Love Me or Leave Me

by Gwynne Forster

  “Don’t. Don’t hide yourself from me. Let me look at you. You’re…you’re so beautiful.”

  But she squirmed as his gaze roamed from her head to her toes. “You’re still dressed. I want to take your clothes off you.” He shook his head, and it seemed to her that he had a sudden and overwhelming urge to undress, for he was out of his clothes in a minute.

  “Come closer,” she said as he was about to take off his briefs. “I want to do that.” She slipped them down his muscular thighs and let him spill into her hands. Ready for her. She opened her arms to him in a gesture as old as Eve and, with one knee braced on the bed, he leaned forward and, at last, she had him in her arms, skin to skin with not so much as air between them.

  With his head at her shoulder and his lips at the curve of her neck, he whispered, “I’ll never forget this moment as long as I live.” Suddenly, like water rushing over a broken dam, he went at her, kissing, stroking and murmuring things she couldn’t understand. She only knew he cherished her.

  Her arms tightened around him as she tried to show him what words couldn’t say, and as her body shifted beneath him, his penis jerked against her thigh. She tried to spread her legs, but he restrained her.

  “Don’t rush it, sweetheart. Let me love you the way I want to, the way I need to.”

  His lips trailed from the side of her face to her ear and shoulder, barely grazing her flesh. She wanted to feel his mouth on her, to have his tongue deep in her mouth…to…

  “Oh, Lord,” she moaned when he pulled her nipple into his mouth and sucked it so vigorously that she felt the tug at the mouth of her womb. She reached down to take him into her hands and urge him into her, but he moved aside and continued tugging at her left breast while pinching and stroking her right nipple, sending rivulets of heat through her limbs and spirals of unbearable tension to her vagina. Tremors shook her body.

  “You’re toying with me. I’m on fire,” she moaned, as his lips tortured her belly and his hands teased her sensitive breasts.

  “I want you on fire. I want to love you till you can’t think of anybody or anything but me. Relax and give yourself up to me.” Her thighs began to quiver in anticipation when he hooked her legs over his shoulder and began to kiss and nibble the insides of her thighs.

  “Do something to me,” she moaned. “I can’t stand this.”

  His fingers parted her folds, and she stopped breathing. Her body lifted itself to him as if of its own will, and his tongue plunged into her. “Oh, Lord!” she screamed, undulating up to him, her inhibition the victim of her passion. He plunged in and out of her, licked, nipped and sucked until heat flushed the bottoms of her feet and her body went rigid.

  “Get in me,” she pleaded. “I want you inside of me now.”

  “All right,” he whispered and moved up her body.

  “I’m not on the Pill,” she said, though she would have given anything to have all that he could pour into her.

  “Thanks. I’ll take care of it.” He slipped on the condom that he’d placed on the night table, and she raised her knees for his entry. He looked down at her, his face enveloped in the most beautiful smile she’d ever seen and pressed his lips to hers. “Look at me now, and take me in.”

  She took him into her hands, led him to her portal of love and raised her hips. Her eyes widened.

  “Easy, sweetheart. Let’s take this slowly. I don’t want to hurt you.”

  But she didn’t want to take it slowly, and she didn’t care if it hurt. She wanted him deep inside of her right then. Gripping his hips, she flung herself up to him and bit her lips at the piecing pain.

  “Good grief! Is this your first time?”

  She refused to brush away the tears that trickled down from her eyes. “There was one other time when I was a sophomore in college. A disaster. I don’t want to think about it. I just want you to love me. It doesn’t hurt anymore.”

  “Are you sure?”

  For an answer, she brought his lips down to hers and let her kiss tell him what she needed. His fingers trailed from her breast to her belly and on to the nub of her passion where he teased, rubbed and fondled until she could feel the liquid flowing from her. He looked down at her, grinned and slowly began to move. So this was the way it was supposed to be. Within minutes he was not only deep inside her but on her, beneath her, over her and all around her. The male musk of his body filled her olfactory senses as he accelerated his thrusts and unleashed the power of his loins. A strange kind of heat rode up her legs and thighs and settled in her vagina, filling her until…

  “I want to burst. I’m so full. Help me. I can’t stand this… It’s terrible.”

