“Hey, sweet girl.” He smiles weakly. “We need to start saying our good-byes now.” A couple of tears drip down his face as he looks at me and his princess. He drags a hand tenderly across her head and places a delicate kiss on it. He lifts his face to mine and lays a palm on my cheek. “Can I hold her? Would that be okay? I need you to kiss her and say good-bye. I need a minute with her, Kylie.”
I look at him in disbelief. I know what’s happening, but I don’t want to accept it. Denial flows thickly through my veins.
I bring my mouth down to Kayla’s ear. “Don’t worry, my little star. Daddy’s going to give you right back to me. Mama’s just giving him a couple minutes.” I kiss her cheek and smile at Cooper as I lay her in his arms.
“Kylie,” he whispers, his voice cracking.
“It’s okay, Coop. You can talk to her, hold her. Just make sure you give her back, okay?”
“Kylie.” His body is frozen, and fear edges his features.
“No!” I pin my eyes to his. “I’m not ready. I’m not saying good-bye. I can’t.”
With tears streaming down his face, he shakes his head and takes a seat. Softly crying, he speaks delicate words into her ear. My heart trips over itself as I watch him rain kisses along her cheeks. The nurse comes in a couple minutes later with Grayson behind her. She lays a hand on Cooper’s shoulder. My pulse thunders murderously as I watch Cooper nod, look at the baby, and back at me. I take a breath and hold my arms open in a silent demand he return Kayla.
He shakes his head and walks toward me. His composure slips with every step. Once at my side, his emerald eyes look lost. “One last kiss.” His voice is almost inaudible. “It’s time.”
I look between him and Kayla. “Give her to me, Cooper” I command, my throat clogging with tears.
“I can’t, Ky,” he sobs. “I want to. More than anything in the world I want to, but I can’t. There’s nothing I can do. It’s time.”
A scream rips from my chest as my body trembles. My heart cries for my daughter, my soul desperate for its creation… the little girl who owns me. As panic overtakes me, I claw my way off the bed to get to her. My feet hit the icy floor while Cooper moves back, holding Kayla tightly, with shock plastered on his face. The nurse takes my baby from his arms, looking at me with sadness and distress.
I trip over my legs toward them, the IV catching in my arm. I hear a commotion as Cooper stands paralyzed, unable to move. Warm hands wrap solidly around my waist, and I’m hoisted into gentle arms before I can take another step forward. I kick, bite, scream, and fight with every fiber of my being. But Gray holds tighter and whispers soothingly in my ear. I feel as though I’m dying. Physically I’m in pain, but emotionally I was just murdered.
All my energy drains as my body gives out and sadness takes over. I want to die. Grayson holds me securely, protectively cradling me.
I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to shake myself out of the memory as gut-wrenching sobs rip through me. I’m desperate to block out the image of my child being taken. Warm hands wind around my waist. Gray picks me up and settles us on the floor, rocking back and forth. He murmurs calming words in my ear.
“It’s going to be okay. Everything’s okay. I’ve got you.” He keeps telling me these things and reminding me to breathe.
Eventually I calm, my adrenaline waning. I let his scent bring me the peace I so desperately seek. He pulls back and looks into my eyes, his flashing with concern.
“What’s going on?” he asks.
I point an unsteady finger toward the fridge. He twists around and looks at the picture now lying on the ground.
He lowers his face and scrubs a palm across it. “Shit, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know that was there.”
“Gray…” I whimper, feeling like my heart has been torn out.
He looks at me, his eyes filled with remorse and sorrow. “It’s okay. I’m right here, Kylie. I’m not going anywhere.”
“God, it hurts. I’m drunk, and it still hurts.”
“It’s always going to hurt, sweetness. Always.”
“Why?” I cry, nestling my face into his chest. “I just want her back.”
“I know you do. I know. That’s why it hurts,” he murmurs, stroking my hair.
“It’s unfair.”
“It is,” he whispers.
Several minutes later, I pull back and wipe my face with my hand. “I’m okay.” I sniffle softly. “I’m okay. God, I’m sorry. I had a bad night. I hope I didn’t wake you.”
