Poison

by Dejana Vuletic

  I nodded, closing my eyes for a moment.

  So this was it. I knew what I needed to do. Strangely enough, I was calm. The inevitability thrust itself before my tear-filled eyes, and I realized that now I needed to take my own life to save the lives of those I loved.

  “Where're we gonna go?” I asked in a daze.

  Alyssa looked at me.

  “I suppose we should get everything we need and get as far away as possible,” she said. “The further we are from the people she can use as leverage, the better. Do you remember where they were?”

  I shook my head, suddenly realizing that I was unconscious when entering that horrible place, and absorbed in Chris when I had left it.

  “No,” I said. “I was unconscious. That’s gonna be a problem, isn’t it?”

  Alyssa shrugged. “It’ll certainly slow us down, that’s for sure,” she admitted. “But it isn’t impossible to find out where they are. Desdemona’s a part of your soul, so maybe you can tap into your clairvoyance and find out where she is.”

  “I can try,” I said weakly. “But we’ve been separate entities for so long . . . I mean I completely forgot she existed until all this stuff happened.”

  “I know it’s gonna be tough,” she asserted, “But you’re gonna have to try. It’s our only solution right now.”

  “I’ll try,” I repeated. “But first, why don’t we figure out what we need to take with us?”

  “Good idea,” she said with a kind smile. “I’m going to bring myself, and my dagger,” she added, pulling out a small knife embedded with white gems. “It’s all I’m going to need, since being trained in the martial arts helps.”

  She chuckled, and I smiled back at her. “I can’t think of anything I want to take besides Akarusa . . . But I don’t have her.” My heart panicked as I tried to remember where I had put it.

  “Man,” I said in irritation.

  “Relax,” Alyssa cautioned. “Akarusa’s still here. She and Himitsu had a fun time catching up while you were gone.”

  “Himitsu?” I asked.

  “Don’t tell me you don’t remember Akarusa’s best friend,” Alyssa chastised playfully as she held the jeweled dagger in her palm. “Himitsu and Akarusa used to enjoy training together with us back in the day. I guess our memory only goes back so far, though,” she amended. “Anyway, Himitsu enjoyed catching up.”

  She reached behind her and brought my sword around to land in her lap. The beautiful silver blade gently pushed itself into her leg, but not enough to slice her. I widened my eyes and reached out for it, unsure if it was truly there. My fingers clasped the hilt, wrapping around the handle and relaxing when the ribbon retracted and entwined itself around my hand and up my arm.

  “I left you here?” I asked Akarusa. It vibrated slightly and I smiled. “I’m sorry about that,” I added.

  Alyssa was watching with a bright expression. “Why don’t we rest up a bit then?” she asked. “Since my family’s away for the day, we can stay here. We’ll wake early so we’re far enough away when the morning comes and they return.”

  I nodded. “If you’re sure it’s okay . . .”

  “Without a doubt,” she replied. “You can stay in my room. I’ll wake you up around midnight and we’ll head out, okay?”

  “Sounds good,” I replied, and I followed her upstairs.

  She opened the door to the bathroom and flipped on the light switch before she said, “I’ll let you shower first.”

  “Thanks,” I said with a smile. “Will you stay with me?” I asked awkwardly. “I just don’t think it’s safe for me . . . you know . . . to be alone at all. . . .”

  “Sure,” she answered with an earnest smile. “I’ll be here as long as you need me.”

  Alyssa faced the bathroom door while I stood behind her. Her head was tilted slightly back as she talked to me, and a faint smile was on her lips.

  “Thanks,” I said gratefully as I slipped through the shower curtain. I let the scalding hot water burn over my skin; I let it wash away anything that was bothering me: Chris’ betrayal, Pa and Skylar with their arms around each other, Ricky with his face devoid of love for Pa or love for anything at all.

  So many terrible things were burned into my memory, torturing me as I tried to prepare for what I had to do.

  I’d read about suicide and how it wasn’t supposed to be good for you at all. It wasn’t good for anyone around you because it caused them more pain than it caused you.

