking me into the magical land of love, not lust.

  ‘Sorry, just a runaway thought shocked me.’ I laugh to cover my surprise at saying too much.

  ‘What runaway thought?’

  I shake my head but Cooper nudges me. He’s laughing, joking with me. He probably thinks my mind is still in the bedroom; he has no idea I’ve wandered much, much further. I give a bit of a chuckle.

  ‘Look at us.’ I wave my hand at our closeness, the thigh contact, our bodies. ‘When did we become a couple?’ My question’s asked with a laugh but I can hear the quiet hysteria that lies beneath. Are we a couple or am I delusional?

  Cooper raises a brow but returns to his eating, still attached to me. ‘Sometime between our last trip here and now.’ He captures my look and grins. ‘I think I might have asked for more than just a dive buddy. So it’s all my fault.’ His grin and chuckle send shivers along my spine. I remember. I’m a fuck buddy. Back to Lustland. It’s not a difficult place to be.

  I splutter as I shake my head, not in negative denial, but in an oh-I-can’t-believe-you-said-that way. Then I watch him eat. I need the distraction to go back to Lustland. His lips part, the spoon slips in, he tastes, sucks, his lips close around the shiny metal. He opens his mouth and removes the spoon. His tongue flicks out to clean a drop of thick milky sauce. His eyes half-close as he chews then swallows. A tensing of his jaw, the dip of his Adam’s apple. Another sweep across his lips with his tongue. Shudders run across my shoulder blades, causing me to squirm.

  ‘Do I have something on my face?’ His fingers touch his cheek, his lips.

  I shake my head. ‘Just thinking about dessert.’ I grin suggestively.

  ‘Thank God for that,’ he mutters as he goes back to eating. I snort as I hold in a big laugh and turn my attention back to the chowder.

  When I’ve scraped my bowl clean, Cooper’s looking at me. ‘Sure you got it all?’ he asks. I smack his shoulder lightly so I don’t hurt my hand but he still gets the message that he’s a smart arse.

  He leans close to me. I’m expecting a kiss but his lips move to my ear. ‘What did you have in mind for dessert?’

  My lips twitch as I run through the responses I could give.

  ‘It’s me you want, isn’t it?’ His voice is soft but I know he’s laughing, teasing me. I nod. He flicks his tongue against the edge of my earlobe and I hold back a groan.
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br />   The waitress makes a throat-clearing noise as she comes to the table. ‘I hope you enjoyed your meal,’ she says as she clears the bowls. ‘Can I get you anything else?’

  ‘Just the bill, thanks.’ I’m so together I shock myself. My voice sounds normal even with Cooper’s mouth burrowing against my ear. I swat at his thigh playfully but he just tucks my fingers between his legs, murmuring in my ear about where he’d like my hand.

  Laughing, I pull away from him and grab my purse to pay the bill.

  ‘Where are you running to, Sam?’

  ‘I’m paying, so I can get you somewhere private before we’re arrested.’ My answer’s a hissed whisper but the muffled cough behind me indicates that at least the waitress heard, if not the rest of the restaurant.

  I bite my lips together as I pay for our meal. It shouldn’t be this funny. I should be more mature. Overtly passionate displays of affection are not something I like to see while I eat. I can’t understand why I’ve found it so much fun as a participant when it’s off-putting as a spectator.

  A chuckle ripples up from inside. Get a load of yourself. You’re a fool. As a spectator it’s no damn fun — all watching, wishing, and no joining in. As a participant… I look over at Cooper… Lord, as a participant it’s the best fun you can have.

  Biting down my laughter, I nudge my chin towards the door. When I see Cooper stand up to walk out, I walk quickly outside, the laughter bursting from me as soon as I’m out the door.

  ‘What’s so funny?’

  ‘Us. Look at us. We’re like teenagers who can’t keep their hands off one another.’ I’m still laughing, choking the words out between snorts.

