"What do you have there? Andy?" Garrett's voice was interested, but his face was confused as she glanced at him from the corner of her vision. He tipped the edge of the envelope and growled.
2416 Blue Veil Drive, Calliwell, Illinois.
No return names; just the address.
"Sonofabitch." Garrett let go of her mail, but he didn't step away from her. With stilted steps, she turned and made her way back to the house. It barely registered that Garrett was beside her. Once again she was thankful for his silence, but she could almost feel his mental cussing. Why, she didn't know, but she was going to find out.
She felt like she was standing at a great abyss; its chasm deep and uninterrupted. Wishing she could take a deep breath, Andy sat on the corner of the mattress facing the large set of small paned windows. The sheer green curtains blocked direct view, but still allowed the sunshine to filter inside. More landscape pictures hung on the cream walls that connected to the light wood floor. She tried to lose herself in the rambling creek with clean, clear water cutting through the lush green grass. Pine trees hemmed the creek in, but still it flowed with beautiful confidence. The creek, trees and grass had a place that they belonged and thrived. She couldn't help but feel that she still didn't know where her confidence was or if she was even brave enough to find it.
"Hey babe! Garrett said you wanted to talk to me." Matt stood in the doorway, staring at her back. Andy gritted her teeth, squeezing the unopened envelope in her hands. "Are you all right?"
She could hear his footsteps as he came further into the bedroom. His boots clicked on the wood. The silence stretched her nerves to the breaking point and she let the anger flow through her.
"Why the fuck did you not tell me? Did we not just do this days ago?" Anguish broke free of its moorings inside her and every word took a superhuman effort to say. Her whole body trembled.
"What do you mean?" Matt's voice was soft, almost imperceptible with the ringing in her ears. Standing up and pivoting, grimacing at the pain, Andy threw the envelope onto the bed. It looked bright against the cream quilted bed spread. His blue eyes flickered from her own to the envelope and back to hers again. "Christ!" He furrowed his brow and shook his head. "Andy, the nurse told me they didn't know how bad you were. They strongly suggested that I let your family know."
"You couldn't WAIT to see what they had to say? I've told you how it is with them and still you contacted them?" Andy yelled out, emotion nearly choking her. She swallowed hard. Matt shook his head, looked at the envelope again, and stuff his hands back into his front pockets.
"Damn it, Andy, I was so worried that you would die! You were hit by a fucking car! What did you expect me to do? Wait patiently in the waiting room for them to tell me you weren't coming back and Harper didn't have a mother anymore?" Matt howled back at her. Blue eyes sparking in the hottest flame. His chest heaved with the effort to pull on the reins. Andy wasn't afraid. She was angry, confused, and hurt. How could he do this to her again?
"It was your psycho ex-girlfriend that tried to kill me!" She couldn't think of anything to throw at him, except something that he truly had no control over and even then had tried to control. She didn't care if it sounded unreasonable. She was furious with everything that had happened.
"God, I know, Andy. I know." His anger bubbled, brimming near the edge. She could feel it.
"I am sick, Matt! I am so tired of taking people's shit and dealing with it!" Word vomit. It burbled past her lips faster than her mind could translate. All the anger, desolation, anxiety and pain was boiling over and Matt was the unsuspecting target. Her chest heaved as she tried to take an adequate breath. She felt light-headed, but still she stood her ground.
"Don't blame me for it, Andy! Don't trample our feelings, because you don't know how to deal with it!" Matt was hurt. He was lashing out as good as he got. He advanced a few feet towards her and stopped. The room fairly crackled with their energies.
"You bastard, of course, you are to blame! If I had never met you, I wouldn't be hurting like hell. I wouldn't be so pissed off at the world. I wouldn't be..." A sob broke over the last of her words and her voice wouldn't say what had very nearly slipped. Matt surged forward, grasping her roughly by the upper arms.
"Say it, damn it! Say it! You wouldn't be what?" His voice was just below yelling, but the intensity was still there. Andy's vision blurred with tears and she swallowed as the flood rushed down her cheeks.
