Healing the Doctor’s Heart

by Kirk, Cindy

  There was a fierceness to Kate’s expression that told Joel she meant every word.

  Chloe tilted her head, her forehead furrowed. “Why didn’t you tell me that you were my mom sooner?”

  “When I gave you to your parents I made a promise that I would stay out of your life until you were eighteen.” Kate smoothed a strand of hair back from Chloe’s face. “But once I knew where you were I couldn’t stay away.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me, Daddy?” Chloe turned toward Joel, her gaze sharp and accusing.

  “He didn’t know,” Kate said quickly. “I told him only this morning.”

  Chloe wiped away her remaining tears with the back of her hand, her expression pensive. Joel knew this was a lot for a child to take in all at once. He wondered if he should set up a few sessions for her with Dr. Allman so she could work through any issues.

  Chloe turned to Kate, her expression giving nothing away. “Can I have that picture of you when you were my age to show Sarabeth?”

  Joel cast a glance in Kate’s direction. From the look of surprise on her face, she didn’t know how to decipher Chloe’s reaction. Well, that made two of them.

  “Do you have more questions?” Joel prompted.

  Chloe turned to Kate. “What should I call you?”

  Kate’e gaze flickered in his direction. He shrugged.

  “Whatever you want,” she said.

  Chloe frowned. Confusion filled her eyes. “It’s okay if I still call you Dr. Kate?”

  Kate offered a reassuring smile. “That would be just fine.”

  The child flung her arms around her neck. “I like you, Dr. Kate.”

  Kate touched Chloe’s cheeks with the tips of her fingers. “I like you, too.”

  Joel experienced a whole gamut of emotions at the tentative mother-daughter bonding. Relief that Chloe didn’t appear traumatized, though he knew there would be more questions, more anger, more tears. Gratitude that Kate had been sensitive to Chloe’s needs. Sadness that it wasn’t Amy sitting there with Chloe in her arms.

  The two were still talking in hushed tones when Joel’s cell phone rang. He considered letting it go to voice mail until he saw the call was from one of his crew who’d been injured on the job today.

  “Thought you’d want to know I’m in the hospital,” Larry Farrels said in lieu of a greeting.

  Joel pulled his brows together. “Did the pain get worse?”

  Larry had fallen off a ladder and landed across a sawhorse. He’d gotten up, dusted himself off and continued working. By the time the day ended, his only complaint was a sore left shoulder.

  “Yeah, the pain got real bad. I went to the E.R. and they admitted me. Doc thinks I screwed up my spleen when I fell.”

  “Those sawhorses can be mean devils.” Joel kept his tone light. “Especially when you jump ’em.”

  Larry laughed.

  “Make sure the hospitals and doctors understand this is under workers’ comp,” Joel said, suddenly serious. “Will you need surgery?”

  “Don’t know yet. They want to keep me for a couple days. Maybe give me some blood. See if they can get it to heal without taking me under the knife.”

  Joel paused. Larry had recently moved to Jackson Hole. As far as he knew the guy didn’t have any family in the area. “I was going to be in area of the hospital a little later. Feel good enough for company?”

  “Yeah, absolutely.” The man’s eagerness for visitors told Joel he’d been right to offer. He got the room number and had just hung up when Chloe returned from the kitchen with two tall glasses of iced tea in her hands.

  “Who were you talking to?” Chloe asked, handing one of the glasses to him and the other to Kate.

  “One of the guys I work with,” Joel said. “Took a hard fall but we thought he was fine. Seems he injured his spleen.”

  “Poor man,” Kate murmured.

  Joel shifted his gaze to his daughter. “Looks like we’ll be making a quick trip to the hospital, princess.”

  “Aw, Dad, do I have to go?”

  “We can stop and look at the babies in the window,” he said, sweetening the offer.

  Chloe loved babies. Loved holding them. Loved seeing the newborns in the nursery window.

  “Okay.” Chloe turned to Kate. “Will you come over tomorrow?”

  “Let me get back to you on that,” Kate said, giving the child a hug. “After your dad and I talk.”

