Us Again

by Jennah Thornhill

  I have an older sister.

  Holy fucking shit.

  “What the fuck?” I hear Dean say, echoing my exact same thoughts.

  Resting my back against the wall that partitions the bedroom from the living area of the suite. I slide down it until my butt lands on the floor with a thud. I have no idea what I’m supposed to be feeling in this moment.

  “Nate, you have to understand, I didn’t have a choice either.”

  My head snaps up from where it’s resting against the wall and I growl.

  “So that gave you the fucking right to treat Eliza the same way, did it? Times have changed since you were eighteen Mom, we would have made it work. You just didn’t give us a chance too. Instead you took it upon yourself to control our lives, and you…” I point at my dad, “You’re no better, you let her do it. You just stood back and allowed her to threaten Eliza with her life if she didn’t do as she said. I’m sorry that it happened you, Mom. I really am, but in my eyes, it makes you no better than your folks. Unlike you, I’m strong and have a strength that makes me fight for what I want. Fight for the people I love and don’t be mistaken when I say I love Eliza more than life itself; you took her from me once. I won’t let you take her from me again.”

  Climbing to my feet, I stand in front of the strangers who raised me, because that’s what they are to me now… strangers. I want nothing more to do with these people.

  “I’m leaving now, I don’t ever want to see either of you again. If by any remote chance that we do see each other on the street, then I suggest you cross the road and pretend you don’t know me.”

  A sob leaves the woman who calls herself my mother as I turn to leave.

  “Nate, don’t do this. I’m sorry.”

  I ignore her pleas and leave their suite, with Dean hot on my heels.

  There’s only one person I want to be with and she isn’t in The Palomar hotel.

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  Eliza

  The classic eighties song by Whitesnake - Here I go again plays on a loop in my mind, as I drag my ass back home in the dark. I’m on my own and going down the road I’ve only ever known… the lonely road. It’s how I was always destined to end up. My emotions finally get the better of me as I continue to drive back home.

  I always knew he would leave when he found out. I had prepared myself for it, but it hurts more now than when I left him the first time around. If this is how he felt when I walked away because of the lies I had to tell. Then I deserve everything that I’m feeling right now. If I was in a cartoon, my heart would be out of my chest and splattered all over the road, with Nate stamping on it. I’m bleeding out and only he can stop it.

  I arrive home in a daze and when I let myself in Sammi is pacing the kitchen chewing on her thumb nail.

  “Oh my god, El. Where have you been? Nate called me looking for you, he said you saw his parents.”

  I can hear her talking, but I’m too zoned out to give her any sort of answer. Taking one slow step at a time, I head for my bedroom with Sammi trailing after me. Waiting for me to say something… anything to her, but I don’t. Instead I close the door in her face and lock it.

  “I’m here for you, El. Whenever you’re ready to talk, I’ll be here.” She shouts from the other side of my closed door.

  Taking the sonogram picture from my pocket, I hold it tight in my hand as I lie on my bed and curl up into a fetal position. I don’t not even bother to take my shoes or clothes off. To add even more misery to my suffering, I slide my phone from my back pocket and open up my Spotify app. Selecting Empire, State Of Mind, I put it on repeat and place my phone down next to me on my pillow. I

  n the end I got what I deserved, I lied to him. I took the love he had for me and crushed it. What did I think he was gonna do, take me in his arms and tell me it was okay? Shit like that only happens in books and movies, not real life and what a fuck up of my life I have made. His mom was right, I’m no good for him. He was right to walk away after I told him.

  The tears are now streaming down my face, I can’t stop them even if I wanted to. I cry for the pain I’m in. For the pain I caused through other people's selfish needs, but mostly for the pain of never spending my life with Nate. Or getting to ever watch my daughter grow up. The song finishes and starts back up again. Each time a fresh batch of tears come and show no signs of stopping. Crying myself to sleep, the dreams of what could have been come thick and fast….

  There’s me and Nate in a church getting married.