  “It’s good. Relax and let me have you.”

  “I want to burst.”

  “You will. Just do whatever comes naturally.”

  She tightened her hips and tried to force relief. He had her at a precipice, suspended between earth and heaven, bringing her to it, pulling her back and dragging her to the edge again until she thought she would die. And then the squeezing and pumping began in her vagina, her thighs twitched violently and she cried out.

  “Drake. Oh, my Lord, what are you doing to me?”

  He increased the power of his thrusts, and she began to sink into a whirlpool of oblivion only to be tossed seconds later into the wild ecstasy of relief.

  “I love you! I love you!” she screamed and went limp in his arms. Realizing that he still moved within her, she locked her ankles over his thighs, found his rhythm and rocked with him until seconds later his hold on her tightened.

  “Pamela! Pamela! I love you. Love you. Only you.” He moaned and splintered in her arms.

  As he lay above her, still locked inside of her, one of her hands smoothed the hair on the head that rested on her breast, and the other one caressed his long back. She wanted him to know that she cherished him, that he’d given her the precious gift of true womanhood, but the words didn’t come, so she continued to stroke his body.

  “How do you feel?” he asked her. She had thought he was asleep.

  “I haven’t the words to tell you. I…I didn’t know I could be so happy. Uh…what about you?” She supposed she should ask since he asked her.

  “Me? I told you, we’re soul mates.” He raised himself up and supported his body on his forearms. “If I had known it would be like this with you, trust me, I’m not so sure that my integrity would have won over my libido.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I always wanted you badly, but because I was unsure about where a relationship with you could go, I didn’t let things get to the point where lovemaking was a given. Once or twice, we came close to it. But, baby, if I’d known what I was walking away from, I… Let’s just say I have not attained sainthood. You played fair and never once tried to seduce me.”

  “You wouldn’t want someone who wasn’t willing, would you? Neither would I, so I didn’t push you. But each time we were together, something would happen to let me know that your feelings for me continued to grow, so many little things that told me you cared. But I knew you had a will of iron, and that your mind, and not your feelings, ruled.”

  “Yeah.” He kissed first one of her eyes and then the other, alternating several times. “All that was before my feelings—as you call it—asserted themselves and said let’s have an end to this nonsense. Say, I must be too heavy for you.” He attempted to raise himself and to roll off her, but she held him tighter, unwilling to release him.

  “You aren’t too anything for me.” She slapped his buttocks and then caressed them gently. “You belong right where you are.”

  He raised his head, looked into her eyes and smiled, and she thought her heart would burst with all that she felt for him. He cradled her head and brushed his lips over hers. She stared into his eyes—eyes black with desire—stared until she could no longer bear the tension that had begun to build inside of her. His tongue slid over the seam of her lips, and she opened to him and sucked his tongue into her mouth. When
she felt him growing within her, she lifted her body to greet his thrust, and it was all the invitation he needed. He shifted his hips and took them on a furious ride to paradise.

  Drake lay beside her, his left arm holding her close to his side, lay there listening to her breathing as she slept. He hadn’t kept a record, but he had known a good number of women, and after making love with Pamela, he knew that he hadn’t previously realized his sexual potential. He suspected that with practice, when they really knew each other, they’d both reach heights he hadn’t dreamed of. Questions darted through his mind. How could such a fireball of a woman remain celibate for almost twelve years? She’d characterized the experience as devastating, but he’d bet it was also humiliating. He would have to be careful with her.

  And another thing. She wanted a child very badly, and because she loved him, she probably wanted his child. Yet she volunteered the information that she was unprotected when she could have remained silent about it and allowed him to impregnate her, knowing that if he did, he’d marry her.

