Against All Odds

by McKeon, Angie

  “It looks nice and healthy,” Jodie murmurs. She jots something down on her chart.

  I look at Cooper, who’s also staring at the monitor. His eyes hold tears.

  “Faith,” he whispers so only I can hear.

  My belly tightens again. I feel the mounting pressure urging me to bear down and push. “I really need to push.”

  The nurse gives me a supportive smile. “Take a couple short panting breaths and breathe through it, sweetie. I know it’s hard, but just wait a minute, and we’ll have you set up to welcome your precious bundle. Tell me your name. Let’s get you checked in.”

  “Kylie Bailey,” I grate out, trying to obey her.

  At her computer, she types something. “Are you having a boy or girl?”

  “I don’t know.”

  Cooper smiles and kisses my forehead. He grabs my hand and rubs his thumb across my knuckles. “We wanted a surprise. We had a little girl before, but we wanted to be surprised with this one.”

  “Oh, I love surprises,” Jodie murmurs, clicking away. “How old’s your daughter?”

  “She would have been three this year,” Cooper says, his voice dropping low.

  The nurse’s clicking stops. “Oh, I’m so sorry.”

  “That’s okay,” I say as tears fill my eyes. This is a bittersweet moment for Cooper and me. It’s years of pain and anguish culminating into one full circle moment. Less than three years ago, we were at this same hospital giving birth to our Kayla. “We had a stillbirth,” I murmur, flicking my eyes to Jodie’s compassion-filled face.

  “Well, your baby looks good,” she murmurs, her tone soothing. “He or she looks healthy, and we’re going to take good care of you both, Kylie.”

  I nod and look at Cooper, who has a couple tears dripping down his cheeks. He smiles and leans forward to nuzzle my neck. My heart beats for him as I wrap my arms around him, and we soak in a moment together before our lives change.

  The moment is broken when the door swings open, and the doctor’s happy voice blasts through the room. “Who’s ready to have a baby?” He closes the door and comes in smiling. “You guys ready?”

  We nod, unable to find words.

  “You’re going to be fine,” he says. “The baby looked so good yesterday. How’s our little champion doing now, Jodie?”

  “Everything looks perfect,” she says, her voice soft.

  “Well there you have it!” Dr. Hershberger soothes.

  Cooper and I go mute as everything happens around us. A sonogram is administered while the room is prepped. I continue to breathe through the contractions that seem to plague me every minute. The need to bear down and get this baby out consumes me, but I pant through them till everything is ready to go.

  Once suited up, the doctor plants himself in front of me. “Ready to push?”

  “Yeah,” I whisper, my throat dry and my stomach feeling nauseas.

  “All right, next contraction, I want you to count to ten and bear down. This baby is low and ready to come out. I don’t think it’s going to take much. You are one of those lucky few who don’t have to labor long. Cooper, you grab a leg, and Jodie will grab the other.”

  Cooper’s eyes find mine. A smile pulls at his lips, but it’s troubled and bathed in stress. “You’ve got this.” He leans in to give me another soft kiss. “I’m so proud of you.”

  “We’re having a baby,” I whisper.

  “We are. You’re giving me a baby.”

  “I’m afraid this is a dream,” I say, my heart in my throat.

  “It is,” he whispers, his eyes loving and brilliantly green. “Our dream.”

  I feel the tug at my belly as it coils in a tight knot of pain. “I need to push.”

  “Okay, let’s do this, sweet girl.”

  I nod and look at the doctor.

  “Ready, Kylie?” he asks.

  “Yeah.”

  Cooper and the nurse grab my legs. I look back at Coop for support, and he nods. I stare into his eyes and put all my effort into pushing out my child.

  Cooper counts while I heave with all my might. I use the strength in his eyes to drive me through the pain and fear. When I get to ten, the doctor tells me to do it again. With every push, I see my little girl’s face. My heart surges and my muscles get tired as the pain overwhelms me. When the contraction is gone, I tilt my head back and close my eyes.

  “You’re doing so good,” Cooper whispers, touching my cheek.

