Honeymoon With the Rancher (Harlequin Romance)

by Donna Alward

  She stood on tiptoe, hanging on to the railing and looking down into the cleft in the rock. As the wind tossed her hair over her shoulder, he knew that she was the kind of woman he could easily spend his life with.

  The realization was so sudden that he felt everything within him drop to his feet, shifting the grate beneath the soles of his shoes. A lifetime? Impossible. Recognizing his feelings as love was different than contemplating forever. He’d felt that longing with Rosa, and he never wanted to go through that pain again. His brain leapt ahead, searching for logic. What kind of life would they have? He could resume his place at Motores Mendoza, he supposed, but he’d be miserable, stuck in the city with no room to breathe. At the mercy of the boardroom and his father’s legacy. And the estancia was a fine place for a holiday, but would a woman like Sophia ever be happy out in the middle of the pampas? Living there wasn’t the same as a week’s vacation.

  He took several steps away from the observation platform, back towards where the boardwalk narrowed. Sophia looked back at him and smiled, her curls darker now from the damp, the corkscrews springing up and framing her tanned face. Even if they could agree, it was crazy to think of asking her to stay after only a week of knowing her. The heavy feeling in his chest, the way his words felt as though they were going to stick in his throat when she was around—this was simply a holiday fling, right? A far cry from building a life with someone. That was complete and utter nonsense.

  Sophia was mesmerized by the thunder of the water and the spray that settled like a film on her hair. It was majestic, staggering, awesome. She closed her eyes, listening to the crash of the water, feeling the power vibrate through her feet up her body, loving the way the mist moistened her skin.

  And then she opened her eyes and looked at Tomas. He was standing back towards the opening of the observation deck, watching her with such a serious expression that her heart stuttered.

  She smiled at him, wanting to see him smile back at her, needing the warmth of it. Every time she thought about leaving she felt a little piece of her heart break away. Tomorrow it was back to Buenos Aires and the airport. It was hours on a plane and a life of uncertainty waiting—a life she could choose. It should have felt like a world of excitement and possibility.

  Right now it just felt empty. Because there would be no Tomas in it.

  She took her hand off the railing and went to him, curling her hand around his arm. “You’re looking glum.”

  “Am I? I didn’t mean to.” But there was something in his voice. It was too perfect, too cautious. “Let’s walk. There are tons of trails. Let’s just enjoy the day, okay?”

  They made their way to the train and soon they were chugging their way back to the station where they could connect to walking trails. Tomas pointed out coatis scurrying through the grass, searching for discarded snacks from the tourists. “Tomas?” Sophia watched a coati shoving a piece of bread into its mouth, reminding her of the raccoons back home. “If I ask you now, will you answer? Why didn’t you tell me you were part owner of the estancia?”

  Tomas dropped his hand and sighed. “Maria has a big mouth.”

  Sophia couldn’t help but laugh. “It’s like you hung the stars and the moon for her, Tomas. She just loves you. She’s proud of you.”

  Was it pain that suddenly slashed across his face? If it was, it was gone just as quickly. “I have money, Sophia. My family owns Motores Mendoza—an auto parts company.”

  “Is it a big company?”

  He chuckled, the sound tight, no pleasure in it. “Fairly big. My father’s empire. I chose the pampas instead. I invested my money in Vista del Cielo.”

  “Because of Rosa?”

  She saw him swallow. She knew it was a tough topic, but it had bothered her that he’d let her believe he was nothing more than a gaucho, a worker.

  “Partly. Because I love it there. And because I wanted to help Maria and Carlos. I am the silent partner. In exchange for capital, I have a job, a place to live.”

  “No,” she replied, shaking her hair to let the breeze dry it. She could feel the humidity turning her curls into tight ringlets. “That is a business transaction. What you have, Tomas, is a family who loves you. What about your other family? Your real father and mother?”

  He shook his head. “I haven’t spoken to them in some time. I should have taken my place at the head of the company when my father retired. He felt betrayed when I resigned and moved to the estancia.”