  She not only has integrity, he thought to himself. She respects herself and me. He turned on his side, facing her, raised up and balanced himself with his elbow on the bed and his hand at the side of his head. Watching her sleep, he asked himself how he ever thought he would exchange her for a career goal when nothing prevented him from having both. He slipped out of the bed and went to the kitchen to see what he could find to eat, for his belly had begun to pinch him. He made sturgeon and smoked salmon sandwiches, cut several chunks of English cheddar cheese, found some dill pickles and opened a bottle of chilled white wine. He put it all on a tray along with two glasses and went back to the bedroom. A glance at his watch told him it was ten-thirty. Sex always made him hungry. He figured that was because it took more energy than a tough day’s work did. He put the tray on her night table after pushing the lamp aside to make room for it, and debated whether to awaken her then or twenty minutes later.

  He looked around at the feminine setting. Lilac and soft-green satin covered the bed and adorned the windows, and a Mashad Persian carpet of the same colors lay on part of the floor. The furniture was solid walnut, and he liked that; in his opinion, furniture represented an investment and should be of the highest quality. The shade of the lamp on her night table was a graceful white swan, the only whimsical thing he’d seen in her apartment. He looked at his watch. Her twenty minutes had expired, and he was half-starved, a condition for which she was ninety-percent responsible. What the heck! He leaned over and kissed her.

  “Wake up. I’m dying of hunger.”

  Her arms struggled to find a place above her head, and she stretched with such languor that a twinge of guilt attacked him. But guilt or not, he didn’t want to eat by himself, and, besides, he wanted to share his feelings with her. He leaned over and kissed her, and as if sensitive to his touch even in her sleep, her eyes opened and she smiled, captivating him.

  “Was I asleep?”

  “Dead to the world. I want you to wake up so I can eat. Woman, you drained me of my energy.” She sat up, holding the sheet close to her breast. Modesty had its place, he thought, but some women overdid it.

  “Let me get this straight,” she said, covering her mouth while she yawned. “You want me to wake up so you can eat?” Both of her hands went up, and for the second time since he met her, giggles spilled out of her.

  “Let me in on the joke,” he said.

  But she waved her hand, seemingly becoming more amused. “Trust me, I’m definitely not going there.”

  He thought for a minute or so, looking for a double entendre, and then it hit him. “You want me to wake up so you can eat,” she’d said.

  He looked at her as she doubled up with giggles. “You’re crazy as hell,” he told her as the laughter began to rumble in his throat. “The food’s over here.” He leaned down, picked up the tray and placed it between them on the bed. “It would serve you right if I ate it all.”

  “Not on your life. You sapped all of my energy and I’m starving. When did you fix this tray?”

  “Half an hour ago, but you were sleeping so soundly that I didn’t have the heart to awaken you, but my stomach began to protest, so… Hope you weren’t saving this stuff for your dinner tomorrow.”

  “Nope.” She savored the sturgeon. “This tastes better than it did at dinner. Maybe that’s because you fixed it.”

  “If it tastes better, it’s because you’re hungrier.”

  They finished the late-night snack, he put the tray in the kitchen, came back and sat on the side of the bed. “Will it embarrass you if I leave here tomorrow morning?”

  She didn’t hesitate. “I’d love for you to spend the night with me. I leave at eight. Do you think you could leave at least fifteen minutes earlier? I’m not so sophisticated that I’m willing to leave along with you. If we were living together, that would be different, but we’re not.”

  He crawled across the bed and hugged her to him. “Of course I can. I can leave at five, if you need me to. Just please do me a favor and don’t put on a gown, pajamas or whatever you sleep in. I don’t own a pair of pajamas, and I never expect to. Can you handle that? I did buy a robe when Alexis and Tara came to live with us.”

  She swallowed hard. “I guess so. But would you look in that closet and hand me that red robe on the door? I’m growing up fast, but not so fast that I’ll stroll around here in the buff.”