  I open my eyes to look at him, my body exhausted. Sweat glistens on his forehead and his face is pinched in concern.

  “This is brutal,” I whisper.

  “I swear I’m pushing with you.”

  I laugh lightly. “I’m glad someone is.”

  “Do you need anything?”

  I close my eyes for a break before the next round of pushing. “Yeah, maybe a cold compress for my face.”

  “I’ll get it,” Jodie says, placing my leg back in the stirrup.

  “You’re doing great, Kylie.” Dr. Hershberger smiles. “This baby should be out in the next push or two. The head is very close to crowning.”

  I look at him, anxiety swelling inside me. Cooper grips my hand tightly. I shift my gaze to him and swallow hard, my body tingling with emotion.

  “A couple more pushes,” he whispers, “and he or she is here.”

  “I can’t believe this is happening.” A tear drips down my cheek. “I wish Kayla were here.”

  His eyes are aglow with happiness and sadness. “I miss her too. I love you, Kylie. Everything we’ve been through has brought us here, and we’ve made it. You are my world, my heart. I treasure you, my sweet girl.”

  I cup his cheek and smile at the man who makes all this worth it. Our journey’s been long, but he’s right. We’ve made it. “I love you too. So very much.” I feel the pull in my stomach again.

  “You’re having another one,” the doctor murmurs, peering at the monitor.

  Jodie and Cooper grip my legs again. I look at my husband and push down hard. He counts as we stare at each other, the moments ticking by as the world stills.

  “Here he is… Come on, champ,” the doctor says.

  It burns so bad that my eyes blister with tears. “Oh, it burns,” I choke out.

  “The head’s almost out. Push, push through that burn, Kylie,” Dr. Hershberger urges.

  I grunt and shove all my strength into it.

  “There you go. Come on, more. Push, push.”

  “There’s our baby. Come on, Ky,” Cooper urges, his voice clogged with tears. “You’re doing it, sweet girl. You’re doing it.”

  “The head is out,” the doctor says. “I need you to push one more time so we can get these shoulders out. Come on, give me one last push.”

  I do it again, and a painful groan pulls from my throat as I feel the searing burn below.

  The doctor’s loud voice says, “Here he is. It’s a boy, you guys. A sweet baby boy.”

  A wail rips through the air, slaying my heart. My son is placed on my stomach. His cries are a joyful sound that match mine. I lift a shaky hand and touch his warm body, my heart surging with love. I feel as if I’m in a dream as I touch him for the first time, feeling his velvet skin. His little head is covered in fuzzy black hair.

  Cooper kisses my cheek. “Look at him, Kylie,” he says, his voice breaking. “He’s perfect.”

  I tilt my head to look at my husband, and I smile through my tears as our son cries. “He’s okay.” My shoulders tremble in relief, joy, love, a mixture of so many things.

  “He’s not just okay. He’s perfect.”

  “Do you want to cut the cord, Dad?” the doctor asks with a grin.

  Cooper turns to him, his eyes fresh with tears, and nods. He takes the cord clamp with a shaky hand and cuts the umbilical cord. I watch a tear drip down his face. The cord is clamped, and the baby is no longer attached to me, but to his own living, breathing little self. I’m filled with an emotion that’s indescribable. We did this with Kayla, and the
horror was so raw when it happened, but as my little boy screams on my stomach, I feel something release off my shoulders.

  There’s a stirring in my soul.

  With my hands splayed on my son, I gaze at this little person we’ve created. I feel as though our lives have done a three hundred and sixty degree turn. We went from on top of the world to the most unbearable pain, and now we’re back where we started.

  Jodie’s sweet voice breaks through my haze. “I’m going to get him cleaned up for you, sweetie. I need to check him out, and then I’ll bring him right back, okay?”

  “Okay.” I smile with tears sliding down my face.

  She smiles at me. “You did really great, Kylie,” she whispers.

  The moment is tender, woman to woman. “Thank you.”

  She nods and gently takes my son to the other side of the room to clean him up.

  Cooper holds my hand. “We have a son.” He smiles, his voice thick with love.

