Forsaken Trails

by Bonnie R. Paulson

  Ruby glanced at the bagel and then at Sloan. “I accept that there’s a difference. I’m not going to argue it. It’s just weird that you know seconds after leaving her office, that’s all.” She held out the bagel until it was just inches from his mouth. “Try a bite before you knock it. It’s actually one of my most favorite things.”

  Sloan eyed her and then leaned forward, claiming a bite of the bagel concoction.

  She smiled as he rolled the bite around as he chewed. His startled expression brought a grin to her mouth.

  “Wow, that really is good.” He shook his head, licking his lip where loose cream cheese had strayed. “So back to your question. I require Jessica and all of my workers to let me know the statuses of the women and families that come here. I don’t ask for details, just to know where they’re at in their progress. I track everything to see if and where we can improve our service. If there is any immediate change, I like to be aware of it so that we can potentially repeat that positivity with another guest. As long as I know about the needs, we can continue to roll the ball forward so that you guys can be successful in what you’re trying to undertake.” He made it all sound so professional and businesslike when it was wholly personal to her.

  How would he react to the title Jessica had unknowingly given him? Ruby bit her bottom lip and watched him. “Jessica said you’re my safe place.” Was Ruby surprised he was so sensitive? Sensitivity didn’t guarantee trustworthiness, but he was proving to do everything that he said he would. She was safer with him than she’d been with any man since...

  “What? I’m not sure that I’m a safe place.” He answered that with a grin. “Men like to be dangerous and tantalizing or whatever term you women put on us. Plus, I’m not the person you should be latching onto for a safe place. Did she recommend that? It’s probably not how we should be going about this counseling situation.”

  Hurrying to make sure she didn’t get Jessica in trouble, Ruby spoke up. “Well, not you in particular. She didn’t name anyone. But she said if I’d found someone to tell my back story to, I’m supposed to keep them because they’re my new safe place.” Ruby started to laugh, shaking her head. “You’re a guy and you’re my safe place. That’s funny.”

  Quizzically, Sloan looked at her in surprise. “What do you think about that?”

  His question gave her pause. She didn’t have an exact answer so she talked it out while she thought. “I’m not sure. You’re easy to talk to but I’m not sure it’s because I trust you so much as I was trying to shock you. You were kind of arguing with me.”

  Sloan opened his mouth and widened his eyes in mock horror. He couldn’t hold the expression for long before he burst out laughing. “It’s hard to shock me, too. That is funny. You’re bold, Ruby. I like that.” He drank some milk and eyed his donut.

  He liked bold. That statement gave her a tiny shiver through her stomach. She could do bold. “Would it shock you more, if I asked you to dinner?” Something inside of her recognized him as safe, her instincts said she could trust him but her head said to run. Determined to follow her instincts, she shushed her head and hoped he’d take the bait.

  She didn’t have be best friends with him, or marry him, but she did need to see where the onslaught of attraction was going to take her with him. He wasn’t pushing to spend time with her. She had to do it.

  Sloan chuckled. “No, because we already had dinner and you asked me. That wouldn’t shock me at all. Plus, I think you’re just trying to shock me at this point.” His eyes sparkled as he watched her claim another bite of her bagel. Crinkles framed his eyes as he smiled.

  Ruby swallowed the sweet and creamy mix. “Well, then you should ask me out. That’s the only polite thing to do.” She beamed an overly sweet smile his way and sassily took another bite of the bagel. She wasn’t broken. For the first time in a long time, things were beginning to feel whole.

  He picked up his donut. “Alright, Ruby, would you like to go for dinner with me? I just don’t want you to think I’m taking advantage of you.” Sloan took a large bite of the donut and Ruby forced her hands to stay near her instead of reaching out to wipe at the jelly by the curve of his mouth.

  With her hands trembling, she smugly replied, “I’m always in control.” She said it with a laugh because she didn’t believe it. But it helped her to say it, like it would matter.

  “Well, I’ll let Thompson know you’re ready for him. Be nice to the guy. He’s a little bit older. I’m not sure he’s ready for you.” Worry shadowed Sloan’s eyes for a moment while he considered her.

