Blood Burdens (The Shadow World)

by Brandy Nacole

  I shake my head as I walk into the kitchen for a glass of water. Of course, he would be immersed in a book like that, it’s his life. It’s a great modern-day story that depicts the feud between Vampires and Lycans.

  Ethan enters the kitchen a few moments later. “Sorry about that, I wasn’t really at a good stopping point.” He runs his hand over the back of his neck with a look of amazement. “Humans have a wild imagination, I’ll give them that much. It’s actually kind of eerie how close they come to the truth sometimes.”

  I raise my eyebrows as I nod in agreement. “It is eerie. I sometimes wonder if someone feeds them ideas.”

  “That would be my guess.” Addie says before taking a sip of water.

  “You really think so?” I ask with surprise. I would think Shadows were too afraid of the council to go around blabbering, especially with the threat of punishment if they were caught risking our secret.

  “I’m sure some do. They probably think it’s funny. Of course, the humans will disclaim it. That’s how they protect themselves. They deny everything they don’t understand or believe. But even if they don’t believe it, that doesn’t mean they’re not going to try and make millions off the story.”

  Ethan shrugs his shoulders. “Moving on. How was the trip?” I’m sure he wants to hear something about Danika but she made me promise before we left, that I wouldn’t mention her to Ethan.

  “It was fine. I had a post-vision problem but once I recovered from that, I got the Elders on board with my plan. Now we’re just waiting to hear some results.”

  Ethan grabs a banana off the counter and leans back against the wall to eat it. “What is your plan?”

  I give him a short synopsis. He seems mildly impressed but I can tell his mind is on other things. When I’m finished, I walk past Ethan and peer up the stairs. “How’s things been here?”

  “Quiet. Coy never came out of his room. The only time I ever saw him was when I took him the phone last night when you called.” Before the bonfire last night, I’d made a quick call to check on Coy. He claimed to be fine and that he couldn’t wait to see me but his tone was off. Everything had sounded forced.

  “I’m going to go check on him. I’ll be back down in a bit.” My stomach drops as I put my foot on the first step. I don’t know why I’m so nervous to see Coy, but I am.

  “Well I guess I’ll be going.” I hear Ethan take a step but Addie stops him.

  “That’s nonsense. It’s almost midnight. Plus it’s fixing to storm.” That’s true. We had seen the lightning off in the distance as we came into town.

  Ethan looks up at me with his eyebrows raised. Was he asking for my permission to stay? Seriously? Why would he need my permission if Addie already said it was okay? Well, I did want to talk to him. I agree with Addie and encourage him to stay another night. Our encouragement was punctuated by the clash of thunder. With his argument squashed, I head upstairs.

  My feet feel like lead blocks as I trudge up the stairs. I seriously dread going up here to check on Coy. I know that’s not a good thing, but all the guilt I feel is erased, though, when his bedroom door opens.

  I stand there stunned as I stare at the bandage that covers Coy’s neck. The only thing registering with my brain is my certainty of what has caused his “injury.” Before I can say or do anything, Coy has me in a hug, pleading with me.

  “Racquel, I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry. Please forgive me.” Coy runs his hands up and down my back, trying to calm me.

  I just stand there stunned as he continues to beg for my forgiveness. I really don’t know why I’m surprised. Addie and I have pretty much come to the conclusion that Coy was addicted to Vampire bites. We were both afraid he might try to find a fix while we were gone, since I wouldn’t bite him. So I really shouldn’t be dazed and confused. Why am I? I guess a small, and I mean sand-grain small, part of me doesn’t want to believe it’s true.

  I shove Coy away and walk into his room. I don’t sit down or say anything. I just stand there with my arms crossed waiting for his explanation. I hear the door shut, then feel Coy’s hands come to rest on my shoulders. I brush them back off.

  “Who bit you?” I’d get to the why in a minute, but first I needed to know who.

  Coy looks afraid as tears brim his eyes. He shakes his head, “I don’t know.” I give him an unconvinced smirk, so he rushes on. “I’m serious. I don’t know who she was.”