  If he laughed she wouldn’t like it, so he looked the other way, slid out of the bed and brought the robe to her. “Unless you want me to wrap a towel around my waist—”

  She interrupted him. “Don’t get modest on my account. I’ve enjoyed looking at you. I’ll get you a toothbrush, towel and washcloth.” She put on the robe, got out of bed and walked around it. He met her there, opened her robe and held her body to him, feeling her taut nipples against his chest and her nearly flat belly against his genitals.

  “God knew what he was doing when he made woman,” he said, kissing the tip of her nose, “and for making you, I’ll be forever in His debt.”

  The next morning, having spent a night of loving that he would long remember, he kissed Pamela goodbye at six-thirty and headed for Russ’s apartment. He rang the bell before using his key so as not to embarrass his brother or his fiancée if she happened to have spent the night there. Russ was alone. They greeted each other warmly as they always did.

  “I thought you’d be staying here last night.”

  “That was my intention, but man, my life changed while I was down there.”

  Both of Russ’s eyebrows shot up. “You met someone?”

  Drake took a seat on the sofa and stretched out his long legs. “You could say that. Magnus Cooper and Pamela are cousins, and she was there at the family reunion. Man, this thing got to me. It was like being hit over the head with a sledgehammer. Here she comes walking arm in arm with this dude, strolling among the picnickers, and he’s acting as if he’s got some special rights. I wanted to put my fist straight through that empty space between his ears.”

  Russ flopped down on a big chair and stared at his brother. Then, he smothered a laugh. “Maybe I’d know what you’re talking about if you’d start at the beginning.”

  He related the events of the weekend up to the time he walked into Pamela’s apartment the previous evening.

  “You didn’t fall in love with her,” Russ said. “You already loved her, but as Telford and I have been saying, you are the king of denial. Down there in Texas, you realized you could lose her and that you didn’t want another man to touch her. I hope you spent the night with her.”

  “I did, and now I’ve got to give us a chance. I have to do everything I can to find out whether we’re good for the long haul.” He closed his eyes and leaned back. “Russ, she’s…she’s wonderful.”

  “Glad to know it. Figure out a way to spend more time with her. That won’t be easy with you in Eagle Park and her here in Baltimore. I mean, you should be among other folk, and you’ll kno
w how each other behaves in different places and settings and with different kinds of people.”

  “Yeah, and especially with my family.” A thought occurred to him and he sat up straight. “Do you think Velma would ask Pamela to be one of her bridesmaids? I know that’s reserved for best friends, but—”

  “I’ll ask her. I think she’s still working on that. She said she liked Pamela when they met at our house last Christmas Eve.”

  “I’d appreciate it. Don’t let me make you late for work. I’m going home to put on my work clothes before I go to Frederick. I keep some things in the trailer at the housing site, but… Well, I want to touch base with Telford, so I’m heading to Eagle Park.” He took his car keys from the coffee table where he’d left them the previous Thursday morning. “Just imagine. One short weekend, and it’s a different world. See you when you come home.” They embraced, and he took the elevator down to the underground garage where he’d parked his car. Minutes later, he was on his way home.

  Pamela strolled into WRLR that Monday morning humming. She didn’t know what the tune was, but she’d heard it several times during the previous weekend. She passed Rhoda’s office and waved, and walked on to her own office, humming the same song as she went. She opened her office door, sat down and unlocked her desk. She expected Lawrence to saunter in and breathe on her neck when she remembered that he was still hospitalized. Slowly, the events of the preceding weeks came back to her. She telephoned Rhoda.

  “I was just on my way to your office,” Rhoda said. “Give me a fast minute.”

  Seconds later, Rhoda walked into her office, pencil and notebook in hand. “The way you were humming when you passed my door, I figured you had scored big with Mr. Right. Are you going to bring him to my garden party?”

  She didn’t like Rhoda’s interest in how she was getting along with Drake, so she opted for an evasive answer. “You told me in minute detail what I should wear, but you said nothing about what the men should wear. Tell the men how to dress, and we women automatically know what to wear. I think that’s the way it usually works.”