  Ruby ignored his consternation. “Is he good at what he does?”

  Sloan nodded emphatically. “He’s the best.” The slope of his button-up shirt grazed the underside of his jaw.

  She reserved her excitement in front of Sloan. She didn’t want to seem desperate, but she was. Pretty soon, she might have her son within arm’s reach.

  Chapter 10

  Sloan

  Sloan couldn’t believe how fast a week flew by. He’d only caught glimpses of Ruby as she swam or sat on the grass down by the river. They were supposed to go to dinner, but they hadn’t settled on a night, so he’d taken the opportunity to back off a bit, since Jessica Bland had referred to him as a safe place.

  That was a lot of responsibility for a man who didn’t quite know if he was raised trustworthy enough or not.

  He sat in his office, which was really nothing more than a fancy closet. He hadn’t wanted to have a huge lavish work space to push numbers around when he wanted to make sure the occupants of Parker’s Place had the nicest he could give them. Plus, he was only in the office to do paperwork.

  Sloan jumped at every sound since sending for Ruby. She would be at his office sometime that day and he wasn’t sure when. The wait might kill him. He needed to see her and denying that while trying to stay away from her all week had been a true test of his resolve.

  He didn’t have any.

  Another creak outside the office door and he shook his head in disgust. People walked by his door. It didn’t mean Ruby was out there, waiting to come in and see him. He had to shake off the excitement and nervousness wrapped up in anticipation of seeing her.

  Taking a deep breath, Sloan let it out on a whoosh. Just relax, Sloan. A watched pot –

  A knock on the door brought his head up. Ruby pushed in with a hesitant smile on the bow of her lips. “Jessica said you wanted to see me.” Her presence was almost painful because he didn’t have a real reason for staying away from her and seeing her again when his reasons weren’t clear felt like an unjust punishment had ended. Only... she wouldn’t understand and some of her guard had returned.

  His pain aside, a healthy color tinged her skin instead of the paleness she’d arrived with and she wasn’t as fidgety as she’d been.

  The brilliance in the green of her eyes and the slope of her neck confused him and he blurted out, “I figured maybe tonight would be a good night for dinner. Are you hungry?” Of course he would have to have an ulterior motive to see her, but he needed that dinner date. Craved it all week and since all of his defenses were down, he easily allowed himself to ask.

  He was grateful he needed to talk to her. In case she pushed him for more, he had another reason to speak with her.

  She scrunched her lips to the side, confused. “That’s why you called me out here?” She looked down and fiddled with the hem of her shirt. “I mean, we haven’t really spoken all week. I figured you didn’t want to do dinner.” Ruby lifted her vulnerable gaze to Sloan’s face and he felt the shame of his actions course through him.

  The woman was too good for him.

  He straightened some things on his desk and nodded tightly. “Yes, I have some news. I’d like to talk to you, but I’m hungry. I’m afraid of what will happen if I don’t eat anything.” He eyed the black stapler on his desk. “That stapler is looking mighty tasty.”

  All of his joking only earned him a small grin. She fidgeted with her thumbs, dropping t
he hem. “I figured because it’s been a week, you’re going to tell me you can’t find anything. Is that what this is? Can you just let me know if it’s good or bad? I don’t do well with long periods of time.” The strangled tone of her words sounded like she might throw up. “I feel like I’m not doing anything and he’s already been gone so long. Every second burns.”

  “Let’s go to the burger place down the street, it’s my favorite. Let’s talk. And just so you know – a week is lightning fast.” He didn’t want to tell her more or give too much away. He wasn’t sure what her reaction would be and he had to get to a comfortable place and gauge every word as he discussed the situation with her.

  Dang it, that didn’t reassure her. “All right, I’ll grab my things.” Her tone was subdued and she didn’t meet his eyes. Was she upset he wasn’t telling her the good news right away? Probably, but he had to know how to move forward and he couldn’t just blurt it out. That might be how he asked her out, but it wasn’t going to be how he told her about her son.

