Running Up the Score

by Jacqueline DeGroot

  “So, everyday after school we floated in the pond and I let them run their hands over me. One day, Calvin was walking beside me while I was floatin’, and looking up at the clouds as we often did. Then his head went under the water and he came up between my legs. He spread my legs wide and he touched me with his fingers. Jasper came to see what was going on, and the next thing I knew, Calvin was putting himself inside me, and he was shovin’ and shovin’ to keep himself there. I watched as his face went hard and he strained his neck like he was real angry with me, then he clamped his eyes shut and he hollered. Jasper pushed him out of the way and then he did the same thing.

  “From then on, we rushed right home from school everyday, and one or the other, and sometimes both, got on top of me on the grass near the pond. They pushed themselves inside me and made me feel strange things going on in my body. When my butt got sore from the hard ground, they made a pillow of their clothes for me. I thought that was real sweet.

  “Every day we did this and I really didn’t think much of it, except that most times I liked the way Calvin did it best. Well, you can probably figure out what happened. Five months later, my belly started getting in the way of them lying on top of me. Momma figured it out first and then Papa told them one of them had to marry me.

  “We didn’t know whose baby it was going to be, and neither Calvin nor Jasper wanted to be done with me. They both said they loved me and wanted to marry me. Well that was a big problem. We’d all heard of a man having several wives, especially in Oregon and Utah, but even though this was California, we’d never heard of one woman having two husbands. But Calvin and Jasper wanted to try it anyway. Momma and Papa wouldn’t hear of it though and called me awful names.

  “So Calvin and Jasper packed their things and came and got me, and we went to the wine country so they could earn money harvestin’ the grapes. That’s what they do now, they get one paycheck and alternate days, ‘cause nobody really cares who’s doin’ the work as long as it gets done. I got a license doing hair, and the men take care of the kids on the days they ain’t workin’. So far’s workin’ out pretty good, ‘cept now we gots two babies, and the funny thing is, I ain’t for sure which is the father of this un either. Could even be the same one for both, how’s a woman to know?”

  How indeed? At the start of this tale, I had not expected anything so revealing, certainly nothing so outlandish. What, was I some kind of weirdo magnet? Where were Ma and Pa Kettle? So far, in my RVing adventures, I hadn’t had a “normal” neighbor yet.

  “So you all live as husband and wife with your two children?”

  “Yup. They take their turns with me, just as they always have. It’s Calvin tonight, Jasper’s in the field today. Anyhow’s, that’s why my kids swim like minnows. We all been teachin’ em. But when Mandy here gets to be nine or ten, you can bet I’m goin’ to make damn sure she keeps her swimsuit on.”

  I laughed out loud, I couldn’t help it, I just had to. Then I looked over at the kids playing in the water and sobered. “What do they think? Do they both call Calvin and Jasper Daddy?”

  “Yeah, they do. And I worry some ‘cause this is . . . well, it’s just not normal, I know. And they’s gettin’ older and pretty soon it ain’ t going to be seemly to have their momma on the couch watchin’ TV stark naked between two men.”

  I looked over at her, my eyes wide and my mouth agape. I just couldn’t imagine the scene.

  She chuckled, and reached over and slapped me companionably on the arm, “Somebody’s going to have to give me up pretty soon!”

  Then a moment later, after we’d sat in silence, I heard her mutter, “And I sure hope it’s Jasper, as I really do like the way Calvin kisses.”

  I rolled my head, and closed my eyes. This had to be one of the most insane conversations I’d ever had. Yet, I almost hoped I could be there for the big moment, when this woman decided it was time to make the boys stop sharing their toys.

  Chapter Twenty

  I returned to my RV, took a nice hot shower, and settled in for the night. I had two chores ahead of me before I could even think of curling up in my easy chair and watching a movie on DVD: cleaning the windshield, and Stumpy’s terrarium, both disgusting chores that I dreaded. One, because I had to drag out all manner of equipment, including a folding step ladder, and the other because it was just plain disgusting. Stumpy had no discretion whatsoever, and once you started shifting the improvised kitty litter around, the stench quickly became overwhelming. Luckily, they were both outdoor chores. Shaking my head as I gathered cleaning products together, I admonished myself for stupidly taking my shower first, instead of after.