  Nate and me in Central Park back in New York, sitting on the grass. He’s rubbing my ever-growing stomach, singing to our unborn baby.

  Nate telling me he loves me and he will never leave me, no matter what.

  Shouting on the other side of the door startles me awake. It feels like I’ve only been asleep for a few minutes, but it’s now pitch black outside I notice as I turn over and look out of my window.

  “Nate, I love you, but if you go in there, I will have to punch you in the dick. She won’t even talk to me; she isn’t going to talk to you. Just leave her be for tonight.”

  Clearly not listening to Sammi and her threats of danger to his genitals, the banging starts on my bedroom door. The handle starts to move as he tries to get to me.

  “El, let me in will you. I need to talk to you, I’m so sorry for leaving you there, baby. I really am. Just let me in, I need to see you…”

  “Nate, dude. Maybe Sammi is right, just leave her alone for tonight. Let her sleep and then come see her tomorrow, when you’ve both had time to calm down and think.”

  The sound of flesh connecting with flesh and Dean shouting out in what sounds like excruciating pain. It has me sitting up quicker than I intended to, making myself go slightly dizzy.

  “You twat, I think you’ve broken my nose again.” I hear Dean whine, “What is it with you and breaking peoples noses today? Mines the second one today you’ve splattered open. You’re going crazy dude.”

  Sliding my legs off the edge of my bed, I listen carefully for Nate’s response.

  “Well if people didn’t keep stopping me from getting to the woman that’s always been mine, then I wouldn’t have to punch them in the face, you included.”

  The banging starts up again and I move on instinct for the door. Nate sounds like he’s in just as much pain as I am and I can’t, won’t let him suffer on his own. None of this is his fault, he didn’t ask for any of this. I need to face him; I need to let him take his anger out on me and not Dean. Even if he did say he loved me, that's just a habit he’ll grow out of over time.

  Taking small steps over to the door, I inhale and exhale repeatedly to prepare myself for the onslaught that is Nate Michaels. He was a force to be reckoned with back in college but now… Now he's even worse, the man has a temper to rival all tempers. I'm not scared of him though; I know in my heart that he would never hurt me. Slipping the lock open, I pull the door ajar and see him about to bang on it again. He stops with his fist midair, when he sees me standing there.

  “Oh, thank fuck. El. I need you to let me in baby, we have to talk.”

  Hearing him call me baby gives me a flicker of hope, but I daren't wish to much, that he's here for anything else other than to chew me out. To tell me how much he hates me.

  “What do you want, Nate? I told you the truth and you ran off and left me there. So, if you’re here to tell me that you’re finally done, then that’s fine. I always saw it coming anyway and I don’t blame…

  “Shoving his body between the door and the hardwood frame he says, “Eliza Maria Rodriguez will you just shut up for a second and let me speak? Let me in and I will tell you why I’m here. I’m not above getting on my hands and knees and begging you.”

  Before I can stop him, he’s falling to his knees in the doorway, with his hands together as if he’s praying.

  “Please, Eliza. Let me in. I’m pleading with you to listen and not give up on me. I’m in pain, El. I’
m so scared of losing you all over again. They took you away from me once, I won’t let them win a second time around. So will you please just let me in?”

  The look of pure desperation on his face is something I’ve only ever seen once, that was when I walked away the first time. Unable to see him on his knees a moment longer, I drop to my mine in front of him so we’re equals and take his hands in mine.

  “I’m here, Nate. I’m not going anywhere. I thought you hated me and you we’re done with me once and for all. Hearing what I told you today was enough to tip anyone over the edge. You have to believe me when I say, you’re the man I love. The only man I’ve ever loved. I can’t say I’m sorry enough, for lying to you. I just hope over time you can forgive me?”

  “That’s it, El. I do forgive you. None of this was your fault, you did what you thought was right to survive. I’ve just come from seeing them at the hotel.”

  At a loss as to who he’s talking about when he says them, I look up at Dean, who’s now holding a tissue to his bloody nose and he mouths, “His parents,” to me, making me understand who Nate is talking about.