  He wasn’t starting out very well.

  They ordered double patties with ham and bacon and more cheese than Sloan knew what to do with. Sitting at their seats, their plates sitting in front of them with steam drifting up from the warm food, Sloan sipped his drink. He didn’t know how to start and he was hoping she was excited.

  “Is it bad?” She watched him carefully, and with her simple question Sloan realized why. She hadn’t been excited. Ruby had been intently overanalyzing everything about the situation, trying to figure things out on her own just what was going on.

  Sloan reached across the table when her anguish became clear. He took her fingers in his, relishing in the heat of her skin. He took a deep breath and ducked his chin. Everything was about to change for her and he didn’t want to get her hopes up too high. “I need you to hear what I’m going to say. This is really important that we do things the right way.” He swallowed nervously, glancing around the quiet restaurant and then back at her. “This is going way too fast and we need to slow it down.”

  She closed her eyes and used her other fingers to press on the bridge of her nose. After a moment, she dropped her hand and looked at him in exasperation. “Well, I haven’t done anything to encourage us. We’re both obviously unavailable emotionally. I haven’t been trying to make things go fast...” She tried to pull back as if he was accusing her of something inappropriate.

  “Wait... we’ll come back to that.” He held onto her fingers. “No. I’m saying Thompson found your son.” What had she not encouraged? Did she know his feelings were changing into something he couldn’t control for her? Was he that transparent? Had she known? Suspected? What if she didn’t want anything with him? She’d just declared they were both unavailable emotionally, but the only thing she knew for certain was that she wasn’t available.

  When she said she wasn’t trying to encourage it, did that mean she wasn’t interested? Was she trying to politely say he was pushing where he wasn’t wanted?

  Ruby leaned forward, bringing her other hand up to hold his hand in both of hers. A chunk of her curly hair whispered against the back of his hand. “Don’t tease me, Sloan. I can’t take it. Did he really find him? Tell me everything!”

  He hesitated, still wrapped up in doubts from what she’d claimed a moment ago. “I’ll tell you everything I can, but first I need to know what you’re thinking. I kind of need that for me.” Sloan’s mom hadn’t wanted him. She’d known where he was. Sloan just needed to know what Ruby was thinking while she was getting closer and closer to her boy. Was she excited? Why couldn’t Sloan’s mom be excited? Why couldn’t she approach the thought of her son the way Ruby thought of Camden?

  Ruby understood what Sloan needed as only Sloan knew she would.

  She leaned back, staring into space with a French fry in her fingers. Ignoring the overflowing dish of burgers and fries set before her, Ruby seemed lost in thought. After a moment, she spoke slowly. “I’m nervous and excited. I know a week is extremely fast, and I don’t mean to seem ungrateful... I just feel like I’ve been waiting for the last 10 years knowing that he was alive deep inside. I had to believe what everyone else said and thought he was dead. My heart knew he was alive and my head said he was dead.”

  Ruby lowered her gaze and met his, her eyes shining with unwept tears. “It’s just all happening so fast, and yet, not fast enough. I mean I just found out a couple weeks ago that he was still alive. That I was right. It’s seconds away and yet, not soon enough. I just... I can’t believe it’s happening so fast. I feel like maybe it’s not possible or real.”

  She really was excited.

  Moved by her emotion about seeing her son, Sloan shifted and worked past the hoarseness of a tight throat. “Thompson said it was really easy. He contacted the agency that bought the company who stole your son. He talked to some previous employees and one of them remembered the pairing of your son to his adoptive parents because the couple who got the baby had been waiting for over twelve years for a match.”

  Ruby waved her fingers at him, and picked up the ketchup bottle. A tear slipped free from her control and slid down the smooth skin of her cheek. “Okay, hold on. I need you to wait a minute, please, I don’t want to know anymore right this second. This is really overwhelming.” She tapped the catsup bottle and the red contents dumped out onto her plate.

  More tears crept down her cheeks, but she ignored them to dip her fry.

