Unlocking Her Surgeon's Heart

by Fiona Lowe

  With a jolt, he realised this was the first time he’d ever seen her look truly happy. It called out to him so strongly that his body leaned in of its own accord until his head was close to hers and her fresh, fruity perfume filled his nostrils. He wanted to wrap his arms around her, kiss her long and slow and harvest her jubilation. Keep it safe.

  Get a grip. You’re at work and this is Lilia, remember? The ice queen and dragon rolled into one.

  Shocked at what he’d almost done, he covered by saying quietly so only she could hear, ‘You did an amazing job. It was very impressive.’ The words came out rough and gruff and he jerked his head back, putting much-needed distance between them.

  ‘Thanks.’ She blew her nose. ‘Sorry. I’m a bit of a sook and it gets to me every time.’

  He took in the new family—their love and awe swirling around them in a life-affirming way. It both warmed and scared him. ‘I guess I can understand that.’

  She tilted her head and gave him a long, considering look. ‘I’m glad. You did okay yourself.’

  In his world, okay didn’t come close to being good enough. ‘Just okay?’

  She laughed. ‘Fishing for compliments, Noah?’

  He found himself smiling at her directness. ‘I might be.’

  ‘Then let me put it this way. You did better today than you did yesterday.’

  That didn’t tell him very much at all. ‘And?’

  ‘And empathy doesn’t come easily to you.’

  She walked back to the bed to do a mother and baby check and he let his gaze drop to admire the swing of her hips. Part of him hated that she’d worked out he struggled to be naturally sympathetic and another part of him was glad. All of it added together discombobulated him, especially his response to her. How could he be driven to madness by her one minute and want to kiss her senseless the next?

  Suddenly surviving four weeks in Turraburra just got harder for a whole different set of reasons.

  Two days later Lilia waved goodbye to the Riccardos, who were keen to get back to Melbourne with Jasmine. She’d arranged for the district nurse to visit them so they’d have help when Jade’s milk came in and to cover the days before the maternal and child health nurse visited. As she closed off the file, an unusual wistfulness filled her. She was used to farewelling couples but usually she knew she’d see them again around town and she’d be able to watch the baby grow. She hoped the Riccardos would call in the next time they were in town and visiting relatives, so she could get her little Jasmine fix. She really was a cute baby.

  Lily had been beyond surprised when Noah had called in first thing this morning, insisting on doing a discharge check. She’d assumed he’d handed Jade and Jasmine’s care over to her the moment she’d stepped into Emergency and he’d said, ‘Can I tell you about your patient?’ Even though she’d seen him try really hard to connect with Jade and Paul during the fast labour, she’d thought he probably much preferred to be far away from such patient intimacy.

  Apparently, she’d been wrong.

  He’d spent ten minutes with the Riccardos but in reality it had been way more of a cuddle of Jasmine than a discharge check. Always taut with tension, as if he needed to be alert and ready for anything, Noah had seemed almost relaxed as he’d cradled the swaddled baby—well, relaxed for him anyway. She’d been transfixed by the image of the tiny newborn snuggled up against his broad chest and held safely in his strong arms—his sun-kissed skin a honey brown against the white baby shawl.

  The idea of arms providing shelter instead of harm burrowed into her mind and tried to set up residence. For a tempting moment she allowed it to. She even let herself feel and enjoy the tingling warmth spinning through her at the thought of Noah’s arms wrapped around her, before she rejected all of it firmly and irrevocably. Entertaining ideas like that only led her down a dangerous path—one she’d vowed never to hike along again. It was one thing for other people to take a risk on a relationship but after what had happened with Trent she wasn’t ever trusting her judgement with men again.

  At almost the same time as she’d locked down her wayward body and thoughts Noah had quickly handed the baby back to Jade, stood abruptly, and with a brisk and brief goodbye had left the room. Paul had commented in a puzzled voice, ‘I guess he needs to see a patient.’

  Lily, who’d been busy getting her own emotions back under control, had suspected Noah had experienced a rush of affection for the baby and hadn’t known how to process it. Like her, he probably had his reasons for avoiding feeling too much of anything and running from it when it caught him unawares.