  But there ended up being no time for conversation. Kate received an urgent call from the hospital and was out the door before Joel had the chance to say goodbye. Or to decide where they went from here.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Kate arrived at the hospital just in time to witness Emilie Hyland deliver a seven-pound five-ounce baby boy. She examined him and pronounced him absolutely perfect.

  When she started to hand him to Emilie, the girl turned her head. “I don’t want to see him.”

  Kate knew Emilie had decided to give the baby up for adoption. She’d seen the adoptive parents waiting in the hall. Even though it was the teenager’s choice whether or not to see her child, Kate wanted to make sure that she’d thought through her decision.

  “Why don’t you want to hold him?” Kate asked in a soft tone, devoid of any judgment.

  Tears slipped down the girl’s cheeks. “It will hurt too much.”

  Kate swallowed past the sudden lump in her throat. “It’s going to hurt whether you hold him or not.”

  “You don’t know.” The girl’s blue eyes flashed. “You have no idea what this is like, how hard it is to give away your own flesh and blood.”

  “As a matter of fact, I do.” Kate took a deep breath. “I gave up a baby for adoption ten years ago.”

  “You did?” Emilie’s eyes widened. “Why?”

  “The same reasons you’re making this choice. I wanted to give my daughter a better life.”

  “Have you, I mean, did you ever regret not keeping her?”

  “I questioned my decision many times.” Kate refused to lie or sugarcoat the gravity of the decision. “But I wanted her to have two parents and a stable home. It wasn’t a life I could have given her at that time.”

  “Paul and Robyn are wonderful people,” Emilie said. “They’ll be terrific parents. Because we’re doing an open adoption, I’ll be able to watch him grow up.”

  “Sounds like you’ve thought it out.”

  The baby stirred in Kate’s arms, emitting a soft cry.

  Emilie stared at the blue bundle. “C-can I hold him?”

  Kate answered by placing the baby in the girl’s arms. Several minutes passed before Emilie reluctantly handed him back. “I’m sure Robyn and Paul are eager to see him.”

  “Let’s get you up to your room and get you settled.” The delivery room nurse placed her hand on Emilie’s shoulder and smiled.

  “I’ll take the baby to the nursery,” Kate told the nurse, then stepped out into the hall where a man and a woman in their mid-thirties stood. The tall broad-shouldered man and his petite blond-haired wife moved forward when they saw the blue bundle in her arms.

  “Is that him?” The man’s voice broke. He swiped at his eyes and cleared his throat. “Is that Nate?”

  “How is Emilie?” the woman asked, though her eyes remained fixed on the baby.

  “Doing well,” Kate said. “And Nathan is a healthy boy.”

  Paul slipped an arm around his wife’s shoulder and gave it a squeeze. “We tried to have a baby for almost eight years.”

  “We’d given up hope.” Robyn’s voice trembled. “Nathan is truly a gift from God.”

  Kate held out the baby. “Would you like to hold your son?”

  The two exchanged glances as if trying to figure out who got him first.

  “You take him, Robyn,” Paul said. “I’ve waited a long time to see you holding our baby.”

  Not long after Kate handed her the child, Paul’s arms encircled his wife. He pulled her close until the three of them formed their own l
ittle circle of love.

  As Kate stood back and watched them ooh and aah over their new son, she finally understood that giving Chloe to Joel and Amy had been a great gift and an unselfish decision.

  The guilt that had been her daily companion for more than ten years slipped from her shoulders to pool at her feet.

  * * *

  After visiting with Larry, Joel and Chloe took the elevator to the maternity floor. They were almost to the nursery windows when they ran into Dave Hyland. “What are you doing here?”

  “Emilie had her baby.” A shadow fell over Dave’s face. “Healthy little boy.”

  “Dad, can I go and look at the babies?” Chloe interrupted, her gaze focused on the nursery window down the hall.

  “Stay where I can see you.” The words had barely left his lips when she took off running. “Walk,” he called after her.