"I wouldn't be...in love...with you." The roaring hushed in her ears. Matt pulled her mouth hard against his own. It was all teeth, tongue, lips and tears. She tried to breathe. Pain ripped through her heart, her soul, and her poor bruised body.
"Ow!" She exclaimed as Matt gathered her tight against his body. Immediately he released her from his death grip.
"Shit! I'm sorry, Andy." Desperate to still feel her touch, he leaned his forehead against hers. Their ragged breathing was testament to their fierce emotions so close to the surface. Andy felt exhausted. Closing her eyes, she rested against him despite her aching ribs. His hands wandered softly along her hips, gently over her ribs, and up around the back of her shoulders. His palms flattened over the boney blades.
"I couldn't open it." She whispered, her fingers dipping into the front pockets of his jeans. Looking up, she saw his blue eyes waiting for the answer. Why couldn't you open it? She firmed her lips, trying to push aside her need to kiss him for the moment. "They didn't come after you called them."
It was an ever deepening gash that bled with such earnestness. How can parents not care about their child? She didn't know what she could possibly do to bridge the gap. As time went on, would she even want to? Matt nuzzled her cheek, pulling her back to his warmth. The warmth that always pulled her back to him.
"No, they didn't come. If it makes you feel better, I called your dad a heartless asshole." He offered a weak smile and Andy felt her heart start beating again. The glow in his gaze had nothing to do with anger now, but desire. A desire she felt fanning the flames in her marrow. He watched her carefully and then tilted his head to the side. "Do you want to open the envelope?" Andy sighed. That was the million dollar question.
She turned towards the bed where the pink envelope still sat. Her mother's handwriting caused her chest to tighten. Curiosity was powerful and she did want to know what was inside. Hesitation ebbed as she leaned to retrieve it. She hissed as her ribs balked at her movement. The paper was crisp and smooth under her fingers. Matt stayed quietly beside her. Swallowing a lump, Andy slid her forefinger along the seam to break it. A noticeable tremble shook her fingers as she unfolded the flap to see a cheerful card bedecked in butterflies and glitter.
Andy slipped the card completely out of its slot and opened the card. She closed her eyes, took a breath, and opened them back up.
Andy,
My dearest daughter. It is hard to justify the roads we choose to take when the world threatens to tear someone you love from the world. There are simply no words to make amends. I love you.
I hope you are well and that your daughter is a light in your life.
-Forever your mother-
Well. That was about all she could say for this odd turn of events. Matt took her back into his arms and she wept against his shirt.
Chapter Twenty One
Andy shifted in her seat to check on the sleeping Harper in the back seat of Matt's red Chevy pickup. The sun hadn't even peered over the horizon, but the faintest pinks and oranges waved over the landscape. She stretched and tried to find a more comfortable spot. The doctor said she would still be sore, but the bruising of her ribs was healing. It was an advisement that she take it easy and rest when she could. Unfortunately Matt took that to mean they couldn't be intimate. Mentally she frowned. It seemed like forever since they had sex. A shiver started on the inside of her thigh and found shelter deep in her core. Mmm...I need him.
As if he could sense her thinking about him, Matt glanced from the road to her and his clear blue eyes locked on hers
. She saw a glimpse of her own desire there in the depths but it was masked quickly by indecision and a wariness that was not the Matt Johnson she had come to know. The self-assurance and confident man had been replaced by an over thinker. It bothered her that everything that had happened between them had caused him to put a shield up between them.
"How long until we get to your parent's house?" Andy asked when he turned his attention back to the road. It had been too quiet in the truck with no radio on and Harper sleeping in the back.
"An hour, maybe a bit more. I'm sorry we had to get such an early start, but my dad needs help bringing in some horses for the Buffalo Stampede Roundup." Matt picked up his bottle of water, twisted the cap off and took a drink. Andy bit her bottom lip. Oh how she ached to have those soft lips on her skin! She swallowed hard.