  “We do,” I whisper, my heart leaping.

  “You gave me a son, Kylie.”

  My eyes close, tears running down my face like a waterfall. “Is he okay?”

  “He’s perfect. Listen to him.” Cooper laughs. “He’s got some lungs on him.”

  “I’m so glad he’s crying. I wanted that so bad. I was so scared. But he’s here, he’s healthy, and he’s crying. It’s everything I wanted for Kayla.” I barely take a breath as words cartwheel from my mouth. My soul purging the fears that have plagued me for the last months. “I’m so thankful he’s getting a chance. I was terrified something would go wrong. But he’s here. He’s here, Cooper, and he’s crying and he’s ours. Our baby to love and nurture, and we can give him the world. That’s all I wanted to do with Kayla. I wanted to give her the world.” I hiccup between tears, my heart a jumbled mess.

  He leans down and kisses me. “I know, baby. I know you were scared, but he’s perfect. You did it. You did amazing, and now we’re parents. Kayla’s watching us and smiling.” He gazes at me with adoration and love.

  “Here you go,” Jodie says, bringing back our baby. “Who wants to hold him?”

  I look at Cooper and can tell he wants a moment with his son. “Can he hold him for a minute?”

  She nods and smiles. Coop stands up straight, and Jodie places our son in his arms. I watch Cooper stare at our little boy. His shoulders tremble, and his face is filled with a warmth brighter than the sun. His eyes glisten with tears as he gives our little bundle of heaven his undivided attention. Cooper breathes him in and gives him a gentle kiss on his cheek.

  “He looks like her a little,” he whispers. “He has the same button nose you and Kayla have.” He sits next to me so we can both look at him. “I think he’s hungry.” He chuckles, happiness literally coating the room. “Those little lips are looking for something that only Mommy has.”

  I look at his mouth, at the little sucking face he’s making, and giggle. “He’s so pink.” I’m entranced by this being that belongs to me.

  “He is pink, and warm too,” Cooper murmurs, his eyes locked on the baby. “What are we going to name him?”

  I stare at my perfect little boy and think over the names we picked out. “I like Liam Kayden Bailey…”

  Cooper beams at his son. “I love that. How about that, little Liam?”

  Liam lets out a screech, and we share a happy, relieved laugh. Everything feels right in our world.

  Cooper turns to me and smiles. “Thank you. Thank you for my son.”

  A blissful sob escapes my throat as my eyes travel to the little slice of heaven we were blessed with. He’s cradled in his father’s arms, his skin bright, his eyes closed, and mouth looking for something to suck. My world feels complete. I finally feel as though we’re okay.

  I shift my eyes to my husband who has been with me through the worst of times, and I feel our lives come full circle. He smiles widely, his green eyes bright and full of life and promise. We’ve been to hell, and we’ve finally made it to heaven. I return his smile and look at my baby, my son.

  The tides have changed swiftly in our lives, and the current has pulled us to sea. It wasn’t pretty, and at times I felt like giving up, but one thing I’ve realized is that Cooper has always loved me. When I felt myself sinking, my soul breaking, his love picked me up and anchored me. When I felt hopeless and desperate to die, he urged me forward. His love has resurrected me and taught me that even in the most awful of times, there’s always a spark of hope. A lighthouse shining in the dark to bring me home to shore. That in adversity and tragedy, if you have a will to go on and to fight for your tomorrow you’ll be okay.

  I can’t change the past, but I can fight for those I’ve lost and pay respect to them by living, and living to the fullest.

  And that’s what we’re going to do. We’re going to live, not only for Liam, but for our precious daughter. Her life was short, but it made all the difference in our lives.

  Turn the page for a sneak peek of

  AGAINST THE GRAIN

  I’m battered. This screaming ache demands the edge be taken off. This incessant need that’s stripped my soul needs to get the fuck out of my system. I can no longer ignore the pain. As I step out of the airplane, my eyes flicker to the road ahead and I release a tired sigh.

  A new start. One without Kylie.