  Careful not to add to her turmoil, Sloan watched her. She looked out the window and the setting sun shone in her eyes, creating a crystalline effect. Falling for Ruby would be easy and natural. She was gentle and cautious while being refreshingly blunt.

  Shifting in his seat at the direction his thoughts had turned, Sloan picked up his burger. “Let me know when you’re ready for more.” He wouldn’t push her. He’d told her enough for the moment. He agreed. Things were moving fast both on the business side and the personal side. Sloan wasn’t sure how far he would be able to take either, but he was interested in both.

  Ruby nodded, allowing the rest of the evening to ease into a comfortable banter.

  After dinner, Sloan walked her to her room, their footsteps low and measured. She hadn’t asked anymore and her hands trembled the rest of the evening as she tried to drink her pop or eat her French fries. She really was excited and he really had overwhelmed her.

  They stopped at her door and she put her hand on the doorknob. Sloan didn’t stop her. She was so much more than just one of the tenants at Parker’s Place.

  “Have a good night. We can talk more when you’re ready.” He turned to go but the soft warmth of her fingers on his arm stopped him. He looked down, entranced by the oval shapes of her nails. He didn’t want to look up and take the chance he might scare her off.

  “Sloan... You’ve done more for me in the last week than anyone has done for me in my life. I don’t think you... understand how much that means.” Her words were soft and breezy. She stepped closer to him and stretched up on tiptoe. Lifting her chin, their lips touched in seconds. The kiss wasn’t intense or passionate. Instead, it comforted with trust and innocence.

  The brief contact knocked Sloan out of his orbit. If he hadn’t been holding onto Ruby’s forearms to steady himself, he wouldn’t still be standing.

  She lowered herself to her normal flatfooted position and bit her bottom lip. Pushing through her door, she murmured, “G’night.”

  How was Sloan supposed to sleep after that?”

  Chapter 11

  Ruby

  The next meeting she had with Jessica and Ruby finally had a reason to share something. She wanted to tell someone and even though she didn’t confide in Jessica or use her services the conventional way, Ruby knew that Jessica understood the situation.

  Cross-legged on the flat couch, Ruby tucked her hands under the bottoms of her thighs. She could feel her smile as if it glowed off her face like a light. She rocked back and forth, unable to control the excitement that mixed
with her time with Sloan and the route the search for her son had taken.

  “Well now, aren’t you excited? What’s going on?” Jessica leaned forward, tapping her pen on the turquoise skirt over her knee.

  Ruby relished the secret for another moment. She didn’t care how she phrased it, just that it hadn’t seemed real all evening and she hadn’t been able to sleep. Now, she would have the chance to tell another person and that... that would make it real. “Sloan told me they think they found my son.”

  Jessica leaned back, studying Ruby as if she couldn’t tell if Ruby was lying or not

  The lack of congratulations or any real reaction took Ruby by surprise. She’d expected questions and a general sharing of information. She’d been prepared to open up about what she was going through and her excitement. Ruby dug her fingers into the soft skin of the backs of her thighs.

  What if Jessica was going to say it was a joke? Not real? What if Sloan was just saying those things to get closer to Ruby? It wouldn’t be the first time a man had lied to lead her astray and get what he wanted.

  Wait, Sloan was nothing like Guy Lansing. Guy had drugged Ruby. He’d taken advantage of her and laughed it off when she’d confronted him about it.

  Sloan would never do anything like that. He cared about her. She’d thought Jessica Bland had cared more than her reaction attested to. Ruby reached up and tucked her hair behind her ear and scanned the room, embarrassed that she hadn’t exhibited more control.

  After a moment, she turned toward Jessica, anger growing inside her. How dare this counselor pretend to want to hear what Ruby had to say? She didn’t want to hear anything but the sound of her own voice. “Nothing? You have nothing to say, when you’ve been trying to get inside my head for over a week now? Are you kidding me?”

  Ruby planted her feet on the ground, her knees above hip level. She leveled her steady gaze on Jessica.

  After a long silence, Jessica replied, “What are your plans now that you have this information?”