"I'm glad Nora will be taking Harper and me. It sounds amazing! I even brought my camera if I can get some decent pictures." Andy tentatively touched the black camera bag by her ankle. She hadn't used it since before she came to South Dakota. She wasn't sure she still had the talent that her teachers told her she did.
"Nora was thrilled to have Harper back. She's missed her this past week. She always wanted a little girl." Matt said, his face giving away nothing. His fingers tightened on the steering wheel though.
"I'm sure she will have kids with Randy. He sounds like a great guy to have waited so long for her. Her very own white knight! Most girls dream of finding such devotion and love." She looked out the window at the passing scenery as they motored down Highway 79. It was bare of most everything except the winding stretch of asphalt and grassland.
"You don't think he's a fool for waiting four years for my sister? They have set three wedding dates and two of them came and went without anything happening. This next one could be the last if she backs out of it again." Matt said almost to himself; his wrist propped up on the top of the steering wheel. Andy wondered if he was feeling foolish for falling for someone like her. Was he regretting telling her that he loved her? Was he wishing he hadn't taken on this burden of a young woman and her four month old daughter? It's not his child, Andy. He isn't required to make a commitment of any kind to either of you. She felt slightly ill.
"If he loves her and I think that he does, he would still be there for her even if they never got married. Yes, it seems unfair that she cannot commit to him forever. I just don't think that she means to hurt him; just to protect herself." Andy muddled through her response. It hadn't come out quite like she had wanted and it sounded a bit stiff now thinking back on it. No one should have to wait forever for someone who cannot be everything to them. Then again, she didn't think it was fair to string someone along with promises if you never meant to act on them, either.
"Well, I really hope Nora knows how much Randy loves her. If she blows this, I don't think there is any coming back from that kind of heartbreak." He didn't look at her, but kept his eyes straight on the road. Suddenly Andy had this chill from the realization that this was not about Nora and Randy, but about them. You and me. His family was going to be the test. He needed to know if she could make a commitment. Oh shit! Her heart flipped and her mouth suddenly went dry. Andy stopped looking at his profile in the half dark interior. She closed her eyes and prayed she would say the right thing.
"Believe me, she knows how lucky she is! A guy like him just doesn't come around every day." Her heart was pounding in her chest. It was the closest she had come to falling for all of this. He had made her admit she was in love with him and she was. She didn't know if this was too good to be true though. Faith wasn't something that she had learned to pin all of her hopes on. Family was a tripping stone.
Sighing softly, Andy leaned her head back against the head rest and closed her eyes. She wasn't going to sleep, not with all of this added innuendo and Matt sitting right next to her. Her fingers ached to reach out and touch him; to run her fingers along his muscular thigh. Her body heated, hot and fast for him. She was going to have to do something about it if she wanted any sort of clarity in the coming days.
***
His head was a mess! One minute he was planning their future together, the next he was so afraid that she wouldn't welcome a future with him and then he was hit by this intense fire in his blood. He wanted to pull his truck over; take her hard and fast on the side of the road. Matt speared his fingers through his dark hair in exasperation. What the hell is going on with me? I don't even know which end is up now! He took in a huge breath and tried to concentrate on the road. Still his eyes wandered to the gorgeous girl sitting in the seat next to him; her head leaning back against the seat.
The soft sunrise caressing her skin in the palest pink. His groin tightened in an almost painful way. Her dark lashes lay like crescents on her cheeks and his fingertips itched to trace them. As if on cue, the tip of Andy's tongue moistened the seam of her lips. The need to touch her, taste her, have her tripled in seconds! Flash backs sprinted through his mind's eye as he nipped and teased her flesh. The way she shivered when he kissed her in the most intimate way. Her green eyes fairly glowed with desire when he brought her to the brink of shattering. Matt shifted uncomfortably in his bucket seat; his erection making itself known. Son of Crazy Horse!