  ‘And that’s bad?’

  I laugh again, tripping over my feet as I walk away from the restaurant and head towards the beach. I don’t even ask if that’s where we’re going. ‘It’s just that I hate public displays of affection and here I am doing it. I don’t know what’s happened to me.’

  ‘Me.’ And he’s gloating. One word says so very much and heats me to the core.

  How we make it to the beach I’ll never know. When you’re wrapped around each other snogging, there is no way you should be able to negotiate walking too. Since we’ve been together all day every day, walking or running or swimming, I guess that’s got our bodies in tune and our strides have matched to some degree.

  Once our feet hit the sand we turn left towards the strip of grass and the rocks. Neither of us speak, but our bodies are discussing sex with moving hands, devouring lips. Stumbling along, hands stripping clothes from each other as we go, the cool air dances across my flesh.

  ‘Are you cold?’ Cooper wraps his arms around me and holds me still against him.

  ‘No, not really. Just the air hitting me.’

  ‘I love the way you respond to the slightest thing.’ He runs the tip of his finger along my naked spine, making me arch into him. His finger rubs at the base of my back, slipping into the top of my butt crack and out. Sensuous. Sensual. Sexy.

  ‘I love the way you touch me.’ My words are muffled as my mouth slides across his collarbone, grazes his chest, latches onto his tight nipple.

  We’re on our knees, then on the ground, wrapped in each other, sandy grass scratching, moonlight allowing me to spy the intensity of his gaze as he touches me.

  My hand wraps around his cock, stroking, teasing, squeezing. Little encouragement is needed for his hot, steely flesh. We’re lying side by side, touching, staring, kissing, tasting, nipping, touching. A quick brush of lips changes to a kiss that consumes. My mouth meets his in a tangle of tongues and meshing of lips. Our breaths mingle. Moans of pleasure are indecipherable. I can’t tell which sounds are mine and which belong to him.

  Cool air brushes against my hottest flesh. My thigh rests across his hip. I rock closer to him and his cock nudges my heated core. I gasp, squirming away just a little even though his cock seems to chase me.

  ‘We can’t.’ I’ve no idea where that came from. Surely I can’t be stopping him?

  ‘Why not?’

  ‘No condom.’

  Cooper stops still. The surf is loud. A bird mournfully cries. A whisper of wind rustles the leaves of the palm trees nearby. My body thrums, loudly. Louder than the surf but only I can hear it, thumping inside my ears.

  ‘Sam, I always use condoms and I know you do too.’

  I nod.

  He makes a noise like he’s clearing his throat. ‘I should have talked to you before we got to this.’

  ‘Talk to me? About what?’

  ‘I think you’d make a great mother — ’

  I scramble off him so quickly I’m sure he’s no idea where his words went or why he stopped speaking.

  ‘No. No. No.’ I grab at my clothes, shoving my dress on with no care as to how it looks. I just want clothes on and to be away. ‘You’re freaking me out.’ I scrabble to my feet and try to walk away but he grasps my ankle.

  ‘Sam. Stop.’

  ‘No. No way.’ I pull my foot free then spin to stare at him. ‘I make decisions for me. I make decisions for my body. I do not get caught up in the moment. I am not falling for a fairy tale. I’m stronger than that. I’m in charge.’ When I started speaking, I was strong, sure, certain. By the time I get to the last three words, I’m choking back a scream. Sucking in sobs.

  I choke and flee.

  I know I thought of having his child alone but it was just a thought. I didn’t bloody decide. Now Cooper’s gone totally and completely freaking insane.

  I stop as if I’ve run into a tree but there’s nothing there. Only a hiccup from me breaks the quiet.

  And then footsteps, running. Cooper coming after me.

  I can run, or I can stand and work this out.

  I don’t need long to decide. I turn back and walk towards Cooper. He doesn’t deserve my flight, again.

