Ember

by Tess Williams

  Jaden's eyes lifted, slightly curious. My body rushed nervously.

  “Right.” I bit my lip. “How did it go?”

  He grinned. “Great. I think they were surprised that you did it already, Master Thoran especially.”

  “Was he glad, or . . . ?”

  Ikovos’s brow scrunched at me. “Of course, how couldn't he be.”

  Jaden looked pleased. I was pretty sure that Master Thoran's approval meant a lot to him, whether he'd admit it or not. . . . Though, I guess I wasn't one to judge.

  “He wants to talk to you about it tonight,” said Ikovos. “I told him we were going to the pool. He'll probably be at dinner.”

  I gulped, tightening my shawl. I was excited to move on, but Thoran scared me to death. Both the boys watched me skeptically. I think I was wincing.

  “That's good!” I forced happily.

  They nodded, obviously aware of my needing assurance. Ikovos’s was given more understandingly. Jaden's was fairly incredulous.

  I looked over to the lodge, then took a deep breath. “Well, I'd better go get dressed then. Will I see you guys at dinner?”

  Ikovos nodded, but Jaden's head shook slightly.

  “I think I'm gonna turn in,” he said. “Good luck with Thoran though.”

  My heart sank. “Yeah . . .” Nope, Evelyn, don't go there.

  Ikovos looked at me once then to Jaden. “I need to talk to you. Stay out for a second, will ya.”

  Jaden nodded steadily, moving towards him.

  I got the hint after a moment. “Oh! Right, right. I'll let you guys . . .” I walked backwards. “Bye.” I waved once, then turned towards the entrance of the lodge.

  Before pushing through I glanced back once more. Their faces looked severe, but then suddenly they were smiling. I didn't watch beyond that, sure to be noticed.

  There was still so much about them that I knew nothing about, that I wasn't even a part of.

  “Oh well,” I whispered, pushing through the door with a grin. “I'm glad for what I do get.”

  Today had been great, and I wasn't too stupid to realize that those two boys were cause, and too contemplative to not know why. . . . I sighed at myself as I tiptoed down the hall.

  I was so nervous about talking to Thoran that I spent almost an hour getting changed. When I walked into the cafeteria I bit my lip anxiously. I was wearing an oversized, comfy, sweater Sophie had made me, sleeves hanging well past my hands, and some plain cloth shorts.

  Though I'd gotten quite comfortable being in here over the past couple of days, and the boys had long since stopped paying extra attention to me, I felt utterly out of place tonight.

  “That took long enough.”

  I looked over. Ikovos popped out of nowhere beside me. He was dressed in comfy clothes too, a tank-top and pants . . . thank goodness for shirts.

  “Where did you?—”

  He nodded back. “I was waiting for you by the door.”

  My features lifted, sometimes he was too good to be true.

  He started walking to a table. I followed, eyes scanning as I moved.

  “You're nervous about talking to Master Thoran, aren't you?” He sat down.

  I stopped searching immediately. I’d forgotten, for just a moment, that he could more or less read my mind. I sat down and looked at him, thinking about explaining. Instead I just threw out my hands.

  “Horribly.”

  He grinned. The cafeteria was busy and well-lit. Most everyone was at a table eating.

  “Ikovos, it's not funny. What do I do?” I asked dejectedly.

  He chuckled. “What do you mean, what do you do? It's not a test.”

  I frowned, tucking my wet messy hair behind my ears. Thanks to the pool I was unable to brush it or put it up.

  Ikovos started to make up a plate. When he saw I was still frowning he eyed me. “Evelyn, all you have to do is be yourself.”

  My brow dipped. I'd heard the words before, from my mother no less. I sighed. “I've been myself before and it doesn't always work out right . . .”

  “How so?” he asked.

  I thought about it. “Well, I, it’s just people aren't always crazy about the real me it seems . . . And, there are things that I can't do because of how I think or feel, that I might be able to if I would just . . .” I met his eyes “. . . stop being myself for a while.”