Glancing back at the road, Matt pulled the truck back into his lane. Crap! He had wandered over the dotted white line while he was fantasizing over Andy's body. She was making him crazy! He was sure of it, just as he was sure of the red hot passion coursing through his veins! Leaning to turn on the radio, Matt brushed Andy's arm. The spark nearly knocked the wind out of his sails. This is absolute torture! Trying to marshal his wayward senses, he scanned through the stations until he found one he liked. He used to be an all country music guy, but the last couple of years had opened him up a bit. Mumford and Sons were singing, but he barely heard the words. He couldn't get his mind distracted from Andy long enough to focus.
He knew she understood the comparisons he was making between Nora and Randy's relationship to theirs. Honestly, he didn't want to wait like Randy had for his sister. In his mind, Randy was a saint and Nora was being a fool stringing him along like that. As much as he thought they should be together, it would serve Nora right if Randy walked away if she were to botch this wedding one more time. It would tear both of them apart though and Matt couldn't be mean like that. His eyes slid over to Andy again and he sighed. Who are you kidding, Matt? You'd walk the ends of the earth for her if she asked it. He would too. He just didn't want to keep hurting her unintentionally, of course. So many questions were left unanswered and it made his feeling of inadequacy swell.
Harper started to cry in the backseat and Matt turned his head to see the little red cherub face and waving hands. Andy jerked awake, turning in her seat to comfort her daughter. Harper almost instantly quieted at her mother's voice. His heart squeezed knowing he would also be quieted by the touch of Andy. If he touched her, if he made love to her, and allowed her to give him what his body craved, Matt knew his mind would be lost. The last organ thinking rationally would cease to exist. He would want Andy and her daughter with a single minded focus. He swallowed and looked into his side mirror. Forever or nothing. It was very hard to recognize the guy in the reflection. It scared him.
"She just needed a bottle." Andy half whispered beside him. He turned back to her and smiled.
"You're a good mom." Matt met her eyes briefly before his cell phone rang. Andy grabbed it before he had a chance to look at the screen to see who was calling. Please not my mom! Matt raised a brow.
"It's Nora. Can I answer it?" Andy smiled, already opening the phone. "Hey Nora!"
Matt rolled his eyes and chuckled. Andy and his sister had become fast friends; perhaps kindred souls if the truth were told. They are so alike!
"Um..., well I'm not sure how far we are." Andy looked his way, shrugging her shoulders.
"Tell her we are about forty-five minutes from the ranch." Matt answered, looking at the clock. It was still pretty early. Seven-thirty.
Andy listened to his sister on the other end of the line. Her brow was furrowed and then her eyes lit up.
"Of course, we would. Thank you, Nora. Oh, I can't wait! It sounds like such fun." Andy replied, but Matt noticed that her brows were still furrowed. He wondered what his sister had said. As if hearing his thoughts, Andy held out his phone. "She wants to talk to you."
Adjusting his hold on the steering wheel, Matt accepted the phone. He cleared his throat.
"Yep." His sister hated his one line replies. He grinned when he heard her growl into the phone.
"Hey, I invited Andy and Harper to stay with me. I don't think it is a good idea to put Mom and Andy in the same house for extended time until they get to know each other." Nora coughed.
"Why do you say that?" Matt asked in a nonchalant way, because Andy was listening. He was on high alert on the inside. What does Nora know? His sister coughed again and began whispering.
"Apparently Mom has made a few assumptions based on the limited information that she has about you and Andy. Mom being who she is, Andy being who she is and you being who you are, well..."
Matt rolled his eyes and tried hard to keep his anger under control. He huffed in the attempt.
"Cut to the chase, Nora." Matt looked at Andy, who was watching him intently. Crap! Jig is up!
"Mom thinks Andy is trying to catch you for her baby. Andy is already defensive and you are Mom's baby. All of this could blow up unless you talk to Mom." Nora coughed again. "I'm at the ranch, so hurry up! I can only play the good daughter for so long!"
Black Hills Angel (Black Hills Series) Page 22