  “I’m done with them, baby. I’ve told them I’m not longer their son, I have a sister, El. An older sister who that bitch gave away, because her parents made her, just like she did to you. She knew exactly what it was like and she still made you do it. She’s no mother of mine. Not anymore. Everything I want is right here in front of me.”

  Speechless from his confession about his mom, I go searching for confirmation that it’s true. Not that I don’t believe him. It’s just hard to believe that she put me through all of that, when she had suffered the same as me. Lifting my eyes from Nate, I give Dean a silent glare and wait for him to confirm what we’ve just heard is right.

  “He’s telling you the truth, El. We’ve just come from the hotel and when golden boy here…” he points in Nate’s direction, “Demanded answers and broke the old man's nose, the witch sang like a canary and told him everything.”

  A sob breaks free from me and Sammi as we both realize the turmoil Nate’s in right now. Not only did she take his daughter and me away from him. She’s just told him that he has a sister, that he never even knew about. My heart breaks for him. I thought I had shitty parents growing up on a trailer park, but his are the worst kind. They manipulate people and think they have control over people's lives, just to save face. Fucking bastards. I’m not even sorry that she went through that, but from one woman to another, I still don’t understand how she could be so heartless, knowing exactly how I felt. I’ll never be able to forgive her for that. Tears trickle down Nate’s cheeks when I don’t say anything, he’s like a scared little boy.

  “Let’s go in my room, we can carry on talking in there.” Nodding in a silent answer, we both finally get up off the floor and go inside my bedroom.

  “Come on, sis. Let’s leave these pair to it, I need a beer and some ice for my nose… again.” Dean tells Sammi as I close the door behind Nate once he’s fully inside and sitting on my bed. I’m grateful that they’re gonna give us our space. Resting my back against the closed door, I watch as he rests his head in his hands and pulls on his hair.

  “Why, El? What did I ever do to deserve all this shit? I’m not a bad person. Yes, I went off the rails after college, but that’s because you had left me. I don’t deserve all this; they say you can’t choose your family, but if I could, then I would choose not to have any at all. My so-called sister got off lightly, I reckon.” His tone is sad and desolate, it’s like he’s just given up on life altogether.

  That’s something I’m not going to allow.

  He’s mine, always has been and it’s up to me to bring him back to me.

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  Nate

  I’m more lost than I’ve ever been.

  The plane crash, Eliza, our baby. It’s all enough to send a man crazy and in my head, I think I am going crazy. I’ve never got on my knees for a woman before, but for Eliza I did. I would do it again in a heartbeat, if it meant it got her speaking to me again. I feel like I don’t know who I am anymore. I mean I have a sister for Christ’s sake.

  All in one day, I find out I have a child and a sister I never even knew I had. All thanks to two people who claim to love me. Sitting my ass down on Eliza's bed, I take deep breaths to ground myself, but it’s not working. There’s only one person who can bring me back to earth and she’s on the other side of the room, not saying anything.

  “El…” it’s all I have to say before she’s in front of me and crouched down between my spread thighs.

  “I’m here, Nate.”

  Her hands are on my calf’s and trace up my legs, until they stop just above my bent knees. Her touch alone is enough to bring me back down to earth.

  “I can’t deal with all of this at once. Right now, it’s you who is important to me. All that other stuff can be dealt with over time, I need you more, baby.”

  Her soft hands leave my thighs and she takes my face in her hands, making me look straight into her green depths.

  “I’m not going anywhere, Nate. Not now, not ever. This is it for us, this is our second chance to be us again. We’ll make it work. Fighting for us isn’t a chore for me, it’s something that just comes natural to me. You are my life; you were eight years ago and you are now.”

  Not giving me a chance to respond, her lips are on mine and her hands are in my hair gripping the strands tightly.

  “This is where we belong, Nate. Together. Nothing's gonna tear us apart again.” Her breath tickles my lips as she speaks.

  “I love you, El. You’ll always be my Bambi.”