  I arch my eyebrow, “She?” I didn’t even recognize my own voice. It was tinged with so much hatred and jealousy that it sounds foreign to me. Apparently it just scares Coy even more. My blood was practically boiling from the thought of another girl biting him. Biting was sacred when you were in a relationship. For Vampires, biting each other was serious, real serious. When Vampires become involved enough in their relationship to bite one another, it normally leads to a blood commitment ceremony, which is equivalent to a wedding. I guess it shouldn’t matter so much in this case, my significant other isn’t even part Vampire. The same rules shouldn’t apply. But that doesn’t stop the stabbing pain of jealousy twisting around in my chest.

  Coy waves his hands in the air, like he’s trying to stop an oncoming car. “No, no, no, wait. Let me start from the beginning.” He tries to embrace me again but I take a step back. With a defeated expression, Coy starts his story. “I was tired of being watched every second by your guard dog so I snuck out the window and went for a walk. I didn’t even pay attention to where I was going. I just kept walking. When my legs started to burn, I looked up to see where I was. I realized I was where you told me to avoid and tried to leave. But when I turned around, she was there. She made small talk with me and I thought she was honestly going to let me go. Then she stretched her lips into a sweet, enticing smile once she saw the scars on my neck.”

  I flinch a little when he mentions his scars. Both sides of his neck have faint scar marks from so many feedings. I knew none of those scars were from me since my saliva healed the bites I made. They were scars from his servitude in the Vampire lair in Bulgaria.

  “She couldn’t believe that she had stumbled onto such a surprising treat. I tried getting away from her but you obviously know how that turned out.” Coy stares at the floor, his voice muffled when he says. “I tried to get away.”

  I cut my eyes at him, not believing his story. It was too cliché. ‘I didn’t know where I was and suddenly I was attacked.’ It was also too coincidental that he walked to the Vampire side of town when he could have gone in any other direction.

  “How did you get away?” I knew that Vampires around here killed their prey, instead of keeping human feeders. That was the whole reason they veered away from the lair or any other Vampire colony that kept feeders on hand. They wanted to be free. There were a few in town who only drank from blood bags but not very many.

  Coy shrugs his shoulders, still avoiding my glare. “She just let me go. She said she didn’t have to kill me since I already knew about them. I guess she figured I was smart enough not to say anything.”

  All this sounded too rehearsed. Plus, he kept looking at the floor instead of at me. If he really wanted me to believe him, he would look me in the eye. From what I could see of his face he looked pained. I wonder if that was from the lie he was trying to feed me.

  I couldn’t help but notice his smell and how bad it was compared to his normal aroma. Looking him over, I could understand why. The clothes he had on were the same clothes he had on when we left. But now they have traces of blood on them. His hair was a mess and not in a cute way. It was more of an ‘I need to be washed’ way. He also has splotches of dirt on his arms and pants legs.

  I pitch my voice low so he can hear the hurt I’m feeling when I say, “I don’t believe you.” I want him to know I’m hurt not just by him putting himself in danger with another Vampire but also for lying to me.

  Coy snaps his head up and I see the bite marks clearly as the bandage pulls away from his neck. “What do you mean you don’t believe me? I’m tel
ling you the truth.” The way he defends himself only puts me on higher alert. He’s trying to sell me on his story way too hard.

  I turn from him and walk over to the window. I need to look at something besides the misery on Coy’s face. I find that hard to do since I can’t see anything out the window besides darkness. No street lamps illuminate my back yard and with the neighborhood quiet in sleep, no window lights shine through the night.

  There was more under the surface than Coy’s lie. Something hung between us that neither one of us wanted to acknowledge. I have been feeling the distance between us since we left Greenland. I didn’t understand relationships or why Coy did what he did for a bite fix but I did understand uncertainty, which is exactly what I felt every time I was with Coy or thought of him.

  I glance over my shoulder to look at him, and my guilt spikes. I also can’t shake my thoughts of his brother, Micah. I can’t help but notice the features Coy carries that link him to his brother. I don’t see his brown eyes; I see a shape that is the same as Micah’s. I don’t see the curve in Coy’s smile, I see Micah’s dimple that follows that curve.