  He took a large bite out of his apple, so cavalier at my distraught confession.

  “Did you have to do that when you came here?” he asked.

  “Oh, no.” I brightened immediately. “I wanted to be here. And I, well . . . you and the other boys make me feel like it's okay to be myself.”

  Ikovos’s mouth tipped and he eyed me. “And you've never considered that maybe the reason you had to stop being yourself was because you were doing things you weren't supposed to do . . . or being around people that weren't really your friends?”

  “I—” I blinked, then settled back. “Oh. . . .” That sort of clenched it.

  Ikovos smirked knowingly.

  This thinking had been a part of my life for so long that for him to just say that, and for it to make so much sense . . . was just mind blowing.

  The excessively brilliant boy went back to eating. I started to make my own plate, stopping before the first bite.

  “Ikovos?”

  He met my eyes.

  “Sometimes it's hard to believe that you’re a boy.”

  “Ah . . . thanks,” he said, brow dipping. “I guess.”

  “Oh.” I waved my hands in the air. “No, I didn't mean it like that.”

  He laughed, obviously concerned than I was. “I hope not.”

  “I'm well aware you a guy,” I drawled out, eyes dropping to my plate.

  His laughing stilled.

  My eyes tightened with a wince immediately. Why did I just say that?

  When I peeked up carefully his eyebrows were raised at me with a wicked grin.

  “That aware, aye?”

  My stomach knotted.

  “Aware of what?” came a voice above us. It was Cornelius. He was in his long robe, looking as warm and comforting as ever.

  “My masculinity,” shrugged Ikovos.

  “What?”

  I panicked. “Ah . . . hello, Cornelius. How have you been?”

  He looked at Ikovos once more, skeptically, then back to me. “Um . . . well enough.” He looked grim for moment, but then smiled, nodding more forcibly. “Yes, well enough indeed. But let's not talk about me. You used magic, didn't you!”

  I smiled brightly. “Yeah. I did.”

  “That's quite amazing, my dear,” he said, eyes pinching with a grin. “And I have seen my fair share of training artisans.”

  My smile widened, I looked to Ikovos who was grinning too, then down. “Well, I had good teachers.”

  Cornelius beamed, then nodded in agreeance. “That you did.”

  Everyone was quiet for a moment, then Cornelius took in a breath, folding his hands together.

  “Well, I just wanted to come congratulate you myself. But since you are offense, Thoran will be the one talking to you about what comes next.”

  I heard Ikovos let out the breath of a smile. Cornelius eyed him.

  “O- . . .” I forced smile “. . . Okay. Great.”

  “He told me to tell you that he would be down after dinner,” explained Cornelius. “Ikovos, you should probably be gone before he comes.”

  The boy nodded.

  “Alright,” Cornelius clapped. “I won't bother you youngsters any longer. Enjoy your meal. And, once again . . . good job, my dear.”

  My chest rose fully. He'd been the first one here that I had really shared my heart with, that I'd told how much I wanted this. And now . . . My eyes blinked clear.

  “Thanks, Cornelius.”

  When he left I sighed happily.

  *

  Slowly the room cleared of people. When it was just me, Ikovos, and some of the older boys left studying, Ikovos said good
night. Now I was sitting at the table alone, tapping my nails against the wood-top nervously.

  The room was dim and quiet, per usual at this time. Out through the large windows it was pitch black.

  I looked back at my hand. My stomach was curdling by the second. I thought about practicing my spell some, but I wasn't really sure if the other boys were supposed to know about that.

  I sighed. I guess that's the type of thing Thoran has to talk to me about.

  It wasn't long before the scruff man appeared. I'd barely seen him since the Meoden meeting, he looked more worn than usual. Still, he sat down with the air of unparalleled confidence that I feared him for.

  “Hello,” he said smiling.

  I fumbled. “Ah, hi.”

  He set a mug in front of him on the table. “I usually like to get these things done quickly, but . . . we have a lot to cover. You may want to grab a drink.”