  But, as I thought about it, was any pain worse than this?

  Was there any pain at all that could trump the feeling of being alone and unloved, of having part of yourself tear you away from everything you loved?

  No . . . there wasn’t . . .

  Was there any other solution to save the world from going to hell besides me taking my own life and ending Desdemona's existence?

  Sadly, the answer to that was no, too . . .

  Alyssa’s soothing voice reached over the spattering of the shower, calming me like Chris never could. Her kindness and understanding baffled me. She’d known all along . . .

  I laughed to myself. I wasn’t alone at all. I still had her. I always did have her . . . and all this time, I’d been blind to her . . .

  “Alyssa?” I said suddenly, and she stopped talking.

  “Yeah?” she asked in a voice that was as calm as ever. “Something wrong? Did you run out of shampoo or something?”

  “No,” I said with a smile. “I just wanted to say that I’m sorry.”

  “Sorry?” she asked. “What on earth for?”

  “For not confiding in you,” I said ashamed. “I should’ve paid closer attention. It was stupid to—”

  “No,” she interjected statically. “You don’t have to apologize. Being in your position is hard enough now, let alone with me getting in your way. I can’t imagine what it must be like, having so much responsibility thrust upon you like that. And I commend you for your efforts.

  “But you can’t keep this up on your own,” she said as I opened the shower curtain and wrapped a towel around me. “That’s what I’m here for. From here on out, it’s you and me. Together we’ll figure this out. I promise.”

  I felt tears coming to my eyes and I smiled at her.

  “Thank you,” I said in a broken voice, letting the tears fall down my face.

  “That’s what cousins are for, silly,” she said, and she embraced me. “Now hurry up and dry off so I can get my shower.”

  She laughed a little and we swapped places. I sat on the carpet with a towel wrapped around me, letting my wet hair drip down my back. A little green brush poked out of the drawer, so I grabbed it and began working it gently through my hair, concentrating on things other than the impending future.

  After Alyssa got out of the shower, we went together down the hallway to her bedroom and locked the door. She turned on the lights and closed the blinds, then pulled out a hairdryer and motioned for me to sit on the bed beside her.

  She dried my hair for me, brushing through it gently, while I sat there patiently and allowed calmness to project through me.

  No matter how much time I allotted to try to convince myself that I needed to die soon, I still couldn’t come to grips with this terrifying truth. Just when I thought I came to grips with it, I thought of something else that made me suddenly nervous.

  What about my parents? They were still away on business; they had no idea what was even going on . . .

  What about my future? What about the futures of everyone else?

  These issues always came up just when I was coming to grips with my death, as a result they often lowered my resolve, weakened it so I had to start the whole process over again.

  “How soon until we go after them again?” I asked suddenly when Alyssa turned off the hair dryer.

  She hesitated for a split second. “Not for a couple days. We just need to get away from here. You’re still really beat up, even if you don’t feel it. Chris’ gifts can numb your senses a li
ttle, taking away the pain you feel, but the condition of your body is most important here.

  “You can’t fight Desdemona at fifty percent,” she continued seriously. “That’ll be the end of all of us. You need to rest for at least a couple days, and when you feel up for it, you and I can train together. You’d be surprised how much you can improve with a little bit of practice.”

  She smiled at me and began brushing my hair again.

  “Where are we going to go?” I asked.

  She shrugged. “Not sure,” she replied honestly. “But I know that we can always go back into the woods where Chris disappeared. It’s got plenty of space.”

  “Sounds good,” I said, completely immersed in the possibility that I might be able to at least put up a fight before I surrendered my body and soul to my enemy.

  Alyssa smiled, but the gesture didn’t reach her beautiful hazel eyes. Her eyes were full of anxiety, just like mine; her heart was full of doubt, just like mine.

  But together we could do this. We had to do this. If we couldn’t, the entire world would be thrown out of balance. If we couldn’t succeed, we’d doom the entire planet.

  Talk about a burden to put on your shoulders . . .