  “But they are your family. If they love you…”

  The train rolled into the station and they got off. Sophia peeled off her poncho and shook the remaining moisture off. Tomas rolled it and tucked it within the straps of the pack.

  “Sophia, I never meant to mislead you. Not about any of it. I’m just a very private person. Talking about my personal life just doesn’t happen.”

  “That explains me having to drag it out of you, then.” She started down the path, hearing his footsteps behind her. “But the result is that your silence can make a person feel very insignificant and meaningless.”

  “Not meaningless!” He jogged to catch her and grabbed her hand. “Sophia…I know how he made you feel. I never meant to do that. Never. There were times I wanted to tell you, but how would I bring up such a topic?”

  “The elephant in the room.” Sophia sighed, and their steps slowed as they walked the route to the lower falls.

  The jungle seemed to close in, sheltering them in a green canopy of privacy as they traveled. A toucan flew in front of them and perched in a nearby tree. Butterflies dotted the foliage. Sophia was thinking about getting on the plane tomorrow and wondering how she was going to make it through that.

  “After what happened to you, aren’t you afraid to love again?” Tomas asked. “Doesn’t it frighten you?”

  Sophia nodded. “Of course. Once you’ve been burned…you grow cautious.”

  “Then imagine if the person you’d loved had died. Wouldn’t it scare you to think of loving someone that much again? Knowing how it had hurt?”

  The thought of leaving Tomas tomorrow was ripping through her insides, but he’d still be alive and well and riding the pampas. To think about a world without Tomas in it…

  “Yes,” she whispered. “That would make me think twice.”

  “Then perhaps you understand why I had difficulty opening up to you, Sophia. You frighten me.”

  She stopped in the path. “Me?”

  “You didn’t realize I care for you? You didn’t trust my feelings were real?”

  “I thought the feelings were all on my side.”

  Tomas put down the pack. “After all that happened? The kiss on the bridge? Telling you about Rosa? The night in my room? Did you think it meant nothing to me?”

  “I…I…” She stammered, off balance. “Of course not,” she replied, but then had to confess. “I mean, you were wonderful, but I thought you were just…being…” She sighed. “Nice,” she finished.

  “I see,” he said quietly. “You told me things, but you didn’t trust me. I understand why my silence upsets you. I do, Sophia, and I’m sorry for that. But have you told me everything about yourself?”

  Her silence spoke louder than any words could have.

  “You did not trust me, either. And what do we have if we don’t have trust?”

  Sophia had no words. Was he right? Did he have bigger feelings for her than she realized? And had she passed them off as if they were unimportant? She had trusted him, but had she trusted in him? He was talking about faith, a completely different thing, and up until now she hadn’t separated the two.

  “Tomas…”

  “Never mind,” he said. “Let’s take a boat ride before we go back to the hotel. This is your only chance, right? You might as well make the most of it.”

  He shouldered the pack once more and led the way down the path.

  Sophia had felt many things over the past week, but feeling that she’d let Tomas down was suddenly the worst of them all. And
with only hours left, how could she ever make it up to him?

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  SOPHIA saw the boat and instantly felt her insides seize. It was really just a Zodiac crammed with people and Sophia had already witnessed the awesome power of the river—how could a Zodiac compete with that? But Tomas was right beside her, and she refused to back out. She could only let her fear dictate for so long and eventually she had to stand up to it. At least this time she had Tomas by her side. She had climbed many mountains this week. This felt like the ultimate test, and she was determined to face it.

  She donned the life jacket provided and took her seat next to Tomas.

  The tour started with the guide narrating a spiel about the river and falls but Sophia heard nothing other than the rushing water. Tomas pointed out something on the shore, and she dutifully followed the direction of his finger and nodded, but she had no idea what she was supposed to be looking at. Instead, she could only feel everything closing in around her. The side of the boat pressed against her leg and Tomas’s body was an immovable wall to her left. The grumble of the motor was nearly drowned out by the crash of the water, and the wall of river and people pushed in on her from both sides until she could hardly breathe.