“No, I wasn’t sleeping,” he answers, taking my hands. “I was in the office, waiting for you to get back. I had some last minute things to finish. I didn’t hear you come in.”
“God, Gray,” I mumble, embarrassment creeping its way in. “I’m messing up your life. I should go. I should go home. You don’t need these meltdowns. This, me, it’s not your problem.”
“Don’t even go there, Kylie. You’re never a problem,” he exhales. “Don’t even think that. You’re not going back until that asshole has his shit straight.”
I stare at him, wondering what I did to I deserve him. Why does he even want to be friends with a couple so toxic, so incredibly messed up? It doesn’t make sense. “Why do you care about me, about Cooper?”
He stares at me for a minute, his forehead creasing. “What do you mean?”
“Why do you even bother with us when all we create is drama?”
“Because I care about you.”
“And Cooper? Do you care about him too?”
He tosses out a deep breath and drags a hand through his hair. “Cooper and I, we go back. We have history. I don’t know. Things are just different now.”
I swallow, really wanting to know what’s happened with them. “Tell me. How did you guys become friends, and what’s changed?”
He thinks for a minute, running his hand across his jaw. He seems uncomfortable as he struggles for words. “When we were kids, maybe four years old, Cooper stole my favorite football. At four, I didn’t think about sharing, I just knew that the fucker had swiped my stuff. I wanted to get even, so on one of the days we were at his house, I went into his room… I’d brought my favorite Ninja Turtles backpack, and I filled it with Coop’s favorite Thomas the Train special edition toys. I remember waiting for my mom to come get me. I was scared. I knew what I had done was wrong. When she showed up, she lifted my backpack and frowned.” He chuckles. “She unpacked my bag in front of Coop, and I thought for sure he would snitch on me. I thought for sure he was going to sell me out, but he didn’t.” He closes his eyes, remembering a moment between him and his friend. “You know what he told my mom? He told her that he had given them all to me as a gift and he refused to take them back. We became best friends after that.”
Tears drip down my face as I think of little Cooper and little Grayson. Times were simpler for them back then. Their bond was strong, and then I ruined it all.
“Things are different now, Kylie,” he whispers as he holds my face and stares into my eyes. “When Kayla died… I knew, without a doubt, you’d need me. When I held you that day and heard you cry, my heart broke. Your eyes were so big, innocent, lost… I hated that. I hated seeing you hurting, and I wanted to do everything in my power to bring you back.” He kisses my nose, sending warmth through me.
“Cooper’s always been a brother to me, but things have changed between us,” he says. “He’s changed. And something’s different between you and me. I swore I’d never get between you and Coop. It wasn’t my place, and it’s never been my intention. When I started taking care of you, all I wanted was to support you guys. But it’s turned into a dysfunctional mess, and I can’t watch him hurt you anymore. I won’t allow it. I just want you happy, sweet cheeks. It kills me to say this, but I don’t think Cooper’s that guy anymore.”
His words hit me hard. I scramble off his lap and stand. I’m not ready to face the idea that Cooper and I might not be able to get through this. I’m not even close to accepting that fate. My instinct is to
get angry at Gray for telling me my marriage isn’t worth the fight. But I can’t.
“I love him, Grayson,” I blurt, feeling the need to defend Cooper. “I’ll always love him.”
“I’m not saying you don’t, Kylie. But what’s that love costing you?” he asks.
“I don’t know. I don’t care what it costs.”
If I give up on Cooper, then I’m giving up on Kayla, and I would never give up on my precious child. I won’t give up no matter how Gray feels. Sometimes loving someone’s a choice. When all the lusty feelings disappear and we’re left looking at cold, careless, and painful reality, we have to choose whether or not to love. I choose to love Cooper. I choose to hang on because he’s worth it, my child is worth it.
Gray lifts himself off the floor, his eyes boring into mine. “You’re worth way more than what he’s giving you.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” I whisper, pain clogging my throat. “I deserve exactly what we have. We’re in this mess because of me.”