  “Ready to get some sleep?” Alyssa asked quietly. “I know it’s unusual sleeping at 2 in the afternoon, but we have to be out of here by midnight.”

  “I’m sure I’ll fall asleep just fine,” I answered.

  She nodded and pulled back the covers for me. We crawled in and lay there motionless for several minutes, each of us staring at the ceiling above our heads, until Alyssa finally whispered, “Sweet dreams, Dessa.”

  I smiled bleakly. “I’ll try. Same to you, Alyssa.” Within minutes, Alyssa’s breathing slowed to a steady, trance-like pace, and I was still lying there, staring at the aquamarine ceiling of Alyssa’s bedroom.

  I found it increasingly difficult to succumb to slumber, but not because it was still daylight outside. Instead, I was afraid of what I might see when I closed my eyes. The possibilities frightened me so much that I couldn’t bear to close my eyes. Even as I clung to the edge of the cliff of consciousness, I couldn’t give in to the driving force that was shutting my body down.

  After several hours—or was it minutes?—of this endless silence, my vision began to blur. My eyes began to close, and once they shut, I found myself eternally locked into the deepest sleep.

  I opened my eyes to find myself sitting in a beautiful field, with blossoming roses and lilies, poppies and snapdragons; flowers of all kinds were growing along the edges of the field, and the grass touched my ankles as it blew healthily in a soft, caressing breeze.

  The sunlight was warm and tender against my skin, and the dew on the blades of grass gently soaked themselves into my bare toes, giving me slight chills that went away to be replaced with the feeling of warmth on my skin.

  I looked around me, and found myself accompanied by several others. Pa was sitting beside me, her eyes green and lovely, and Ricky was beside her, his hands holding hers.

  I felt a hand touch my left cheek, and almost hesitantly, I inclined my face toward the touch. I knew I was dreaming the moment I looked into his beautiful sapphire eyes. Chris sat opposite me, his hands caressing my face, his lips curved into a friendly, attractive smile.

  “Chris,” I said. “What—?”

  “Shh,” he said quietly. “This isn’t a dream, Dessa.”

  I widened my eyes. “It isn’t?”

  “No,” he said. “This is your heart, Dessa. You can find us here. This is where we were born, and this is where we’ll always be. Our physical bodies may be under Desdemona’s control, but our hearts still follow you.”

  “Unfortunately, the rest of us aren’t as strong-willed as you, D,” Pa said as she scooted over closer to me. “We gave in a lot sooner because she preyed on our weaknesses. Our minds are sealed within our souls, and there’s no way for us to break free while she’s still alive.”

  “Just promise us this,” Ricky said sternly. “If one of us tries to hurt you or tries to harm you in any way . . . Kill us.”

  “No!” I shouted instantly. “I can’t do that! I can’t—”

  “You can’t?” Ricky countered. “To hell with that! You can do anything, Dess! You’re my little sister. I could never live with myself if I knew I’d been the death of you . . . and I’m sure the others feel the same way.”

  “Absolutely,” Pa said. “D, we love you. If our physical bodies made you think differently, we deeply apologize. This was our fault. We were weak. We gave in because we weren’t strong enough.

  “Prove her wrong, D,” Pa continued proudly. “Prove Desdemona wrong. Prove to yourself that you’re strong enough to overcome your own faults. Desdemona’s a part of you. Embrace your future, whatever it may be, and just know that we’re behind you all the way.”

  I looked at her and tears streaked my face.

  “I can’t leave you guys,” I cried. “I need you . . . I can’t do this without you.”

  “But we never left you,” Ricky argued softly. “It may seem like it, but we’re all still here with you. This is your heart, your dream of the way things are, and they can still be that way.”

  I smiled, but the tears didn’t stop. Chris tugged on my arm gently. I looked over toward him and a terrible empty feeling filled my stomach.

  “I’m never going to be able to be with you,” I whispered solemnly. “No,” I interrupted when he began to speak. “I don’t want to hear your voice. If I do, it’ll make this that much harder. Just know that I wanted nothing more than to have a future with you.”