  We clash together until we’re all lips, teeth and tongue. Our kiss is not at all sweet and innocent, it’s full of passion. It’s us reclaiming each other and letting go of the past finally.

  “I made peace with my choices, I had to. Now I need you to take me with no secrets between us. No shadows hanging over our heads, but most importantly this is our do over. So, we need to grab it by the balls and be grateful that we have each other.”

  Her hands grapple with the hem of my t-shirt and she pulls it off in a flash, placing a soft open-mouthed kiss over my heart.

  “This belongs to me and only me.”

  Repeating the same action with her own top as she did with mine, her arms reach behind her back and she unclips her bra and lets it fall to the floor between us. Her breast squash against my bare chest as we join at the mouth again. We kiss feverishly, until kissing isn’t enough for us anymore. My need to touch her and have her all over me, is too strong to resist any longer. Pushing her back, I stand from the bed and lift her up off her knees.

  “If there’s one thing I love more than you, it’s being buried so deep inside you, that we don’t know where one begins and the other ends.”

  I capture the gasp that leaves her mouth with my own and fumble getting her jeans off. Until she’s standing in front of me in nothing but a pair of baby blue, lace panties.

  “You wreck me, Bambi. I don’t function right without you.”

  Wrapping the material of her panties around my fingers, I give them a rough tug and they soon disintegrate in my hand.

  “Oh shit.” she breathes out. Throwing them over her shoulder, not giving two fucks where they land. I pick her up and carry her over to the door, where she’s pinned between me and the hardwood. Kissing the junction between her neck and shoulder, goosebumps prickle her skin and a moan rumbles from her throat.

  “Jesus, Nate. I… I… want.”

  “What do you want, Bambi? Tell me.”

  I need to hear her say it, the caveman in me has to hear her say she wants me the way I want her.

  “I want you inside me… now. Mark me, make completely and utterly yours… forever.”

  Desperation at her words overtakes me and I lose my pants in record time. Before slipping two of my fingers in her hot, tight pussy and crook them inside her to stroke the spot that ha
s her trembling. She’s soaking wet already, to the point I can smell her arousal floating in the air between us.

  “Sweet lord, I’m gonna come if you carry on doing that.” She moans out.

  I carry on doing it to her, causing her to rest her mouth against my shoulder and bite me. Adrenaline is pumping through my veins, so I feel no pain. My goal is to have her come apart all over my hand. With that achieved, I slip my fingers from inside her and rub her already over sensitive bud of nerves. Teasing her, making her scream out in pleasure, as another orgasm hits her, leaving her gasping and breathless.

  “Fuck me, I think you killed me with your fingers alone.” She somehow manages to joke.

  “Oh, sweet Bambi. I’m nowhere near done with you yet.”

  Giving her my cheeky smirk, the one where my dimple in my cheek pops out. I carry her over the bed and lie her down, ensuring her legs stay wrapped around my waist.

  “I’m gonna slide into you with nothing between us. I’m clean and if you aren’t on the pill then fuck it. I don’t care, because you won’t ever be leaving me again because you’re pregnant.”

  “Nate…”

  I cut her words off as I tease the tip of my aching dick at her entrance and her back arches off the mattress.

  “Give me all of you, I need all of you now, Nate.”

  Not one to disappoint the lady, my hips thrust forward and my dick is locked in her tight walls. By god, nothing has ever felt so amazing.

  “We almost lost it all, Bambi. Yet we’ve come out the other side. Now I’m going to own you, mind, body and soul.”

  “You’ve always owned me, now please move. I need you to move,” she urges, lifting her hips to try and coax me into giving her what she wants.

  Resting on my forearms, I trap her beneath me and kiss the life out of her, as I slide in and out of her. It doesn’t take her long to lose her control, as she screams, “Nateeeee,” at the top of her lungs. Her pussy muscles clench my cock so tight, I’m almost certain I’m never gonna see it, let alone use it again. Our bodies are coated in sweat, but I don’t care as I lower my head and take one of her pert little nipples into my mouth.