  I looked at his then nodded. “Okay.” Then I lifted up and turned around towards the counter.

  This is so scary. He is so scary . . . and I have no clue why.

  I came back with an improperly made cup of coffee, took a sip, then looked up nervously.

  He folded his hands together on the table, deep eyes steady. “So. You did a spell I hear.”

  I nodded. “Y-yes.” Part of me was preparing to go into further explanation, but Thoran often caused me to keep things short. Maybe because I pretty much felt like he thought everything I said was stupid.

  He waited for a while, until I caved. “It was just a small one, a flame, purple.”

  I don't know why I said the last part. He lightened though, for no reason it seemed.

  “Really? . . . I've yet to see that color. . . .” He said it with one eyebrow raised.

  I swallowed. “Can they be the same? I mean, I asked Holdan once. He said he's never seen two artisans with the same color . . .” I faded out awkwardly, not too sure that what I just said made any sense.

  “Oh, no. They often repeat. Not here, but . . . Holdan has seen little of the world.” He said it with a soft voice. He was so calm tonight.

  “But you have?” I tested.

  He eyed me. Then the corners of his mouth lifted. “Yes.”

  Well that wasn't very informative.

  “Still,” he started, “I never thought . . .” My eyes lifted. “Evelyn, a woman has never been known to do this before. Or rather, I have never seen it.”

  I waited, unsure.

  “I sent you back to Tiver with no doubt in my mind that there was no place for you here . . . Then Jaden came to tell me that I should let you return, that he believed you could use magic.” He focused intently on me. “I did it out of respect to him, and because I knew Cornelius wanted you here. I never thought that you would last. After what happened with Sylvanus I had even more doubts.”

  My chest tightened, was he going to send me home again?

  He leaned forward. “I'm saying all this to tell you that you proved me wrong . . . and that doesn't happen often.” My heart skipped. That was unexpected. “Things have been chaotic of late, I don't have the time to spend on spare charity cases . . . But that's not what you are, and I treated you as such.”

  I couldn't believe the words that were passing his lips. I would have refused so much credit, but he said it all in the same inarguable way he said everything else.

  He lifted his eyebrows. “I suppose there are some things I can learn from the younger generation still. . . .”

  Silence fell. The candles of the room rippled softly, the only sound was the wisp of an occasional turning page. The whole mood was almost eerie.

  “Evelyn, do you know how most of the boys came to be here?” his voice was low, serious.

  My eyes widened internally, face turning up to him. “No.”

  He tightened his jaw as if considering. “You've met some of the younger ones.” Nathan, Trevor, Jacob . . . their faces flashed through my head. “We negotiate with the Meoden because we must, but make no mistake, they are evil creatures.” His eyes focused on me, hands folding together. “They go into towns, into homes. They murder, torture, and worse. Sometimes on a small scale, a single family or an inn on the outskirts . . . but often whole colonies at once.”

  My chest tightened. I remembered some of this from the dark book, and it filled me with grief.

  “When they're done the women won't survive. The men are usually killed right away, as are many of the boys . . . the ones that aren't have the worst fate of all. They twist them, change them, into something much more harmful than any Meoden could ever be.”

  “I don’t . . .”

  He leaned forward. “You know surely, Evelyn, that there is little as wicked in this world as what is at the heart of every man.” My breath shook. “The Meoden make sure this comes to rule them.”

  I looked down. So the boys here . . . were from those homes . . . ?

  Thoran took in a breath. “We do what we can to keep the creatures out. When they do get through, we try to see to it that those left alive aren't lost.” He nodded around. “That is the case with most of those here now.”

  My heart sank at the thought of pour Nathan and Trevor, so young, their families, mothers, sisters . . . and what would have happened to them.

  Suddenly a realization hit me. A fierce anger rose in the pit of my body. My eyes shot to Thoran. “Did that? . . . Is that what happened with Ikovos and Jaden?”

  Thoran looked surprised. I was too avid to regret showing my concern. His eyes held. “It is not my place to say . . . but I will tell you that they have not had easy times.”