  He nodded and smiled. He didn’t lean in toward me, and I thanked him silently for that. Had he kissed me, I would’ve gladly remained trapped inside my own heart for all eternity.

  “Just know this,” Pa said, looking at Chris while she did, “He loves you.”

  I smiled. “I know. I have no doubt.”

  “Good,” Ricky said happily. “Because neither does he.”

  Chris smiled at me, closing his sapphire eyes like he was falling asleep. He opened them seconds later and looked at Ricky, who spoke for him.

  “It’s time to wake up now, Dessa,” he said. “Pull yourself together and wake up. Alyssa’s waiting for you.”

  I nodded and looked at the three of them, so sure that this couldn’t be real. Yet I could see, feel, touch . . . all of my senses were perfect.

  “Goodbye,” I said, looking from one of them to the other.

  “I’m not saying goodbye,” Pa said with a smile. “I’m saying ‘Good luck.’”

  “Thanks,” I said with a chuckle.

  “Good luck, lil’ sis,” Ricky said, and he embraced me in his strong arms.

  I turned to Chris, who didn’t speak. He merely touched my face once more and smiled.

  “I love you,” I whispered, and as he was about to speak, I put my fingers to his lips. “Shh,” I said again. “I know what you’re going to tell me,” I added. “I can hear it already.”

  It was true; I could hear his soul screaming for me, telling me he loved me, and that he was sorry for abandoning me.

  I was going to pay them back for everything they’d done for me. Now it was my turn to pay back a debt that I owed.

  “Wish me luck in my training,” I whispered, and he gave me thumbs up. I chuckled and let my eyelids relax, watching as the beautiful scene slowly faded away before my eyes to be replaced with a darkness that, for once, didn’t seem threatening at all.

  Alyssa was already packed and ready by the time I sat up in her bed rubbing my eyes.

  “You punk,” I whispered. “Why didn’t you get me up?”

  “You were having an important conversation,” she said matter-of-factly. “It’d be kinda rude if I just interrupted you in the middle of your conversation with Pa and the guys.”

  I laughed. “How’d you know?”

  “Haven’t we been through this?” she chided. “I know because I kinda have to.”

>   “Oh yeah,” I chuckled.

  “Uh huh . . .” she murmured sarcastically. “Hurry up and put some clothes on. It’s about 11:30. We’ve got a half hour at the least until my family gets back. You have Akarusa?” she asked.

  “Yeah,” I replied. “She’s right over there in the hallway.” Sure enough, right outside Alyssa’s door, Akarusa leaned against the wall.

  “All right then,” she said. “After you get dressed, we’ll grab a couple things to eat along the way and we’ll get going.”

  “Sounds good,” I said again. I put on a white tank top and a pair of black leather shorts, attaching a weapon belt that hung loosely on my hips.

  Alyssa (for some strange reason that I’m still unaware of) had an entire section of her closet sporting protective gear. I grabbed a pair of sword-gripping gloves and a pair of tan leather boots. My sword fit beautifully into the scabbard that rested on the belt, and I put my hair up into a pony tail.

  Alyssa was dressed in a similar outfit.

  “Nice,” I said as I admired her new look.

  “Likewise,” she said back with a smirk. “What’re you in the mood for?”

  I shrugged as we started to make our way downstairs to the kitchen. “I don’t really care. Whatever you’ve got in the fridge is fine with me, I guess.”

  “Okay then,” she said with a tiny laugh. “Egg sandwich?” she asked casually.

  I shrugged again. “Like I said, ‘I don’t really care.’”

  She smiled and nodded, moving over to the oven. She snatched two eggs from the refrigerator and cracked them open into a frying pan that was sizzling over an open flame. The smell of those eggs cooking made my mouth water uncontrollably. How long had it been since I’d last eaten something?

  She threw a few pieces of bacon onto the pan and mixed them into the eggs, forming an egg-bacon patty that she then scooped out of the pan and put inside two English muffins.

  She walked over minutes later with the second sandwich in her mouth, the first held out for me.