  The burning at the base of my chest ignites. I grip my phone and tap in the passcode, watching the screen display what I want: her picture. My chest lightens when I see her. I trail the planes of her face, memorizing it. Her beauty brings warmth to my cold heart. Her luminous blue eyes urge my feet forward in an effort to protect her from my obsessive feelings.

  When you love someone, really love them, you put their needs first. And this woman has somehow become the pulse of my beating heart. How she became so essential, I don’t know. All I know is that I have to put her first no matter what the cost. I can’t be like Cooper. I won’t.

  She wants him… As painful as it is, I left her there. Even at the price of my sanity, I’m willing to let her live the life she desires. I don’t want to let her go, I can’t let her go, but I can’t take what she craves most either. I have to give her space. I’m holding out hope that Cooper’s bound to fuck up at some point.

  I can almost guarantee it. I can taste it. I’ll wait.

  And when it happens, I’ll be there with outstretched arms, ready to love her and give her everything she needs. I don’t care about the baby, pregnancy, any of it. I’ll take anything.

  I blow out another breath and move toward the waiting car, my feet crunching a light dusting of snow. The clouds are angry. Swallowing the sky in a musty gray, they match the sadness seeping from my core.

  “Welcome, Mr. Walsh.”

  I shift my attention to the brown-haired, middle-aged driver and nod in greeting. He opens the door, and I get inside and settle into the heated seat. I pull out my phone again. Her picture flashes as bright as the sun, and I can’t help but smile. Those eyes, that face. She’s my morning, noon, and night, causing me both pain and joy.

  I close my eyes, picturing the day at the lake house. She was so beautiful. I remember the feel of her sexy body grinding against mine, and my throat clogs with untamed emotion. God, I want her. To taste her, to rip into her and devour every inch, to make her feel things she’s never felt. Things she might not realize she needs until I give them to her. I push down my desire and scroll through my contacts. After a minute, I find the one I want.

  This is it. The first step to finding the old me. I need to do this. It doesn’t mean anything. It never will.

  I tap the call button, and four rings later I hear a silky voice through the receiver.

  “Grayson Walsh?”

  “Winter.”

  “Wow,” she murmurs, surprise in her voice. “It’s been a long time.”

  I swallow the knot in my throat and eye the liquor across from me. “Yeah, too long. You busy tonight?”

  “Ah, no. I actually have the night off.�
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  I should just come out and say it. The girl knows me, knows the score. “Can I see you tonight?”

  She laughs like honey drizzling along heated skin. “I’m surprised you still remember me, Grayson. It’s been that long since I’ve heard from you.”

  I feel my jaw twitch. It has been a very long time. I’ve been out of commission, and it’s fucked with my head. “How could I forget you?”

  “Mmm… always a smooth bastard.”

  I smile into the phone. “I can be there in under an hour.”

  “That sounds really good.” Her voice becoming tender, inviting. “You doing okay, Gray? It’s really has been a long time since I’ve heard from you, and that’s not like you.”

  I close my eyes and lay my head back on the black leather. “I’m fine. Just been really busy.”

  “It’s never good to lie to me,” she says, a glimmer of hurt in her voice.

  “I’m not lying.” I reply smoothly as I open my eyes and reach for a drink. I pour a couple of fingers of the amber liquor and sit back, swirling it.

  “Why are you in town? I know it’s not to see me.”

  “I have business here.” I down my drink and refill it.

  She sighs, and I can picture those full lips pursing in a straight line. “When do you go back?”

  “I don’t.” The burn of the booze does nothing to alleviate the ache. I’m not going back until Kylie calls.

  “So you’re here permanently then?”

  I finish off my second drink and grunt. I’m tired of her questions. “Yeah, I’m staying with your brother. Who, by the way, does not need to know about us.”

  “Hmm,” she whispers, ignoring my statement about her brother.

  I just want to cut through the bullshit. “So do you want to see me or not, Winter? Because I can go elsewhere.”

  She laughs, amused by my forwardness. “There he is. That’s the Grayson Walsh I know. The asshole who’s been missing for far too long.”