  I had just taken the terrarium outside and returned to get a shoe box for Stumpy to reside in temporarily, when my cell phone started vibrating and spinning around on the counter.

  I picked it up and recognized Brick’s cell phone number. “Oh, this can’t be good,” I said to no one in particular. He was still supposed to be undercover on a special assignment.

  Tentatively, I whispered, “Hello?” For all I knew he could be in a closet or a car trunk somewhere.

  “De . . .Ca . . .I’m just going to give you a number.” Lately he seemed to have a hard time remembering which name I was using, which I thought was odd, as the last one, Jenny, he’d chosen himself.

  “I always wanted to be Agent 99, if that helps any,” I said.

  “That’s funny, the number 69 often comes to mind when I think of you.”

  “Oh, so it’s going to be that kind of call,” I said in a put on sultry voice.

  “Oh, I wish that could be true. Another episode of phone sex with you would be far more appealing than what I really called about.”

  “Oh yeah, and just what might that be?”

  “The message just relayed to me, is that hubby has just been released and was picked up by a private ambulance. Destination unknown, but it was headed for the interstate, and was last seen taking the airport exit.”

  “Is he conscious?”

  “I’m told he signed the release papers.”

  “So he could be lucid, his memory could be back.”

  “Maybe, maybe not. No one at the hospital is talking. Things sure have changed due to those new privacy laws. But nobody’s scrambling around, so far as we can tell. And, uh, no one has come forth to bail a certain irate, insect-eaten helicopter pilot out of jail, who was found this morning on a certain empty campground site. You wouldn’t happen to know anything about that now, would you?”

  “Uh, I plead.”

  “You’re just one disaster after another, aren’t you?”

  “Listen, I didn’t ask for him to show up, but I certainly wasn’t about to let him truss me up and take me to Jared!”

  “No, I daresay not. Any trussing up is going to be done by me. And lately, you’ve given me more than enough incentive to lash you to a . . . well, never mind. One thing for sure, you certainly know how to go about making enemies, I’ll give you that. Glad you got away though. You okay?”

  “Yeah. I’m fine.” I couldn’t tell him that the thought of him tying me up and, well . . . having his way, was flooding me with sensations.

  “Where are you?”

  “Hillbilly Heaven according to my new neighbor.”

  “What?”

  “Never mind. I’m outside Redding, California. I’m on my way to pick up a puppy for Angelina. Then I’m going to take it to her—“

  “Don’t say where! In case this line isn’t secure, just don’t say where.”

  “Ooookay.”

  “I like the idea that you’ll be with Daniel though, he can look out for you for awhile.”

  “I don’t need anybody to look our for me!”

  “I know, I know. You’re Miss Independent now. How’s the new rig?”

  “Oh Brick, it’s wonderful! I love it. It handles really well, even though it’s huge!”

  “I hope you’ll be saying those exact same words to me soon.” He said with a husky voice and then
he chuckled and I smiled at the sound of it.

  “Huge, huh? Are all men impressed with the size of their manhood?”

  “Don’t know. I rarely talk to other men about their

  uh . . . impressiveness.”

  It was my turn to laugh. I missed him. What I wouldn’t have done to have him here with me right now.

  “How’s your case?”

  “Got ‘em! Bagged and tagged. I like it when they’re easy like this.”

  “Any luck on the other matter?” He knew exactly what I was asking and I could almost hear him deflate from the question.

  “No sign of him. No one’s seen him, and we canvassed that whole place. He just wasn’t there.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Yeah, me too.”

  “So what’s next?”

  “A big thick steak, a baked potato so loaded I won’t be able to eat it all and a frosty mug of beer. Then I’m going to sleep for two days and start all over again.”