  All around her there were exclamations of excitement and whoops as passengers got in the spirit of the adventure. But as they got closer to the roaring falls, the cloud of mist darkened the sky and Sophia was surrounded by it as the pilot took them closer, closer, closer.

  The walls closed in, dark and with no escape.

  Sophia began to tremble.

  It had been a mistake. It had all been a mistake. She should never have done this. Why had she thought that this was a good idea? Her breaths came in shallow pants as she fought against the panic. She wanted out, right now. And there was nowhere to go.

  She tried to force deep breaths, to visualize being anywhere else, but all she saw was darkness and all she felt was the claustrophobia of being trapped. Drops of water crawled down her skin and she shuddered, unable to stop the shaking.

  Then Tomas was there, saying her name.

  His arm went around her shoulder, holding her as close to him as their life jackets would allow while all around them screams of wonder erupted as the boat passed daringly close to the falls. His left hand came across and took hers and she gripped it, a lifeline in the middle of the terror. Tears streamed down her cheeks, mingling with the droplets of river water that soaked them all. Sophia fought for logic. This is not then. It is not the dark, dingy basement and I am not alone.

  She was with Tomas. The boat turned, heading back toward the docking area and Sophia went limp with relief. It was over. Sunlight reappeared as they drew away from the falls, the warm light of it soaking into the top of her head. Still Tomas kept his arm around her and she kept her fingers within his.

  She turned to look up at him. His dark eyes were clouded with concern, his lips unsmiling. She blinked, feeling the tears warm on her lashes as her lower lip quivered. Tomas leaned forward and stopped the trembling with his mouth. The kiss was incredibly tender, and he let his forehead rest against hers for a moment before sitting back.

  But he never let go of her hand.

  The boat docked and the passengers disembarked. Tomas and Sophia shed their life jackets and Sophia stepped away to the trail. The ground felt as though it was shifting beneath her feet. Without saying a word, Tomas took her hand and they began the hike through the rain forest that would take them back to the parking lot. She followed blindly, one step after the other, going slowly until all the others of their party pulled away and they were left behind.

  A side path opened up and Tomas led her down it, until they stood at an outcrop overlooking the falls, the roar now a distant hum. He shed the pack and turned to her, holding out his arms. She went into them, and the numbness that had sustained her through the Zodiac ride and walk fled, making room for the painful pins and needles of recirculation as her feelings came rushing back. She didn’t realize she was crying until she heard Tomas say “Shhhh” into her hair, and she took great gulps of air, trying to regain control.

  “Sophia, please don’t cry.” His voice was rough with emotion. “Please, Sophia. You tear me apart when you cry.”

  He cared about her that much? She closed her eyes, inhaling his scent that was man and water and fresh air and knowing it was a smell she’d always associate with security. She was safe here, in Tomas’s arms.

  “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I didn’t mean to cry.”

  His hand cupped the back of her head, stroking her hair.

  “If I had known about the boat…I never would have suggested it, querida. I’m so sorry. Why didn’t you say anything?”

  She sniffled, and pushed out of his arms just enough that she could look up at him—she didn’t want to be out of his embrace completely. “I thought I needed to face it. I wanted to show you I could be brave.” Her lip trembled again but she stopped it. “It wasn’t the boat, Tomas. It was…”

  She took in a great breath and let it out again. “It was the way I’ve lived my whole life, and I’m so tired of it. I’m tired of being scared. I’m tired of being afraid.”

  “Afraid of what?” He placed a finger under her chin. “Sophia, I would keep you safe. You must know that. I would do anything to keep you out of harm’s way.”

  Her heart gave a solid thump at the assurance in his voice. “I know, Tomas, I know.” She put her hand on the side of his face and looked up into the eyes that seemed to see her so well. “Don’t you see? I could only face it because I had you. And because deep down I knew that no matter what I did, you would be there. Because you are Tomas. Because that is what you do.”

