by T. K. Leigh
I stared ahead and thought about what she just told me. I no longer believed in coincidences, particularly where Mackenzie was concerned. “Do you want me to see if I can find him?”
Her eyes widened. “You would do that?”
“Sure,” I said. I would do anything for her. “We’ll at least follow-up with this FBI agent and see what he knows. Maybe if I take what I know and what he knows, I’ll be able to figure it out. Don’t worry. I’m sure he’s fine. I’ve worked with all kinds of federal agents. The job has a high burn-out rate. It’s not uncommon for someone to take a lengthy leave of absence to clear their head and recharge their batteries. I’m sure that’s all your friend is doing.”
She nodded and reached for my hand, grabbing it. “Thanks, Tyler.”
I remained still, praying she wouldn’t break the contact. All my focus was devoted solely to the heat of her skin on mine. It was beautiful, perfect, simple, yet more satisfying than I could possibly put into words. Her fingers intertwined with mine and she inched closer to me, the connection growing stronger as a gentle breeze wrapped around us. The silence wasn’t awkward like it was when I first came outside. Her anger had subsided and I was able to feel Mackenzie again…her heart, her spirit, her soul.
“Tell me a secret,” she murmured.
“A secret?”
“Mmm-hmm.” Her voice was sleepy and I could sense she was relaxed. “You know all mine. It’s only fair I know some of yours.”
“I want you to know all of mine,” I said gently.
She pulled away from me and searched my eyes. “Really? Even if I may not like them?”
“I meant what I said, Mackenzie. I want to start over again. I want you to know everything about me. I want you to know my darkness and my light. Love is all about sharing a piece of yourself with another human and I want to share all of me with you. If you don’t like what I’ve been hiding, well… That’s a risk I have to take. My top priority is complete honesty with you.”
She studied me as if trying to determine if she could believe my words. Apparently satisfied, she nodded slightly and rearranged her body, lying down and placing her head on my lap. I stroked her hair, gently massaging her scalp, and she closed her eyes.
“So, tell me a secret, Tyler.”
“What kind of secret do you want to know?”
“Something you’ve never told anyone else. Something you swore you would never tell another living soul.”
I stared at the sky, my fingers continuing to caress her hair.
“I still have that nightmare,” I whispered.
“The one where you’re treading water in a well?” She opened her eyes, looking at me. I nodded.
“When I was a little boy, I was scared to fall asleep most nights because of that dream. When it continued, Ma sent me to a shrink. The doctor did everything she could to try and get into my subconscious to figure out what it was.”
“But she couldn’t, could she?”
“No.” I shook my head. “Not right away. It got so bad, I couldn’t even take a shower, scared I would drown. We had tried to deal with what was going on without medication but, after a few months, my parents didn’t see any other option. Still, the medication didn’t take the nightmares away. I was convinced I was being punished for something. For what? I didn’t know.”
“Did you figure it out?”
Swallowing hard, I said, “Yes…after several years. My therapist tried different and somewhat controversial techniques, convinced there was something in my subconscious that was causing the nightmares and anxiety. It didn’t make sense to me. If it was a traumatic event, I would have remembered what it was. People don’t just forget things, right? But my dad was a combat vet and had seen stuff like that first-hand.”
“What caused it?”
My heart thumped in my chest and I stared down into her eyes, intrigue and compassion covering her expression. She reached up and cupped my cheek in her hand, the contact comforting me.
“It’s okay,” she said.
“The first few years of my life, I lived in Connecticut. Did I ever tell you that?”
“You may have mentioned it.”
I grabbed her hand in mine, finding peace in her support. “We lived in Mystic. It’s on the shore, an old seaport. My family was well-off and lived in a beautiful estate on the river that was a captain’s house during the nineteenth century. I spent my summer days playing with friends and causing trouble. One day, this green pick-up truck drove up to us. The driver rolled the window down and called out to my friend, Craig. We couldn’t have been more than seven or eight at the time. Craig didn’t recognize the guy, but the man said he was his uncle, that there was an accident and he had been sent to take him to the hospital to see his parents. When he heard that, Craig jumped in the car without hesitation, although something didn’t seem right to me. Growing up, your parents always tell you never talk to strangers, and that’s all good in theory, but when you think something horrible has happened to the only family you have, all sense of rationale and reason gets tossed out the window, doesn’t it?”
I could feel Mackenzie nod in agreement, although I didn’t see it. My eyes were closed, the scene of that moment in time playing out in front of me.
“There was a statewide search for Craig. His photo was flashed on the television, plastered on phone poles, printed in every newspaper. I remember asking my mom where his ‘uncle’ took him. I could only imagine how difficult it was for her to explain to me that his uncle didn’t take him. The weeks went on, the summer ended, and we went back to school. A desk in our classroom was left open for Craig in the hopes he’d come back.
“September in Connecticut could still be warm and, after school on a particularly hot day, a few of us decided to go for a swim in the river. There was a little alcove beneath a bridge we would always go to. I was the first to take a running leap, cannonballing into the water. I remember opening my eyes, swearing I felt a hand grab onto my leg.” I paused, needing a moment to collect myself. I had never shared the intricate details of that experience with anyone before, except for my therapist and parents years ago.