“No. You’re in this mess because your husband can’t get his shit together. He’s too caught up in his own fucking pain to give a shit about yours. I’ve been holding back, but I’m done. No more.”
I swallow hard when his chest touches mine and he nudges me back against the counter. I take a deep breath as his warmth surrounds me. “I’ve done a lot to him. You know I have.”
“Yeah, you have,” he whispers, dragging a finger across my cheek, “but he should be able to get over it. I would.”
I close my eyes as an image steamrolls through me of Gray running his palms down my breasts to my nipples. I shiver, wishing I could feel his mouth on mine, bringing me pleasure to block out this pain. I want to lose myself in someone who would give me more than sex. Someone who’d give me a piece of his heart. I want to be taken, but I can’t. I’m teetering on the edge, and being with Gray would destroy my marriage. I need to put some distance between us. He’s too tempting, and my heart is raw, wanting to drown its sorrows in Grayson’s body.
I open my eyes. “We need to stop. Please, I can’t do this with you.”
His aqua blues spear me as he dips his face an inch from my mouth and whispers, “Tell me what you want, Kylie.”
I swallow hard, a tremor sliding through me. “Gray…”
“Tell me,” he demands. “I know you want to be touched right now, and I’m dying to touch you.”
A moan slips out, my eyes closing.
“Let me feel you, sweet cheeks. All this pain, I can take it. Replace it. I want you bad.”
I tremble and open my eyes, fighting my need to be taken. “Grayson, let’s go to bed. We can’t do this, it’s not right.”
“Nothing about our situation is right. But you need something, and I’m ready and willing to give it to you.” His hot breath fans my lips, his cock pressing into my torso. “Have you thought that maybe I need something from you, too?”
I push his chest, desperate for him to take a step back before I cave. “You don’t need this. You don’t need me. You know who my heart belongs to.”
He steps back, pain darting over his face, but quickly composes himself. I need to say something to lessen the sting. I know what it feels like to be rejected, and I don’t want Gray thinking I don’t want him. It would just end in disaster, and I can’t put us in that position.
“Listen, Gray.” I try to find the words to let him know how I feel without messing with his head. “It’s not that I don’t want you.” I release a breath, my body weakening. “Because God knows I want you.”
“Then have me.” He moves in again, grabbing my face.
My heart drops. “And then what? How will things change?”
“I don’t know,” he says, his voice gentle as his thumbs rub across my cheeks. “It’ll be good. I’ll make it good. I need you, and I think you need me.”
I feel my pulse spike, my body begging me to take his offer. “I don’t doubt your abilities. But if I do this… after it’s done, what’ll be left of me? I’ll have crossed every moral boundary. You’ll take a piece of who I am, something I’m able to separate with other men. You’re different. What we have is dangerous. We can’t have a fling. It wouldn’t work.”
The way he’s staring at me… I have a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach that his feelings run deep. I’m scared he’s going to get hurt. My heart’s firmly with Cooper, and I’m holding on to that. I’m desperately hanging on to the dream, the irrational illusion of a fairy tale that’s turned bad but will eventually get its happy ending.
“I can wait for you to be ready,” he whispers.
“You’ll be waiting a very long time, Gray.”
“That’s okay. I have time, beautiful.”
God, he makes my heart ache. He’s so sweet. I don’t deserve his friendship, kindness, or unconditional love. I deserve nothing. I want it. I need it. I need him. I need his friendship. So I take it because that’s what I’m good at. I’m good at taking what I need from others without any thought of the cost. With Gray, the cost is immense, but his open heart calls to me, making me feel safe, cared for, and loved. I might not take him up on his offer physically, but emotionally, I’m walking into this knowing we could both get hurt.
“Will you sleep in my bed tonight?” he asks, unease pitching his voice.
Shit. “Gray…”
“Please,” he murmurs, his breath sliding across my skin.
God, help me. I don’t want to sleep alone. Being held would feel so good, especially after being hit with memories of Kayla. I wish Coop were here. The thought of him in bed with Layla hurts. He’s been going home with her. Every night.