  She thought she saw pain flash through his eyes before he lowered his lashes, but when he lifted them again his gaze was clear. “What is it that frightened you so much? I looked over and your face was white. And you were crying. But Sophia, you never cry. Not when you showed up at the estancia by mistake. Not even when you fell off the horse. Talk to me, Sophia.”

  She led him to a bench on the side of the viewpoint and they sat down. Sophia kept her leg pressed against his, needing to feel close to him. “I should never have been angry about you keeping secrets. You were right, Tomas. I haven’t told you everything, either. I’ve never talked about this before,” she whispered. “But I need to now. I need to because I want to stop feeling this way.”

  He squeezed her hand, the only encouragement she needed.

  “When I was eight, my father and mother separated. My mother had never been really happy, but when Dad was gone she was really bitter. She made a point of sending me to the right schools and she worked long hours to make sure we had a nice house in a good neighbourhood. But she really didn’t see me. I never understood how he could have left us like that. But when I asked about seeing my dad she never answered my questions. It all went wrong when he left, and I would go to bed at night just wishing he’d come back.”

  She took Tomas’s hand in hers, ran her fingers over the work-worn fingertips and strong muscles of his wrist. He had reliable hands. She lifted it to her lips and kissed the spot at the base of his thumb before continuing on.

  “We were staying at a cottage in Muskoka the next summer. It was beautiful, but I was so lonely. I hadn’t seen my dad in months and I didn’t know any of the kids there. I didn’t want mom to see me cry—she hated when I did—so I hid in the basement. I thought I’d be left alone there to have my cry in private.

  “Someone went out and they locked the cellar door before they left. I couldn’t get out. I had left the door open a crack for light, but once it was shut, there was nothing but blackness.

  “I cried to get out. I banged on the door but no one heard. I heard them calling for me, but then the voices went away.” Sophia suppressed a shudder, determined to tell him everything. He needed to understand. Someone needed to understand—she was so tired of being alone. And he had been wrong. She did trust in him.


  “I sat in the dark for four hours. Nothing but the sound of my own breathing, and the scratch of insects on the walls. But I lost it completely when the spiders got in my hair. I started crying again, and it was a neighbour who heard me screaming and opened the basement door.”

  “Oh, Sophia,” Tomas said, holding her close. “So the morning you saw the wolf spider…”

  “I know it is childish, but I’ve never gotten over my fear of them. Every time I see one I feel it crawling along my scalp.”

  He pressed a kiss to her temple and she sighed, sinking into him. “That’s not the worst part though, Tomas. My mother was livid. She yelled at me for playing dangerous games, told me how terrible we looked to our hosts now—you have to understand this was a very affluent area with big summer homes. We looked bad. That was her big concern. And then she said…she said…”

  Even now it stung. Sophia knew it was a horribly wrong and untruthful thing for her mother to say, and that it had been done in the heat of panic. Margaret had apologized later, but the damage had been done nonetheless. “She said I was so much trouble it was no wonder my father had left.”

  Tomas said something in Spanish she didn’t understand, but his tone was dark and angry.

  “Being at Vista del Cielo with you—it showed me that all my life I’ve been afraid. Scared that if I didn’t do what was expected of me, she’d leave, too. She was all I had left. So I went to the right schools and socialized with the right people and did the right job. Antoine was the ‘right’ sort of man—well positioned, well-liked, with a shining future. And I’d been doing what I was told for so long that I was the perfect wife for him.”

  “Until you caught him with his mistress.” Tomas smiled a little, and Sophia couldn’t help it. She found herself smiling back.

  “Yes. That was the deal-breaker. That was the beginning of me finding who I was, rather than who everyone else wanted me to be. Looking back, I can see that my mom only wanted security for me. She wanted for me what she didn’t have for herself. It’s just not what I want.”