“What did you see?” Mackenzie asked softly.
“Craig’s body. His face was bloated and there were bruises all over him, but I knew it was him. I tried to get out of the river as fast as possible. In my head, I was treading water for an eternity, calling for help. In reality, it was probably only a matter of seconds. I felt helpless, like if I didn’t call someone that second, Craig would die, even though I knew he was already dead. I don’t remember what happened after that, but that night was the first time I had the nightmare.”
“Did your mother ever tell your therapist about all of that?”
“She did, but my therapist thought it best I remember what happened on my own instead of someone simply telling me. To be honest, I wouldn’t have believed it if she had told me. Once I finally worked through what my brain was protecting me from, the nightmare eventually went away.”
“When did it come back?” she asked.
“When Melanie died. I felt helpless again. Once I joined the navy, it went away again because my routine helped me cope with the guilt and loss. But then…”
“Yes?”
“Then I lost you.” I looked down and met her eyes. “And the helplessness returned, but it was more intense than before. Alexander sent me away because he was concerned for my safety, but that didn’t help matters. With each day I didn’t see you, I felt myself lose more and more control over everything in my life. I felt like I was drowning, all the lies and deception pulling me down.”
“And now?” she asked, running her fingers through my hair.
“Now I’ll live with the nightmares. I deserve it for what I did to you.”
She closed her eyes, a content expression on her face. Her lips turned up slightly as a breeze blew her hair.
“Say something,” I said after several silent moments passed. My admission remained hanging between u
s, making me uneasy. The guilt I felt for not doing something to protect Craig all those years still ate away at me at times. I wondered where he would be today if I had been smarter and told him not to get in the truck. Would he have listened?
“What do you want me to say?”
“I don’t know.” I shrugged. “Something. Anything. What are you thinking?”
She flung her eyes open. “Do you really want to know?”
“I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t.”
“I’m thinking…” She paused, studying my face for several intense, protracted moments. Finally, her gaze softened. “I’m thinking it’s time to go home.” She slowly raised herself up from my lap, taking a minute to steady herself.
“Home?” I asked, deflated, as she brushed her sundress off.
“Yes. Home.” She headed toward the house and my shoulders slumped forward. I thought we had turned a corner. Perhaps I was wrong.
As she approached the steps, she halted. Clenching her fists, I could almost sense an internal struggle going on between her head and her heart. Her shoulders rose and fell, and she spun around towards me. “Aren’t you coming?”
Mackenzie
“THIS WAY,” TYLER SAID to me that evening as we emerged from his company’s jet and headed toward the flight operation base at Brownsville airport. “I have a car waiting.”
“Wait.” I stopped. “I parked my car at one of the long-term lots.”
“I’ll have Eli arrange to get it to you.” He gestured to Eli, who nodded in agreement. It seemed peculiar to be standing between these two men again, as if no time had passed at all, as if things were back to how they were before I found out the truth. Eli’s eyes were trained on me, a soft expression on his face. I could almost see the apology etched there, as if he hoped I wouldn’t hold a grudge against him for his role in the assignment, and I knew I couldn’t. He was simply following orders. I couldn’t blame him for that. But wasn’t Tyler doing the same thing? Would I be considered a hypocrite if I forgave Eli and not Tyler?
“Mackenzie?” Tyler interrupted my thoughts.
“Fine. It’s not the same car, though.”
He looked surprised. “You bought a new car?”
I avoided his eyes. “Not exactly.”
“Then what?”
I placed my hands on my hips in frustration. I knew I would have to eventually tell Tyler about what his mother had done for me, but I was dreading it. I was worried he would think everything fell apart when he left, and that I couldn’t function without him in my life. That wasn’t the case at all.
“Mackenzie, just tell me.”
“Fine,” I exhaled. “Your mom paid me a visit to apologize for you being a prick. Then she saw you knocked me up and must have seen the huge stack of overdue bills on my kitchen table. So she paid off the loan on the restaurant and my mortgage. She’s also covering all my medical expenses, and bought me a new car that could fit a baby seat.” Spinning on my heels, I stormed away from him and toward the waiting SUV.
The driver reached for the door, about to open it, when Tyler rushed forward. I was waiting for him to press the issue, to ask questions I didn’t feel like answering. Much to my surprise, he simply held the door for me.
“Allow me,” he said.
Studying him, I finally stepped back and permitted him to help me into the SUV. As he did, his hand brushed against my stomach. His stature tightened immediately. I met his gaze, a look of unease and bewilderment on his handsome face.
Smiling, I grabbed his hand in mine and placed it against my stomach. “It’s okay.” Our eyes remained locked as I kept my hands glued to his, hoping he would see I wanted him to be a part of this. Time seemed to stand still and, for that short moment, I was no longer concerned with all the lies he had told me. We were us again…the real us. The us I missed. The us I loved. The us I hoped we could be again.
There was a small flutter in my stomach and I couldn’t help but feel as though this was supposed to happen. “I think he knows his daddy’s here,” I murmured, breaking the perfect silence.
“Really? Why do you say that?”