  Well, I gotta go, I left Stumpy under a bucket. No telling where he could be by now.”

  He laughed. “You are one amazing woman. See ya around.” I heard the click as he shut his phone.

  “Yeah, see ya around,” I muttered, lonelier now than I was before he had called. I walked back to my bedroom and dumped a pair of shoes on the bed so I could use the plastic box I kept them in for Stumpy.

  Chapter Twenty-one

  I was just finishing my third DVD for the night when I heard voices raised in anger just outside my door. That’s one of the weird things I had discovered while camping; any noise outside that was anywhere close, sounded like it was just outside my unit, a few feet away. Often, it was across the road, or a few campsites down.

  I lifted the corner of my kitchen window shade and peered out into the darkness. My eye was drawn to a campfire that was glowing red with dying embers. The ménage a trios, that was my neighbors, was gathered around it, Jodi, dressed in a halter top and cut offs, was lounging in a chair next to Calvin. Calvin was gripping her hand between them while Jasper was pacing, pointing a finger at one or the other with each turn, and hissing and snarling between words that visibly snapped out and hit their mark. Jodi was cowering, and I could see she’d been crying. She was swiping at her eyes with the back of her hand and scrunching her nose up sniffing. I couldn’t make out what Jasper was saying, as it was obvious he was trying to keep his voice down while still conveying his anger. But one phrase, said over and over finally came through. “Why me, why not him, huh?” The last time it was moaned with disbelief rather than venom. I watched as Jasper’s shoulders shook and he sagged into a chair sobbing.

  Oh dear, she was doing the Dear John thing. Why did she have to pick tonight of all nights? Why now, when I would have to be a party to it? But I couldn’t stop watching, this was more entertaining than any of the three movies I’d watched.

  Jodi stood up, sauntered over to Jasper and rubbed his shoulders. She bent to whisper something in his ear intermittently but it didn’t help, he just sagged more. Finally, he sat up, hunched forward and put his hands on his knees. He was saying something to Calvin and Calvin was shaking his head vehemently back and forth. It was apparent that whatever Jasper had said clearly upset Calvin and he wanted no part of it. Calvin stood with his fist raised and Jasper jumped up to confront him but Jodi intervened, stepping between the two men. A hand on each man’s chest, she rubbed Calvin’s in a placating manner while she spoke in low tones. It was clear that she had stepped between these two before.

  Then she dropped the hand that had been massaging Calvin’s chest and ran her hand down Jasper’s until she reached his belt buckle. With a practiced hand, she unclicked it and pulled him forward by his waistband. They walked hand-in-hand to the camper door, then she let him precede her while she looked back at Calvin and said in a soft voice, so soft I had to move closer to the window to hear, “You go take a walk now, it’s something I just gotta do and you know that. If it were you, I’d have agreed to it, too. Jesus Cal, it’s been seven years, what’s one more time? Then it’ll be over and it’ll be just you and me. It’s the way we want it, the way it’s got to be. I gotta go do this with him now. You take a walk, a long one now and when you come back it’ll be the way you want it to be. I promise.”

  I watched every feature on Calvin’s face harden. His fists were clenched by his sides and his back was steeled, he wasn’t taking this well. The camper door closed behind Jodi and as we both listened, him ten feet from the camper staring at the door, me behind cover of my kitchen blind, all but climbing into the sink to hear, we heard the sound of the lock being turned.

  I was afraid to move. Calvin looked ready to explode and I certainly didn’t want him to discover I’d been eavesdropping on a very private conversation. He stood staring for a long time. Then he ran both hands through his sandy hair, raking it into thick strands that stood, then fluttered into place when he dropped his hands to his sides. He was the most dejected man I had ever seen and I couldn’t even see the front of him.

  I could not imagine all the emotions that had to be going through him at this moment. Did he feel betrayed by Jasper, or by his wife? Was he thinking about what Jasper was doing with the woman who had just promised to be his, only his? After all they’d been through, even knowing Jasper’d had her countless times over the years, how was this affecting him now?