  Every time I close my eyes, that’s who I see. Not Coy but Micah. The sad expression he had when he was in Greenland. Images of him the night he saved me in Brazil. His concerned face looming over mine in the dark. The smile he gave me as I limped away from the colony.

  I’ve never been in a relationship before but common sense tells me my conflicted feelings are not a good thing. You don’t compare the guy you’re with to another guy, or think about the other guy all the time. Yet I fall back on the same thing I always tell myself. The only reason I think about Micah is because he was left behind. I learned in that experience that I don’t like leaving anyone behind, although I don’t know what that has to do with comparing him to his brother but that has to be the reasoning.

  Sighing, I turn and peer back out the window at the blackness. “Why won’t you admit it?”

  “Admit what?” Coy asks slowly.

  “That you have a problem? It’s not something to be ashamed of. You had no control over what happened to you.” I try keeping my voice calm. I don’t want him running away from me again. He needs to face this problem. If I speak to him in anger, he will run away. And if I approach sympathetically, he will also run away. So I try to be matter-of-fact.

  “I don’t have a problem. I’m telling you that girl came out of nowhere-”

  I spin around and lock my ice cold gaze on him. I want to keep this neutral but if he keeps lying to me then he’s already run away from the problem. “Do you honestly expect me to believe that? Your story doesn’t even make sense. Vampires don’t just let their prey go for no reason. Those that have feeders don’t have to kill them and some are ordered not to. The ones on the streets, like that girl, don’t have limits and they always kill their victims. So don’t stand there and tell me you were some fluke case, Coy.”

  I see the defeat on his face as his shoulders drop and his hands dangle at his side. He’s silent as he returns his gaze to the floor. I slowly move over to him. I don’t want to comfort him or sympathize with him. I’m still mad. I just want him to realize and understand that it’s not something to take lightly.

  I stand close to him but I don’t touch him. I don’t want him thinking I forgive him. “Listen, I know it’s a hard thing to admit. Heck it’s probably a hard thing to accept. It can’t be easy accepting the fact that they still control you even when you’re free of them.” The only sign of acknowledgement is a slight nod of his head. That’s a little relieving. At least I know he’s paying attention. “I’ve been doing some research,” I say, with no need to mention said research was gossip between me, Addie, and Danika. “You’re not the only feeder who has escaped from a Vampire. There are others who escaped but once they were free, they realized they needed a Vampire fix.”

  Coy casts his gaze up at me and a single tear falls down his cheek. I falter for a moment. I don’t know what it is about a guy letting a tear slip here and there, but it makes girls cave. I try staying firm on my own emotions. I want to cry right along with him.

  Quietly he asks, “How did they overcome it?”

  “Some of them went into detox. They kept themselves locked away where they could be monitored.” I pause, debating whether or not to tell him about the others. I forge ahead, deciding the truth may scare him into understanding the reality of the situation. “Some fell to their impulses. They put themselves in danger of being bitten.” I hold his gaze, never quavering. “They were killed. They died because they couldn’t shake their addiction. You can’t fall like that.”

  I stand there still as can be and wait for him to speak. I want to keep rambling. I really want him to understand this is serious. But if I hold off, maybe my words will sink in. What could be more realistic than the thought of death?

  In a faint, apologetic voice, Coy finally admits his problem. “I’m sorry for what I did. I shouldn’t have lied to you. I know you’re worried…and so am I. I just don’t know how to handle all of this. It’s all so jumbled together, my brother, being out in the world, the absence of the bites, and…us.”

  What did he mean? Was he feeling the distance between us too? Cautiously I ask him, “What about us?” The tension between us was great. We were standing so close together yet it felt like a million miles separated us. I have to keep fighting to stand in place. All I wanted to do was back up and run.

  “I don’t know,” he answers. “We really haven’t spent much time together lately and I know a big part of that’s my fault but it seems like something else is coming between us.” I keep my face blank but gasp inwardly. Could he tell I have conflicting thoughts about us? Did he know about my thoughts of Micah, and how worried I was about him even though I didn’t really know him? My heart rate picks up.