“I think he’s kicking.” I removed my hands from on top of his, feeling the sides of my stomach.
“What does it feel like?” he asked, mesmerized. His breathing grew heavier and I knew he was in the moment. I had the same reaction the first time I felt it. Before then, it hadn’t really sunk in that this was real, even after seeing the ultrasounds and hearing the heartbeat. But that first flutter… Words were insufficient to properly convey the depth of awe I felt.
“Like a flutter of butterflies,” I explained, “but more intense. It’s almost like…”
“Yes?” he whispered, bringing his body closer to mine.
I exhaled, a satisfied smile crossing my face at the irony of it all. “Like lightning.”
Tyler swallowed hard, his breathing shallow. Our eyes locked and I saw the longing within. Licking his lips, he slowly lowered his head toward mine. My heart raced in my chest and I could have sworn I heard it echoing around us.
His breath on my skin tingled my senses, reminding me how much I craved him. Even the most innocent of touches sent me reeling, never wanting to be separated from him again. I closed my eyes, lost in the moment. I wanted his kiss, but I didn’t. I pined for it, but I knew I shouldn’t. When his lips brushed against mine, I moaned, my taut stature relaxing.
I had dreamt of this precise moment for months. Hearing his voice in my sleep, imagining his skin on mine… His voice murmuring his deepest and darkest desires had seemed so real. Now it finally was. But was I so weak to let him think he could just waltz back into my life without suffering any ramifications for what he had done to me? It wasn’t supposed to be this easy.
Subduing my urges, I pressed my hands against his firm chest and pushed him away.
He flung his eyes open, confused and a bit disoriented. “Mackenzie…”
“Tyler…,” I said simultaneously.
“What is it?” he whispered.
“I just… I can’t.” I sighed, fumbling to explain why I wanted to be us again, but just not yet. “It’s too soon. You want to start from the beginning again? I do, too, but it’s going to take time for me to forget everything. I need to learn who you are. I don’t want to go to bed with the Tyler who broke my heart. I want to go to bed with the Tyler who would walk through fire for me. I need to get to know that Tyler. The two weeks we were together were the best of my life…until the bottom dropped. We loved hard and fast. I don’t want to make the same mistake again. I don’t want to rush this. I need to learn to like you before I can give you my heart again. If you keep kissing me like that, I won’t be able to stop at just a kiss. I’ll want it all and I can’t help but think it won’t end well for us.”
Despite his apparent disappointment, he pulled away from me, respecting my wishes. Grabbing my hand in his, he placed a chaste kiss on it. “At least you’re not saying no.”
Pulling my hand from his, I tried to subdue the butterflies flapping in my stomach at the sexy, coy look on his face. “I’m not saying yes, either.”
“Not yet, but you will,” he murmured against my ear, causing a spine-tingling chill to rush through me.
I had missed those chills.
~~~~~~~~~~
“ELI WILL BE DROPPING your car off within the hour,” Tyler said, hanging up his cell phone as the chauffeured SUV pulled into the parking lot of my condo. “He can bring your keys up to you or leave them at the front desk. Whichever you’d prefer.”
“The front desk is fine. I’m planning on pouring myself a glass of sparkling water and soaking in the tub.”
“Tired?”
“Growing a human is a lot of work.” I smiled at him as he leapt out of the SUV, running around to open my door for me.
I held out my hand for him and was caught breathless when he grabbed my waist and lifted me from the back seat. I remained suspended off the ground for several long moments, simpl
y staring down at him, his smile wide. It felt like my first crush all over again…the excitement, the unexpected. I never wanted to stop living in this moment. Earlier this morning, I was furious with him, but his patience and initiative to share even the deepest and darkest parts of his soul spoke to me on another level. With each brush of his skin on mine, each tender word, each caring gesture, I felt my resolve begin to crack. His mother’s words continued to play on repeat in my subconscious, urging me to consider forgiving him because he needed it and not because he deserved it.
My feet slowly met the ground, our gaze still locked. “Thanks,” I whispered.
“You bet, princess. I need to make sure you have your footing. You are carrying precious cargo, after all.” He winked and grabbed my hand, walking beside me toward the building.
Wyatt bolted up from his desk when he saw Tyler and me enter. “Sir,” he said curtly, taking purposeful steps across the lobby towards us. “Your brother called and apprised me of the situation. The team is on standby and is happy to stay at their posts.”
I tore my hand from Tyler’s and took a few steps away from him, a chill washing over me once more. Crossing my arms, I glowered at him. “Team? There’s a team? I knew about Wyatt because he told me, but there’s more?”
Tyler let out a long breath. “I meant to tell you on the flight home, but I guess I was enjoying our conversation and didn’t want to bring up anything that would ruin it.”
“Well, now I know, so start talking,” I hissed.
“This is Martin,” he said, gesturing to the built older man standing next to him who I had known as Wyatt. “He’s Alexander’s version of Eli.”
“We’ve met, but I thought he was the only one! How many others?”
“Six total on your protection team,” he said sheepishly.
“Six?!” I exclaimed in disbelief, wondering how I could have missed six people watching my every move and spying on me.