What’s one night? Just one… Nothing will happen. I won’t allow it. Deep down, I know this could be the start of a downward spiral. The start of a friendship crossing the line. We’ve been skating that line for a couple weeks. We’re moving into uncharted territory.
Friends don’t sleep in friends’ beds. I know that, I’m not stupid. But my life is a blur, quickly turning into a thunderstorm, one that I’m playing a huge part in creating.
“No funny business,” I state, my face serious.
He smiles. “Mmm… nope, no funny business. I just want to hold you. I’ll keep my hands to myself unless you ask for something.”
“Gray,” I groan.
He laughs. “Okay, I’ll say no if you demand more of my fuckable body.”
I chuckle and roll my eyes. “What am I going to do with you, Grayson Walsh?”
His face takes on a playful edge, a smirk skipping across it.
“Never mind,” I utter, knowing something naughty’s about to come out of his mouth.
“You’re no fun,” he teases. “Go get dressed for bed.”
I nod and saunter off to get dressed. Tonight, I’ll regroup and figure out where my life is going. Tomorrow, I’ll confront my problems. I’ll try to find a way out of the mess I’ve created.
Maybe it’s time I go back to work and see Cooper.
I zip through the Starbucks drive-thru, Caramel Macchiato in hand, and head to work. I haven’t been to the office in weeks, so I know a flood of paperwork is waiting for attention. My stomach is steadily eating itself with nerves. I’m not sure how Cooper’s going to react to me coming in.
“Carpe diem,” I mutter. Seize the day.
I laugh at the absurdity of my life. I’m on my way to work to see my husband, who is working side-by-side with a man I fucked senseless, while I live with his best friend who is bordering on being my future lover. It’s like a damn soap opera. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love watching them, but living one is another story. I shake my head, deciding to give Cali a quick buzz. I need the lowdown before I enter hell. I push the call button on the steering wheel and select Cali. Three rings later, I hear the chirpy voice of my bestie.
“Hey, hey, hey!”
“Hey, love.” I smile.
“Where are you?” she asks brightly.
“On my way to
hell.” I laugh. “Prepare me. What am I headed into?”
The worst case scenario would be Nate, Grayson, Cooper, and Layla all in one room. I’d like to avoid that situation.
“Well… Cooper’s here, huddled in the office with Nate. They’re going over last-minute legal stuff. Gray just left to run an errand, and Layla went for coffee. Hopefully the twat won’t come back.” She giggles. “Other than that, it’s quiet. Does Cooper know you’re coming in?”
“Nope.” I pop the ‘p’ in nope. “Is there any way I can sneak in without being sighted?” I ask, swallowing the ball of nerves lodged in my throat.
I hear the smile in her voice. “Are you being a pussy?”
“Yeah, I am. You’d be, too.”
“Mmm… Maybe. But seriously, don’t be a bitch. You’ll be fine.”
I hope she’s right, but my stomach cramps at the thought of being in the same room with Layla or Nate. Hell, even thinking about seeing or talking to Coop makes me feel sick. “Yeah, okay. I’ll be there in ten.”
“You’ll be fine, my love,” she whispers.
“Thanks, Cali girl.”
“You’re welcome, Coco puff.”
That makes me laugh as I hang up. We’re two nuts in a nut farm, but I freaking love that girl.
Thirty minutes later, I sit in the parking garage of Cooper Bailey Corp. I’m trying to talk myself out of going back to Grayson’s house. Last night I convinced myself, huddled in Gray’s arms, that I could talk to Cooper. That I could get him to wake up and see me and fix us. But now the reality of my situation is setting in. The last time we were together was volatile. I can’t even bring myself to think of him in there with Layla.
What if I run into Nate? What do I say? How do I get myself out of this mess? My life’s so out of whack, so completely insane. I have to get it together, but I’m scared to leave the safety of my car.
Fear is debilitating and can override all rational thought. Right now my rational thoughts are flying out of my head at light speed. I have none. I just want to leave, go back to Gray’s, and tackle this another day.
Against All Odds Page 10