  Now it was my turn to look at the floor. “What do you want to do about it?” I ask, dreading the answer. I think Coy takes my shame as sadness. He places his hands on my hips and pulls me to him. I can hear and feel his heart racing too. I don’t meet his eyes until he puts his finger under my chin and lifts my face so he can see me.

  With a deep, intense gaze, he says, “We work on it.” Then he leans down and kisses me.

  The kiss is slow and what I perceive as thoughtful. He’s a good kisser, don’t get me wrong, but it doesn’t send shivers through me like it did before. I try to remember if this is the first time we have kissed without me biting him. No. We did share a kiss on the plane ride to Canada. I didn’t really think about how it felt then because I was full of so many other emotions, but even then the kiss was kind of dead. Just lips on lips. When I had bitten him and followed it up with a kiss, I had wanted to devour him. This feels nothing like that. In fact, I grow antsy for it to be over with.

  When Coy pulls back, my heart sinks. I was hoping he’d feel the same way I did this time around. Instead, he has a pleased smile and a twinkle in his eye. I was definitely going to have to talk to Addie about this.

  “I think we are going to work through this.” Coy laces our fingers together before giving my hands a tight squeeze. I don’t know what to say, so I do what girls do best, I turn the conversation back to my anger and jealousy.

  “I can’t believe you let another girl bite you.” I try to pull my hands away but Coy keeps his grip firm. Yeah, I could pull out of his grip but I don’t.

  “I know and I’m sorry. If I’m having another problem I promise to come to you about it.”

  I really wasn’t upset about the bite anymore. I had been at first but the lying had superseded that. Now, I was just trying to draw the conversation away from us. Dark shadows lingered under his blood shot eyes. That was my opportunity.

  “Speaking of the bite, you should get some rest. I’ll go down and get you some juice and cookies. I’ll be back up in a minute.” Coy stifles a yawn as he nods in agreement.

  As I start to walk past him, he stops me. “I really am sorry,” He says, then kisses me again, a sm
all peck on the cheek, one that’s supposed to be sweet and leaves me filled with happiness. Instead, I feel tense and perplexed.

  The corner of Coy’s mouth turns up into a nice smile as he releases me to make his way over to the bed. I hurry out the door and make my way to the kitchen. When I get to the bottom of the stairs, I notice Ethan’s back on the couch and completely engrossed in his vampire fiction. He doesn’t even look up to check why I’m in such a rush. Heck, Cerelia could have been chasing me and he wouldn’t even have noticed.

  I’m not surprised to see Addie in the kitchen. She’s fretting over the dishes Ethan washed. Knowing her, they either weren’t clean enough or he has them stacked wrong. “Hey.”

  Addie jumps and turns around with her hand over her heart. “Jeez, make some noise next time would you?”

  “Sorry.” I say meekly. Her rubber glove leaves a wet handprint over her heart as she returns to cleaning his dishes.

  “That couldn’t have waited until morning?” I ask. Addie shakes her head in answer. Was this something all Witches dealt with? Did they have to keep things clean and in order to calm their minds? “Is it genetic?”

  Addie cuts her eyes at me as she continues to scrub a plate. “What?”

  I gesture to what she’s doing, pointing out her crazy need to wash dishes after midnight. “What you’re doing. You always have to have things in order and perfect. Danika’s the same way. Is it a Witch thing or something?”

  Addie laughs and shakes her head. “No, I think I get it from grandma. You know how she was. Remember, how we used to follow her as she cleaned, taunting her with the clean song.” I smile at the memory. Addie and I would sing the theme song to the Mr. Clean commercials but replaced it with Mrs. Clean. Grandma would chuckle and shoo us away. “I don’t know why Danika’s that way but I can assure you it’s not a Witch thing. My last roommate at the Covenant drove me crazy with her clutter. I had to ask for a different room.” I roll my eyes and walk over to the refrigerator to see if we have anything to drink. Luckily there’s a little orange juice left.