  Time to stop thinking about Noah Jackson.

  Shaking her shoulders to slough off the unwanted thoughts, she set about preparing for her new mothers’ group that was meeting straight after lunch. She was talking to them, amongst other things, about immunisation. Too many people took for granted the good health that life in Australia afforded them and didn’t understand that whooping cough could still kill a young child.

  ‘Ah, Lily?’

  She glanced up to see Karen standing in the doorway. Karen rarely walked all the way back here to the annexe, preferring instead to use the intercom. The medical secretary ran the practice her way and she liked to have all the ‘i’s dotted and the ‘t’s crossed.

  Lily racked her brain to think if she’d forgotten some vital piece of paperwork but came up blank. ‘Hi, Karen. Whatever I did wrong, I’m sorry,’ she said with a laugh. ‘Tell me how to fix it.’

  Karen shook her head. ‘It’s not about work, Lily. The hospital just called and your grandfather’s in Emergency.’

  Gramps! No. Her hand gripped the edge of her desk as a thousand terrifying thoughts closed in on her. At eighty-five, any number of things could have happened to him—stroke, heart attack, a fall. She didn’t want to consider any of them.

  Karen shoved Lily’s handbag into her arms and pushed her towards the door. ‘You go to the hospital and don’t worry about work. I’ll call all the new mums and cancel this afternoon’s session.’

  ‘Thanks, Karen, you’re the best.’ She was already out the door and running down the disabled entry ramp. She crossed the courtyard gardens and entered the emergency department via the back entrance, all the while frantically praying that Gramps was going to be okay.

  Panting, she stopped at the desk. ‘Where is he?’

  ‘Room one,’ Bronwyn Patterson, the emergency nurse manager, said kindly, and pointed the direction.

  ‘Thanks.’ Not stopping to chat, she tugged open the door of the resus room and almost fell through the doorway. Her grandfather lay on a narrow trolley propped up on pillows and looking as pale as the sheet that covered him. ‘Gramps? What happened?’

  He took in her heaving chest and what was probably a panicked look on her face and raised his thin, bony arm. ‘Calm down, Lily. I’m fine.’

  She caught a flicker of movement in the corner of her eye and realised Noah was in the room. He raised his head from studying an ECG tracing and his thoughtful gaze sought hers.

  ‘Hello, Lilia.’

  There was a slight trace of censuring amusement in his tone that she’d just barged into the room and completely ignored him. She knew if he’d done that to her, she’d have been critical of him. ‘Hello, Noah. How’s my grandfather?’

  ‘He fainted.’

  The succinct words made her swing her attention back to her grandfather. ‘Did you eat breakfast?’ Her fear and concern came out as interrogation.

  ‘Of course I ate my breakfast and I had morning tea,’ he said grumpily, responding to her tone. ‘When have you ever known me to be off my tucker? And before you ask, I took all my tablets too. I just stood up too quickly at exercise class.’

  You’re lucky you didn’t break a hip. She noticed a wad of gauze taped to his arm and a tell-tale red stain in the centre. ‘What happened to your arm?’

  ‘Just a superficial cut. Don’t get all het up.’ He wriggled up the pillows and glared at her in a very un-Gra
mps way. ‘Isn’t there a baby you need to go and deliver?’

  She sat down hard on the chair next to him, pressing her handbag into her thighs. ‘I’m not going anywhere until I know you’re okay.’

  ‘Fine, but don’t fuss.’ Her usually easygoing grandfather crossed his arms and pouted.

  ‘Let me know when both of you want my opinion,’ Noah said drily.

  Her grandfather laughed, his bad mood fading. ‘You didn’t tell me this one’s got a sense of humour, Lily.’

  I didn’t know he did. She wanted to deny she’d ever spoken about Noah at home but there’d be no point given it was obvious she’d discussed him with her grandfather. Embarrassment raced through her and she could feel the heat on her face and knew she was blushing bright pink.

  Noah shot her a challenging look. ‘I’m not sure your granddaughter would agree with your assessment of my sense of humour, Mr Cartwright.’

  ‘Call me Bruce, Doc. Now, why did I faint?’

  ‘Your heart rate’s very slow.’