  ‘Geez, Sam. Sorry. I didn’t mean to freak you out.’ He captures my hand, still a few feet from me, and I wonder if he’s too scared to come close, or too embarrassed to bundle me against him, or if he’s realised we’ve had our time.

  ‘You can’t just make a decision like that.’

  ‘You’re right. I can’t. I needed to talk to you first.’ We stand there, looking at the ground, our feet, our joined hands, anything but at each other.

  I have to sort this out and I can’t do it standing in the middle of the public beach, even if it is dark. I look at Cooper and muffle a gasp. Naked.

  ‘Ah, you’re not exactly dressed for the walk home,’ I say.

  ‘No. I wasn’t thinking.’

  I try not to raise my eyebrows, scoff or agree too loudly. I just squeeze his hand and we head back to the beach.

  ‘Feel like a swim?’ I can’t think of anywhere to have a discussion like this. At least the water is relaxing and I’m beginning to associate Cooper with water after all the snorkelling, swimming and diving.

  He waits for me to slip off my dress and then we walk to the water’s edge and into the surf. The white tips of the waves stand out in the moonlight. We stride in, trails of phospholuminescence around us. Waist deep, I sink into the water and allow it to wrap me with comfort.

  ‘Sorry, Sam. I didn’t do that very well.’ Cooper’s hand brushes against my arm, stroking downwards from my shoulder to my wrist.

  ‘I’m fucked at this stuff, Coop. It’s not your fault.’ I shrug and sparkles flash in water droplets. ‘I know I said the other day I wanted a child, but I shocked myself saying that. I know I’ve also got no time to waste. My biological clock is almost all ticked out. But…’ I shake my head, not sure how to say this, not sure what I’m saying. I touch my fingers against Cooper’s cheek. ‘I’m not sure I’m ready to give things up to have a kid.’ I take a deep gulp and wish I was plunging into the ocean rather than into these words.

  ‘Give yourself time, Sam. It’s only been a few days since you said it. Take time to think it through.’

  A great knot’s formed in my throat and I fight against it.
I can’t swallow it. I cough to try to dislodge it but it’s a phantasm and not a real blockage. Once I cough, I can’t stop. I cough and cough. My hand to my mouth, the other at my throat, continuous coughing.

  Cooper stands behind me, wrapping an arm around my waist while the other rubs circles over my shoulder blades, right where the blockage is growing. The warmth of his body soothes. The heel of his hand works tension from my back. My coughing subsides and he wraps both arms around me.

  ‘Coop, I’m 38. If I’m not ready when my clock’s this loud, I’m never going to be ready.’

  ‘You verbalised it days ago and scared yourself. Then I just pushed you when I shouldn’t have. Sorry.’

  ‘But why? Why would you…’ I wave my hand ineffectively as no better words come to me. ‘Why would you say that, think that?’

  He nuzzles against my nape, licking a trail along my spine, flicking at the back of my earlobe. ‘I like you, Sam. I like you a lot.’

  I need to be sure of what he’s saying. My mind’s a jumble of things and I don’t want to take this the wrong way. I gulp a breath. ‘Are you offering to give me a child?’

  His head moves against mine. A nod. He wraps his arms tighter against me and I feel his cock firm against my buttocks. ‘I’d give you more if I could, but I can’t. Not just yet anyway.’

  ‘You what?’ I tear myself out of his arms and spin towards him. ‘We’ve known each other just over a week!’ Hands on his chest, my heart’s thumping and his is keeping pace beneath my palm. I stare at him. Although there’s only moonlight, I can see the intensity in his face. Whatever he’s saying, he’s sincere. Or at least he thinks he is, right at this moment.

  He looks up to the sky and then back at me. A deep sigh escapes before he speaks. ‘I’ve never met anyone like you. I’d give you the world but I’m committed to football for the next two years.’

  I shake my head to show I still don’t know what he’s saying.

  ‘But you’d give me a child, your child?’ My question is a whisper and awe fills my tone.