  He turned back to Dave and clapped him on the shoulder. “Congratulations on your new grandson.”

  “Yeah, well, Emilie has decided she isn’t keeping him.” A muscle jumped in the bricklayer’s jaw.

  That’s right, Joel thought. Emilie was in high school. Not married. Still a child herself.

  “I’m sure that wasn’t an easy decision for her,” Joel said. “Chloe is adopted, so I have a special place in my heart for birthmothers who place a child for adoption.”

  “She’s doing an open one,” Dave acknowledged. “The couple who’s adopting him live in Laramie, so we’ll be able to get there for birthdays and special occasions. I know my wife and Emilie are going to live for the monthly pictures and reports they’ve been promised.”

  Joel had no doubt Dave would be as eager for the pictures as his wife and daughter. He thought of Kate. Pictured her waiting for the reports and pictures that never came. Because he hadn’t made keeping his promise a priority. He hadn’t taken the time. Shame flooded him.

  A door opened down the hall and Dave’s wife motioned to him. “Emilie is on her way to the room.”

  “Dad, Dad,” Chloe called to him when Dave walked away. “Come and look at this big baby.”

  There were only three babies in the nursery. Joel figured the “big one” had to be the little girl with the chubby cheeks in the front row. “She still looks small to me.”

  “If you and Dr. Ka—Mom had a baby, I could be a big sister.”

  Joel’s chuckle held no humor. He’d be lucky if Kate let him in her front door again, much less in her bed. “Dr. Kate and I aren’t married, sweetheart.”

  “Then marry her,” Chloe said as if the answer was obvious. “You love her, don’t you?”

  He did love Kate, Joel realized suddenly. Had loved her for quite a while. He just hadn’t admitted it to himself. Until now. It was time to finally let Amy go and start his life again.

  “It’s not that simple.” Joel remembered every word Kate had said. And every word he’d failed to say.

  “Just because you loved Mom doesn’t mean you can’t love Dr. Kate,” Chloe said earnestly, sounding older than her years. “All you have to do is tell her.”

  Could it really be that simple? “When did you get to be so smart?”

  Chloe tilted her head and carefully considered his words. Then she smiled. “When I turned ten.”

  * * *

  Kate rose the next morning with a sense of peace in her heart. Chloe knew she was her mother and didn’t hate her. Joel appeared agreeable to her seeing Chloe. Things were definitely looking up.

  Yet sadness wrapped around her shoulders like a heavy cloak. Despite what she’d said to Joel, she still loved him. She tried to tell herself that it was good their relationship had ended. That in time she’d forget about him. But she couldn’t make herself believe the lie.

  Since she didn’t have to be in the office until noon, Kate stayed in her robe and slippers. She was enjoying a second cup of coffee when the doorbell rang.

  Cinching the blue satin tie more firmly around her waist, Kate strolled to the door with coffee in hand. She expected to see the FedEx guy. Instead, Joel stood on the front stoop with a bakery bag in hand.

  “May I come in?”

  When Kate simply stood there, he brushed past her and stepped inside. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

  Finally Kate’s mouth caught up to her brain. “What are you doing here?”

  “Almond bear claws.” He pressed the bag into her hand and gestured toward her cup. “Got any more of that?”

  “In the kitchen.” Kate followed him. “Is Chloe okay?”

  “She had a hard time sleeping, she was so excited.” He poured the steaming brew into a cup, then reached into the refrigerator for the cream.

  “I’m thankful she took the news so well.” Kate dropped the sack of pastries on the table and automatically pulled two small plates from the cupboard.

  Joel wrapped his hand around the large mug and took a sip. “Thank you.”

  “No problem. I made way more than I need—”

  “I’m not talking about the coffee.” His gaze never left her face. “I should have said this last night but I didn’t. Thank you for Chloe. She meant the world to Amy and she means the world to me. Your sacrifice made it possible for us to be parents.”

  Kate opened her mouth and shut it.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t send the reports and pictures. It was inexcusable.” True regret filled his eyes. He rocked back on his heels. “If I were you, I’d have hired a detective, too.”