  ‘That’s good, isn’t it? Means I’m fit for my age?’

  Lily put her hand on Gramps’s and waited for Noah to explain. She hoped he was able to do it using words her grandfather could understand and do it without scaring him.

  Noah held up the tracing strip. ‘The ECG tells me there’s a block in the electrical circuitry of your heart, in the part that controls how fast it beats. When the message doesn’t get through, your heart beats too slowly and not enough blood is pumped out. That makes you faint.’

  Bruce looked thoughtful. ‘Sounds like I need some rewiring.’

  This time Noah laughed. ‘More like a new starter motor but, yes, some wires are involved. It’s called a pacemaker and it’s a small procedure done by an electrophysiologist at a day-stay cardiac unit. I can refer you to the pacemaker clinic in Melbourne.’

  ‘Is there anywhere closer?’ Bruce asked.

  Lily expected Noah to give his usual grunt of annoyance that a country person would want to use a country hospital.

  Noah rubbed the back of his neck. ‘There’s a clinic at Dandenong, which is closer to Turraburra. I could refer you there if you don’t want to go all the way to the centre of the city.’

  She blinked. Was this the same doctor from the start of the week?

  ‘Well, that all sounds reasonable,’ Bruce said, squeezing her hand. ‘What do you think, Lily? It will be easier for you if I don’t go to Melbourne, won’t it?’

  Her throat thickened with emotion. Even when her grandfather was sick, he was still putting her first. ‘It’s your choice, Gramps.’

  ‘Dandenong it is, then.’

  ‘Can I get you anything?’ she asked, wanting to focus on practical things rather than the surging relief that she wouldn’t have to take him to Melbourne.

  ‘A cup of tea and some sandwiches would be lovely, sweetpea.’

  She felt Noah’s gaze on her and a tingle of awareness whooshed across her skin. Looking up, she found his dark, inscrutable eyes studying her in the same intense way she’d noticed on other occasions. As usual, with him, she couldn’t tell if it was a critical or a complimentary gaze, but its effect made her feel hot and cold, excited and apprehensive, and it left her jittery. She didn’t like jittery. It reminded her far too much of the early days with Trent when lust had drained her brain of all common sense. She wasn’t allowing that to happen ever again.

  ‘Is it okay for Gramps to have some food?’

  Noah seemed to snap out of his trance. ‘Sure, if you can call what the kitchen here serves up food,’ he said abruptly. He scrawled an order on the chart and left the room.

  ‘See what I have to put up with, Gramps?’ she said, feeling baffled that Noah could go from reasonable to rude in a heartbeat.

  ‘He seems like an okay bloke to me. Now, go get me those sandwiches and some cake. A man could starve to death here.’

  CHAPTER FOUR

  NOAH FOUND LILY sitting in the staff tearoom in the emergency department. Her name is Lilia, he reminded himself sharply.

  When his phone had woken him at three that morning with an emergency call, it had pulled him out of a delicious dream where he’d been kissing her long, delectable and creamy neck. He’d woken hard, hot and horrified. Right then he’d vowed he was only ever using her formal and full name. It wasn’t as pretty or as soft as Lily and that made it easier to think of her as a one-sided equation—defensive and critical with hard edges. He didn’t want to spend any time thinking about the talented midwife, the caring granddaughter and the very attractive woman.

  Doing that was fraught with complications given they sparked like jumper leads if they got within a metre of each other. Hell, they had enough electricity running between them to power Bruce Cartwright’s heart. Working in Turraburra was complication enough given the closeness of his exams. He wasn’t adding chasing a woman who had no qualms speaking her mind, frequently found him lacking and gave no sign he was anything more to her than a doctor she had to put up with for four long weeks.

  She intrigues you.

  No, she annoys me and I’m not pursuing this. Hell, he didn’t pursue women any more, full stop—he didn’t have to. Since qualifying as a doctor, women had taken to pursuing him and he picked and chose as he pleased, always making sure he could walk away.

  Seriously, can you hear yourself?

  Shut up.

  Needing coffee, he strode to the coffee-machine and immediately swore softly. The pod container was empty.

  ‘Do you need to attend a meeting for your coffee addiction?’ Lilia asked with a hint of a smile on her bee-stung lips as she handed him a teabag.