  By his body language, I could tell that this was not ever going to be considered a banner day in his book. Yeah, so he’d won the woman, but at what cost? Was he going to lose his best friend who had been like a brother? And were his kids going to lose their uncle or father, as the case might be? Would he ever be able to forgive Jodi for her act of defiance, and her resolve to say good-bye in a fashion that clearly hadn’t bothered him before, but now galled the hell out of him? I could imagine some of his thoughts, or at least the direction of them.

  I watched as Calvin jammed his hands into his pockets and ambled off toward the road, kicking stones out of his way as he walked. When he got to the road, he turned and looked back at the camper. A more forlorn look I could not imagine and I wondered if I should go outside and try to comfort him. Then I chided myself for even thinking of becoming involved. I had my own Peyton Place to deal with and his troubles were small potatoes compared to mine! Hell, Jodi would have to turn tail and come after him with a butcher knife for his problems to come even close to being on par with mine! Still, he looked so unhappy.

  I grabbed a sweatshirt and tossed it over my cami-pj top, took two min-bottles of wine out of the fridge, shoved my keys in the pockets of my lounging pants and shuffled into the sandals I had left by the door. I quietly left the RV, silently berating myself for being a busybody in the first place. If I just hadn’t lifted that window shade . . .

  Chapter Twenty-two

  I caught up with him at the crossroads, just before the camp store. He was still kicking stones, but now they were being viciously chucked off to the side of the road as he was putting his whole heart into it. When he heard me approaching, he spun and for a moment I knew what it felt like to burst a bubble, to not be the person someone was expecting with their whole heart. His face went from elation to devastation in one second and I knew I had made a mistake venturing out to talk to him. In that second, I also decided that I wasn’t going to tell him I’d overheard everything.

  “Uh, hi Jenny. What are you doin’ out here so late?”

  “Actually, it’s more early than late now, it’s almost five. I couldn’t sleep, thought I’d go find that owl that keeps waking me up.”

  He waited until I caught up with him, motioned me off the path and grabbed my elbow as I stumbled, and lead me into the woods. I was almost ready to panic when he dropped my elbow and pointed up into a tree that soared above the others. If it hadn’t been for the eyes twinkling bright in the semi-dark, I never would have seen it as his feathers were the perfect blend to match the tree branch.

  “There’s the culprit, a common old barnyard co
ot, lookin’ for mice and making the rest of us suffer for it.”

  I stared up at the owl, doing anything I could to avoid looking Calvin in the face. “How come you never see two together?”

  “‘Cause they’re not stupid like humans.”

  I could have bit my tongue.

  “Sorry, I’m feeling stupid tonight, and it hasn’t even been a drinkin’ night.”

  I was carrying the two mini-bottles by the neck down by my side; I lifted them and let them clink. “I can remedy that, care to join me?”

  He looked at me, quirked his head to study my face and smiled. “Yeah, sure, why not? She’s gettin’ it on with another man, I can certainly drink with another woman. You know don’t you?”

  I passed him a bottle and opened mine. Then I took a big sip before answering and reversing my earlier decision to keep mum. This was just too juicy to pass up; I was living next to a mesmerizing soap opera and I was as avid as any fan. “I know you all were trying to keep quiet, but I was up and you were right outside my window.”

  “We were trying not to wake the kids. It’s not good for them to see their parents fighting, so we usually take it outside when things get iffy.”

  “I take it they’ve been ‘iffy’ for quite some time.”

  He took a long swallow and looked over at me. “We were too young when we went off on our own, way too young. Everything was fun and games, and then . . .”

  “And then?”

  “And then they weren’t.” It was succinct and final, so I went back to sipping my wine.

  He took a long swig, draining half the bottle at once. “I wasn’t in love with her at first. It just kind of grew. I don’t know how it was with Jasper, but there came a day when I didn’t want him touching her, and it’s been hell ever since.”