  “You would have?”

  “Absolutely.”

  Unsettled, Kate took a sip of her coffee. “This seems to be a complete turnaround.”

  “I’ve been doing a lot of hard thinking.” He took a deep breath, but she spoke before he could continue.

  “So have I. For all these years I’ve sold myself short. I felt I didn’t deserve real happiness. That’s why I was willing to settle for two weeks of no-obligation sex with you.” As much as Kate had enjoyed their time together, the affair had been a mistake. Her heart was incapable of separating sex from love. “I deserve more. I want a man who loves and adores me and puts me first in his life. I want marriage. Perhaps children. I won’t settle for less.”

  “I want those same things, Kate. I want them with you.”

  To his chagrin, she began shaking her head even before he’d finished speaking. “I won’t compete with a dead woman. Love isn’t a competition. Or it shouldn’t be.”

  “Amy is my past, Kate. I loved her as much as a man could love a woman. I don’t deny that. But I love you now. And just as much. The comparisons were a way to keep you at arm’s length,” Joel said. “I fell in love with you so quickly that it made me feel disloyal to Amy.”

  “Really.”

  He heard the doubt in her voice, saw it in her eyes.

  “Trying to compare you two is like comparing apples to oranges. I see you for who you are and I love—”

  “Who am I, Joel?”

  “You’re a fighter. A woman who didn’t let your family’s expectations hold you back from following your dream of becoming a doctor.”

  Even though she didn’t respond, Joel could tell she was listening, so he kept talking.

  “You’re a woman who loves deeply and wants the best for those you love. That’s why you chose to give your daughter a home where she could grow and thrive.”

  Kate shifted her gaze out the window. Her expression gave nothing away. He began to talk faster, not sure how much time he had left.

  “You like big, flashy jewelry, making love under the stars and mistletoe. You’re kind and smart and generous. You’re the woman I love and you’ll always be the most important woman in my heart.”

  He dropped to one knee and took her hand.

  “What are you doing?” She tried to pull her hand back, but he wouldn’t let go.

  “I love you, Kate McNeal. I can’t imagine my life without you in it. I want to spend the rest of my life making you happy. Will you do me the honor of being my wife and Chloe’s mother?”

&n
bsp; Kate blinked. Was she dreaming?

  He slipped his hand into his jacket pocket and pulled out a tiny black velvet box. When he flipped it open, the overhead light scattered the rays, nearly blinding her.

  “What is that?”

  “It’s an engagement ring, darlin’. The biggest, flashiest, most beautiful ring I could find. Do you like it?”

  The uncertainty in his voice told her he wasn’t nearly as confident as he appeared.

  The stone was huge, an emerald-cut diamond surrounded by smaller diamonds. The thin platinum band allowed the stone to take center stage.

  “It’s beautiful. And big.”

  “Not nearly as big as my love, sweetheart.”

  Kate blinked. He was still there. She blinked again.

  This time she saw clearly the love and promise in his hazel depths. Her heart rose to her throat.

  “Will you marry me, Kate? Will you be a wife to me and a mother to Chloe and to any other children we might have?”

  “You want other children?”

  “I’d love a whole houseful.”

  “Oh, Joel.” She smiled through her tears.

  He fought a surge of hope. “A simple yes will do.”

  “Yes,” she said. “Yes, yes, yes.”

  He rose to his feet and pulled her to him, kissing her until she heard fireworks and cymbals and bells. Until her knees were so weak that he had to pick her up and carry her to the bedroom.

  Epilogue

  Kate pulled on her ice skates and expelled a happy sigh. Six months had passed since Joel had proposed. It had been three months since they’d married in a small ceremony surrounded by friends and family.

  Her parents had arrived for the wedding, along with Andrea and her husband and children. Chloe had enjoyed playing with her new cousins. Kate had high hopes that her relationship with her sister would continue to improve.

  Joel had just broken ground on their future home in the mountains, close to where several of their friends already lived. Life was good. It was about to get even better.