  ‘Probably.’ He filled a mug with boiling water. ‘I suppose I should be happy you didn’t tell me to put money in a swear jar.’

  Her eyes sparkled. ‘Oh, now, there’s an idea. With you here filling it ten times a day, I could probably go on a cruise at the end of the month.’

  He raised his brows at her comment. ‘And if I instigated a sarcasm jar, so could I.’

  ‘Touché.’ She raised her mug to her mouth and sipped her tea, her brow furrowed in thought. ‘Thanks for picking up Gramps’s heart block so fast.’

  He shrugged, unnerved by this almost conciliatory Lilia. ‘It’s what I’m paid to do.’

  She rolled her eyes. ‘And he takes a compliment so well.’

  He wasn’t touching that. ‘Your grandfather’s not doing too badly for eighty-five.’

  Shadows darkened the sky blue of her eyes. ‘He’s not doing as well as he has been. I’ve noticed a definite slowing down recently, which he isn’t happy about. As you saw, he’s an independent old coot.’

  He jiggled his teabag. ‘Does he live alone?’

  She shook her head. ‘No. I live with him.’

  He thought about the two long years he’d been tied to home, living and caring for his sick mother. Eight years may have passed since then, but the memories of how he’d constantly lurched between resentment that his life was on hold and guilt that he dared feel that way remained vivid. It still haunted him—the self-reproach, the isolation, the feelings of uselessness, the overwhelming responsibility. ‘Doesn’t living with your grandfather cramp your style?’

  She gave him a bewildered look and then burst into peals of laughter, the sound as joyous as the ringing bells of a carillon. ‘I don’t have any style to cramp. Besides, I’ve been living with him since I was four. My parents died fighting the bush fires that razed the district twenty-seven years ago.’

  ‘That must have been tough for you.’

  She shrugged. ‘I was two when it happened and, sure, there were times growing up when I wondered if my life might have been different if my parents had lived, but I never lacked for love. Somehow Gramps not only coped with his own grief at losing his son and daughter-in-law but he did a great job raising me.’

  She sounded very together for someone who’d lost both parents. ‘He’s a remarkable man.’

  ‘He is.’ She
gave a self-deprecating grimace. ‘Even more so for not dispatching me off to boarding school when I was fifteen, running wild and being particularly difficult.’

  ‘One of those times you were wondering about what life would have been like if your parents were still alive?’

  She tilted her head and her gaze was thoughtful. ‘You know, you may be right. I never thought about it that way. All I remember is playing up and testing Gramps.’

  He found himself smiling. ‘I can’t imagine you being difficult.’

  Her pretty mouth curved upwards, its expression ironic. ‘Perhaps we both need a sarcasm jar.’

  Her smile made him want to lean in close so he could feel her breath on his face and inhale her scent. He immediately leaned back, desperate to cool the simmering attraction he couldn’t seem to totally shut down, no matter what he did.

  Stick to the topic of work. ‘The insertion of the pacemaker should be straightforward but, even so, you need to give some thought to what happens if he continues to go downhill.’

  Her plump lips pursed as her shoulders straightened. ‘There’s nothing to think about. He cared for me so I’ll care for him.’

  He drummed his fingers against the tabletop, remembering his own similarly worded and heartfelt declaration, and the inevitable fallout that had followed because he’d not thought any of it through. His life had become hijacked by good intentions. ‘How will you work the unpredictable hours you do and still manage to care for him?’

  Her chin tilted up. ‘I’ll find a way.’

  ‘Really?’ Memories of feeling trapped pushed down on him. ‘What happens when you’re called out to deliver a baby in the middle of the night and Bruce can’t be left home alone? What happens when you have a woman in labour for longer than a few hours? You could be gone for two days at a time and what happens then? You haven’t fully thought it through.’

  Lily watched Noah become increasingly tense and fervent and she couldn’t fathom where his vehemence was coming from. Despite his slight improvement with patients, this was a man who generally saw people in terms of disconnected body parts, not as whole people with thoughts and feelings and a place in a family and community. Why was he suddenly stressing about something that didn’t remotely concern him.