  My chest was rising heavily. I looked off.

  Thoran readjusted his arms. “I did not tell you this to upset you. And you must not let it take over, yourself. I told you so that you will understand why we do what we do, and what it has cost those committed.”

  I met his eyes.

  “I came to ask you if you were capable of accepting the grief of the truth, so that you can help fight it.” My eyes watered. He wrapped his hands around mine. “But I can see already that you would not return to blissful ignorance while others suffer.”

  I blinked. Tears spilled. “Of course not . . .”

  He smirked, tightening his grip. “I am glad to hear it.” Then he released, widening the smile, the atmosphere seemed to lighten around us immediately. “You don't know how valuable it will be to have another offense artisan in the order.”

  I smiled, feeling more at ease around the man than I ever thought I could.

  He took a gulp from his mug. “You'll need to keep training of course. Are things going well with Jaden?”

  There was something more to the way he said it . . . not that I should be surprised. Adults aren't stupid and I already botched up with Sophie a few times, which he could very well have heard about.

  “Yes,” I confirmed, anyways. “He's very supportive, and Ikovos helps a lot too.”

  He nodded once. “That's good. As of now they're the only ones that know about your magic use, correct?”

  My eyes checked around us, suddenly suspicious. “Yes. I think so . . .”

  He rubbed the scruff on his chin. “I think we should keep it that way. For a while at least.”

  I nodded in agreeance, but wondered at the reason.

  He must have read this. “I imagine the boys would have a tendency to make quite a big ordeal of it, and right now . . . well, they don't need distractions.”

  My eyes dropped. This was it, the thing I'd been sensing since the meeting. The reason he and the other Masters hadn't been around, the reason they all looked so worn out . . . something was happening. I bit into my lip.

  “You should know that you won't have as much opportunity to train in the following months. Jaden's detainment ended today. He and Ikovos share most of the external responsibilities, which are only intensifying. They're going to be quite busy.”

  I sucked in a breath at the words. It reminded me of when they'd disappeared for three days
. . .

  That was horrible. And now I'm sure it would be even worse. I'm so used to having them around almost constantly..

  Thoran nodded to me assertively. “That's why I'm sending you on their town trip with them. They go once a month and they're already overdue.”

  My eyes widened with surprise, but Thoran kept on.

  “It will be a good opportunity for you to train . . . And I trust that you'll take great care to keep things appropriate throughout?”

  I nodded profusely. “Yes. Of course.”

  He laid his hands on the table. “Good. I already let Ikovos know that you would be going. . . . Now, do you have any questions you'd like to ask before we end?”

  I bit my lip. That was a loaded sentence, I had a million questions to ask.

  . . . But for tonight . . .

  I shook my head. “No. You've already told me so much. Thank you.”

  His eyes lifted with a smile and he leaned up. “Alright then. I'm sure you'll be leaving early, so you'd better get some sleep.”

  I stood up as well.

  “Good luck on the trip. I look forward to seeing you progress in your skill.”

  I almost wanted to bow my head to him respectfully . . . too many idealistic books I guess. Instead I just bobbed it once. “I'll work hard. Thank you again.”

  He gave me an approving look, then grinned. “Goodnight.” Then he turned, heading for the door.

  I was expecting to sigh heavily as soon as he left the room, but . . . I didn't. I guess by the end I wasn’t that scared any more.

  I picked up my book and walked through the room.

  To think that someone like him could be impressed by me, believe that I was supposed to be here. I tightened my hand securely. Today had been one of the most fulfilling of my life. I'd finally used magic, and most of all, everyone I cared for was safe and close.

  I didn't think about all that Thoran had said until I was lying in bed, preparing to sleep. The Meoden, the boys, all the families lost . . . and tomorrow I would be going on a trip with Ikovos and Jaden, a fact of which I was both nervous and excited. I spent the next while trying to decide whether I would tell them about what I'd heard or keep it a secret . . . To do as they wished and never ask about their pasts, or to press them further . . .